My Darkest Desire (Ashley Purdy/OC/Andy Biersack)

Nikki's POV:

I woke up with a motherfucking headache. I tried to shift my position but something was stopping me. I looked around me and I saw a tattooed arm around me. I relaxed, thinking it was Ashley and rested my head back on the pillow but then I realized that Ashley doesn't have a Batman tattoo.

Suddenly, events of yesterday hit my already in pain head. Why is Andy in a bed with me?! Did we...?? No, no, no.... This can't be happening....I checked myself and I was still dressed like last night and so was he..Thankfully, we didn't do anything. I looked at him and he was peacefully asleep, lightly snoring... He looked so cute and so innocent. His lips were slightly parted making me want to.... Shit! I gotta get out of here! Like, now!!

I managed to get out of his grip without waking him up and realized that I was in my room. The sky was still dark and I checked my clock. It was 6:13 am. Great... I quietly got changed in some shorts and a tank top. I threw a long hoodie over me and I walked downstairs. The living room was empty.

'It's 6 in the morning, dumbass.Of course it's empty!!' I thought to myself.

I headed to the kitchen and I made some coffee. Where was Ashley? I checked Jake's room and he wasn't there. I checked CC's old room (since he was now sleeping in Kaylie's room) and he wasn't there either. He probably slept at that chick's place. I felt a sudden anger coming over me and I tried to calm myself before smashing something. I threw my coffee in the sink and took a bottle of vodka from the bar.

I grabbed a pen and some paper. I was in the mood for writing. It's been a while since the last time I wrote a song. I poured myself some vodka and I lit a cigarette. I inhaled the smoke, closed my eyes and just let the feelings flow through me

I've never felt like this before. Not even after Damon's death. I made a mistake and I fucking addmited it. But seeing him with that girl... Maybe I was too hurt at that moment to react, but right now, I was pissed. I've never cried in my whole life so much as I cried yesterday. Not when mom left, not when dad started to abuse me, not when Damon died. NO! I cried over a stupid manwhore!

It was my fault that I allowed Andy to go that far and I knew it. But I told him. I addmited that I was wrong. I addmited that no matter what happened, I had feelings for him. Why was I so hurt? Why was he so different? Why the fuck did I allow myself to care again? And above all, why did I allow myself to care for a guy like him? A manwhore, a player...

Andy was right. When he got the chance, he returned to his old self. Maybe that's what he waited for. A wrong move from me so he would wash his hands and get rid of me. He will never change, for anyone. Andy told me that and I didn't believe him. Apparently, I made the wrong choice.

A tear fell down on the paper. I blinked and I realized that I just wrote a song and I wasn't even paying attention to it.


"Going Under" (Credit to Evanescence)

Now I will tell you what I've done for you -
50 thousand tears I've cried.
Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you -
And you still won't hear me (going under)
Don't want your hand this time - I'll save myself.
Maybe I'll wake up for once (wake up for once)
Not tormented daily defeated by you
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom

I'm dying again

I'm going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through
I'm going under

Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies.
(So I don't know what's real)
So I don't know what's real and what's not (don't know what's real and what's not)
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can't trust myself anymore

I'm dying again

I'm going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through

I...

So go on and scream
Scream at me, I'm so far away (so far away)
I won't be broken again (again)
I've got to breathe - I can't keep going under

I'm dying again

I'm going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through

I'm going under (going under)
I'm going under (drowning in you)
I'm going under

I read the lyrics again and no matter how hard I tried to accuse Ashley, it was useless. It was my fault. But you know what? I won't be broken again... I will shut myself again. I will be exactly how I used to be before I met the guys. Tears were now streaming down my face but I didn't care. I don't care anymore....

Suddenly, I heard the front door. I wiped away my tears, knowing that Ashley was home.

Ashley's POV:

I woke up and I realized I didn't feel the smell of Nikki's strawberry shampoo. I opened my eyes and a painful headache hit me. I was in an unfamiliar room covered in all sorts of posters. Black Veil Brides, Pierce The Veil, Sleeping With Sirens and so many others. I lifted myself and I saw that I was alone in the room. Also, I was naked too.

"Good. You finally woke up" A blonde said and entered in the room with two cups in her hands.

"Please, tell me that's coffee." I said rubbing my temples.

"Yep!" she said and handed me one of the cups.

I hungrily drank all the warm coffee and the pain eased a little. I actually felt...bad. This is what I usually do. I have one night stands. But now, I felt.... dirty...ashamed of myself. All I could think about was Nikki and the fact that I might've betrayed her more than she betrayed me.

"Your clothes are on the chair. Thanks for the night." she said and kissed my cheek.

'Wait! I was actually capable of doing something last night?' I thought to myself.

"Thanks for the coffee...."

"Diana" she smiled as she took the cup from me.

I smirked and got dressed. My head was much better now, so the thoughts about Nikki came back. What was I supposed to say to her now? I was sorry, that's for sure. But I didn't know what to do. I will have to tell her that I had a one night stand. Do I want her back? Can I forgive her? Can I trust her again?

I sighed and I realized that the answer to all those questions was 'yes'. Yes, I want her back. Yes, I already forgave her. Yes, I will trust her again. Right now, I didn't trust Andy, and I knew I had to talk to him about what happened. The image of Nikki crying broke my heart and I remembered her yelling at Andy yesterday, and telling him that she doesn't want him, she wants me. But then she said I left her, just like everybody else did.

I suddenly realized that Nikki had a short temper. What if she did something stupid? What if she cut herself again? What if she took drugs again? What if she got drunk again and Andy was near her? What if this time they really had sex?

I quickly said my goodbyes to Diana and stormed out of her house. She directioned me to the bar and I knew the way back to Nikki's house from there. I practically ran all the way and when I got on her porch I was breathless. I regained my breath and used the key that Kaylie gave me last night. I entered in the house and I decided to play cool. I will wait and see what Nikki did last night.

I heard movement from the kitchen and I walked towards it. Nikki was there, with a bottle of vodka on the table, her cigarettes and a paper. She had a pen in her right hand and she was looking at me. She had been crying I could tell. Her beautiful green eyes were red and puffy.

"Where were you?" she asked and her voice sounded hoarse.

"Why do you care?" I said coldly.

"I was worried...But nevermind." she said and turned her attention to the paper on the table.

I walked to her and downed her glass of vodka. She looked at me questioningly and I just shrugged and took the paper. I read the lyrics that she wrote and my heart dropped.

"Nikki what is this?" I whispered as she pured herself another vodka.

"It's a song, genius." she mocked me.

"I know it's a song. But why would you write something like that?" I asked worried.

"Because I'm not going to care anymore, Ashley. I made a mistake, I addmited it and I apologized for it. I also respected my promise and told you about it. You left me. I understand that. You can go back to that blonde you fucked last night and I can go back to the guys whose names I can't remember and everyone will be happy."

She knew. She knew about Diana. But that's not what scared me the most. I don't wanna go back to Diana. I don't wanna go back to anyone except Nikki. I came back to her. I can't loose her.

"Nikki, this is not what I want. I want you. I want us to be like two days ago. I don't care about what you did with Andy. I want you back, Nikki." I said holding her hands.

She stared at me for a moment, her eyes filling with tears again. She blinked them away and her eyes became cold.

"I can't. You broke the promise, Ashley." she whispered.

"Don't give me this shit, Nikki. You told me about Andy after it happened. I'm doing the same thing now." I said pissed.

"How the fuck am I supposed to trust you? After one fight, you go back at fucking blondes!" she yelled and threw the pen in the walls.

"Well, you almost screwed my best friend! I guess both of us will have to deal with trust issues!" I yelled back.

"Why?! Why the fuck do you came back? You left me yesterday!" she continued yelling.

"Because I don't care about what you did with Andy! I have feelings for you!" I said slamming my fist on the counter.

"You didn't have feelings for me when you screwed that blonde last night!!!! And I told you I have feelings for you too before you accused me that I'm pretending it!!" she shouted in my face.

"Well, you didn't have feelings for me either when you were doing 'stuff' with Andy" I mocked her.

"Fuck you, Ashley!!!"

"I fucking hate you right now!!!" I screamed in frustration.

"Guess what? I hate you more!!" she yelled and smashed her glass on the floor.

"Just shut up and kiss me!!!"

"I'm not going to kiss you, dickhead!" she spat.

"Fine, than I will kiss you!" I said as I lifted her up on the counter, spreading her legs and crashed my lips on hers.

She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me back forcefully. I bit her lip so hard that I felt her blood in my mouth as she almost ripped my hair off. I dug my fingers in her sides, knowing for sure that she will be bruised in a few hours but I didn't care. I was happy that she was finally back in my arms and this time no one will ever touch her. She was mine.

We pulled back after a while, both gasping for air. I gently, kissed her bottom lip and licked the remaining blood. Our foreheads were still touching while we were just staring at each other. I got lost in her beautiful, green eyes that were sparkling with a mixture of anger and lust.

"I think I love you, Nikki" I whispered against her lips.

"I think I love you too." she breathed. "And I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too, Tiger. Let's just forgive each other and start over, OK?"

"OK" she said kissed my lips softly but we were soon interrupted.

"Now that you cleared things up, do you mind if you keep it down?" Jinxx said from the doorstep.

Notes

I just love this chapter!!! I'm so happy right now! *giggles*

Comment and tell me what you think....

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