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This Is Our Sweet Blasphemy

We Shared This Fantasy

I looked at him in awe. I wasn’t expecting this. I wasn’t ready for this. I couldn’t just run away. Not now.

I know most people would love the idea, run away from the place I have never loved and from the people I don’t care about, run away with the man I am in love with. Just grab a car and leave to a mystery place with money in our bags, eating take-out at midnight and laughing on the highway with the music turned up too loud.

However... I was probably going to have to attend a funeral in another continent. So I can’t exactly run away now, can I? Andy’s eyes scanned my face, and his eyes stopped on my mouth. It seemed as if, for just a second, he had stopped breathing. His eyes then met mine and he nodded. It seemed like he did so more for himself than for me though.

At that he stood and went into his room, I watched him go and once I heard the sound of drawers opening and shutting themselves I was sure he was going to make a mess. I all but slammed my mug onto his desk while getting up to go after him. The moment I entered his room a sock flew towards me.

I managed to dodge the flying, black sock and looked up to see Andy, grabbing clothes from his closet drawers and tossing them onto his bed. I knew right away what he was doing because I had done it too, I had gone through my drawers like a missile, getting everything I thought useful and separating them from the non-useful things. Doing everything in a hurry, like I would die if i didn't.

The priest was packing.

“No! Andy, no.” I stopped him from tossing a KISS tee-shirt, “Andy, I need to tell you why I can’t go.”

He looked at me like I fell from outer space with three heads. He didn’t say anything but he mouthed a simple word: ‘what?’

I took his hand in mine and with my other free hand I cleared a space for us to sit on his clothe-filled bed. “Look,” I took a deep breath before saying what I so desperately wanted to forget, “my dad, he, well… I called my mom, and when I asked to talk to my dad, she said he wasn’t there…” The raven haired man looked at me in confusion. “She said he was in the hospital. And that he wasn’t getting out of there.”

That was it. That was it. Tears filled my eyes again, and my vision started getting blurry and I could barely see Andy’s eyes widen in response to what I had just said. I suddenly felt his arms wrap themselves around me tightly and long, soothing strokes being traced on my back by his fingers. My head was buried in his chest while he just held me. He didn’t say anything, and I was grateful for that; there was nothing to be said. What is going to happen is going to happen and no amounts of ‘It’s going to be okay’ was going to make everything okay. Nothing was okay. And I was going to have to deal with that.

I wanted so badly to tell him I was going to have to go back to the US sooner or later, I needed to see my father, alive or… after his death. Except I couldn’t. I couldn’t rely on my voice at the moment, I had gotten to the point where I was sniffling, and I knew that my voice would crack if I’d try making a sentence of any kind. So we just stayed that way: my face snuggled in his chest, him soothing me with sweet gestures.

***

I woke up to the beeping of a microwave, then a sudden male voice saying “Shhhh…” and a button being pressed several times before finally stopping the beeping. The fact that Andrew was shushing a microwave made me smile with my eyes still closed.

“What are you smiling about?” His voice pierced through the quietness of the room making me jump, which caused a small giggle from the priest. A giggle.

The smell of coffee filled my nostrils and I opened my eyes to reveal a man with a white smile and blue eyes holding a red mug with what I supposed was coffee inside. “Sleep well?” he said while handing me the mug of coffee. I nodded and sat up, taking a sip from my warm drink while looking at the priest and I almost chocked. I realized it was the first time I had seen the priest without sleeves; his arms were filled with tattoos, so many drawings and words and I supposed that every single one of them had a meaning.

He grinned at my reaction and sat himself down next to me. I brushed my hair back with my hand, and I really needed a shower. I still had my uniform on from Friday and I hadn’t taken a shower since. I had no idea how Andy was surviving being this close to me, I’m pretty damn sure I smelled particularly bad.

“About yesterday,” he started “thanks for telling me what you told me. It makes me happy that you trust me enough to share those sorts of things, and I know it wasn’t easy for you. So thank you.”

I smiled at my coffee but that smile quickly disappeared and turned into a frown once I started thinking about yesterday. “I wasn’t finished though…” I said, and I paused for a moment before turning to look directly into those icy blues “I need to go back.”

He pursed his lips and nodded; he was probably expecting me to say that since he was showing no sign of surprise whatsoever. “I know.” He stated “And I decided that I want to go with you.”

I sighed. He couldn’t come with me, there was no way, he would definitely lose his job and my parents would hate him the moment they saw the holes under his lips. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Andy-”

He cut me off: “No, I know.” Now it was his turn to sigh “But I just really want to leave this place. I can’t stand it anymore; I can’t stand Macy anymore, I just… I just need a break.”

I understood what he meant, but I still couldn’t allow this. If he did, I was sure that he wouldn’t be coming back.

Notes

This chapter is dedicated to @andyspurdygirl ;) sorry for not updating for so long ><'

Comments

Great chapter! This story is so awesome! I hope that Vic and Andy can be happy together soon!

eclaire eclaire
3/8/15

This really great. I can't wait for the next chapter!

Aww haha. Yayy! Thanks so much I really liked it. Vic stop being so stubborn and allow yourself to be happy!:(

Please update I miss this :(

Please update soon <3 this is so sweet and heart breaking but I love it!