This Is Our Sweet Blasphemy

I was going to rip her fucking head off.

Ivy passed out a few seconds after I pushed Macy off of her. I didn’t care if she could ruin my reputation or whatever; I would not stand to see her hurting my best friend. Well, my only friend in that matter.

Macy glared daggers at me and I didn’t give a single damn. I kneeled down next to Ivy while Andrew came running up to us. He looked down at Macy at then at Ivy. He didn’t seem to care about me though because he just turned back towards Macy, who was extending her hand at him, waiting her him to help her up. He ignored her and knelt down beside Ivy, in front of me. I smirked at the face Macy was making.

Since he wasn’t looking at me at all, I was starting to get pissed. Actually, I guess I was more hurt than angry. Did he just throw away his feelings for me? Maybe he never loved me, maybe I was just imagining things… Ugh.

He put one arm under Ivy’s legs, under her knees, and the other arm went under her shoulders, just below her head; bridal style. He picked her up gently and walked away, leaving me there not knowing what to do, Macy what still dazed at Andrew leaving her and in no fucking planet would I stay alone one more second with that bitch. So I got up and followed the tall man with the innocent girl in his arms.

I was close behind, not exactly next to him, but enough that when we walked, his back foot encountered my front foot. We didn’t speak, which was odd, so I decided to think about other things instead of him.

It was a bit hard though, since he was right in front of me. However, thinking is a funny thing. We can think for hours and hours, pounding on one of the simplest things, though there are other times that we try our hardest to think about something of great importance, and we just can’t. It’s normal though, if we don’t think, it means we have no longer a conscience, and if we don’t have a conscience, we cease to exist. One of the reasons I’m agnostic, I believe that after death, we don’t go away to a heaven or a hell depending on how we were in life, I think we just cease to exist; we don’t think, nothing happens ever again, never. It’s sad, but it’s realistic. Then there are people that over-think, a bit like me. There are other people that don’t think enough. But we all have a second voice inside our heads wondering things on what to wear or how are some people doing, or even things super important that you don’t get to say on a normal basis. Things you don’t say, you think. We think so we can survive, it’s a survival tool, such as judging.

Judging is another thing, it’s a survival tool. I judge, you judge, we all judge. So when people hate on others because they’re judging a book by its cover, I find it stupid. We need to know if we’re going to be friends with a certain person, or ignore them before even hearing their voice. If we think someone is going to interfere with our way of living, we decide to deny them; if we think someone is of great utility for us, we befriend them. In a way, we’re all just egoistic, selfish, human beings.

Then there are others who judge in a meaner manner. Those are the type of people who you label as douche bags, or idiots. We all label each other, whether it’s true or false. Yeah, thinking is a good thing.

Expect when you start thinking too much and slam your face in the person in front of you. I stepped back, mumbling a small sorry. The coal-black haired man didn’t seem to mind, he stepped aside, showing me a door that needed opening. I did, and he walked inside, being careful with Ivy’s limp and fragile body.

We were in the infirmary, everything was polished white, many silver utensils were neatly arranged on a white table against one of the walls. Andy laid the blonde on a gurney-type bed delicately and took a chair from behind the bed. He sat down, his legs crossed, probably waiting for the nurse.

The silence was killing me; I didn’t know why he was ignoring me. He was… distant.

I stood there, not wanting to move much because I was afraid that I would dirty the polished tiles or ruin the perfection and cleanness of the room.

“So… Uh, is everything okay?” I perked up, I didn’t know if he was going to reply or not, but I still had hope.

He shook his head and sighed. Not talking.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” I pushed a little, I wanted to know what had happened with Macy, and also, if he wasn’t talking to me, would we still be meeting each other at midnight?

He shook his head again “I… I can’t talk to you right now.” He said in the lowest tone ever, I barely heard him.

I felt like throwing a fit. Why the fuck was Macy doing this to me? I felt like slapping Andrew across the face to wake him up. Why couldn’t he talk to me? Was he afraid of saying something? Why would he be afraid anyways? He knew I wasn’t going to get mad at him or anything. I was sad, mad, and I just felt like disappearing at that moment. I stormed out of the room, throwing the door behind me to close with a loud slam. I needed to talk to Macy, well, I would more likely be screaming but I needed to express my anger in some way. I looked around, trying to find her. The bitch was nowhere in sight, I grabbed the first person I found by the arm and asked where Macy was.

“I, uh, I don’t know, I think she w-went to the church, maybe, I’m not sure.” She sounded afraid, so I let her go when she was done with her sentence and made my way to the church. What would she be doing at the church? She was going to hell anyways.

I walked to the wooden God-house in a rushed pace. Once I arrived there, I pushed open the doors with all my might. Macy was leaning casually against an altar. She looked up at me as if asking what the fuck I was doing at the church.

I didn’t even bother talking to her, I wasn’t even going to waste my saliva on her, I just picked up the nearest thing I had in reach at threw it at her. That thing just so happened to be a cross. I just tore down a cross and banged in on the devil’s head. Still, I was regretting not getting something heavier or bigger, that way she’d just pass out cold already.

The cross bounced off her head and she cried out, there was surely going to be a big bruise on her forehead tomorrow. Her high-pitched scream echoed the church and made my ears want to explode. I went up to her with my fist clenched, ready to throw some punches for everything she’d ever done. She put her hands up, probably in a weak attempt to protect herself.

“Wait, wait, wait!” she screamed, making me stop, mostly because her acute voice was ruining my hearing. “Why are you taking your rage out on me?”

I almost laughed “Are you fuc-”

“No!” She protested “I mean, after all; how do you think I know the things I know?”

I gave her a confused look. I had no idea what she was talking about. Before I could say anything she spoke up once more. “How do you think I know you want to go back to your USA? How do you think I know that you’d be fooling around with Father that exact day and time? I’m not even in your class darling.”

I didn’t want to hear another word coming out of her mouth. She was just trying to enter my head and make me think utter bullshit. However, what she said made sense, how could she possibly know those things? It hadn’t occurred to me before…

“Your worthless best friend has got my back. She tells me all there is to know.” She said. If it weren’t the circumstances, her calling Ivy worthless would have made me gone on a rampage. Though, right now, I just glared at her while I tried to figure out what she was saying.

“What…?” I was confused, why would Ivy talk to Macy behind my back to help her? That didn’t sound at all like something Ivy would do.

“Sweetie, don’t work your little brain too hard. Ivy. Is. On. My. Side.” She spoke slowly, like I was an incapacitated child. I felt like sobbing my eyes out.

I felt betrayed. Plus I was angry at Macy. I felt sad; I’ve never had a real friend. I never had someone who looked up to me and that wanted to spend time with me like Ivy did. Well now I see that she just needed to get some information that Macy asked for.

Maybe she was just playing with me. No, I knew that for sure. It’s just; the things she said made sense and were probably true. Even if they were true; I didn’t want to hear another, single word that came out of her mouth.

“You. Are. An. Asshole.” I countered, imitating the way she had spoken to me.

I stormed out of the church and headed to my dorm room in a rush, I didn’t care about stopping by the nurse to check on Ivy or to speak to Andy. I needed to isolate myself for a while.

Once I got to my room, I slammed the door and jumped on my bed face first. I wasn’t going to cry. No, I wasn’t going to give that satisfaction to Macy once again. I decided against going to meet with Andrew tonight. He obviously didn’t want to talk to me anymore, so I wasn’t going to talk to him either. I bet he wasn’t even thinking about that meeting half as much as I was. I was falling for him, and I didn’t want to. I wanted him out of my head. Liking him was just making me hurt even more.

And Ivy… I wouldn’t think that she could do that… Not to me at least. I was her only friend.

I passed my hand under my pillow and came across my cell phone. I rubbed my thumb over the screen, thinking and wondering if I should do what I was thinking about doing. I unlocked it and did something I haven’t done in a very long time: I called my mother.

Notes

Sooo, i'm thinking about trying to interact a bit more with you guys, i have so much to thank you for and the least i can do is reply to your comments right? Anyway, in 2 weeks i'll be on a short vacation from school so i hope to be writing a lot x)