Lost it all.

I've done nothing but isolate myself. I haven't gone out with Gracie, CC and the rest of the guys. I even put curtains on the door that separated Gracie's room and mine. I even think CC has given up on me. I don't blame him... I wouldn't have hope for a whore like me. I look down at my legs and fix my socks. I take out a e-cig, which I had brought... And walked out to the balcony. Gracie and CC were at the supermarket, buying stuff for the house.. I was suppose to go, but... Yeah. I sit between the poles and dangle my feet. I take a hit from the e-cig. I look at the sky as I release the smoke. My mother hated smokers. It fucked up her health as she grew up. One day, she told me I asked why she smoked. And she responded because it killed her slowly. My mother was a survivor of cancer, but depression got the best of her. That's when mine started. With no mother and a run away father, I just don't see a purpose anymore. Who do I make happy with my accomplishments? Who will I run to when I can't live anymore? I take another inhale of the smoke and blow it off. I let the tears run down my cheeks and let them fall to my legs
. "Sammy?" I look behind me to see Gracie standing with Andy.
"Hey." I said and smiled.
"You don't have to fake it Samantha." Andy said
. "I hate attention." I whispered. "Why can't I just die already?" I asked them, earning a sad look. "Can I join my mother? And talk about my life down here... Show her my scars and kiss them away like I did to hers.." I cried and hugged the pole. Someone's arm wrapped around me and detached me from the pole. They make me stand and I give them a hug around their torso..
"I know it sucks living like this, Sammy. But out there is a world that needs to know your name, I don't care how, but in a way that it follows by; she made it, and not; died in the hospital, okay? Never." I look into the person's eyes.
"I don't know Andy... I just can't see a reason."
"There's always one. Maybe it's not so obvious, but there's one for you.." His voice cracks. He hugs me tighter and we both cry. My face buried in his shirt, and his head on mine. "Don't leave us Samantha... You're our family, our friend. You belong here."

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