A Warrior Of Youth

Lissas POV

"Melissa! What are those?!" She said again, almost shouting.
"T-they're n-nothing" I stammered.
Anger and sadness came over her face. "Put some pants on and come back downstairs!" She said storming out of my room. "Jeff! You need to see this!" She yelled as she went back downstairs.
Tears filled my eyes as I pulled on my pajama pants and a crop top. Another thing I had to own up to tonight.
I slowly made my way downstairs and they were waiting for me at the bottom. My dad gasped when he saw my puckered red stomach. His face mirrored my mothers.
"I'm sorry" I mouthed, my tears flowing freely.
"You said you would tell us if anything was wrong!" My mom said.
"I couldn't! You guys wanted to move here. There w-was no changing y-your mind" my voice choking out the words.
"Are you saying if we stayed in Philly, that this would have never happened?" My dad asked.
"Yes! It would have never happened! I would have never met these people and they wouldn't have outcasted me!"
"She has become Benji" My mom whispered as a tear fell over her cheek.
"No! She's not Benji!" My dad yelled. He sighed then turned to me. "Obviously we haven't been paying enough attention, so right now, you are going to tell us what is going on and how long this has been going on. Got it?!" He said guiding me towards the kitchen table and making me sit. "I mean, look at you! There's nothing left! I can see your God damn ribs!"
I brought my knees up to my chest to hide my body from them.
"Melissa, talk to us. What is all this about?" My mom said sitting on one side of me.
"From the first day I started school here everyone hated me. It got out that Benji was suicidal and they started to tell me to kill myself. The friends I had made were part of the 'popular' group and some of them would resent the others for being friends with me. They would get beat up and Jake's ex girlfriend would beat me up for 'stealing him from her" I ranted. Tears still streaming onto my neck. "I felt so bad for fucking up their lives. They had it made and then came along me! They should all hate me!" I said trying to hold back sobs, but I couldn't any longer and broke.
My parents fell silent. I could tell they were shocked. They weren't used to this coming from me. I was the normal, happy teenager.
"So that's why you have done all this? Cause you felt bad?" My mom asked, placing a hand on my shoulder.
I simply just nodded my head, then rested it on my knees. "I hate myself" I mumbled.
I could tell my parents didn't know what to do. They never dealt with Benji the way I did. "Benji hated himself too. He hated who he was. He was never able to accept himself and people knew it. That's why he was bullied. I knew! I knew it was happening and I couldn't help him! I tried! God I miss him so much right now!" I sobbed into my knees.
"Maybe we shouldn't have come here" I heard my dad say softly.
"It's too late now!" I said getting up from my seat. "You've already ruined my life! You guys we're too worried about what people would think! I wasn't! We killed whatever memory Benji left back home! The people who bullied him have probably forgotten his name! If we had stayed, we would have been a constant reminder of what they had done to our family! And maybe I have become Benji! But at least I know what it was like for him!" I yelled as I headed upstairs to my room.
I wanted to cut, but instead I rummaged my draws to find Benji's suicide note he left me. My fingers grazed the smooth paper that had been folded over a couple of times. I pulled it out and slowly opened it as I sat on my bed.

-Lissa
I'm sorry. I'm not being a good twin to you. I'm tearing us apart. For good. This world isn't meant for me. I love you so much that I hate leaving, but I can't stay here anymore. I can't take it anymore. I'm in so much pain. I dared to be different and I'm paying the price, but it's too much. I wouldn't have made a difference. No one will. In the words of Gandhi, 'Everything we do in life will be insignificant, but it's very important that we do it'. That is why I have to die. Cause I must. I'm an insignificant piece to a giant puzzle. I will not be missed. Bye Lissa. Thank you for everything. I will miss you the most. I love you sis.
-Benji

He felt insignificant. Like his life didn't matter.
Like how I feel now. I feel worthless and like it wouldn't matter if I was here or not. I never understood what he meant by that, but it makes sense now. How I wish I could see him one last time. He would never be insignificant.

Notes

Secrets are out..