A Warrior Of Youth

Lissa's POV

Sandra stood in front of one of the sinks and looked at me in mirror when I came out.
"Lissa?"
"Hey Sandra" I said nervously.
"Were you throwing up in there?"
"No" I said looking down at my hands.
"Liss, don't lie to me. I know what gagging sounds like. So tell me, whats wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong!" I said getting frustrated.
"Lissa! Look at me! Your hands are shaking, your eyes are watering and there's drool near your mouth."
I quickly wiped my mouth with the back of my hand then washed them.
"So what?"
"So what?! Lissa, are you forcing yourself to throw up?"
"OKAY! FINE! YES! I jam my fingers down my throat because every time I eat, I feel sick, okay! I have fucked up peoples lives by moving here and this is how my body is handling it!" I yelled. My voice bouncing off the tiled walls.
Sandra was quiet. She looked at my with wide eyes. "Liss, you have to find a healthier way to deal with this. People are gonna notice" she warned.
"Look I have to go. Jake is waiting for me. I'll talk to you about this at school" I said as I walked out of the bathroom.
"Wait. Jake? You're here with Jake? Like on a date?"
I stopped at the door when she said 'date'.
"No. It's not a date. We're just hanging out. I have to go, he's waiting for me" I said finally being able to leave the bathroom.
Was it a date?
I finally got back to Jake and he gave me an odd look. "You okay? Your eyes look a little red."
"Hmm, yeah, they were just really itchy" I lied.
"Okay, you ready to go inside?"
"Sure" I said smiling.
We went into theater and sat close to the back. A couple other people walked in, but it was pretty empty.
Jake claimed the arm rest between us and I would nudge his arm with my elbow playfully.
He returned the nudge with a smirk plastered on his face.
"Stop smirking Pitts. I'm pro at this" I whispered.
"You don't know what your up against Harper" he whispered back giggling.
We starting tickling each other, which caused my to laugh out loud.
Jake instantly stopped when the watchers turned to look at us.
We giggled quietly and sunk into our chairs.
Our arms shared the arm rest, so our bare arms were touching.
His pinkie finger was tracing the side of my hand. It felt kinda nice.
I looked up at him, his chocolate brown eyes gleaming from the light of the screen.
His face was somber. He simply gazed at me and smiled.
His fingers then locked fingers with mine. For a moment, I forgot everything. Everything that I had done, everything that had happened and everything I had become. I just looked in Jake's eyes and it made me feel like everything was going to be okay.

By the time the movie ended it was getting late and Jake took me home.
When we pulled up in front of my house I asked.
"Was this suppose to be a date?"
"Umm, honestly. When I asked, I didn't mean it that way, but afterwards I thought about it and I kinda like you" he said nervously.
I smiled and blushed, but then I thought about what would happen at school. He saw my face drop.
"What happened? You smiled, why are you sad?" He asked cupping my face.
"What will happen at school? Your friends will hate you even more!" I said sadly.
"Fuck em. It'll be fine. I won't let them touch you."
"It's not me I'm worried about. It's you."
"Liss, try not to worry about it, okay?"
I nodded and wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him. "I'll try."
I kissed him on the cheek and opened the car door. "Thanks for today. I had fun" I said as I got out.
"No problem. You'll be at school Monday?"
"Yeah, I've got to face the music sometime."
Jake laughed and said, "Okay, I'll see you then."
I shut the car door and waved goodbye to Jake from my porch.
I went inside my house and my mum greeted me from the lounge room.
"Hey, you're home a little late" she nagged.
"It's only 6:30."
"What did you guys do all that time?" She said a little annoyed.
"We walked around, got a bite, ended up going to see a movie. Normal stuff" I said outlining our day.
"Okay. You felt alright today? You still haven't told me how you ended up in hospital."
I sighed and rolled my eyes "I told you! I tripped and slammed my head on the lockers. I don't remember anything else" I lied.
"Okay, well, if you feel tired or anything, don't try and stay awake. Have an early night."
"Sure" I said making my way to my room.
I locked my door and changed into comfortable clothes.
I lay flat on the floor to search the black hole under my bed for my electric keyboard.
I grabbed it out of the box and plugged it into a power socket. I sat on my bed with the keyboard across my legs and put my headphones on.
How To Save A Life by The Fray popped into my head and I started to play it without thinking.
I think I played it five times over before I realised there was streams of tears falling down my face. This song reminded me so much of Benji. I could have saved him. I COULD HAVE AND I DIDN'T!
I pushed the keyboard off my lap and ripped off the headphones. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as I watched my hands shake.
My heart felt like it was sinking into my stomach and it made me feel like vomiting. I clenched my fists and tried to forget these feelings, but my body physically hurt. I curled up and hugged my knees to my chest. My fingernails digging into my legs.
I'm not sure how long I sat like that, but I started to break out in a cold sweat. I shivered as my body tensed.
I decided to take a shower and try to calm myself. My body ached as I went across the hall to my bathroom.
I got in the shower and let the hot water run over my body. My mind was reeling with everything that has happened. Benji dying, my family moving, my new school, the people there, Jake... In such a short amount of time so much had changed. I didn't even know who I was anymore. This was so unlike me. I wonder if this is how Benji felt. Hurting from the inside out, trying to find that outlet that takes it all away.
And with that thought, I glanced at my shaving razor and imagined what it would feel like against my skin.
I took a deep breath and shook the thought from my head.
I twisted the tap off, dried myself and dressed in pjs.
I ignored thoughts circulating in my head and tried to sleep.

Notes

Thoughts? Are we liking the direction this is going?
-Tina xx