That Was on Purpose ~ Andy Biersack *Completed

--Andy's POV--

I sat in Colin's room, going through his things. I knew it was a stupid thing to do, but I couldn't help it. I'd avoided the room for a while.

The walls were painted bright yellow and little bumble bees were flying about it, leaving dashes behind them so it looked like they'd been flying. A little crib sat empty, and several toys sat where he'd been playing with them. I picked one up and played with it in my hands for a moment, imagining his biting the toy and rubbing it along the carpet.

I jumped in suprise as the sound of a car door sounded in front of our driveway. It couldn't be our driveway, it was probably our neighbors. Hpwever, when I peeked out of the curtain, I saw Tessa's shiny black Prius parked in our driveway.

--Tessa's POV--

I made my way to the door, becoming increasingly nervous. What was I doing? Andy might still be drunk, or he might have drinken more. Or maybe he wasn't even here at all. I hesitated a minute before opening the door and stepping inside. The house was dark, and quiet.

I half expected to see Michael on the couch, listening to his music or Andy messing around with Colin. I walked further, running my hands delicately along the couch's headboard. I made my way into the kitchen, where all the broken glass was. I knelt down and picked up a piece of the shattered material and held it tightly in my hand so the sharpness pressed against my palm, not breaking the skin but releasing a calming sting. I felt as my eyes filmed over with tears. What was I doing here? I sniffled and jumped in surprise as I heard a thump.

"Tessa, what are you doing here?"

It was Andy.

He stood at the front door, watching me. I wanted to run into his arms and kiss him and tell him how much I missed him. He walked towards me quickly, and from his rythmic step I could tell he was sober. "Get out." He said, not threatening but serious. I wasn't sure to make of it, so I just stared at him. The tip of his nose was red and his eyes were pink and slightly glazed, showing me he'd been crying just as hard as I was. "Tessa, get out. It's not safe." He said, turning away. "What do you mean?" I asked, but I knew what he meant. "Tessa, I want you out of this house. Go back to Ashley's." I shook my head, stepping towards him since he moved away. He ducked away from my touch. "Get out!" He said in a half-shout. I flinched back.

"No, Andy. I want to help you."

"Tessa, stop. I'm not right for you."

I fluttered as he said my name, and I cursed myself for it. I was so weak and willing to follow his every move, but I couldn't help it.

"No...Andy, that's what I'm here for...We have to help eachother." I said, beginning to cry.

"Tessa."

"Andy."

He huffed and began to walk to the kitchen, but I lurched forward and clutched onto his arm.
"Just listen!" I shouted. He looked down at me and his expression changed somehow. "Tess, I don't want to hurt you..." He said gently, letting me hold his arm. "No, Andy. We're...We're a married couple now and we have to be here for each other. You can't just walk away when we go through bad times." I said.

--Andy's POV--

I listened to her words, but none of them entirely sunk in. "Tessa," I said through a clenched jaw. "I hit you. Not just hit you but...completely broke you and all in front of our kid. And it isn't the first time. I don't want to fuck everything up again. I can't take advantage of your faith in me like that." I said. I couldn't live with myself right now, and if I hurt Tessa again I would be twice as unable. She looked up at me pleadingly. "Then have a little faith in /me,/ Andy. I'll help you, I'll get you better!" She said, and suddenly the tears turned her voice to whispers. "I just can't lose you."

What I really wanted to do was break down and kiss her. I wanted her touch and her voice and her lips on mine. I wanted the feel of her hands absentmindedly stroking my leg when we watch a movie, or her warm breath on my face when we cuddle. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't lose her either.
"Are you just going to pretend this never happened then?" I asked.

"N-No...I know you didn't mean it..."

"That doesn't matter, Tessa! Stop! Stop forgiving me!" I said, pushing her away from me. I didn't want to hurt her, but moreover I was confused. I was alone. I wanted her, but my walls were up. She stood a few feet away from me, looking wounded. "I-I..." She began, but didn't continue. I looked into her eyes and saw everything they held, the universe of hurt and sadness and pain and betrayal in her eyes and in her iris was her love and compassion, and hiding in the worry lines of her forehead was her fear and anxiety. "You remember when...when we met again and I was...I was afraid to go on the tour with you because I thought you'd hurt me, but I went to prove that....that I wasn't afraid." She asked. I looked into her eyes and nodded, remembering. "And it was the best thing I ever did. So..." She paused for a long time, thinking."Can you do that for me? Can..Can you show me you aren't afraid and just go for it?" I looked into her eyes and nodded again, even though I didn't mean it.

Deep down inside, I knew I was afraid. I was afraid of myself. Or relapsing into that angry, loathing man I'd been.

But I nodded. I don't know why I nodded because I certainly didn't mean it. I didn't want Tessa to forgive me, but I couldn't abandon her either. She was right; we were married now, and we should get through this together. She looked up at me for a moment and then sighed, running her hands through her hair. "Tessa, I think you should go now." I said. "No. I want to have a real talk with you Andy. I know you hate it, but I do....I want to fix this, don't you? Don't you want to fix us?" She asked, and suddenly anger raged through me.

I wasn't angry at her or Ashley or Michael or Colin.

I was angry at myself.

"No?!" I shouted, clenching all my muscles in frustration. "Tessa, why are you here? Do you have an ounce of sense in you? Take the kids, take the money, and fucking go! Get away from me! All I'm going to do is hurt you, and I don't want to hurt you! Not all of life has some fairytale ending where we all get happy again and life works out great!" I turned to the side slightly and threw my fist at the wall, breaking through it. "Andy!" She yelped in surprise. "I can't live with myself when I'm around you because all I'm doing is fucking your life up and fucking our kid's up and ruining everything! So get away from that! Please Tessa, I love you and I can't bear to see you hurt like you do when you're around me. Find someone normal." I was cut off by a small, whisper-sob, and I turned to see her full of tears, blood running down her hand from where the glass had pressed into the palm of her hand.

"Don't you see how selfish you're being?" She whispered, tears slowly gliding along her cheeks. I took a step toward her, the blood streams on her hand dripping down and making me anxious. "You're supposed to be there and...and you're not...I..." She stopped, crying heavily. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to clean the blood from her hand and hold her and apologize and kiss her. I wanted her. I slowly and hesitantly wrapped my arms around her, pulling myself into her and resting my head atop hers. "I'm sorry." I whispered as she cried into my shirt. "You're right."

Notes

Hey! Sorry this chpater is so shitty, the winner for predictions is...

Andyismybatman!

Damn gurl, you wrote me like, an essay! Thank you!

Thank you to anyone who submitted predictions, FEEDBACK MAKES ME UPDATE :)