Be the Death of Me

Olivia’s POV:
No matter how much I drank yesterday, the pain of Ashley’s betrayal was still present, and kept on brutally attacking my already aching mind. I already regretted calling him yesterday in my drunken stupor, but I cannot afford to continue to dwell on it; I have to leave, and soon.
I stumble to my feet from the couch in Ashley’s living room, the couch that used to belong to me as well. I shake the thought from my head and instead try to focus on packing up my last few belongings – I don’t want for there to be another reason to return
In the midst of ransacking our bathroom of my personal belongings, my cell phone begins to obnoxiously ring, signalling an incoming call. I wince at the piercing sound, and mentally will for it to go to voicemail quickly, but of course, no such luck. I know it’s Ashley, and even though I want nothing more than to just delete him from my life all together, Rose’s words from yesterday are resurfacing, and I know that I should at least get one last say.
I pick it up and press the green button with little hesitation, pressing it to my ear as I sit on the perfectly made bed.
“Hello?” I whisper, massaging my temples lightly to ease the pounding.
“Olivia?” Ashley mutters in obvious disbelief.
I force a laugh, “yeah, it’s me, who were you expecting?” I ask, although I know e just didn’t expect for me to pick up so quickly. I guess heartbreak really alters your personality.
“I-I I don’t’ know where to start,” he confesses, “I was an idiot, still am, actually. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to express just how sorry I am for doing that to you, to us. I love you,” he breaths the final three words and my heart clenched, though not in the usual way.
I sigh, “I know you’re sorry, Ashley, or else you probably wouldn’t be calling in the first place. But that being said, you must understand how my trust for you now is entirely non-existent. I’m sorry,” I murmur, tears welling once again in my eyes.
“I know baby, I know.” He sighs, “Please don’t go,” he begs.
I brush back a strand of hair from my face, “ I have to now, and you know that. There’s nothing for me here, but there could be something in New York. I love you, but I just cant’ stay here.”
“Please Olivia, I’ll do anything. I’ll move out, so that you can at least stay there, please baby. Don’t leave me.” He pleads, sounding vaguely childlike, crushing my already shattered heart at how broken he sounds.
“I will always love you Ashley, but I just need time, time and space. I realized that I don’t have anything without you, and I need that kind of stability. I need to go back to school, figure out what I want to do with my life, find friends, a place to live, a personality. An identity. I need,” I hesitate, “someone in my life who I can trust completely, who won’t hurt me. I need to find that someone and maybe even spend the rest of my life with that person, which right now, isn’t you.”
He makes a choking sound, almost like a sob, “please, please, I will do anything, just stay. Don’t leave me, don’t give up on us. You’re that person for me, you’re it for me; I don’t want to fall in love with anyone else.” He pleads.
I shake my head sadly, “you may not want to, but you will, I’m sure of it. I need this Ashley, you need this. I love you. Goodbye, Ashley.”

I hang up after that, blocking out his pleads as he begs for me to take him back. My heart practically shatters when he begins to sob but I hold back. He hurt me and it was the wakeup call that I needed, the start to my new life. Away from Ashley. Without Ashley.
So then why do I feel like I am making a huge mistake?

Notes

Not going to lie guys, I was tearing up while writing this.
Also i strongly recommend listenign to Juliet Simms "End of the World' While reading, since man, it just completes the chapter entirelty!