I hear the crying of Alice next to me, she is laying down on the blanket, watching me cook. "Shhh shh baby girl it's okay," I whisper in her ear as I pick her up. It's almost 6 in the morning, I have to wake Josh up at 6:30 and he doesn't like being woken before then. "Shhh mommy's got you. Shhh" I quickly fed her and laid her back down.
Hoping that didn't wake him up I finished his breakfast and set it on the night stand. He moved around, stretching with his eyes closed still. He told me to go and get him some milk, the only thing I had forgotten to get at the store.
"What!" His eyes snapped open. The little happiness from his smile gone like it was never there. "How the fuck did you forget that? You have one fucking job around here, take care of me. I fucking work my ass off and for what? You to forget the fucking milk!"
"I'm sorry sir.. I can get some today, before you get home.." I looked down.
Slap
Sharp pain hit my cheek. Strong hands gripped my chin and jerked it up, making me look at the cold blue eyes.
"Look at me when I'm talking to you" he spoke it slowly, like speaking to a child.
"Yes sir" I squeaked out.
He pushed me away. "Good. Now there better be a glass of cold milk waiting for me when I walk into the door." Josh picked up his plate and ate fast.
I left the room and checked on Alice. "I love you so much, I'll never let anything bad happen to you"
--
Like promised, I got milk from the store, spending the last of our pocket money in the process. While in line I looked threw some of the magazine covers. I haven't seen my old friend Andrew on any of them, I wonder what happening within his life now? Does he even miss me?
Why would he? The little voice in my head said.
Sighing I left the store, taking the thought of Andrew from my mine. I don't need to think of him, he hasn't tried to even see me in years.
--
After putting Alice to bed I decided to take a shower, my body ached at the touch of the warm water. At least the water was back on.
I started thinking about how I got into this mess, about how I would leave if I could, if I had a place to live. After my mom kicking me out I couldn't hold a job for more then a few months, and after about a year of new job after job after job, they started to not call back. And now I haven't had a job in about 3 years.
Maybe it was the stress of supporting us that made Josh so angry. He use to be so laid back and relaxed until they stopped calling.
I guess it's my fault, I should've found a way to keep a job. But now no one wants a sad loser 23 year old mother. I'm broken, both physically and mentally. And sometimes, I wish someone would save me.

Notes