Save Me From The Darkest Places
Our Story Begins... (Leia POV)
Chapter 2
Leia’s POV
“My name’s Emma, I’m……” “I’m Lisa, I’m……” on and on it went, kids introducing themselves, saying how old they were and what they’ve been diagnosed with.
A few more kids introduced themselves then it was my turn, so I stood up with my oxygen tank, sitting my lemonade on the floor next to me and my lamington on the edge of the seat I had been occupying.
I sighed, “Hi, I’m Leia Montez, and I’m 17 years old, nearly 18. Originally kidneys – one at a time and a few years apart mind you – with mets in my lungs. I’m doing about as well as I can what with being diagnosed with a highly likely to be life-threatening disease for the third time in my short life” I said, before sitting down and looking at the Mötley Crüe t-shirt I was wearing, seeing a few dirty looks being sent my way from the group leader and few of the preppy kids who were sick in some way, I just gave them a middle finger and they looked away.
Then I opened my BVB shoulder bag and dug out my copy of Nikki Sixx’s book ‘The Heroin Diaries’ and began to read, still partially listening to the conversations of the support group around me.
But since I tend to be a fast reader when whatever I’m reading is interesting or if it’s an oncologist report I finished the book in record time to my disappointment as I put the book back in my bag, sighing heavily.
Ugh this is so boring! I thought while I lounged in the spinny chair thing at the cancer support group my parents make me go to which I am stuck in for another half an hour when I’d much rather play COD online while chattering to Jake and CC of Black Veil Brides since they play online too and were very good teammates/opponents depending on if I'm versing them or if we’re on the same team.
I had a cup of lemonade in my hands and a lamington on my knee as I sat back in my chair, readjusting my cannula and making sure my oxygen tank was next to me. Oh yeah let me explain why I have an oxygen tank.
When I was 14 years old I was diagnosed with stage 3 non-small cell lung cancer which requires me to be on permanent oxygenisation which basically means I have to be linked up to an oxygen tank – like I am now – or a machine called BiPAP which basically is mechanical lungs that keep me alive overnight.
Now I’m 17 years old, 2 months away from my 18th birthday, although this isn’t the first time I’ve battled cancer. When I was 10 I was having the time of my life. Star athlete of the elementary school I attended at the time, awesome musician seeing as I sing, play guitar and bass along with drums on guitar hero, hard-core gamer, artist, photographer by hobby... then my whole life turned upside down when I started getting unbearable pain in my left side and the left side of my back.
I had other symptoms too but I didn’t have a clue what was going on at the time so I went to the doctor and had a LOT of testing done on me. Two weeks later I had to go back in for a cytoscopy which terrified me. They took a sample of god-knows-what from my back and made me come in a few days later to tell me I had been diagnosed with Renal Cell Carcinoma, which is more commonly known as kidney cancer.
On the TNM system which stands for Tumour Nodes Metastasis, my diagnosis was specifically T2N0M0 which isn’t too bad for a cancer diagnosis... though to hear that as a kid, it’s horrifying. I honestly thought I was gonna die and for a few months I was pretty much knocking on deaths door.
The doctors put me on several different medications but none of them worked. They all left me feeling and looking like a corpse and the kids that picked on me for my style and music taste were suddenly a lot crueller, and kids that generally left me alone started picking on me.
Through it all I refused to give into them and held my head high even when I wanted to curl into a ball and cry. I didn’t have to drop out of school, although there were days that I couldn’t do much because the pain was too bad. On the days it was bearable I used crutches to get around and on the days I felt a bit weak (from the meds) I used a wheelchair.
Then the doctors tried dialysis which wasn’t very effective for me, it left me exhausted and barely able to move, though it did help prepare my body for a transplant when I eventually got one as did pre-op chemo. Eventually they decided to put me on the list for a kidney transplant and a few weeks after that I got a call from the hospital saying that someone had donated a kidney that matched my type (or however they put it at the time) and that my surgery had been booked in for a few days from then.
I went in and had the transplant done, and holy shit recovering from that was a bitch, they pretty much had to saw me in half just to get my diseased kidney out then put the healthy one in, connect it to whatever it had to be connected to, then put me back together again. They gave me two weeks to recover and heal up then they put me on chemotherapy.
I'm not gonna lie, the thought of chemo terrified me but I survived it. Until I got used to the burning sensation of it, it felt horrible. I also freaked out when I woke up one morning at home to find that my hair was surrounding my head on my pillow. I knew it was a possible side effect but it still startled me.
But just because I had the transplant, didn’t mean I was completely safe, for I have to take medication to minimise the chances of my body rejecting the transplants for the rest of my life (however long that turns out to be) seeing as kidney transplants are treatments, not a cure.
For about a week or two I wore a wig that was relatively close to how my hairstyle was but then I thought, ‘screw this’ and I wore a bandana tied around my head which made it pretty obvious that I was bald to everyone at school. That was also when I started wearing support/awareness ribbons and wristbands... anyway I was in remission (meaning living temporarily cancer-free if it’s expected to come back, which it was) for a few years until the same symptoms came up in my right side when I was around 2 months away from my 13th birthday.
I went back to the doctor and was diagnosed with kidney cancer again, this time around it was worse, my diagnosis being T4N0M1 which sadly was a lot worse than last time. At the time I had a girlfriend (Yes girlfriend. I’m bisexual if you must know), whose name was Amanda Lancaster.
For around half the duration of my cancer battle this time around she was incredibly supportive and patient until one day when she broke up with me in front of everyone I might add, teachers, students AND parents saying she couldn’t handle all the weird stares she got and being picked on by people, and basically being associated with someone like me. I lost the plot when she said that and punched her in the face and yelling at her that what she got was nothing compared what I had to go through on a daily basis.
Then I told her to imagine living with my condition and the fact I’m on anti-rejection medication for the rest of my life, thanks to my kidneys failing. Of course that wasn’t all as one of the boys that loved to pick on me for something I couldn’t help came over to us, helped Amanda up and sneered at me. Then everything that had confused me about her made sense from the way they held each other and the fact they made out in front of me.
Turns out she had been cheating on me the whole time we’d been together and she only dated me out of pity. I’ve never dated since... anyway I had to get another transplant and more chemo which I did and lost my hair AGAIN but I knew that was coming along with the anti-rejection meds I'm on til the day I die – hopefully that’s decades away, I don’t particularly want to bite the dust before I’m 30 or even 21, though I doubted my parents would care.
I relocated schools into another town, again in a seedy part of town – those kinds of suburbs always attracted my parents... me personally, I’d rather live in LA – cos it looks awesome there and would make my studying a lot easier to do – but don't really have the resources to get there sadly. My parents are chain smokers and always smoked around me and never let me leave the room so I unfortunately breathed in the smoke they had.
I was NEC for about 6 months or so when I found myself short of breath, often wheezing. I also had chest pain and coughed up bloody muck from my chest. It was when I coughed up bloody muck that I knew something was seriously wrong. I ran straight to the emergency room at the hospital (not the smartest idea when my breathing was going bad but hey my life was at stake) which was fortunately close by to the school I had been attending, thinking ahead enough to bring a sample of what I’d been coughing up.
The doctors immediately tested me and put me through a few CT and PET scans to determine what was going on and I was officially diagnosed with stage 3 non-small cell lung cancer which had metastasised (spread) from the second time I had kidney cancer (DAMMIT CAN’T I GET THROUGH AT LEAST FIVE YEARS WITHOUT BEING DIAGNOSED WITH SOMETHING SERIOUS?! APPARENTLY NOT!).
Then I was put onto permanent oxygenisation and was told that I had to use a BiPAP overnight so I could breathe, that took a bit of getting used to but I’ve long since adapted to it – hell I kinda had no choice if I wanted to make it through the night with a pair of lungs that suck at being lungs. From time to time my lungs & chest would fill up with fluid and I’d have to get them drained.
It’s a horrible feeling when you're suddenly unable to breathe during the day or suddenly waking up in the night like that. Nowadays it still happens to me, especially now that the cancers gotten worse, now I'm a stage 4 lung cancer patient. Aside from the meds that minimise the chances of my immune system rejecting my donated kidneys, I have to take this medication called crizotinib twice a day and one of the side effects it has is nausea which is a major pain in the ass cos really I can't keep my food down a lot of the time.
I also can't have grapefruit or grapefruit juice which sucked on ice (AN: Team Fortress 2 anyone?) because I was particularly fond of grapefruit juice. I also can't have green tea products but I never liked it so I was cool with that. I just hate the doctor that’s ‘looking after me’ cos he refuses to give me a double lung transplant, cos apparently I'm ‘inoperable’ though I suspect my parents Jahlia and Adrian pay him to say that, cos I know that something can be done to save me from this hell I'm living in, my gut instincts tell me so and they haven’t steered me wrong yet.
So here I am, nearly-4-year lung cancer battler, 2-time kidney cancer survivor, slowly dying and have been since I was 10 with that all too brief respite when I was 11 & 12.
I was shaken out of my reminiscing, not by whoever was talking but by the fact my phone was vibrating like crazy in the pocket of my skinny jeans. By the time I’d managed to dig it out of my pocket after hurriedly finishing my lamington and putting my lemonade on the ground, I had missed the call but was relieved to see the caller whoever it was had texted. I opened the text (my phone’s an iPhone, it’s an awesome gadget) to read:
Unknown: hello, is this Leia Montez?
Me: yep, who’s this?
Unknown: Jeremy Ferguson
Me: Jinxx?
Unknown: you a BVB fan?
Me: hell to the yeah, you guys are my favourite band, closely followed by Metallica, Mötley Crüe, Blood On The Dance Floor, ABBA and Sixx: AM
Unknown: awesome! Anyway did I catch you at a bad time?
Me: sort of, just at a support group my parents made me go to, I’m dead bored... no pun intended. Plus I had to fight with my clothes to dig my phone out of my pocket so that’s why I missed your call, the downside to skinny jeans
I quickly saved Jinxx’s number so I wouldn’t get confused by seeing unknown all the time.
Jinxx: ah that makes sense... wait, what you mean when you say ‘I’m dead bored no pun intended’?
Me: didn’t anyone tell you about my current health?
Jinxx: not in detail, enough to know that you were in bad shape or something like that, that’s what Andy relayed to us (Jake, CC, Ashley & I) from what someone called Dr Patel told him
Me: oh. Well then I’m a stage 4 lung cancer patient, who is slowly dying, the meds I'm on are only slowing down the tumour growth, not killing them. Dr Patel is the doctor looking after me and he’s a jerk, even though he does take good care of me and his other patients
Jinxx: holy fuck that wouldn’t be very comfy
Me: oh it’s not, I’m on permanent oxygenisation 24/7 and a fancy machine called BiPAP overnight just so I can BREATHE......
Jinxx: Jesus Christ I am so goddamn sorry
Me: don’t worry about it Jinxx, though it would be nice if people would stop saying that almost all the time when they find out how fucked my health is.. Anyway can we continue this convo in around 45 minutes or so?
Jinxx: yeah of course, let me know when you get home safely ok?
Me: will do, call you later, I’m getting hungry and support group is FINALLY almost done, then there’s a CKC meeting/sleepover later this arvo
Jinxx: CKC?
Me: Cancer Kid Club, it’s what me and my close friends call ourselves cos we all have some form of cancer, lung in my case
Jinxx: ah, talk to you later
Me: ok :) say hi to the guys and Ashley for me would you? And tell CC & Jake I welcome the text wars, just if you guys do spam me with texts (which I don’t mind, I could use more people to talk to – the majority of CKC sleep a LOT) make sure they add their names to the end of the first texts they send so I know which text threads are from who and also for CC & Jake that I can’t wait to hand their asses to them in Call Of Duty, it’s payback time
Jinxx: hahahaha ok then :)
Me: :)
“Leia?” I looked up to see the person running the group watching me, the other cancer kids & teens watching from near the doorway. “Can I help you?” I asked sarcastically, putting my phone in my pocket. “Have you been paying attention at all?” “Nope” “Why not?” the instructor person Sophie asked. “Well I was reflecting on the last 8 years then I got into a text conversation with a new friend who I’m gonna talk to later on”
“That’s wonderful that you’ve made a new friend, but please pay attention next session” “No promises” I said, finishing my lemonade and burping, standing up and walking to the nearby trash can, tossing my napkin and empty cup in, trailing my oxygen tank behind me, putting my shoulder bag on my shoulder. “Now Leia...”
“Don’t even bother telling me what to do lady. You aren’t the boss of me and quite frankly, this support group blows, at least it does in my opinion, no offence to anyone who actually enjoys this, though the free food is a plus. I prefer hanging with the CKC which I’ll be doing later. Goodbye Sophie, for it is not likely that we shall meet again” I said, the last part quite dramatically, complete with posh accent (which sounded horrible to me) and bow then I walked out the door after saluting the kids & teens that I got along with but didn’t call friends.
I sighed quietly, pulling my oxygen tank behind me as I walked to my car, digging my keys out of my BVB shoulder bag and unlocking it. I opened the driver side door and put my BVB bag on the seat next to me and my tank on the floor but still upright. Then I shut the door and buckled up, put my iPod classic on shuffle, hearing the sound of Mötley Crüe’s ‘Kick-start My Heart’ filling my car, cheering me up fairly quickly as I started the motor.
Before I pulled out I looked at my hair in the mirror and thought to myself ‘hmm, my hair needs trimming again, might get it shaved on the side, layered on the other with a fringe and add some extensions’ before unbuckling my seat belt temporarily as I took a selfie to send Jinxx so he and the guys know what I look like, making sure I got my Mötley Crüe tee I was wearing in the photo while I did the universal heavy metal sign with my other hand.
Then I sent it to him saying ‘this is what I look like – while wearing some of my fave clothes’ a few minutes later he replied ‘awesome!’ then I buckled up again, putting my car into gear and driving away from the school where they held support group meetings (I went to high school here and come back often for things other than this lame support group). I drove for a few minutes until I got to the mall where the hair salon I usually go to is and got out of my car, bringing my iPod, shoulder bag and of course my oxygen tank. I shut and locked my car, putting my oxygen tank on my back and carrying it like a backpack, cos the wheel-bag it’s in has straps so it can be carried like a backpack which is quite handy to me and allows me to carry more stuff and do some tasks easier.
Anyway I made my way into the mall, stopping at a bench nearby to catch my breath for a moment – standing up for a bit makes me a bit tired. As I sat down for a few moments (sometimes I really hate having swollen ankles as a side effect, like now GRR!) I felt my phone go off in my pocket and pulled it out to see a message from Jinxx. I opened it to read ‘What's the tube thingo in your nose? Epic outfit by the way and your expression looks like one Ashley pulls a lot’ I laughed at that, Ashley was one of my favourite people in the world, plus I have a major crush on him.
I'm surprised he didn’t say anything about my BVB tattoos I had (I used my cancer perk card thing to get those on my 17th birthday and surprisingly they didn’t hurt at all. Must have been the pain tolerance I built up from when I had renal cell carcinoma twice and all the hell I’d been put through from that). Then again the one that he would’ve seen was on my right arm which I took the photo with and the one on my left arm was covered by the sleeve of my shirt, the others were on my stomach and hip which I usually kept covered unless it was hot outside.
‘Ah that’s called a cannula, it’s attached to my oxygen tank, delivers around 2L of oxygen a minute into my screwed up lungs. And thanks, Girls Girls Girls is one of my favourite songs of Mötley Crüe. And yeah Ash is awesome :) (plus my MCM every week)’ I sent back, chuckling softly. He quickly replied with ‘what does MCM stand for? We’re often being mentioned in those sorts of tweets’. I put my phone back in my pocket for a moment as I put my tank back on the ground, told off a few preps for picking on me then went into the salon.
“Casey, Leia’s here!” one of the other stylists Jodie called out over her shoulder while cutting another clients hair. “Leia! So good to see you” said Casey, walking out of the staffroom and giving me a gentle hug. “Hey Case” I said, hugging her back. “What can I do for you today girl?” she asked me. “Well I want to get my hair cut and have some extensions put in” “Sure we can do that, come on through” said Casey, leading me to an empty seat that was thankfully near a toilet in case I had to throw up, these girls knew how my body could get from time to time which I was grateful for.
Casey put a towel and one of those weird cape things around my neck then she asked “So what were you wanting to go for?” I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and quickly went on Google and downloaded a few pictures of Juliet Simms’ long rocker hairstyle that was shaved on one side and flipped to the other so I showed them to Casey. “Oh my gods that style would look great on you!” then she got to work on it while I continued texting Jinxx, and soon I was rockin my new ‘do. “So what do you think?” “I love it!” I said, grinning.
Then she made me show it off to the other girls that work there and they all gave the thumbs up, even the other clients said it looked awesome, though a few of them had forced smiles on their faces. A few minutes later I headed off to the food court and got some nuggets and sauce from McDonalds and a bottled soft drink and went back to my car. I put my things in and got myself strapped in then texted Jinxx saying
Me: hey I'm heading home now, just stopped at the food court for a snack
Jinxx: Ok and what’d you get?
Me: chicken nuggets & sauce from McDonalds and a bottle of drink, all they had at support group was weird-tasting lemonade and tiny lamingtons and stale cookies... THE HORROR! Feel free to mention that to CC if you want
Jinxx: ha-ha ok, drive safely
Me: aye-aye captain Jinxxy!
I put my phone away and drove home. When I got inside the back door I heard my parents Jahlia and Adrian bickering AGAIN. I rolled my eyes and snuck into my room, shutting the door behind me quietly and putting my things down on my bed and stretched a bit. I checked the time and saw I had a few hours or so before my friends Melanie (we call her Mel), Elena (Lena or El for short), Luke (Skyguy for a nickname), Annabeth (Annie or Beth for short), Zelda (Z as a nickname) and Jayden (who is more commonly known as JJ or Luigi) came over for the night. Let me tell you what we all have. As you guys know I have lung cancer, have had kidney cancer twice – the second time it metastasized into lung cancer.
Mel has osteosarcoma which is bone cancer, Lena has pancreatic cancer, Z has cervical cancer, Skyguy has colorectal cancer (which I’ve heard is really uncomfy), Annie has stomach cancer poor thing... and JJ has lymphoma. Out of all of us, Elena, Annabeth & I have the most serious cases with the worst mortality rates, especially Annie.
Shaking myself out of my train of thought I decided to have a quick shower and put some fresh clothes on before my friends got here, though I was slightly wary about bathing alone in case my lungs decided to fuck up on me again. Sighing, I grabbed a black tee, my rainbow dash socks and sweatpants then I walked into my bathroom and turned on the light in there, noting that I was running out of my fave cream eyeliner and a few shadows and lipsticks.
“Guess I’ll have to swing by Hot Topic again soon” I said, putting my clothes on the bench and sitting a towel on the chair next to my shower that had a handicap seat installed, which was handy as I get a little tired if I stand for a while. I showered and dressed quickly, putting my hair into a braid and letting it sit over my shoulder now that it was long enough for me to do that. Then I grabbed my drumstick controllers for Guitar Hero and decided to practise Psychosocial by Slipknot and a few other songs.
While playing the song I listened to the vocal parts and thought to myself hmm this song seems like something Andy would probably be able to handle... then I played Bat Country by Avenged Sevenfold and a handful of other songs when my phone went off. I went back to the Wii menu then checked my phone to see a multimedia message from Jake. I opened it to see a video of them all (minus Jake who did the filming) playing Cherry Bomb on Guitar Hero: Warriors Of Rock which was what I was playing just now – the game, not the song that is.
I watched it carefully, noting Andy was on vocals and CC on drums, laughing when Jake deliberately distracted CC who took a little while getting back on track. That reminded me of when Elena tries to distract me while I'm playing. Shaking my head I kept watching the video, seeing Ashley was on guitar and cussing about the solos, Jake & Jinxx trying not to laugh at him. Jinxx wasn’t doing too badly on bass for someone who plays guitar, piano and violin/cello.
Then Jake zoomed into the TV allowing me to see their scores and percentages. Andy had gotten 80%... considering that Cherry Bomb wasn’t the sort of thing he generally did, that was pretty good. CC got 85% which again was pretty good seeing as Jake did distract him... Ashley got 76%, for a bassist playing on guitar and on the difficulty they’d chosen that wasn’t too bad. Also Ash had to put up with chords going from one end of the fret buttons to the other in like a second then there was the solo which most likely took him by surprise.
Jinxx got 90% which was great, though it was probably pretty easy for him, the bassline in that song is a fair bit easier than the guitar riffs... however, the last time I played that song (which was sadly last month), I had gotten scores that were higher than that, on all four instruments. I texted them back saying,
Me: ................is that seriously the best you can do on that? But then again Jinxx & Ashley swapped for the song and that’s not the sort of thing you guys usually do...
Then before they could reply I sent another message,
Andy: for someone with a voice that deep that was pretty good, despite it not being the style you do for BVB. Ashley: Ash... no offence mate that wasn’t too good. Good job for the 76% you did get, go into practise mode and downgrade from hard to say medium or easy, beginner is best if you’ve never played these sorts of games before. Also practise bits of the song at a time and slow them down and when you can play them flawlessly, speed them up. When you can play all the sections perfectly at full speed, then try the whole song slowed down then gradually speed it up. Then when you can play the whole song at full speed (it sounds weird without bass & vocal *scared face emoji* or without guitar or without drums, depending on what instrument you’re practising on) then up the difficulty on your chosen instrument/mic – that goes for all of you, not just Ash. CC: great drumming bro, but even my best score on expert is higher than that, distracted or no. Jake, excellent job filming, however don't disturb drummers – it takes longer for them to pick up where they left off – believe me I know. Ah let’s see... oh yeah Jinxx: for someone who’s a guitarist/violinist/pianist, you did pretty well at beating Ashley’s high score on bass.... HOWEVER...
I couldn’t resist adding the cliff-hanger at the end, this was gonna be sooooooo good *evil grin*.
Me: I have you ALL beat on ‘Cherry Bomb’ hehehehe
Jake: oh really? Then what's your best score?
I quickly went back into the game and found my top scores for the song.
Me: 120’084 expert bass – 139’020 hard guitar – 463’791 expert drums – 89’753 hard vocals
Jake: *20 jaw dropped emoji’s* that’s higher than what these guys all got
Me: remember, those are my top scores from a MONTH ago – I don't play this particular Guitar Hero as often as the others I have
Jake:then what would your current scores be? Which one do you play more often?
Me: well if you give me about 30mins I can put together a video for ya, but for now I’ll leave you with Guitar Hero: Metallica. It’s much more challenging and more up Andy’s alley for vocals, maybe Jake & Jinxx for guitar – Kirk Hammett comes up with insane riffs. Ashley you have time to shine in ‘Orion’ – that’s an 8 minute long song (not the longest there is – Suicide & Redemption takes the cake for that as far as I know, clocking in at 9:57) with a distorted bass intro that goes for a minute, drums fading in at around 30secs. Then you have 3 guitar solos (broken into 2 or 3 sectors, the third one into about 4) and 2 bass solos (also broken down). Though if you want to challenge yourself, GHM style, I recommend Frantic, Cyanide & All Nightmare Long
Jake: awesome, but why half an hour?
Me: because genius I have to film all 4 instrument things then carefully piece them together so it’s in sync and doesn’t blast your ears to pieces
Jake: ok ok :)
I quickly got my video camera set up and ready to record while I texted them again saying ‘Oh almost forgot – Orion and Suicide & Redemption don't have lyrics’ then a few minutes later saying ‘I’m gonna email the video to you guys when it’s done, my email address is leiabvbrainbow@gmail.com and ‘GHWOR – Cherry Bomb’ will be the subject’. About half an hour later I had recorded all four instruments and put the video together then emailed it to the guys. Then I texted Jinxx,
Me: quick question, do any of you guys have Skype??? Plus I want to battle you guys, GHM if you have it
Jinxx: yep we all have Skype, CC wants to know what instrument you’re gonna be playing and yes we have GHM
Me: I’m gonna go on drums, and I have plenty of time to kill before my friends come over, they’ll be a bit late today
Jinxx: sweet. You gonna be hosting?
Me: you can bet your sweet ass I am! (I’d personally prefer Ashley’s *sunglasses smiley emoji*)
Jinxx: you have the hots for Ashley don't you
I blushed bright red when Jinxx texted that... but it was true, I do have a major crush on Ashley... along with the ‘On Leather Wings’ tattoo he designed that all the guys have on my right forearm like him, along with his infamous OUTLAW tattoo on my stomach too... and several stars. Leia Purdy... that has a nice ring to it, better than Leia Montez in my opinion... though I wonder what they guys’ reactions will be when they find out my middle name is Rainbow Dash after the light blue Pegasus with the rainbow hair & tail in My Little Pony... my friends don't mind, hell Zelda’s middle name is Applejack of all things and she’s named after a princess... oh wait, I am too LOL.
Me: ...yes (DON'T TELL HIM OR ANY OF THE OTHER GUYS!)
Jinxx: I won’t :) so what did you want to know our Skype names for?
Me: so we can talk while playing duh *tongue poke emoji* and to keep in touch as well. I just won’t be able to make eye contact while playing, not that I do very often anyway
Jinxx: ok we’ll get set up, you want Ashley, Jake & Andy on bass, guitar & vocals?
Me: sure, feel free to shuffle it around, my Skype name is LeiaRDM
Next thing I knew, all the guys added me as a Skype contact and I accepted. Then I started an IM conversation with Jinxx who was online.
Me: you boys ready to go??
Jinxx: yep we’re ready
Me: ok, I’ll set up the song, have any of you ever played this particular guitar hero?
Jinxx: no we haven’t
Me: ok I’ll start you lot off on medium for Jake, for Ash we’ll start on say... medium as well but don't let the intro fool you! Andy you should start on medium so you can get a feel for the song if you catch my meaning
Jinxx: they aren’t too happy about being on medium
Me: ...idiots... they’ll know why I put them on those difficulties soon; Andy could go on hard if he wanted to. Tell them to listen to the song as it progresses then they should see why I started them on medium. If they feel cocky about it afterwards then we can play Orion on hard, well expert in my case
Jinxx: Andy wants to know why you get to be on expert
I huffed, how cocky and arrogant is this guy?! How Juliet puts up with him I don't know but anyway... they do make a beautiful couple, that I will admit, so do Jinxx & Sammi and Jake & Ella.
Me:well one, cos I’m pretty damn good at this game and two, to quote my namesake (seeing as we’ll be playing in band mode where you have to work TOGETHER) ‘someone has to save our skins’
A few moments after that I made sure I had my drink and snack nearby then I started a video call with Jinxx which he accepted then I made my screen full. “Ready?” I asked. “Yep” “Yes” “Mmhm” I heard Ashley, Jake & Andy reply.
I tapped one of the drum pads and the song loaded and started. “Shit” I heard Jake mumble as the opening riffs came on. Once we got to the pre-chorus, both he and Ashley were mumbling various curses under their breath.
“Told you so” I said as the song finished. “That was a little tricky but still pretty damn fun” said Ashley. I chuckled softly, “It is isn’t it... why don't you and CC have a go next Jinxx?” I said, spinning my drumsticks in my fingers, something I had been doing since I started playing drums on the Guitar Hero games. “I’m up for it” said Jinxx, as I saw him take the guitar controller from Jake. “Sure why not” said CC, taking the other controller from Ashley, both of them slinging them on and adjusting them so they hung right for their liking.
“Ok, you two want to give Orion a go? Or a different song altogether?” I asked, eating a few of my nuggets and having a few mouthfuls of my soft drink. “What else is there?” “Well there’s 21/22 guest acts like there always is on a GH like this” “Let’s stick to Metallica” “Ok, since this is sorted by year after I sorted the songs by artist, Whiplash is the first song”
“Not this song” “Seek & Destroy?” “Maybe later” “Hit The Lights?” “Nope” “Fade To Black?” “That sounds ok” “Yeah it does then, but the guitar riffs get a little crazy towards the end” I pointed out.
“We’ll save that for later then” “What songs can you recommend then?” Andy asked. I tapped the drum pads as I scrolled through the set list. “For Whom The Bell Tolls, Welcome Home (Sanitarium), Orion, Enter Sandman, Nothing Else Matters, Sad But True, Wherever I May Roam and The Unforgiven – personal favourite of mine actually… that’s what would be good to start with, those 8 songs” I said, allowing them to hear the preview of each song before going to the next one, polishing off my food as I go.
“We pick The Unforgiven” they said in unison. “Ok then, Andy you don’t have a lot to do in this, CC you don’t come in for a little while” I briefed them. “OK” they said, I noticed Ashley & Jake looking on in interest. I selected the song and we got going, with me doing a fill-in thing at the start then Jinxx got started then CC and I came in and Andy started singing.
Ashley & I did backup vocals and I have to admit I liked the sound of our voices together... then the song finished and I noticed everyone staring at me through the laptop screen, they must have picked up on the emotion I put into my voice... “What?” I said, a small frown on my face, getting uncomfortable as they stared at me. “Nothing” they all mumbled, looking away. I shook my head slightly and we played Orion and Fade To Black when my phone went off. I checked it seeing it was a text from Zelda saying they were on their way and were bringing lots of foods & drinks for our sleepover and other party things.
“Guys, I’m gonna have to go, my friends are on their way over and are bringing a LOT of food & drinks with other stuff... I’ll talk to you guys tomorrow ok?” I said, putting my drumsticks in the little holder JJ found that I attached to the front of my drumkit and standing up. “Ok Leia, seeya!” said CC, walking off camera. “Bye Leia, hope to verse you on COD sometime soon” I heard Jake say as I walked around my room, pulling my tank behind me. “Prepare to get your ass kicked Pitts” I said, laughing.
“Seeya” said Andy, “Bye Biersack” I muttered, shaking my head, Andy came across as an arrogant sort of person to me, not to mention cocky. “See ya Leia, talk to you tomorrow” said Ashley, waving at me through the camera. “Bye Ashley” I said, waving back to him and smiling at him, noticing Jinxx had a shit-eating grin on his face, now he knows for sure that I REALLY like Ashley. “Bye Leia” he said, grinning. “See ya Jinxx” I said, waving as he ended the video call.
I grabbed my ‘My Little Pony’ PJ set from the drawer I was riffling through and changed into them as I heard 2 cars pull up outside and I grinned, knowing it was my friends. I grabbed my oxygen tank and put it on my back so it became a backpack and went to the front door. “Hey guys” I said, hugging everyone as they came in the door. Zelda was the first in and was the oldest of us at 22 years old. She was born on the 20th of February in 1989. She’s a cervical cancer patient and a massive fan of ‘The Legend Of Zelda’, like I’m talking as much a fan of it like Biersack is with batman...
Next in the door was my best friend Melanie, or Mel as we usually call her. She’s a little older than I am, her birthday being in a week and a day, 26th May 1993. She has osteosarcoma which has affected her left leg.
After Mel was Elena. She’s the youngest of us being 15 years old, born on the 10th November 1995. This year is her sweet 16th which she’s really looking forward to despite the fact that she has pancreatic cancer which is one of the particularly nasty cancers with a low survival rate (sad face) with less than 5% for the five year survival rate.
Then came Luke, or Skyguy as we call him. He’s the third youngest, having been born on the 8th June 1995. He has colorectal cancer (bowel in other words), which is the second most common cancer in men and women. The survival rate for this kind of cancer depends on how advanced your condition is. In Luke’s case, he’s a stage 2 but it’s likely to get worse. For now though, he has an 82% chance of surviving 5 years.
After him is Jayden or JJ as we call him and he’s Zelda’s younger brother and they’re actually really close. He was born 4 days after Christmas in 1994 (29th December) and has non-Hodgkin lymphoma. He’s a huge fan of Star Wars which is an awesome series if I do say so myself.
And finally there was Annabeth, more commonly known as Annie. She’s the second youngest out of us, her birth date being 16th August 1995. She has stomach cancer which is also one of the grosser ones to live with. Her survival rate is under 27%...
Shaking myself out of those thoughts I shut the door behind me and went to get cups, bowls, plates etc with JJ following me. “How are you feeling today Leia?” he asked, grabbing the stack of bowls and plates while I got the cups out, carrying them in my arms as I had my tank on my back again. “Not too bad JJ, made some new friends too and you won’t believe who they are” I replied, leading him back to my room where everyone else was sitting and chattering. “Tell me!!!” he whined, jumping up and down like a hyperactive five-year-old.
I smirked, “Maybe I will, maybe I won’t” I said, teasing him and getting everyone else’s attention as we put down what we were carrying. “Tell you what?” said Zelda. “She’s made some new friends and claims that I won’t believe who they are and she won’t tell me who they are” JJ whined, taking the cup of Coca Cola that Annie handed him. “You really wanna know don’t you JJ” I said, mentally debating with myself on how to tell them. So far my favourite idea was holding up my right arm so that my ‘On Leather Wings’ tattoo was visible, or tracing the part of my abdomen that I had my outlaw tattoo on. I decided to go with the arm tattoo, so I just held up my right forearm so they could all see it. “No way...” Elena breathed when she caught on. “Black Veil Brides?!” they all gasped, I just smirked and nodded.
“Awesome!” they all added and we laughed and drank soda for a while until we decided to update eachother on our conditions, Annabeth volunteering to go first. “Ok you all know how I’m battling a gastrointestinal cancer?” she began, we all nodded. “Well at my latest oncologist appointment, they said that I’m most likely gonna have to get a gastrectomy, but they’ll need to do a PET scan to see whether to go with a full or partial one” she said, sniffling.
I got up and hugged her closely, mumbling reassuring words until she calmed down. I didn’t blame her for being this scared; this kind of decision isn’t an easy one to make. I would know, I could have chosen not to have the kidney transplants but I got them done.
Then Mel updated us on her condition. “Well I also had an appointment recently and they said that there’s a very good chance that I’ll have to get my leg amputated and get a prosthetic fitted” she said, sighing sadly. I also gave her a hug. “Well I’m most likely gonna have to go down the chemo path if I ever want to get better” said JJ. Luke and Elena updated us then it was my turn.
“Well I haven’t really got anything new to report, just basically taking crizotinib morning and night along with the transplant stuff at lunch” I said as my reminder to take my night time crizotinib went off on my phone. “Oh! That’ll be my reminder” I said as Z passed me my phone. I silenced the reminder and took my pill and we decided to play Mario Kart for a while. By 9pm we had decided to leave the games alone as we were all annoyed at each other for all the power-ups we used in Mario Kart.
So then we went outside with a box full of sparklers and glowsticks (I am not kidding, there was a big box full of them) and used them all up. Laughing we came back in at 10 and decided to start getting ready for bed and play some more games. We all slept a lot (not so much with Zelda & I) and most of the CKC was getting tired. I sat on the end of my bed, laughing and clearing levels in New Super Mario Bros Wii while everyone else showered, went to the toilet, brushed their teeth, took medication or whatever their bedtime habits were.
As I stood up to brush my teeth, I handed my controller off to Mel and walked into my bathroom, my chest felt a little weird along with the headache I had. I brushed it off as laughing too much and having everything up too loud as I brushed my teeth and rinsed my mouth out.
I had just wiped my mouth on my towel when I was suddenly having too much trouble breathing. I tried to call out for help but I could hardly make a sound over the video game my friends were playing. I looked around the room desperately as my head started pounding and I let out a weak cry. I (finally) found what I was looking for – a horrible-looking vase – that I used to get their attention when my voice failed me.
I managed to stand up from where I was kneeling on the ground and grip the edge of my bathroom counter and gasp for air as I made my way to the horrible-looking vase. I managed a weak smile as I managed to grab the vase and lift it above my head and hurl it to the ground as hard as I could manage, my legs shaking as I watched in slow motion the vase falling to the ground and making a loud noise as it shattered.
I heard my friends ask each other what the noise was as they paused the game they were playing. I gasped out “help” and clutched my chest with my right arm, almost collapsing when they darted to the doorway, their expressions going from cautious and wary to horror and panic.
“ALRIGHT! Melanie, fire up your car. Annabeth get a tank and mask now! Boys, pack some clothes, her medication – basically her hospital bag and take it out to Mel, Elena, I’ll need you to help me carry Leia to the car” Zelda shouted out orders. Melanie grabbed her hoodie, phone, wallet and keys and practically sprinted outside while putting her shoes on. Annie grabbed one of my other tanks and attached the mask and put it on me, taking my cannula out and sorting that tank out. I heard the boys turning off the electric things in my room and packing my ‘hospital kit’ as we had come to call it then they ran outside and got in Mel’s car.
“Tell..... Jinxx” I croaked out, pointing to my phone that was hovering over Jinxx’s contact. I trusted him, even though we hardly knew each other, my gut instinct told me I could depend on him and I felt that I would need him in the upcoming months. “I will once we’re on the way to the hospital” Zelda promised me, tears in her eyes. “O....k” I whispered as I lost consciousness in Zelda and Elena’s arms, the lack of oxygen getting to me as my headache worsened.
Leia’s POV
“My name’s Emma, I’m……” “I’m Lisa, I’m……” on and on it went, kids introducing themselves, saying how old they were and what they’ve been diagnosed with.
A few more kids introduced themselves then it was my turn, so I stood up with my oxygen tank, sitting my lemonade on the floor next to me and my lamington on the edge of the seat I had been occupying.
I sighed, “Hi, I’m Leia Montez, and I’m 17 years old, nearly 18. Originally kidneys – one at a time and a few years apart mind you – with mets in my lungs. I’m doing about as well as I can what with being diagnosed with a highly likely to be life-threatening disease for the third time in my short life” I said, before sitting down and looking at the Mötley Crüe t-shirt I was wearing, seeing a few dirty looks being sent my way from the group leader and few of the preppy kids who were sick in some way, I just gave them a middle finger and they looked away.
Then I opened my BVB shoulder bag and dug out my copy of Nikki Sixx’s book ‘The Heroin Diaries’ and began to read, still partially listening to the conversations of the support group around me.
But since I tend to be a fast reader when whatever I’m reading is interesting or if it’s an oncologist report I finished the book in record time to my disappointment as I put the book back in my bag, sighing heavily.
Ugh this is so boring! I thought while I lounged in the spinny chair thing at the cancer support group my parents make me go to which I am stuck in for another half an hour when I’d much rather play COD online while chattering to Jake and CC of Black Veil Brides since they play online too and were very good teammates/opponents depending on if I'm versing them or if we’re on the same team.
I had a cup of lemonade in my hands and a lamington on my knee as I sat back in my chair, readjusting my cannula and making sure my oxygen tank was next to me. Oh yeah let me explain why I have an oxygen tank.
When I was 14 years old I was diagnosed with stage 3 non-small cell lung cancer which requires me to be on permanent oxygenisation which basically means I have to be linked up to an oxygen tank – like I am now – or a machine called BiPAP which basically is mechanical lungs that keep me alive overnight.
Now I’m 17 years old, 2 months away from my 18th birthday, although this isn’t the first time I’ve battled cancer. When I was 10 I was having the time of my life. Star athlete of the elementary school I attended at the time, awesome musician seeing as I sing, play guitar and bass along with drums on guitar hero, hard-core gamer, artist, photographer by hobby... then my whole life turned upside down when I started getting unbearable pain in my left side and the left side of my back.
I had other symptoms too but I didn’t have a clue what was going on at the time so I went to the doctor and had a LOT of testing done on me. Two weeks later I had to go back in for a cytoscopy which terrified me. They took a sample of god-knows-what from my back and made me come in a few days later to tell me I had been diagnosed with Renal Cell Carcinoma, which is more commonly known as kidney cancer.
On the TNM system which stands for Tumour Nodes Metastasis, my diagnosis was specifically T2N0M0 which isn’t too bad for a cancer diagnosis... though to hear that as a kid, it’s horrifying. I honestly thought I was gonna die and for a few months I was pretty much knocking on deaths door.
The doctors put me on several different medications but none of them worked. They all left me feeling and looking like a corpse and the kids that picked on me for my style and music taste were suddenly a lot crueller, and kids that generally left me alone started picking on me.
Through it all I refused to give into them and held my head high even when I wanted to curl into a ball and cry. I didn’t have to drop out of school, although there were days that I couldn’t do much because the pain was too bad. On the days it was bearable I used crutches to get around and on the days I felt a bit weak (from the meds) I used a wheelchair.
Then the doctors tried dialysis which wasn’t very effective for me, it left me exhausted and barely able to move, though it did help prepare my body for a transplant when I eventually got one as did pre-op chemo. Eventually they decided to put me on the list for a kidney transplant and a few weeks after that I got a call from the hospital saying that someone had donated a kidney that matched my type (or however they put it at the time) and that my surgery had been booked in for a few days from then.
I went in and had the transplant done, and holy shit recovering from that was a bitch, they pretty much had to saw me in half just to get my diseased kidney out then put the healthy one in, connect it to whatever it had to be connected to, then put me back together again. They gave me two weeks to recover and heal up then they put me on chemotherapy.
I'm not gonna lie, the thought of chemo terrified me but I survived it. Until I got used to the burning sensation of it, it felt horrible. I also freaked out when I woke up one morning at home to find that my hair was surrounding my head on my pillow. I knew it was a possible side effect but it still startled me.
But just because I had the transplant, didn’t mean I was completely safe, for I have to take medication to minimise the chances of my body rejecting the transplants for the rest of my life (however long that turns out to be) seeing as kidney transplants are treatments, not a cure.
For about a week or two I wore a wig that was relatively close to how my hairstyle was but then I thought, ‘screw this’ and I wore a bandana tied around my head which made it pretty obvious that I was bald to everyone at school. That was also when I started wearing support/awareness ribbons and wristbands... anyway I was in remission (meaning living temporarily cancer-free if it’s expected to come back, which it was) for a few years until the same symptoms came up in my right side when I was around 2 months away from my 13th birthday.
I went back to the doctor and was diagnosed with kidney cancer again, this time around it was worse, my diagnosis being T4N0M1 which sadly was a lot worse than last time. At the time I had a girlfriend (Yes girlfriend. I’m bisexual if you must know), whose name was Amanda Lancaster.
For around half the duration of my cancer battle this time around she was incredibly supportive and patient until one day when she broke up with me in front of everyone I might add, teachers, students AND parents saying she couldn’t handle all the weird stares she got and being picked on by people, and basically being associated with someone like me. I lost the plot when she said that and punched her in the face and yelling at her that what she got was nothing compared what I had to go through on a daily basis.
Then I told her to imagine living with my condition and the fact I’m on anti-rejection medication for the rest of my life, thanks to my kidneys failing. Of course that wasn’t all as one of the boys that loved to pick on me for something I couldn’t help came over to us, helped Amanda up and sneered at me. Then everything that had confused me about her made sense from the way they held each other and the fact they made out in front of me.
Turns out she had been cheating on me the whole time we’d been together and she only dated me out of pity. I’ve never dated since... anyway I had to get another transplant and more chemo which I did and lost my hair AGAIN but I knew that was coming along with the anti-rejection meds I'm on til the day I die – hopefully that’s decades away, I don’t particularly want to bite the dust before I’m 30 or even 21, though I doubted my parents would care.
I relocated schools into another town, again in a seedy part of town – those kinds of suburbs always attracted my parents... me personally, I’d rather live in LA – cos it looks awesome there and would make my studying a lot easier to do – but don't really have the resources to get there sadly. My parents are chain smokers and always smoked around me and never let me leave the room so I unfortunately breathed in the smoke they had.
I was NEC for about 6 months or so when I found myself short of breath, often wheezing. I also had chest pain and coughed up bloody muck from my chest. It was when I coughed up bloody muck that I knew something was seriously wrong. I ran straight to the emergency room at the hospital (not the smartest idea when my breathing was going bad but hey my life was at stake) which was fortunately close by to the school I had been attending, thinking ahead enough to bring a sample of what I’d been coughing up.
The doctors immediately tested me and put me through a few CT and PET scans to determine what was going on and I was officially diagnosed with stage 3 non-small cell lung cancer which had metastasised (spread) from the second time I had kidney cancer (DAMMIT CAN’T I GET THROUGH AT LEAST FIVE YEARS WITHOUT BEING DIAGNOSED WITH SOMETHING SERIOUS?! APPARENTLY NOT!).
Then I was put onto permanent oxygenisation and was told that I had to use a BiPAP overnight so I could breathe, that took a bit of getting used to but I’ve long since adapted to it – hell I kinda had no choice if I wanted to make it through the night with a pair of lungs that suck at being lungs. From time to time my lungs & chest would fill up with fluid and I’d have to get them drained.
It’s a horrible feeling when you're suddenly unable to breathe during the day or suddenly waking up in the night like that. Nowadays it still happens to me, especially now that the cancers gotten worse, now I'm a stage 4 lung cancer patient. Aside from the meds that minimise the chances of my immune system rejecting my donated kidneys, I have to take this medication called crizotinib twice a day and one of the side effects it has is nausea which is a major pain in the ass cos really I can't keep my food down a lot of the time.
I also can't have grapefruit or grapefruit juice which sucked on ice (AN: Team Fortress 2 anyone?) because I was particularly fond of grapefruit juice. I also can't have green tea products but I never liked it so I was cool with that. I just hate the doctor that’s ‘looking after me’ cos he refuses to give me a double lung transplant, cos apparently I'm ‘inoperable’ though I suspect my parents Jahlia and Adrian pay him to say that, cos I know that something can be done to save me from this hell I'm living in, my gut instincts tell me so and they haven’t steered me wrong yet.
So here I am, nearly-4-year lung cancer battler, 2-time kidney cancer survivor, slowly dying and have been since I was 10 with that all too brief respite when I was 11 & 12.
I was shaken out of my reminiscing, not by whoever was talking but by the fact my phone was vibrating like crazy in the pocket of my skinny jeans. By the time I’d managed to dig it out of my pocket after hurriedly finishing my lamington and putting my lemonade on the ground, I had missed the call but was relieved to see the caller whoever it was had texted. I opened the text (my phone’s an iPhone, it’s an awesome gadget) to read:
Unknown: hello, is this Leia Montez?
Me: yep, who’s this?
Unknown: Jeremy Ferguson
Me: Jinxx?
Unknown: you a BVB fan?
Me: hell to the yeah, you guys are my favourite band, closely followed by Metallica, Mötley Crüe, Blood On The Dance Floor, ABBA and Sixx: AM
Unknown: awesome! Anyway did I catch you at a bad time?
Me: sort of, just at a support group my parents made me go to, I’m dead bored... no pun intended. Plus I had to fight with my clothes to dig my phone out of my pocket so that’s why I missed your call, the downside to skinny jeans
I quickly saved Jinxx’s number so I wouldn’t get confused by seeing unknown all the time.
Jinxx: ah that makes sense... wait, what you mean when you say ‘I’m dead bored no pun intended’?
Me: didn’t anyone tell you about my current health?
Jinxx: not in detail, enough to know that you were in bad shape or something like that, that’s what Andy relayed to us (Jake, CC, Ashley & I) from what someone called Dr Patel told him
Me: oh. Well then I’m a stage 4 lung cancer patient, who is slowly dying, the meds I'm on are only slowing down the tumour growth, not killing them. Dr Patel is the doctor looking after me and he’s a jerk, even though he does take good care of me and his other patients
Jinxx: holy fuck that wouldn’t be very comfy
Me: oh it’s not, I’m on permanent oxygenisation 24/7 and a fancy machine called BiPAP overnight just so I can BREATHE......
Jinxx: Jesus Christ I am so goddamn sorry
Me: don’t worry about it Jinxx, though it would be nice if people would stop saying that almost all the time when they find out how fucked my health is.. Anyway can we continue this convo in around 45 minutes or so?
Jinxx: yeah of course, let me know when you get home safely ok?
Me: will do, call you later, I’m getting hungry and support group is FINALLY almost done, then there’s a CKC meeting/sleepover later this arvo
Jinxx: CKC?
Me: Cancer Kid Club, it’s what me and my close friends call ourselves cos we all have some form of cancer, lung in my case
Jinxx: ah, talk to you later
Me: ok :) say hi to the guys and Ashley for me would you? And tell CC & Jake I welcome the text wars, just if you guys do spam me with texts (which I don’t mind, I could use more people to talk to – the majority of CKC sleep a LOT) make sure they add their names to the end of the first texts they send so I know which text threads are from who and also for CC & Jake that I can’t wait to hand their asses to them in Call Of Duty, it’s payback time
Jinxx: hahahaha ok then :)
Me: :)
“Leia?” I looked up to see the person running the group watching me, the other cancer kids & teens watching from near the doorway. “Can I help you?” I asked sarcastically, putting my phone in my pocket. “Have you been paying attention at all?” “Nope” “Why not?” the instructor person Sophie asked. “Well I was reflecting on the last 8 years then I got into a text conversation with a new friend who I’m gonna talk to later on”
“That’s wonderful that you’ve made a new friend, but please pay attention next session” “No promises” I said, finishing my lemonade and burping, standing up and walking to the nearby trash can, tossing my napkin and empty cup in, trailing my oxygen tank behind me, putting my shoulder bag on my shoulder. “Now Leia...”
“Don’t even bother telling me what to do lady. You aren’t the boss of me and quite frankly, this support group blows, at least it does in my opinion, no offence to anyone who actually enjoys this, though the free food is a plus. I prefer hanging with the CKC which I’ll be doing later. Goodbye Sophie, for it is not likely that we shall meet again” I said, the last part quite dramatically, complete with posh accent (which sounded horrible to me) and bow then I walked out the door after saluting the kids & teens that I got along with but didn’t call friends.
I sighed quietly, pulling my oxygen tank behind me as I walked to my car, digging my keys out of my BVB shoulder bag and unlocking it. I opened the driver side door and put my BVB bag on the seat next to me and my tank on the floor but still upright. Then I shut the door and buckled up, put my iPod classic on shuffle, hearing the sound of Mötley Crüe’s ‘Kick-start My Heart’ filling my car, cheering me up fairly quickly as I started the motor.
Before I pulled out I looked at my hair in the mirror and thought to myself ‘hmm, my hair needs trimming again, might get it shaved on the side, layered on the other with a fringe and add some extensions’ before unbuckling my seat belt temporarily as I took a selfie to send Jinxx so he and the guys know what I look like, making sure I got my Mötley Crüe tee I was wearing in the photo while I did the universal heavy metal sign with my other hand.
Then I sent it to him saying ‘this is what I look like – while wearing some of my fave clothes’ a few minutes later he replied ‘awesome!’ then I buckled up again, putting my car into gear and driving away from the school where they held support group meetings (I went to high school here and come back often for things other than this lame support group). I drove for a few minutes until I got to the mall where the hair salon I usually go to is and got out of my car, bringing my iPod, shoulder bag and of course my oxygen tank. I shut and locked my car, putting my oxygen tank on my back and carrying it like a backpack, cos the wheel-bag it’s in has straps so it can be carried like a backpack which is quite handy to me and allows me to carry more stuff and do some tasks easier.
Anyway I made my way into the mall, stopping at a bench nearby to catch my breath for a moment – standing up for a bit makes me a bit tired. As I sat down for a few moments (sometimes I really hate having swollen ankles as a side effect, like now GRR!) I felt my phone go off in my pocket and pulled it out to see a message from Jinxx. I opened it to read ‘What's the tube thingo in your nose? Epic outfit by the way and your expression looks like one Ashley pulls a lot’ I laughed at that, Ashley was one of my favourite people in the world, plus I have a major crush on him.
I'm surprised he didn’t say anything about my BVB tattoos I had (I used my cancer perk card thing to get those on my 17th birthday and surprisingly they didn’t hurt at all. Must have been the pain tolerance I built up from when I had renal cell carcinoma twice and all the hell I’d been put through from that). Then again the one that he would’ve seen was on my right arm which I took the photo with and the one on my left arm was covered by the sleeve of my shirt, the others were on my stomach and hip which I usually kept covered unless it was hot outside.
‘Ah that’s called a cannula, it’s attached to my oxygen tank, delivers around 2L of oxygen a minute into my screwed up lungs. And thanks, Girls Girls Girls is one of my favourite songs of Mötley Crüe. And yeah Ash is awesome :) (plus my MCM every week)’ I sent back, chuckling softly. He quickly replied with ‘what does MCM stand for? We’re often being mentioned in those sorts of tweets’. I put my phone back in my pocket for a moment as I put my tank back on the ground, told off a few preps for picking on me then went into the salon.
“Casey, Leia’s here!” one of the other stylists Jodie called out over her shoulder while cutting another clients hair. “Leia! So good to see you” said Casey, walking out of the staffroom and giving me a gentle hug. “Hey Case” I said, hugging her back. “What can I do for you today girl?” she asked me. “Well I want to get my hair cut and have some extensions put in” “Sure we can do that, come on through” said Casey, leading me to an empty seat that was thankfully near a toilet in case I had to throw up, these girls knew how my body could get from time to time which I was grateful for.
Casey put a towel and one of those weird cape things around my neck then she asked “So what were you wanting to go for?” I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and quickly went on Google and downloaded a few pictures of Juliet Simms’ long rocker hairstyle that was shaved on one side and flipped to the other so I showed them to Casey. “Oh my gods that style would look great on you!” then she got to work on it while I continued texting Jinxx, and soon I was rockin my new ‘do. “So what do you think?” “I love it!” I said, grinning.
Then she made me show it off to the other girls that work there and they all gave the thumbs up, even the other clients said it looked awesome, though a few of them had forced smiles on their faces. A few minutes later I headed off to the food court and got some nuggets and sauce from McDonalds and a bottled soft drink and went back to my car. I put my things in and got myself strapped in then texted Jinxx saying
Me: hey I'm heading home now, just stopped at the food court for a snack
Jinxx: Ok and what’d you get?
Me: chicken nuggets & sauce from McDonalds and a bottle of drink, all they had at support group was weird-tasting lemonade and tiny lamingtons and stale cookies... THE HORROR! Feel free to mention that to CC if you want
Jinxx: ha-ha ok, drive safely
Me: aye-aye captain Jinxxy!
I put my phone away and drove home. When I got inside the back door I heard my parents Jahlia and Adrian bickering AGAIN. I rolled my eyes and snuck into my room, shutting the door behind me quietly and putting my things down on my bed and stretched a bit. I checked the time and saw I had a few hours or so before my friends Melanie (we call her Mel), Elena (Lena or El for short), Luke (Skyguy for a nickname), Annabeth (Annie or Beth for short), Zelda (Z as a nickname) and Jayden (who is more commonly known as JJ or Luigi) came over for the night. Let me tell you what we all have. As you guys know I have lung cancer, have had kidney cancer twice – the second time it metastasized into lung cancer.
Mel has osteosarcoma which is bone cancer, Lena has pancreatic cancer, Z has cervical cancer, Skyguy has colorectal cancer (which I’ve heard is really uncomfy), Annie has stomach cancer poor thing... and JJ has lymphoma. Out of all of us, Elena, Annabeth & I have the most serious cases with the worst mortality rates, especially Annie.
Shaking myself out of my train of thought I decided to have a quick shower and put some fresh clothes on before my friends got here, though I was slightly wary about bathing alone in case my lungs decided to fuck up on me again. Sighing, I grabbed a black tee, my rainbow dash socks and sweatpants then I walked into my bathroom and turned on the light in there, noting that I was running out of my fave cream eyeliner and a few shadows and lipsticks.
“Guess I’ll have to swing by Hot Topic again soon” I said, putting my clothes on the bench and sitting a towel on the chair next to my shower that had a handicap seat installed, which was handy as I get a little tired if I stand for a while. I showered and dressed quickly, putting my hair into a braid and letting it sit over my shoulder now that it was long enough for me to do that. Then I grabbed my drumstick controllers for Guitar Hero and decided to practise Psychosocial by Slipknot and a few other songs.
While playing the song I listened to the vocal parts and thought to myself hmm this song seems like something Andy would probably be able to handle... then I played Bat Country by Avenged Sevenfold and a handful of other songs when my phone went off. I went back to the Wii menu then checked my phone to see a multimedia message from Jake. I opened it to see a video of them all (minus Jake who did the filming) playing Cherry Bomb on Guitar Hero: Warriors Of Rock which was what I was playing just now – the game, not the song that is.
I watched it carefully, noting Andy was on vocals and CC on drums, laughing when Jake deliberately distracted CC who took a little while getting back on track. That reminded me of when Elena tries to distract me while I'm playing. Shaking my head I kept watching the video, seeing Ashley was on guitar and cussing about the solos, Jake & Jinxx trying not to laugh at him. Jinxx wasn’t doing too badly on bass for someone who plays guitar, piano and violin/cello.
Then Jake zoomed into the TV allowing me to see their scores and percentages. Andy had gotten 80%... considering that Cherry Bomb wasn’t the sort of thing he generally did, that was pretty good. CC got 85% which again was pretty good seeing as Jake did distract him... Ashley got 76%, for a bassist playing on guitar and on the difficulty they’d chosen that wasn’t too bad. Also Ash had to put up with chords going from one end of the fret buttons to the other in like a second then there was the solo which most likely took him by surprise.
Jinxx got 90% which was great, though it was probably pretty easy for him, the bassline in that song is a fair bit easier than the guitar riffs... however, the last time I played that song (which was sadly last month), I had gotten scores that were higher than that, on all four instruments. I texted them back saying,
Me: ................is that seriously the best you can do on that? But then again Jinxx & Ashley swapped for the song and that’s not the sort of thing you guys usually do...
Then before they could reply I sent another message,
Andy: for someone with a voice that deep that was pretty good, despite it not being the style you do for BVB. Ashley: Ash... no offence mate that wasn’t too good. Good job for the 76% you did get, go into practise mode and downgrade from hard to say medium or easy, beginner is best if you’ve never played these sorts of games before. Also practise bits of the song at a time and slow them down and when you can play them flawlessly, speed them up. When you can play all the sections perfectly at full speed, then try the whole song slowed down then gradually speed it up. Then when you can play the whole song at full speed (it sounds weird without bass & vocal *scared face emoji* or without guitar or without drums, depending on what instrument you’re practising on) then up the difficulty on your chosen instrument/mic – that goes for all of you, not just Ash. CC: great drumming bro, but even my best score on expert is higher than that, distracted or no. Jake, excellent job filming, however don't disturb drummers – it takes longer for them to pick up where they left off – believe me I know. Ah let’s see... oh yeah Jinxx: for someone who’s a guitarist/violinist/pianist, you did pretty well at beating Ashley’s high score on bass.... HOWEVER...
I couldn’t resist adding the cliff-hanger at the end, this was gonna be sooooooo good *evil grin*.
Me: I have you ALL beat on ‘Cherry Bomb’ hehehehe
Jake: oh really? Then what's your best score?
I quickly went back into the game and found my top scores for the song.
Me: 120’084 expert bass – 139’020 hard guitar – 463’791 expert drums – 89’753 hard vocals
Jake: *20 jaw dropped emoji’s* that’s higher than what these guys all got
Me: remember, those are my top scores from a MONTH ago – I don't play this particular Guitar Hero as often as the others I have
Jake:then what would your current scores be? Which one do you play more often?
Me: well if you give me about 30mins I can put together a video for ya, but for now I’ll leave you with Guitar Hero: Metallica. It’s much more challenging and more up Andy’s alley for vocals, maybe Jake & Jinxx for guitar – Kirk Hammett comes up with insane riffs. Ashley you have time to shine in ‘Orion’ – that’s an 8 minute long song (not the longest there is – Suicide & Redemption takes the cake for that as far as I know, clocking in at 9:57) with a distorted bass intro that goes for a minute, drums fading in at around 30secs. Then you have 3 guitar solos (broken into 2 or 3 sectors, the third one into about 4) and 2 bass solos (also broken down). Though if you want to challenge yourself, GHM style, I recommend Frantic, Cyanide & All Nightmare Long
Jake: awesome, but why half an hour?
Me: because genius I have to film all 4 instrument things then carefully piece them together so it’s in sync and doesn’t blast your ears to pieces
Jake: ok ok :)
I quickly got my video camera set up and ready to record while I texted them again saying ‘Oh almost forgot – Orion and Suicide & Redemption don't have lyrics’ then a few minutes later saying ‘I’m gonna email the video to you guys when it’s done, my email address is leiabvbrainbow@gmail.com and ‘GHWOR – Cherry Bomb’ will be the subject’. About half an hour later I had recorded all four instruments and put the video together then emailed it to the guys. Then I texted Jinxx,
Me: quick question, do any of you guys have Skype??? Plus I want to battle you guys, GHM if you have it
Jinxx: yep we all have Skype, CC wants to know what instrument you’re gonna be playing and yes we have GHM
Me: I’m gonna go on drums, and I have plenty of time to kill before my friends come over, they’ll be a bit late today
Jinxx: sweet. You gonna be hosting?
Me: you can bet your sweet ass I am! (I’d personally prefer Ashley’s *sunglasses smiley emoji*)
Jinxx: you have the hots for Ashley don't you
I blushed bright red when Jinxx texted that... but it was true, I do have a major crush on Ashley... along with the ‘On Leather Wings’ tattoo he designed that all the guys have on my right forearm like him, along with his infamous OUTLAW tattoo on my stomach too... and several stars. Leia Purdy... that has a nice ring to it, better than Leia Montez in my opinion... though I wonder what they guys’ reactions will be when they find out my middle name is Rainbow Dash after the light blue Pegasus with the rainbow hair & tail in My Little Pony... my friends don't mind, hell Zelda’s middle name is Applejack of all things and she’s named after a princess... oh wait, I am too LOL.
Me: ...yes (DON'T TELL HIM OR ANY OF THE OTHER GUYS!)
Jinxx: I won’t :) so what did you want to know our Skype names for?
Me: so we can talk while playing duh *tongue poke emoji* and to keep in touch as well. I just won’t be able to make eye contact while playing, not that I do very often anyway
Jinxx: ok we’ll get set up, you want Ashley, Jake & Andy on bass, guitar & vocals?
Me: sure, feel free to shuffle it around, my Skype name is LeiaRDM
Next thing I knew, all the guys added me as a Skype contact and I accepted. Then I started an IM conversation with Jinxx who was online.
Me: you boys ready to go??
Jinxx: yep we’re ready
Me: ok, I’ll set up the song, have any of you ever played this particular guitar hero?
Jinxx: no we haven’t
Me: ok I’ll start you lot off on medium for Jake, for Ash we’ll start on say... medium as well but don't let the intro fool you! Andy you should start on medium so you can get a feel for the song if you catch my meaning
Jinxx: they aren’t too happy about being on medium
Me: ...idiots... they’ll know why I put them on those difficulties soon; Andy could go on hard if he wanted to. Tell them to listen to the song as it progresses then they should see why I started them on medium. If they feel cocky about it afterwards then we can play Orion on hard, well expert in my case
Jinxx: Andy wants to know why you get to be on expert
I huffed, how cocky and arrogant is this guy?! How Juliet puts up with him I don't know but anyway... they do make a beautiful couple, that I will admit, so do Jinxx & Sammi and Jake & Ella.
Me:well one, cos I’m pretty damn good at this game and two, to quote my namesake (seeing as we’ll be playing in band mode where you have to work TOGETHER) ‘someone has to save our skins’
A few moments after that I made sure I had my drink and snack nearby then I started a video call with Jinxx which he accepted then I made my screen full. “Ready?” I asked. “Yep” “Yes” “Mmhm” I heard Ashley, Jake & Andy reply.
I tapped one of the drum pads and the song loaded and started. “Shit” I heard Jake mumble as the opening riffs came on. Once we got to the pre-chorus, both he and Ashley were mumbling various curses under their breath.
“Told you so” I said as the song finished. “That was a little tricky but still pretty damn fun” said Ashley. I chuckled softly, “It is isn’t it... why don't you and CC have a go next Jinxx?” I said, spinning my drumsticks in my fingers, something I had been doing since I started playing drums on the Guitar Hero games. “I’m up for it” said Jinxx, as I saw him take the guitar controller from Jake. “Sure why not” said CC, taking the other controller from Ashley, both of them slinging them on and adjusting them so they hung right for their liking.
“Ok, you two want to give Orion a go? Or a different song altogether?” I asked, eating a few of my nuggets and having a few mouthfuls of my soft drink. “What else is there?” “Well there’s 21/22 guest acts like there always is on a GH like this” “Let’s stick to Metallica” “Ok, since this is sorted by year after I sorted the songs by artist, Whiplash is the first song”
“Not this song” “Seek & Destroy?” “Maybe later” “Hit The Lights?” “Nope” “Fade To Black?” “That sounds ok” “Yeah it does then, but the guitar riffs get a little crazy towards the end” I pointed out.
“We’ll save that for later then” “What songs can you recommend then?” Andy asked. I tapped the drum pads as I scrolled through the set list. “For Whom The Bell Tolls, Welcome Home (Sanitarium), Orion, Enter Sandman, Nothing Else Matters, Sad But True, Wherever I May Roam and The Unforgiven – personal favourite of mine actually… that’s what would be good to start with, those 8 songs” I said, allowing them to hear the preview of each song before going to the next one, polishing off my food as I go.
“We pick The Unforgiven” they said in unison. “Ok then, Andy you don’t have a lot to do in this, CC you don’t come in for a little while” I briefed them. “OK” they said, I noticed Ashley & Jake looking on in interest. I selected the song and we got going, with me doing a fill-in thing at the start then Jinxx got started then CC and I came in and Andy started singing.
Ashley & I did backup vocals and I have to admit I liked the sound of our voices together... then the song finished and I noticed everyone staring at me through the laptop screen, they must have picked up on the emotion I put into my voice... “What?” I said, a small frown on my face, getting uncomfortable as they stared at me. “Nothing” they all mumbled, looking away. I shook my head slightly and we played Orion and Fade To Black when my phone went off. I checked it seeing it was a text from Zelda saying they were on their way and were bringing lots of foods & drinks for our sleepover and other party things.
“Guys, I’m gonna have to go, my friends are on their way over and are bringing a LOT of food & drinks with other stuff... I’ll talk to you guys tomorrow ok?” I said, putting my drumsticks in the little holder JJ found that I attached to the front of my drumkit and standing up. “Ok Leia, seeya!” said CC, walking off camera. “Bye Leia, hope to verse you on COD sometime soon” I heard Jake say as I walked around my room, pulling my tank behind me. “Prepare to get your ass kicked Pitts” I said, laughing.
“Seeya” said Andy, “Bye Biersack” I muttered, shaking my head, Andy came across as an arrogant sort of person to me, not to mention cocky. “See ya Leia, talk to you tomorrow” said Ashley, waving at me through the camera. “Bye Ashley” I said, waving back to him and smiling at him, noticing Jinxx had a shit-eating grin on his face, now he knows for sure that I REALLY like Ashley. “Bye Leia” he said, grinning. “See ya Jinxx” I said, waving as he ended the video call.
I grabbed my ‘My Little Pony’ PJ set from the drawer I was riffling through and changed into them as I heard 2 cars pull up outside and I grinned, knowing it was my friends. I grabbed my oxygen tank and put it on my back so it became a backpack and went to the front door. “Hey guys” I said, hugging everyone as they came in the door. Zelda was the first in and was the oldest of us at 22 years old. She was born on the 20th of February in 1989. She’s a cervical cancer patient and a massive fan of ‘The Legend Of Zelda’, like I’m talking as much a fan of it like Biersack is with batman...
Next in the door was my best friend Melanie, or Mel as we usually call her. She’s a little older than I am, her birthday being in a week and a day, 26th May 1993. She has osteosarcoma which has affected her left leg.
After Mel was Elena. She’s the youngest of us being 15 years old, born on the 10th November 1995. This year is her sweet 16th which she’s really looking forward to despite the fact that she has pancreatic cancer which is one of the particularly nasty cancers with a low survival rate (sad face) with less than 5% for the five year survival rate.
Then came Luke, or Skyguy as we call him. He’s the third youngest, having been born on the 8th June 1995. He has colorectal cancer (bowel in other words), which is the second most common cancer in men and women. The survival rate for this kind of cancer depends on how advanced your condition is. In Luke’s case, he’s a stage 2 but it’s likely to get worse. For now though, he has an 82% chance of surviving 5 years.
After him is Jayden or JJ as we call him and he’s Zelda’s younger brother and they’re actually really close. He was born 4 days after Christmas in 1994 (29th December) and has non-Hodgkin lymphoma. He’s a huge fan of Star Wars which is an awesome series if I do say so myself.
And finally there was Annabeth, more commonly known as Annie. She’s the second youngest out of us, her birth date being 16th August 1995. She has stomach cancer which is also one of the grosser ones to live with. Her survival rate is under 27%...
Shaking myself out of those thoughts I shut the door behind me and went to get cups, bowls, plates etc with JJ following me. “How are you feeling today Leia?” he asked, grabbing the stack of bowls and plates while I got the cups out, carrying them in my arms as I had my tank on my back again. “Not too bad JJ, made some new friends too and you won’t believe who they are” I replied, leading him back to my room where everyone else was sitting and chattering. “Tell me!!!” he whined, jumping up and down like a hyperactive five-year-old.
I smirked, “Maybe I will, maybe I won’t” I said, teasing him and getting everyone else’s attention as we put down what we were carrying. “Tell you what?” said Zelda. “She’s made some new friends and claims that I won’t believe who they are and she won’t tell me who they are” JJ whined, taking the cup of Coca Cola that Annie handed him. “You really wanna know don’t you JJ” I said, mentally debating with myself on how to tell them. So far my favourite idea was holding up my right arm so that my ‘On Leather Wings’ tattoo was visible, or tracing the part of my abdomen that I had my outlaw tattoo on. I decided to go with the arm tattoo, so I just held up my right forearm so they could all see it. “No way...” Elena breathed when she caught on. “Black Veil Brides?!” they all gasped, I just smirked and nodded.
“Awesome!” they all added and we laughed and drank soda for a while until we decided to update eachother on our conditions, Annabeth volunteering to go first. “Ok you all know how I’m battling a gastrointestinal cancer?” she began, we all nodded. “Well at my latest oncologist appointment, they said that I’m most likely gonna have to get a gastrectomy, but they’ll need to do a PET scan to see whether to go with a full or partial one” she said, sniffling.
I got up and hugged her closely, mumbling reassuring words until she calmed down. I didn’t blame her for being this scared; this kind of decision isn’t an easy one to make. I would know, I could have chosen not to have the kidney transplants but I got them done.
Then Mel updated us on her condition. “Well I also had an appointment recently and they said that there’s a very good chance that I’ll have to get my leg amputated and get a prosthetic fitted” she said, sighing sadly. I also gave her a hug. “Well I’m most likely gonna have to go down the chemo path if I ever want to get better” said JJ. Luke and Elena updated us then it was my turn.
“Well I haven’t really got anything new to report, just basically taking crizotinib morning and night along with the transplant stuff at lunch” I said as my reminder to take my night time crizotinib went off on my phone. “Oh! That’ll be my reminder” I said as Z passed me my phone. I silenced the reminder and took my pill and we decided to play Mario Kart for a while. By 9pm we had decided to leave the games alone as we were all annoyed at each other for all the power-ups we used in Mario Kart.
So then we went outside with a box full of sparklers and glowsticks (I am not kidding, there was a big box full of them) and used them all up. Laughing we came back in at 10 and decided to start getting ready for bed and play some more games. We all slept a lot (not so much with Zelda & I) and most of the CKC was getting tired. I sat on the end of my bed, laughing and clearing levels in New Super Mario Bros Wii while everyone else showered, went to the toilet, brushed their teeth, took medication or whatever their bedtime habits were.
As I stood up to brush my teeth, I handed my controller off to Mel and walked into my bathroom, my chest felt a little weird along with the headache I had. I brushed it off as laughing too much and having everything up too loud as I brushed my teeth and rinsed my mouth out.
I had just wiped my mouth on my towel when I was suddenly having too much trouble breathing. I tried to call out for help but I could hardly make a sound over the video game my friends were playing. I looked around the room desperately as my head started pounding and I let out a weak cry. I (finally) found what I was looking for – a horrible-looking vase – that I used to get their attention when my voice failed me.
I managed to stand up from where I was kneeling on the ground and grip the edge of my bathroom counter and gasp for air as I made my way to the horrible-looking vase. I managed a weak smile as I managed to grab the vase and lift it above my head and hurl it to the ground as hard as I could manage, my legs shaking as I watched in slow motion the vase falling to the ground and making a loud noise as it shattered.
I heard my friends ask each other what the noise was as they paused the game they were playing. I gasped out “help” and clutched my chest with my right arm, almost collapsing when they darted to the doorway, their expressions going from cautious and wary to horror and panic.
“ALRIGHT! Melanie, fire up your car. Annabeth get a tank and mask now! Boys, pack some clothes, her medication – basically her hospital bag and take it out to Mel, Elena, I’ll need you to help me carry Leia to the car” Zelda shouted out orders. Melanie grabbed her hoodie, phone, wallet and keys and practically sprinted outside while putting her shoes on. Annie grabbed one of my other tanks and attached the mask and put it on me, taking my cannula out and sorting that tank out. I heard the boys turning off the electric things in my room and packing my ‘hospital kit’ as we had come to call it then they ran outside and got in Mel’s car.
“Tell..... Jinxx” I croaked out, pointing to my phone that was hovering over Jinxx’s contact. I trusted him, even though we hardly knew each other, my gut instinct told me I could depend on him and I felt that I would need him in the upcoming months. “I will once we’re on the way to the hospital” Zelda promised me, tears in her eyes. “O....k” I whispered as I lost consciousness in Zelda and Elena’s arms, the lack of oxygen getting to me as my headache worsened.
Notes
Chapter 2 is up :) STIL readers, chapters 8 & 9 are up, 10 is around half done. Haven't gotten started on TYHIM chap 3 yet, working on HOTGC, SSAAB, SMFTDP, STIL & MTME at the moment with ideas for others. comment below with opinions, what you think and all that, feel free to PM ideas and all that
I do have another chapter for this in the works guys, but before it gets uploaded i'm gonna fix the chaps i already have up. in the meantime, feel free to read my new story 'Foodies & Muso's'
12/15/16