Drugs Were Made for Addicts Like Me

He didn't respond when I said that, so I slowed and deepened my breathing, pretending to be asleep. He then stood up and left, but before kissing the back of my head and saying "You're perfect. I just wish you would straighten up." I heard his footsteps grow more distant and eventually heard the door open and close quietly. I sat up and looked around, making sure I was alone. And then saw the bright light coming from my phone. I had a sudden urge to call my mother.
I sighed and picked up the phone and dialed her number. After a few rings I heard her voice.
"Ankhah? What?"
I haven't talked to the woman in eight months and now she's irritated I called her.
"I don't know if you care or not but-" my voice was breaking, "I just really miss you."
"Oh." Oh. Oh. Oh.
I was silent for a few minutes. The sadness was quickly replaced with my default emotion of anger and bitterness.
"Why did you keep me?"
"I didn't keep you, Andy has always had full custody of you. I signed you off."
"I mean why didn't you just end me when you were still pregnant?"
"Because my parents wouldn't have allowed it. And Andy wanted you. Sort of."
My voice started to break again.
"Mom why am I such a bastard child in this world? Why was I born hated?"
"You were born hated because you were born between two unmarried, outcast children. As for why you're hated now... Look in the mirror Ankhah. Look at your dad. You think a rockstar wants the responsibility of a kid? Especially one that acts like you do? You're mean as a snake, you're violent, you're a druggie, you're far from a virgin, and let's not forget that fire fetish you have where you're constantly lighting things on fire. Ankhah you give good reason for people to despise you."
I let the silent rage build up in me for a few minutes. By then my stomach was churning and my hands shaking. I threw the phone as hard as I could against the wall. I heard it crack and break into pieces.
I looked at the clock on the wall. 11:43 pm.
I was breathing shaky and hard. I rushed to the door of the bus and walked out, slamming it shut behind me.

I approached the venue where they had played and signed earlier. God damn, it smelled heavily of whiskey and cigarettes here. I looked around for my dad, and finally found him with Juliet wrapped around him. Walking quietly I yelled to him from behind. "Hey. Andy."
he turned around and saw me, then turned his attention back to the same annoying girls that approached me earlier.
"Hey, I'm talking to you," I said as I put my hand on his arm.
He pushed me hand away. "Not now Ankhah." I felt sadness sting my heart. "Julie...?" She barely glanced at me.
I couldn't find Sammi. Anywhere.
"Jinxx where's Sammi?" "Just a minute."
He ignored me. Anger and sadness raged through me, a burning consuming fire. Moms right. They don't care. No one cares. I reached in my boot for my pipe. Nothing. Where is it? Oh my god I lost it.
No wait, I dropped it in the alley. Fuck!
I was going crazy. Stark raving mad.
"Dad" I yelled to him as I approached him again. He turned his head around to me. Obviously aggravated. "What Ankhah?"
"I need some money." He rolled his eyes but nevertheless gave me $20. "That's all you're getting."
"fine that's all I need."
I was pissed off. I walked a few minutes until I found the psychedelic store I passed earlier. I walked in through a curtain of beads, looking around to see hookah pipes and weed pipes and bongs and tie dye tshirts and other crazy stuff.
"Can I help you?" Asked a middle age man, obviously a virgin and a loser.
"I need a pipe." He pointed to the glass weed pipes.
"More colorful ones."
he nodded and then pulled from his pocket a glass orange and pink crack pipe.
"This what you want?"
"Yeah," I reached for it but he pulled away.
His smile told me before he spoke what he wanted.
"How much money do you have?"
i laid the $20 on the table but he wasn't biting.
"Come back here. " he pointed over his shoulder and I obediently followed. once we reached a small wooden box he opened it and I saw at least ten silver packets.
"Take your shirt off and I'll give you the pipe and two of these for free."
I hesitated but decided just to do it and get it over with. Mom already said I was a whore right?
I slipped my tank top and my lacy bra off, dropping them to the floor. The cold air hit me hard, making me shiver.
Obviously a virgin. If he wasn't he would have asked for more.
His eyes were wide, and he reached out to touch me. My jaw clenched. This sucked.
After a few more humiliating minutes I slipped my bra back on and held my shirt in my hands, taking two packets and my new pipe. I threw my shirt back on and when I walked back to main room, I nearly shit when I saw myself.
Pale and dark circles around my eyes. My black makeup was running and smudged around my tear stained cheeks. I looked disgusting.
Nevertheless, I walked back outside into the cold night air, and straight into a man dressed in black leather and chains and studs. Crap. I looked up and saw my dad looking down at me with a neutral look.
Strike two.
He sighed deeply, taking my hands and removing my drugs from them, dropping them to the ground.
Neither of us spoke.
It surprised me when he did nothing except wrap his arms around me and pull me in tight. I let my head rest on his shoulder.
"I know what your mom said to you, she called me. None of that is true."
i balled some of his shirt in my fists, not sure what to feel other than sorrow.
"I'm going to call off the rest of the tour, I think it would do both of us good to go home and get it together for a while. I just let a tear fall in response.

Notes