The Weirdest Warped Tour Yet

Pinkie Pie was suspicious when she saw the Cutie Mark Crusaders walking out of Sugar Cube Corner laughing and talking joyfully. Those three phillies were always up to something. She bounded over to find out.
"What the f**k is going on?" She asked cheerfully, forgetting she wasn't allowed to say her new word to other ponies. They stopped and looked confused.
"What the what is going on?" Applebloom asked.
"Uh, duck. Have you guys seen a missing duck anywhere?" Pinkie tried to cover up, panicking. Scootaloo frowned.
"No, but Sweetiebell got her cutie mark!"
"Ooh, lemme see, lemme see, lemme see!" Pinkie Pie gushed. "Nice," she approved. "How'd you do it?" And so they told the story of Andy and Ashley, which Pinkie Pie thought was adorable. "You guys should split up and wander around to see if you can help out any other bands to earn your cutie mark," she suggested, and without another word, they were off.

Scootaloo heard that Princess Cadence needed some help with a band who arrived late, called Motionless in White, so she decided to start there. Silently, she watched them set up from the corner of the stage, unsure of what to do and wondering if she should offer to help. Ricky could have used that help, for once, because his thoughts kept aimlessly floating in circles that only dragged him back to Chris. He sighed, forcing himself to pay complete attention on his guitar. Afterwards, he announced that he was going for a walk. Really, it was just to clear his mind of Chris, who he never ceased to admire. Why does it have to be this way? He groaned to himself, straying into the nearby forest. Chris is my best friend and bandmate, I shouldn't feel this way about him. Besides, he's straight, he'd never like me back, let alone love me. God, this is such a mess. Why does it have to be this way? Tears began to fall down Ricky's face as he ran deeper into the woods, sobbing at the hopelessness of it all. Finally, he settled down underneath a giant tree, wiping away the remaining tears and expecting to be alone. Instead, a pair of pink eyes stared at him.
"Holy f**k, you almost gave me a heart attack," he told the orange pegasus who emerged from the bushes. "Who even are you?"
"My name's Scootaloo, I followed you here because you looked worried. Now you're upset. Why are you crying? And Pinkie Pie said that same word, what does it mean?" She approached him cautiously and sat down a few feet away, afraid to go nearer. Ricky laughed.
"Forget I said it."
"Ok, but why are you crying?" He bit his lip and sighed, more tears threatening to spill over.
"It's just-I-" he shook his head, and she pitied him, patting his shoulder comfortingly with her wing.
"Hey, it's ok. My friends and I just solved someone else's problem, if that helps any. Some guy named Andy liked this other guy and we set them up and it actually worked! Better yet, Sweetiebell got her cutie mark!" She exclaimed. Ricky's head perked up.
"Wait, you set up two guys and they fell in love?" She nodded, and he grew hopeful. "How'd you do it?"
"Well, they both really, really, really, really, really liked each other, so we put them in a romantic setting, and BOOM! Match made. Why? Do you love someone who you think doesn't love you back?"
"Yeah," Ricky sighed, and Scootaloo shook her head.
"What is it with you guys and not telling the other how you f**king feel for f**k's sake?! It's not that hard!"
"I cannot believe I just taught a pony the F word," Ricky laughed to himself. "Whoops. You didn't get it from me, ok?"
"Yeah, I first got it from Pinkie Pie."
"Pinkie who and why is she cursing?"
"Dunno. But my friend Sweetiebell just earned her cutie mark for match maker, I'm sure she could help you!" Ricky opened his mouth to respond, but a howl emerged from the woods, causing his eyes to widen.
"Shit," he mumbled as a giant, wooden wolf stepped out from the undergrowth, emerald eyes glowing with hunger.
"F**k, we're screwed," Scootaloo cursed under her breath. "Timber wolf. Stay still. Very, very, still, and maybe he won't see us."
"Too late," Ricky whispered back as it turned it's carved face toward them, advancing.
"I'll fly off and get help, don't die. They hate loud noises, by the way," Scootaloo hissed to him before fluttering away.
"Thanks a lot, F**k-uh-you," Ricky muttered sarcastically, saying 'f**k-uh-you' instead of 'Scootaloo' as he stood on shaking legs. The timber wolf roared and took chase as Ricky ran as fast as he could away from the jaws of the magical beast. Meanwhile, Scootaloo had never really flown long distances before, and was struggling to make it back to the MIW set. She had never really flown for real, honestly, and collapsed in front of Cadence when she arrived.
"Timber wolf," she gasped out. "Dude...needs...help...dying..." One of them perked up immediately, breaking past the barrier of shock.
"Ricky's in danger?" Scootaloo nodded.
"Come with me, bring something extremely loud," Cadence ordered. Chris nodded, panicking, and grabbed some portable speakers and his phone just as a scream echoed from the Everfree Forest. He and Cadence sped towards the sound. Oh, my poor Ricky, Chris mourned. God, I hope he's alright. What if he dies and I never had the chance to tell him the truth? To tell him I loved him? No, I can't think like that, he has to survive, he told himself, following the path of giant footprints. He and the alicorn broke through the trees to reveal a bloody scene. Ricky was down, with a huge gash on his leg bleeding out. Saliva dripped from the snow-colored, foot long fangs of the timber wolf as it closed in on the kill, growling.
"Now!" Cadence commanded, and Chris plugged in his phone to the mini speakers and began blasting the loudest screamo and heavy metal he had. Sure enough, within moments, the timber wolf's ears slid downward as it slinked back into the shadows, whimpering at the noise.
"Oh my god, Ricky!" Chris cried as he ran over to the boy he loved, who was now laying on the forest floor in pain of his shredded leg.
"Chris, don't get me wrong, I love that song and that band, but I think you broke my eardrums," he said quietly, too paralyzed to dare move. Chris laughed and absentmindedly stroked the side of his face, brushing away some hair from his eyes. He pulled away once he realized what he was doing, hinting at past friendzone.
"Can you heal him?" Chris begged Cadence, who was still standing there. She shook her head.
"No, but I know someone who can. She's an expert, I'll be right back." Of course I'm dying and left alone with the man I love, Ricky thought to himself. I'm probably not going to make it, why not tell him? Ricky then noticed that Chris was taking off his shirt to wrap it around his injuries to slow the bleeding, causing another internal groan. It was hard enough without the guy being shirtless, now he was distracted.
"Hey, uh, Chris, could I tell you something?"
"Anything." Here goes nothing.
"I'mgayandIloveyou," he blurted out fast.
"What?" He sighed.
"I'm gay and I love you." Ricky could feel the life literally draining out of him, his eyelids were becoming weighted with eternal sleep pressing down harder, and he closed them, only to feel a pair of lips connect with his in another moment.
"Ricky..." Chris whispered. "I love you, too. And I'm not going to let you die, so open up those beautiful eyes of yours." Ricky smiled and did as he was told, sitting up and leaning his head on Chris's shoulder. Despite all of this bliss, he was still in extreme agony and feared for his life.
"Chrisie," he mumbled. "Will you be my boyfriend?"
"Aw, of course, Ricky baby," Chris answered happily, kissing his forehead. A moment later, a purple alicorn landed nearby, and two instintively pulled apart.
"Oh my," she gasped when she saw Ricky's wounds. "Thank Celestia you came to me, Cadence, or it could have been too late."
"You can still save him, right?" Chris asked nervously, and she nodded, approaching them and touching her horn to the bleeding gash. A magenta colored spark shone from the tip, spreading a trail of sparkles that mended his flesh.
"There," she said afterward. "Whew, glad that spell worked, it was kind of complicated. Anyway, let's get back. I'm sure we can postpone your show a little so you have some time to settle back in after this," she added, and they all started back. Ricky thanked her, but was still a little weak. Enough of an excuse to lean on Chris as they returned. They let the others get a little farther ahead before he dared speak.
"Chrisie, you know I love you, but what should we tell the guys?"
"Whatever you want to tell them, dear. We can wait or come out later, which would you prefer?"
"Maybe once we leave this place?" he suggested.
"Course, Ricky." The way back was uneventful, just quiet until they met everyone else.
"What happened?" Balz questioned. "Cadence told us to stay, she wouldn't let us come." So they explained, all while Scootaloo hid in the shadows.
"Hey, where is that orange pony?" Ricky asked afterward, and she stepped out. "Thank you for flying back for help." She just nodded, believing she hadn't done much. "Hey, what's that?" Ricky pointed to her flank where there was now a cutie mark. Scootaloo squealed.
"I GOT MY CUTIE MARK!!!! I FUCKING GOT MY FUCKING CUTE MARK AT FUCKING LAST!!!!!!" She screeched in joy. "AND IT'S FUCKING AWESOME!!!" It was a heart with wings of fire, representing the courage she had when she offered to fly all the way back for help. "FUCK YEAH!!!!!!" Meanwhile, Ryan and Balz were laughing their heads off while hearing the baby pony swear.
"Told you not to say that," Ricky reminded her gently.
"WHO GIVES A FUCK?! Hey, I like this word, you can put it anywhere in a sentence and will still make sense. I've got to go find Applebloom and Sweetiebell," she announced before leaving the band of MIW in shock at her language.

Notes

I know I've been doing a lot of shipping and BVB wasn't really in this chapter, sorry. But yay, two cutie marks and pairings in two chapters! I'm just setting things up for the action later on, I have something planned out, things should get A LOT funnier! Got tired of censoring things, as you saw at the end...yeah, hope y'all like it!! Sorry this chapter wasn't as good.