We Don't Belong

Rose's POV:

Talking to Andy yesterday was brutal. So far, I've managed to avoid him as best as possible, going to bed super early, and just keeping to myself. Even though its only been a day, the tension is obvious, and so has my mood change.

The urge to cut has returned, and is stronger than ever. Every time I look at Andy, I feel like crying and hurling myself off the moving bus. But I made a promise, to Chloe and to myself. Besides, I shouldn't get this worked up over a guy, right?

In all honesty, I'm not even entirely sure what happened yesterday, all I know is that because of it, my emotions are going hay-wire. I just couldn't sit there, unsure whether or not he even cared for me at all. Maybe I was being too demanding, but I couldn't help but feel insecure about where we stood in a relationship.

The worst thing about all the shit that went down yesterday was that I missed him. More than physically possible. My lips ached to feel his soft lips pressed against mine, my heart yearned to be close to him. I also just enjoyed getting to know him as a person, not who the media portrayed.

I sat had been up since dawn. Literally. Woke up at like, 4am, and crept to the back lounge. I had grabbed my journal, and took turns writing and drawing. Tears flowed from my eyes and dripped onto the pages of my book.

All I had ever wanted in life was for someone to love me unconditionally. And I almost had that. But then I blew it. Because I'm a fucking idiot.

I threw my journal across the room, it landing directly on the other couch. I grabbed one of the pillows and buried my face into it's plushness. Taking a deep breath, I let out a scream, further smothering my head into the pillow. Shaking and taking deep, tagged breaths, tears silently poured from my now red eyes and covered my face.

I didn't want to feel this crushing pain anymore. The heart ache, the thought of Andy possibly hating me because of how I ended things, and even worse, the idea of him dating somebody else.

Slowly, as if time has stopped, I rise from the sofa, and begin to take soft steps towards my bunk. Reaching into my bag, I pull out my once greatest friend and worst enemy. Something that's always been there, but caused me so much pain at the same time. I pull out my razor, and the aching feeling in my chest is numbed briefly.

For a moment, I think against it, but the aching is suffocating me, drowning me in my own self-induced melancholy. And I want to get rid of this feeling.

I slide the blade across my wrist slowly, letting the familiar pain envelope me in a dizzying yet comforting embrace. I sigh involuntarily, and glance down at my now bleeding wrist, the crimson fluid bubbling from my fresh cut.

Just as I place my razor into my wrist again, the curtain to my bunk is pulled back.

"Oh my... Rose! What the hell are you doing!?" Ashley shouts, revealing my bleeding wrists.

He snatches the razor from my hand and tosses it in some random direction. Helping me up, he drags me to the bathroom and sits me on the counter. Gently wiping away the leftover blood with a damp cloth, he groans and looks me dead in the eyes.

"Rose, what the hell were you thinking? No, you know what, don't even answer that. You weren't fucking thinking, that's the problem."
I look away, trying to blink away tears. "It's n-not my fault. Everything that happened..."
"Which I believe was your fault. You were the one who did this. And," he takes a deep breath, "you know what. I'm sorry, lecturing you isn't going to help. But Rosie, you've got to stop doing this to yourself. It's only hurting yourself. So please, stop."

Ashley finishes cleaning my wound and wraps it tightly in gauze. Looking in my eyes, he wraps his arms around me, pulling me to his chest. I sob into his chest as he strokes my hair softly. I pull away and wipe my cheeks hastily with the back of my hand.

"You have to promise me, that'll you will try to stop. Okay? I'm not taking 'no' for an answer. You have to swear, that if you ever feel the urge to cut, find me, or one of the band members, like Andy," I wince at the mention of Andy, "and we'll help you through it. Andy cares more than you think. Which reminds me, you also have to talk to Andy. He feels like shit, and you're acting like shit." I can't help but laugh at his last statement. "In all seriousness, talk to him. Fix whatever the hell happened between you, or I'll lock the two of you in a room together until you either talk it out or fuck," I let out a giggle, "whichever comes first."

"GUYS! We're here!" CC shouts.

Me and Ashley look at each other, before racing out of the bathroom and off of the bus before the other guys get a chance to react.

Andy gets off the bus next, and he glances at me, then Ashley and finally my wrapped arm. His eyes widen, and he reaches out to grasp my hand gently.

"You did it again? Why?" He asks softly.

I whip my arm from his grasp, and take off, dragging Ashley behind me.

Notes

So!
Ashley and Rose anyone?
or Andy and Rose?

And I just would like to say that this isn't going to be a fanfic where the girl cuts herself because somebody breaks her heart. But Rose has depression, and is having a problem staying clean, so yeah.
just had to get that out there