six feet under the stars

Screaming. Thats all I heard in the early hours of the morning. I know its mine but at the same time it doesn't feel like mine. Justin's frozen body didn't move. The idiot didn't remember not to sleep in cold. I checked his pulse again for the gazillonth time to come up empty handed like all the times before that.
My mind wasn't working right. A normal person would call 911 but I was just sitting there screaming and sobbing and trying to warm him back up. In my twisted mind at that point I thought that if he was warm he would come back. I knew he was gone. I knew it was all my fault. But I didn't want to think about it.

The doctor told me and his parents that he wasn't dead. But he was still gone. A coma isn't much of a living thing. The world is evil like that. Why would you create a state of mind between living and death. I held his hand for a while but it was still cold. But this was a different cold. Like a doctor cold.

I still had to go to school Monday. It was terrible. I could feel all their thoughts. Killer. I always had Justin there to tell me I was being foolish or over reacting. Monster. No one was there but they all knew I was the reason he wasn't here anymore. Selfish. I was only thinking about me I should have noticed he didn't have a jacket. Stupid. I never should have thought we where save. Totally irresponsible of me. Loner. I had no one any more.
the words circled in my head. Killer. Monster. Selfish. Stupid. Loner. Killer. Monster. Selfish. Stupid. Loner. Killer. Monster. Selfish. Stupid. Loner. Killer. Monster. Selfish. Stupid. Loner. Killer. Monster. Selfish. Stupid. Loner. Killer. Monster. Selfish. Stupid. Loner. Killer. Monster. Selfish. Stupid. Loner. Killer. Monster. Selfish. Stupid. Loner. Killer. Monster. Selfish. Stupid. Loner. Killer. Monster. Selfish. Stupid. Loner. Kill- I never meant to be the one to save you from the dark.

The idiot behind me could never keep his music down. But this song he was playing seemed good. The beat was amazing and the guitar part made me feel like I was on top of the world. And the lyrics. They understand.
I wrote down the part I could remember to Google it later.

Notes