The Outcasted

I woke up curled up on the couch in my brothers arms. All the bunk curtains were closed so everyone was still asleep. Last night still played on my mind. Was I actually ready to tell Ashley how I coped with things? Was I actually ready to tell him that behind this cold mask is a weak little girl?

"Hey, you okay?" I heard Ashley ask behind me interrupting my thoughts.
"Yeah I guess" I said bluntly

Ashley sat up pulling me up with him.

"Whats wrong?" Ashley asked turning me around to face him.
"I'm just thinking" I said looking down
:Thinking about what?" Ashley asked.

I just shrugged not really knowing if I'm ready to tell him, but he deserves to know...right?

"Come on, please? I really want to be there for you, I want to be your brother again" He pleaded
"I'm just thinking about last night." I said quietly
"What about last night?" He asked cautiously
"About whether I'm ready to tell you that behind this cold mask is a weak little girl" I said looking at him with tears on the verge of falling.
"How are you weak?" He said not believing me. Thats when I did it. For the first time is years I have pulled my wall down.

Ashley gasped. He saw all the emotions. Weak. Scared. Defenseless.Depressed. Abandoned.

"What were you coping strategies?" He asked with tears in his eyes too.

I quietly stood up and took my shirt and pants off. Ashley looked away for privacy.

"Ashley it doesn't matter, I'm in bra and undies" I said quietly.

"I know I just don't want to invade your privacy" He said still looking the other way.

"Just look, you wanted to know how I coped with things, well here is your answer" I said quietly ashamed of the scars, burns and bruises that marked my body.

Ashley gasped and ran over to me. He knelt down down and traced the scars.

"Why?" He said looking up at me with silent tears rushing down his face.

I knelt down infront of him so we are somewhat eye level.

"Why do you do this to yourself?" He asked hugging me.

"I don't do it as much anymore, it's more of a 3am thinking I dont belong sorta thing now but I do it because I'm weak, I'm scared, I dont belong here" I said snuggling into his chest he was so warm.

I shivered just noticing how cold it was.

"Are you cold?" Ashley asked

I just nodded

He took off the jumper he was wearing and put in on me.

"Promise you wont do this to yourself again. Please, if you ever feel like you want to die or you just want a release then come to me, or someone in your band, we all love you and I know that BVB want to get to know you better, you are family to all of us, and none of us want to see you doing this to yourself." Ashley said putting me back on the couch.

"I promise" I said quietly slowly falling back asleep.

I then shot up remembering I had to perform this morning but I didnt know what time it was.

"Ashley whats the time?" I asked him

"Uhhh 8am why?" Ashley said

"Fuuuuuuuck" I said I was super tired and now I had to get the boys up to get ready for a concert today.

"What? Whats wrong?" Ashley asked concerned.

"I gotta get up and get the boys up we have sound check in an hour" I said rubbing my eyes.

"Awww and me and BVB come watch?" Ashley asked giving me puppy dog eyes

"Ok ok I'll tell Frank to give you back stage passes and shit" I said getting up and grabbing a triple shot monster.

"Frank? Dont forget to tell him I'm your brother so everythings all good" He said texting someone.

"Franks our main bodyguard, Do you guys wanna come to sound check too?" I asked well picking up a blowhorn.

"Yeah I'll text Andy and tell him to be down at main stage in an hour" Ashley said texting Andy.

"Ok block your ears" I said and Ashley complied.

"3....2....1..." I whispered then a massive honk sound rumbled throughout the bus.

"Stray.... WHAT THE FUCK?!" Tristan yelled.

"We have sound check in an hour" I simply stated drinking my monster as if I didnt do anything.

"Ugh okay we better get ready then" Tristan said.

"Oh and BVB are coming to sound check and watching us perform and shit" I said and Frank walked past.

I finished my monster and got some clothes, I was honestly in no mood for a shower so I just got dressed.

I got dressed in a short black dress with a leather jacket and black pumps with spikes.
http://www.polyvore.com/badass/set?id=131802875

Connor wore a New York baseball Jersey, Black baggy Jeans, Black vans and a black snapback that said DOPE. http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=132036877

Tristan wore a Suicide Silence singlet, black ripped skinny jeans and black doc martins.
http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=132037846

Zac wore a black shirt that said "Real vampires dont sparkle", Black jeans and Black converse.
http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=132038600

Once we were all dressed we made our way down to the main stage for sound check.

Once we found BVB, Ashley introduced us.

"Stray, Connor, Zac and Tristan, meet Andy, CC, Jinxx, and Jake, Andy, CC, Jinxx and Jake meet Stray, Connor, Zac and Tristan." Ashley said.

"I CALL DIBS ON HUGGING STRAY FIRST!" CC yelled then I was engulfed in a big CC hug.

"HAI I'M CC" CC yelled in my ear.

"aha hello CC I'm Stray" I said while hugging him.

"Guys we need to do sound check" I heard Frank say.

We all made our way to sound check to get all the instruments ready and shit.

Notes

Guys I am absolutely so fucking sorry!! I know I said I would update last night and I just had so much to do I forgot!! I needa pack for my dads but I'll update again sometime tonight I promise with the sound check and performance!! hehe Please forgive me? :3 Once again, I'm so sorry!!