You Are Not Alone In This

As the ashes of my dying fire swallowed the remaining flames, I remembered how afraid I used to be of it.

*flashback, she is three years old*

The orange sparks flew from the hearth, waving to me like a glowstick for a second before burning out in mid air.
"Ooh," I mumbled, crawling towards the heat source. "So pretty." I reached a pudgy hand for the embers.
"Ama!" My mother gasped as she scooped me up and rushed me away from the danger.
"What is it?" My father asked, panicked.
"She almost crawled into the fire!" He turned to me.
"Ama, listen to me. You must never, ever, ever go near an open flame like that again, do you understand?" Of course I didn't, I was three. But I nodded anyway.
"Good. You scared us half to death. If you do it again, we'll have to give you a scolding," he warned me. My eyes grew wide, and I nodded quickly. Now I understood. Scoldings were when mommy and daddy were disappointed in me and talked to me in strict voices. I hated scoldings, and it made me sad when they had to give them, because they said they didn't like them, either. But it was what had to be done.

*end of flashback*

I didn't even need to worry about avoiding fire after that, because my parents made sure that I was never in a position in which there was a chance I would do something like that. People in books (I had never met any strangers to due to my learned fear of them) always said that death photoshops memories, makes the deceased appear more honorable. For me, it was the reverse. When my parents were alive, I looked up to them for everything. There was no one else, anyway. I had no siblings, no friends, and after chasing a butterfly too far off from home when I was seven, I was hardly allowed outside. As far as I knew, my parents were the only other humans alive. But now they were dead, and I was on my own trying to survive. I still remembered the night that it happened, one year ago.

*flashback, she is 15*

Lightning cackled like a witch in the sky, thunder crashed like waves into the side of a cliff. I was hidden in the basement, as I was every thunderstorm. I sighed, and my mother hushed me.
"It's just a storm, mom. It'll pass. Can I please go upstairs?" I complained. I had begun to grow sick of all these safety procedures.
"No, darling, you know the drill. Besides, it's larger than usual. We'll stay until it's over."
"Then why isn't dad down here with us if it's so bad?"
"He's tracking it for us, keeping an eye out. Isn't that brave of him?"
"Mom, really, what is there to track? I believed these things when I was younger, but this is just stupid," I told her, standing up and heading for the stairs. Little did I know, this was the one night when they were actually correct.
"Ama!" I didn't turn back.
"Ama, listen to me, come back here right this instant!" She demanded. I spun around.
"Why? Why should I? You can't keep me down here every stupid storm, you can't keep me trapped forever!" I screamed, letting out every inner protest I had surpressed all at once. She opened her mouth to yell back, but a boom of thunder responded for her. It seemed that just for a moment, I closed my eyes. But when I dared peek again, I was shivering with fear in her arms. An instant, uncontrollable, reflex that they had built into me. I couldn't help it, the terror had become a part of who I was.
"Shh, it's okay," she whispered, stroking my hair.
"I'm sorry, mommy. I'm sorry," I whimpered. Who was I kidding, I didn't have the strength or courage to leave this house, rain or shine, day or night.
"It's alright. It's easy to forget the danger." I nodded, solidly convinced that I couldn't survive a day without her or my father.
"Everyone get down!" My dad ordered as he dashed down the stairs. "Hide under something, anything, it's too late to escape. The roof's falling!" As if his words had commanded the action, bricks, wood, and other debris rained all around us as the roof caved in. I don't know how long it was or what their last words were, but I passed out. When I woke up, golden sunlight reflected off of my mother's glassy eyes, sparing no detail of the wreckage. Although I don't know what happened, I do know one thing: my parents died saving me.

*end of flashback*

It's difficult to love them for preventing me from living and installing all of this irreversable fear of the outside, but it's impossible to hate them because they saved me. Either way, I had managed to live, despite of it all. I had fled into the woods surrounding my collapsed home, and there I met an old women who taught me the truth about the world, how much larger it really was. She died not long after, of natural causes, but her dying wishes were to watch out for her cottage, and to never be afraid. I promised her both things, though I'm still working on the second.

Notes

Hello everyone! I know this isn't BVB related yet, but Jinxx will be coming soon, most likely the next chapter. The title of the story is a lyric from "Stand" by Flyleaf. The title of the chapter is the song "Never Go Back" by Evanescence. If you haven't heard those songs, you should, they're really good! Hope everyone likes the start of this!