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Don't Let Me Go

Chapter 1

I was 21, and on my way to the airport. I was shaking, and ready to vomit everywhere. After eight years of missing Ashley and wishing he was here, I would finally see him, and move in with him. It felt like such a long time ago that I'd last seen him. I was 13 years old, and I was crying. I never wanted him to go, but, who was I to stop him from pursuing his dreams? So I hugged him tight and watched him drive away. That was the last time I'd seen him, and quite frankly, the first time I felt like I had nothing.

When I arrived at the airport I went through all the medal detectors, and security, and I took my seat on the plane. The only thing I could think of was what it would be like to see him again. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I tried desperately to stop them from falling, but I failed. It was just too much emotion for me to hold back anymore. After Ashley left I was so mad. I was mad at myself, my friends, my parents, and I was so pissed at him for leaving me. Because as soon as he left I had the first bad day in a very long time. And it all went downhill after that.

I absentmindedly pulled up my bracelets, making sure they covered up the slowly-fading scars on my wrists. Even though most of my scars were on my hips, I still needed to cover the ones on my arms. Those are the ones Ashley would see. And that's the last thing I wanted.

The last time he saw me I was his innocent little sister Madi. The one who smiled all the time, and always had fun doing literally everything. But all that has changed now. It's different. So much had happened after he left. Tears fell, heart were broken, blood was shed (usually my own), friendships were lost, and all trust I had was lost. And to be brutally honest, at first I blamed him. But I eventually learned that it wasn't him I should hate, not even me, it was the world. The world had turned it's back on me. Everyone had. The only difference between Ashley turning and walking away, and the world doing it, was when Ashley left I didn't take a blade to my skin, or try to take my own life. Because I always thought he would come back. When the world left me alone, however, I knew it was time. I quit trying. I quit believing and Ashley. And myself.

When I got off the plane, I saw him. He was smiling like a child. I wanted to cry. I wanted nothing more than to run to him, and hold him.(I also wanted to yell at him, and slap him). I wanted to tell him all the horrible things that happened to me, by others, and by my own hands. I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted his help. But I couldn't do it. I hadn't talked to him in eight years. I wasn't going to be all depressing and make him feel like shit for leaving, even though part of me wanted him o know how much it hurt me, how it scarred me, but, I couldn't-I wouldn't. Not now, and not ever.

I ran to him and hugged him tightly, crying inside. I looked up and saw his brown eyes watering. I smiled at him.
"Don't cry, Ash. It's embarrassing." I elbowed him playfully. I felt a tear fall from his face, landing on my arm.
"I just missed you. A lot, Madi." I smiled at him. Genuinely.
"C'mon, let's get you home. There are some people waiting to meet you." I raised an eyebrow, my head filling with a million questions, but I followed him silently to his car. And that's when the interrogation started.

"So, how've you been? Did you do anything interesting while I was gone?" He spoke louder as we passed a crowd of screaming girls. I laughed slightly.
"What's so funny?" He questioned.
"You. You're asking me if I did anything interesting, while driving through a crowd of crazy fangirls. I'm pretty sure you've done a lot more than I have." Yes, I was dodging the how have you been question, but I had a good reason. I didn't need either of us to start crying before we even spent five minutes together.
"I guess." He said with a smirk. I rolled my eyes playfully. At least one of us had a good eight years...