Staring at scene in front of me, I take a minute to appreciate the view. It’s still early morning, but the sky’s already lit up with the prettiest shades of blues and pinks. The sun isn’t up yet, but it’s only a matter of time and then the heat would become too unbearable. I love this time of the morning. Closing my eyes, I take a minute to listen to the gentle lapping of small waves on the sand. It’s a distant sound from below and I’m momentarily glad that we live up the hill a bit. The ocean can be loud during storms, and I have a hard enough time sleeping at night.

Our deck sat right at the edge of the hill, and when I look out at the sea it’s almost like I’m standing at the front of a ship with nothing ahead but open waters and new beginnings. It’s my favorite way to start my mornings. After I finish my tea, mother doesn’t approve of coffee, I retreat to my bedroom to get dressed and greet the day ahead of me. Sometimes I hate morning me. I can never seem to stay in bed, and I’m sure it annoys those around me who would kill for an extra ten minutes of sleep.

I slip on some clothes, too dark for my parent’s taste but I revel in the fact that they’re not home to disapprove. I finish the last touch ups to my make-up and look at myself in the mirror, knowing this was as good as it was going to get and feeling content with myself. Ding. I look back at my phone, somewhat confused. Everybody I know wouldn’t be up for at least another half hour. I remember Andy and smile. It was probably him replying to my late text from the night before.

*Good morning Honey. Just a reminder to be careful at school today! Don’t do anything we wouldn’t do!*

I sigh and pocket my phone. Mother is always so invasive and controlling, but there isn’t much I can do about it. After all, you can’t choose your family. I love them because I should, but some days are just harder than others. I check my other messages, but Andy hasn’t responded to me. I consider briefly texting him first and seeing no reason why I shouldn’t, I quickly type up a message.

*Good morning sunshine! Wake up and greet the day :D*

I grin and send it off. Chances are he’s not much of a morning person, so I assume I’ll get an irritated response back in a few hours when, or if, he decides to text me back. I grab a bowl and pour some cereal into it. Our house is full of large windows, so the warm sun is already pouring into our overly white kitchen and living room. Ding. I glance at my phone in surprise and open the text as I shove my spoon in my mouth.

*….so…fucking…early…*

I giggle a bit at his crude language, and his obvious displeasure at being awoken this early. Before I get a chance to think of a response, my phone dings again.

*Are you always so cheerful in the morning?*

I can’t help but to giggle again before continuing to eat my breakfast. My classes start in an hour, and I haven’t even left yet! Dropping my bowl in the sink, I quickly send off one more text before leaving.

*Always ;)*

Andy’s POV

I’ve been at the studio for almost two hours when I get Delilah’s first text. I just can’t seem to sleep through the night, but at least I have somewhere to go to. However, the last thing I want is for her to know just how fucked up I am. So the obvious thing to do is to pretend to just be getting up. That’s what any normal person would do. It seems to work as we have a short, casual conversation before I have to pay attention to my work.

It’s almost two-thirty before I get a chance to look at my phone again. It being a nice day, I go outside to enjoy a smoke in the fresh air. A bit of a contradiction, I realize, but I really just want a moment alone to check my phone. No messages since this morning. I frown a bit, though it’s really more of a pout.

*Whatcha doing?*

I send my brilliant message off, and light a smoke. I hate these moments of quiet and being by myself. I used to relish them whenever I got the chance, but now it just feels like a deafening silence. Before I know it, silence turns to mocking and my mind starts to torment me. It’s all your fault.

I shake my head quickly, trying to rid myself of these thoughts, but they persist. If it wasn’t for you, she’d still be here.Tears threaten to spill from my eyes and I let them. My fingers tug at my hair as the words repeat themselves in my mind like an echo.

I keep trying to force the thoughts away, but they hit me like a tidal wave and I completely shut down. My mind flashes back to that night, and I scream, shaking my head as I try to push them away. My fingers tug at my hair, but it’s no use.

I’m openly sobbing now, and I can’t even control myself. I vaguely feel my phone vibrate but it’s not even a thought as my body shudders with each sob. It was all my fault. I shouldn’t even be here right now. It should be her here, enjoying her life, but she can’t now because of me. Anger surges through my veins and I blindly punch at the wall behind me, desperately hoping to feel something besides the cold emptiness lingering in my mind and heart.

“Andy?” I hear Ashley’s voice, but really nothing is registering right now. All I can feel is this dark sadness that has become a part of me ever since that day three months ago. Fuck, it’s only been three months and here I am waiting anxiously for a reply from some girl I met in a fucking graveyard! I’m such a fuck up!

Strong arms wrap around me as I try desperately to stop the thoughts from invading my mind, struggling against the hold. As every time before this, Ashley does his best to bring my inside, and I give in.

Delilah’s POV

I keep checking my phone during class, but I never get a response back. Why would he start a conversation and then just not bother replying? Maybe he was busy… I sigh and set my phone aside, looking back at my project. I wasn’t going to use the picture of Andy…it seemed too personal of a photo to use. I look at the picture and sigh. He’s a real mess. I wonder if that’s why he wasn’t replying. He should really talk to someone. I pack up and start to head home, my mind still thinking about the strange man I’ve begun to worry about.

I get home a little after five and go right to my room. Maybe he would want to meet up sometime and hang out. Chances are, he needs to get out more. Not that you would know. Rolling my eyes, I fall back onto my bed and get comfy, texting him quickly.

*Want to get a coffee or something?*

I get a response almost instantly and look at it, hoping for the best. My smile fades as I read through the message.

*I can’t, sorry.*

Well, I don’t think someone could mistake that kind of blow off. Why is he being so cold? With a pout, I set my phone aside and turn my light off. It was dinner time, and mother would be upset if I was late coming to the table.

Quietly, I sit down and eat. I guess there wasn’t really a point in continuing to try with him. He obviously didn’t want to meet up with me tonight. I carefully took my phone out, keeping it hidden under the table. Mother and Father refused to allow phones at the table. It was rude. I mean, I guess I get that, but sometimes I think there could be exceptions and I feel like this was one of those times.

I open my phone and frown as I see a message from Andy. I suppose I should be happy about this, but I have a bad feeling about it.

*I don’t think I can be around you right now. I’m sorry. It was nice meeting you*

I look at the message, defeated. I’m really worried about him. He’s so obviously alone with these feelings of his, and it was even more so obvious they were having a very negative effect on him. I’m no expert, but I have been spending an extraordinary amount of time in graveyards and at funerals. I’ve seen more than my share of grief in the past months than I care to admit.

“Delilah Rosemary Ash! Is that a phone I see?” My eyes widen and I look up at my father. I want to lie so badly and say no, but what’s the point? It’s obvious that it’s my phone, so I don’t bother arguing and instead just sigh as I turn it off and hand it over to him. I know the punishment for bringing it down here. It would be a week before I saw it again. Way to stick it to the man, Dee. You’re fucking twenty years old already!

While my mind is all for being brave, and striking out on my own, I sit back silently and finish my meal before going to bed without arguing. What am I supposed to say anyways? It’s not like I need it. The only people I really contact are my parents, and more recently Andy. However, that’s obviously not going to happen anymore, so what’s to point in fighting for it?

Andy’s POV

I hate that I have to do this. She’s such a sweet girl. She’s different, and I desperately want to find out just how different. But I can’t. I know I can’t. The guilt swells over me like a smoky haze and I have to fight against the darkness trying to claw its way back into my mind. I won’t allow it twice in one day; it’s just too exhausting. She makes me smile, and that’s wrong. I can’t be happy. Juliet made me happy. It’s not right that someone else can do what she did. I can never let someone that close to me again, especially not this soon.

Besides, Delilah was sweet and innocent. Or is she? I shake the thought off, not even bothering to figure out if my subconscious was trying to be sexual or just curious. I don’t want to drag her down with me, and with the way my mind was going…well, let’s just say it’s a dark and scary place in there.

Sitting quietly on my deck, I look out over the city and sigh. Lighting a cigarette, I breathe in the addicting smoke and sit back in the chair. It was an eerie quiet. I don’t like being alone, and the nights are the worst. Most of the time, I invite one of the guys over and try to keep them around as long as possible. Eventually they leave, and I’m left alone for another sleepless night. My whole body aches at the thought of a time when I didn’t spend my nights alone.

“Fuck, Juliet…..what am I supposed to do without you?” I look up at the stars and think about what she would have to say to me right now. Probably something witting and charming, as usual. A smile ghosts over my lips as I remember her voice; how melodic it was even when she wasn’t trying. I remember a time when she was sick, and her voice was all hoarse from coughing, nose and eyes red and swollen. Even then, I still thought she was the most beautiful person in the world.

Going inside, I search through the closet until I find some of Juliet’s clothes. The guys had gone through and gotten rid of most of it. I just couldn’t do it. Luckily, they seem to have missed some and I quickly pull the shirt off the hanger and curl up into bed. Holding it close to me, I smile. It still smells like the perfume she wore. Shutting my eyes, I can imagine her here beside me, and my heart skips a beat. Maybe, somehow, I can get through this. I feel her near me, and it strengthens me.

We could still be friends, I realize. I didn’t need a girlfriend. In some way, in this way, I still have Juliet. I tell myself that I’ll text Delilah in the morning and set things right. Shutting my eyes, I breathe in deeply and fall asleep with the image of Juliet beside me lingering in my mind.

Notes

Poor Andy ;-;