Wretchedly Divine (Gasping for Air)

I’d noticed the cringing but at first I thought it was the proximity, and then I remembered, distinctly, her gagging and coughing after having cigarette smoke blown into her face. Jacob, that bastard, had been choking her, and allowed her to breathe only when the air around her head was full of smoke, affectively continuing to choke her. I was filled with anger and after apologizing profusely I went to shower, kicking myself all the while for not remembering that she hated smoke. I had been in her head, I’d watched her suffer, I should’ve known, I should’ve remembered, I should be keeping her from having flashbacks, not causing them.
I stripped and jumped into the shower, scrubbing myself raw to try and take any of the smell of cigarettes off me. I washed my hair twice and then after all was said and done I applied some of the cologne I saved for special occasions. I wondered for a second if I was going to have to stop smoking, at least temporarily, until she was able to handle the smell.
I brushed my teeth, rinsed my mouth, and brushed my teeth again, all in the shared bathroom that was meant only for the five of us, well six of us now.
Shit, I thought as I looked at myself in the mirror, tooth brush still hanging out of my mouth. Was she even going to be able to use this bathroom? We’d have to set aside a specific time for us not to be here, because I doubted she’d be comfortable being anywhere near us while showering. Shit, I’d have to talk to the guys about that, but first I needed to get dressed and go talk to her.
I was still having a hard time processing it. That was my Deceiver, my long time adolescent crush, a girl who I barely knew anymore but still had so many feelings for: Protectiveness, Idolization, Pride… Love.
Did I love her? I loved her like a sister at least, but… did I still love her like I did back then? It didn’t matter, based on the way she’d been reacting I was starting to think that the only time she was going to show true emotion was when she was trying to get what she wanted, and damn was it working. I knew she’d been faking when she said what she did, and only trying to convince me to tell her the truth, but damn if it didn’t make sense and make my heart hurt a little bit. I knew she had trust issues; I knew that I was her rock; and worst of all, I knew that my leaving devastated her. I still regret it, I never didn’t regret it, but seeing her now, seeing the emotionless mass that she’s become because of having to shut herself away for so long, I felt overwhelmingly guilty. I hadn’t forgotten talking to her late at night when she was supposed to be sleeping, listening to her talk and laugh and be actually happy, rather than fake happy. I wasn’t even sure I’d be able to tell the difference between the two anymore. I used to know when she was acting and when she was being serious but now… I was only sure she was acting because I knew what she had become: emotionless.
And it was entirely my fault.
I finished brushing my teeth and splashed some cold water on my face to bring me back to reality before wrapping a towel around my waist and going to my room to change.
On my way there, I ran into Jinxx, who looked surprised to see me showered.
“Long story.” I said before he could ask and then I disappeared into my room.
I took the opportunity to wear the least tight pants that I owned, and a shirt that didn’t show the majority of my chest, knowing that wasn’t what she would want to see, and after lacing up my boots and drying my hair a little more thoroughly I went to go see her. I considered using the door that connected our rooms, but decided against it, figuring she’d have a better sense of security if she didn’t know it was there. Not yet at least.
I knocked on her door and she didn’t answer at first. I figured she had zoned out or something, so I knocked again, only to find that there was again no answer. I started to worry and wondered if something had happened to her. After her little break down earlier I wasn’t sure how stable she was. I tried to reassure myself that one of the guys might have taken her to show her more of the base, but I doubted that.
I knocked one more time and then opened the door to find the most adorable sight I’d ever had the pleasure of witnessing.
My little Angel was curled up on the bed, clutching a pillow to her side, and sleeping peacefully. I had never actually seen her sleep, seeing how she didn’t look at herself while she slept. Even if she did, I hadn’t seen her unscathed since she was a kid.
It occurred to me, though I suppose I should’ve realized it sooner, that she wasn’t a kid anymore. She was nearly an adult in a physical sense and in an emotional sense had been through more than most adults would have been. She had grown into a beautiful woman, and I’d missed it, because I didn’t want to tell her I was alive. I could’ve been there for her when she needed me, but I wasn’t, and that was killing me as I watched her sleep. I had never seen her face so relaxed, not even when she was younger, and I’d honestly thought her incapable of being relaxed. I took a step closer and closed the door, wondering how long she’d be sleeping.
Her nose wrinkled and she rubbed her eye with the back of her hand, making me freeze and wonder if she was waking up. She didn’t wake up, just readjusted herself slightly and went back to sleeping peacefully, a little sigh of content escaping her slightly parted lips. She was beautiful, more so than I remembered, and I wondered if it was because that after all this time my memories were no longer doing her justice. Her long black hair was blond now, and hung around her face in the most adorable way, her bangs hiding one eye and exposing the other, the rest of her hair fanning out delicately behind her on the bed.
I came closer to her bed, and knelt down beside her, brushing a piece of hair away from her mouth. Her lips curled slightly into what couldn’t be called a smile, but seemed like a pleasant reaction, and a grin crawled up my lips. She knew me, she hadn’t forgotten me. I’d never touched her aside from carrying her here, but she still knew, somehow, that it was me. I had the urge to reach out and take her hand that was lying open on the mattress, but I figured that would be pushing my luck.
“It’s so sad that you can only be peaceful when you’re sleeping.” I whispered to her, and she stirred slightly, but didn’t wake.
“Ashtin, I’m going to protect you.” I promised her suddenly. “I’m not going to let anyone hurt you ever again. You’ve been hurt enough times in your life.” I gingerly took her hand in mine and kissed her fingertips. “I swear on my life you’ll never feel pain again if I can help it.”
I kissed her forehead and stood to leave, but her hand clutched mine suddenly. “Prophet.” She murmured sleepily. I looked down at her to see her brown eyes sleepily blinking awake.
“It’s alright, Ashtin, I was leaving to give you some peace. We can talk when you’re more awake.” I assured her.
“I’m plenty awake.” Even now, after just having woke up, she was on the defensive. I could see the slight tension of her body and the wariness in her eyes as she dropped my hand and refused to take both eyes off me as rubbed each one individually to take the sleep away.
“Ashtin, you’re obviously exhausted. Sleep for a while longer, my room is the one right next door, just come get me when you wake up.”
She shook her head, stretching felinely and then throwing me a glare. “You’re not getting out of this. I want my answers now.”
“Ashtin, can you remember the last time you had a decent amount of sleep?” I asked her and she glared.
“Last night.”
I knew that was a lie. She hadn’t had a decent amount of sleep since they had taken her.
“Ashtin, take a nap. I’m not trying to get out of this; I just want you to be well rested before I tell you. It’s a lot to take in, and I don’t want you to fall asleep. It’s quite a long story.”
“Then start talking and quit wasting time.” She said with a quick glare. She was being forceful, and I wondered why, but let it go, knowing it was better than her guilting me. I conceded and took the chair from her desk and set it in front of her bed, leaning my elbows on my knees while she crossed her legs and got comfortable.
“Firstly, Ebe got your clothing sizes, and most of your clothes, from F.E.A.R., and Amy took the time to alter them all so that they looked more like the things we wear here, so they’ll have to do until then, but you can go into the Slums next time we go out there to pick out some more stuff if you want. Secondly, there’s a bathroom for the six of us that I’m going to talk to the guys about clearing out of at a specific time so that you can have it to yourself for an hour or so and not have to worry about one of us coming in and freaking out.”
“That’s alright, you don’t have to do that, I-” She started to protest, but I held a hand up, knowing what she was doing. She didn’t want to be any trouble, but this wasn’t just for her sake, it was also for mine. I honestly couldn’t stand the idea of one of the guys seeing her naked.
“It’s already been done, what time would you prefer to shower?” I asked her, and she looked down at her feet. She was probably considering at time that average people don’t shower so she wouldn’t be a hassle. I sighed and thought back.
“I usually shower in the morning as soon as I get up, so around six. Jinxx is usually in there before I am. Ashley showers around ten or eleven, whenever he decides to get up since he’s a lazy fuck, and Jake and CC shower at night, but I don’t know exactly when.
“I don’t usually sleep much, so I can just shower at midnight. That was when I used to shower at the Rebel Camp.” She looked uncomfortable just mentioning them, and I felt my face fall with compassion and pity, but when she looked up I recomposed it, because she hated to be pitied.
“Are you sure, Ashtin. You could have an earlier slot, it wouldn’t be a problem.”
She nodded, “I don’t want to be any trouble, and, since you’re insisting, a time when someone wouldn’t be there anyway would be better. Plus I don’t usually fall asleep before two in the morning anyway.”
I knew that was a lie. I’d caught her sleeping at all sorts of strange hours, but I supposed she took what she could get when she was being locked up like that.
“Alright, now, I want my answers.” She said, becoming stern once again.
“Okay, well, what are your questions?” She looked taken aback for a second, then cleared her throat.
“Why aren’t you dead anymore?”
I was hoping to work my way into that particular question, but I sighed and started explaining.
“When you were forteen, I started…” I sighed, rubbing my head gently with my fingers. I really didn’t want her to know about this. “I didn’t do a lot of great stuff then. I was nineteen and I had a lot pressure on me. I was our one and only link to the most important member of the Legion, I was the leader when everyone was older than me. I’d just lost both my parents and my girlfriend and I… I got into some stuff.” I didn’t want her to know about this. I really hoped she’d tell me it was okay not to continue, but that never happened.
“I got into drugs, Ashtin, and that day, while we were talking, and I was being delirious, I OD’d.” I couldn’t even face her as I buried my head in my hands. “I was so ashamed I couldn’t face you again, even though I knew it was going to have to happen eventually I just couldn’t make myself do it, and as time went on, I- it had been so long I couldn’t make myself tell you what had happened. I was so ashamed, Ashtin.” Without me even hearing her move she was at the foot of the bed, kneeling in front of me and caressing my back gently. I looked up at her and she had a sympathetic understanding look in her eyes, but I wasn’t sure if she was faking it or not. I could never be sure, she was our Deceiver, it was in her nature.
“It’s alright, Andy, I understand.” She murmured, and for a second I believed her.
“I abandoned you.” I croaked, feeling my throat get tight. I had expected her to yell, and scream and curse, but she was comforting me, she was telling me everything was alright, she was being so unbelievably nice, and all I’d done in the last three years was force her to remember painful memories and leave her to fend for herself.
“It’s alright, Andy, I understand.” She repeated, rubbing soothing circles on the top of my back. “I know leaving me alone wasn’t your intention. I know the sort of desperation loss and pressure implies. It really is alright, Andy.”
She smiled softly at me, and I was flabbergasted. She’d been calling me Andy. Even after learning my name she was calling me The Prophet, but she was using my name. I hadn’t expected that.
“There’s more.” I told her, not wanting her to waste her time sympathizing if she was just going to hate me soon.
“You don’t have to continue if you don’t want to.” She said, her eyes were gentle and full of compassion I didn’t deserve. I’d abandoned her, I’d let her get raped, I’d forced her to relive painful memories just so she wouldn’t forget me. I didn’t deserve all the kindness she was showing.
“You don’t understand, Ashtin. There’s a lot more.”
“I’ve put two and two together, Andy, it’s alright. You don’t have to keep going.”
I sighed and put my head back into my hands. “You should hate me. I’m a wretch.”
She laughed, a soft and sweet little laugh that made me look up.
“If you’re a wretch then you’re a divine wretch.” She smiled generously at me and as though on cue she started speaking the words to a song we both knew.
“I am the innocent.” She whispered. “I am what could’ve been, the dreams you talked about, now left on broken skin.”
“Here lies hysteria, a land where chaos reigns.” I continued
“Global disturbia bows down to twisted ways.” She smiled at me.
“A world of hate awaits, we are the Wild Ones, they all look the same.”
“Our time has come,” We said together.
“I am the chosen, Wretched and Divine,” I started to sing, and she continued,
“I am the unspoken, the one they left behind,” She took my hand.
“Fearless, fight until we die.”
“I am broken.” Her eyes shone with pain and I felt my heart break.
“The Wretched…” I spoke softly,
“And Divine.” She finished. Her smile was comforting, but now it felt more forced than usual. I continued the song without skipping a beat.
“I am the Devil’s Smile, the one caught every day,” I said guiltily
“A hopeful hero’s speech, won’t stop the years you bleed,” She seemed to affirm
“I am a hurricane, an Army strong as one”
“As they sit back and laugh the one you left has just begun,” She sung and I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.
“A world of hate awaits,” I whispered.
“We are the wild ones,” She sang, smirking.
“They all look the same,” I sang to her grinning like a fool.
“Our time has come,” We sang together.
“I am the chosen Wretched and Divine I am the unspoken, The one they left behind Fearless, fight until we die I am broken The Wretched and Divine.”
“We live for the broken hearts,” She shook her head and I knew she was remembering something, she looked away from me and I took her chin in my hand, lifting her head.
“Won’t watch them fall apart.” She smiled at me.
“We live for the ones Who don't know they exist,” She looked sadly at me.
“We die for endless winter, Beginner and the sinner.”
“We die for the ones Who raise their hands to resist.”
We looked at each other for a long moment, and I realized that she had a beautiful singing voice, then I continued the song, because we were having an amazing moment, and I never wanted it to end.
“I am the chosen, Wretched and Divine.”
“I am the unspoken, the one they left behind.”
“Fearless, fight until we die.”
“I am broken, the Wretched and Divine.” We finished together.
She smiled at me like she’d actually had fun and I realized that my hand was still on her face. She closed her eyes and I watched with awe as I realized that for that brief second her walls had come completely down, but they were up again now. She was just as guarded as she was when she woke up. She withdrew from my grasp and sat back on her ankles.
“So tell me about this.” She said, gesturing to the space around her, and I assumed she meant base, and the people who lived here, and things like that. She acted as though what just happened was unimportant and could easily be moved on from, but I didn’t think I’d be able to do that.
I did as she asked though, knowing that it was always best not to push her out of her comfort zone, because the more uncomfortable she was the more guarded.
“Well, my parents started this, and my Mom was the original Prophet.” I informed her, and her gaze became curious and innocent. I laughed at her expression and confusion flew across her face before she went back to being blank.
“Well, come on then, you can’t just stop there.” She said, sounding impatient and I smiled at her.
“Alright, I won’t just let me think about where to start.” I thought that maybe the story of my parents escape would be the best way to start.
“Alright, well, when my parents were young, they both escaped F.E.A.R. at different times. My mom got out first, and found this place. She had been given an asshole as her life mate, and having never liked F.E.A.R. anyway she decided to leave. She wandered around for a couple days, and was nearly caught, but then she found this place. This is actually an old abandoned building from the days of F.E.A.R. there are a lot of buildings like this scattered all around here, and she made it her base. She was here for three days when she had a vision about my dad. He was dying in the desert from dehydration. She’d never had a vision or anything like that before, but she knew she had to trust her gut, and she went out and found him on the verge of death. She nursed him and then drug and/or carried him the mile and a half back here, he used to be a pretty skinny guy, and the lack of food from living in the slums didn’t help. My Dad came from the slums, escaping the world that he hated, F.E.A.R. and the life he knew wasn’t for him. He didn’t really have a vision, he described it to me as more of a feeling, like an instinct, to leave. He used to tell me that when my mom found him she was like his angel.” I smiled at the memory of my parents, trying not to dwell on the sadness that consumed me every time I thought of them.
“Anyway, so they came back here, and actually they were in the meeting room originally, since everything else was pretty inaccessible. They would make runs into the slums to buy food, or steal it, and my Mom kept having visions, but she didn’t really know what they meant, or where they came from. She and my Dad would go out and meet escapees and bring them here. Ashley’s parents were the first ones they brought, Ashley’s mother was from the slums, and she was pregnant, and his dad was from the Main Complex, and they were going to make her kill the baby, since they weren’t supposed to be together, so they ran away. My mom found them and brought them here and his father became The Deviant. I actually don’t know how the whole names thing worked, I just know that the title gets passed by the parents, or if the title holder doesn’t have kids they can pick someone else. Mom never really explained how she knew Ashley’s Dad was The Deviant, just that she did.” I shrugged, and she looked entranced.
“For a while it was just the four of them, and then Ashley, once he was born. A few more rag tag people came in, parents of some of the kids we have wandering around now, and they started to clean the place up, make the place more livable, assign rooms in the bunking area, things like that. Mom started a garden, and Dad started taking more trips into the slums to haggle with them for things like soap and matches. For a while things were calm, until Jinxx’s mother walked in with a three year old Jinxx on her hip. She was exhausted, and I still don’t know how she got in, but Mom was pretty quick to name her the Mystic and give her a room to stay in. She let her collect herself for a few days, but after that she became restless and demanded that she be allowed to do something.” I laughed, thinking of Jinxx’s mother. “So Mom put her to work on what would become our white room, once I was born, that is.”
“What’s your white room?” She asked, and I smiled.
“My white room is a room that is completely white, with nothing else inside it. It’s sound proof and doesn’t allow for distractions. It’s where I meditate just to stay calm, and to communicate with you.”
“Oh.” She said, looking anywhere but at me. I watched her for a moment, and saw the tension in her shoulders that wasn’t guarded, but embarrassed.
“What are you thinking about?” I asked her, and she flushed.
“I thought I was the one getting answers today, Mister.” She looked up at me and tried to be condescending, but with the little blush painted across her face it was difficult to feel castigated.
“You are, but don’t I deserve a few in return?” She turned her head away from me and started to examine the floor, as though it held some interest, and I chuckled, taking hold of her chin gently and tilting her head back to face mine. “Come on, we’re all friends here, I promise not to laugh.” I smirked at her and her face flushed a deep scarlet, and her ears looked like they were burning.
She shook her head out of my grasp and just like that her wall was back, and as the flush faded her wall stayed strong and I cursed inside my head, knowing I’d pushed her too far. “Keep talking, you’re stalling.” Her eyes were hard and emotionless, and I sighed, rubbing my temples.
“Where was I?” I asked her, having lost my train of thought.
“You were explaining the white room, and Jinxx’s mother.” The way she said Jinxx sounded like she was uncomfortable using the name, like it didn’t sit quite so well with her, and it probably didn’t, she’d always known him as The Mystic, the sudden change was probably strange for her.
“Oh, right.” I nodded and tried to think of a good way to continue. “Well, a little bit before the white room was done I was born in the room right over there,” I told her, pointing to the wall behind me that separated our rooms, “And in the middle of my delivery there was a huge commotion going on outside. A group of people had run out to the slums to get my mom pain killers, because even as I child I wasn’t particularly cooperative, and some stuff to help Jinxx’s Mom deliver me. On the way back they ran into some trouble. We lost four people that day. Ariel’s Mom and Dad, Ashley’s Dad, and Jake’s Dad. At the time Jake’s parents were running away, again to escape predjudice between their long rivaling slum parents, and Jake’s Dad never made it. Mom named Jake’s Mom, Carolyn, The Mourner, and gave her the second to last room, and left it at that. Ashley’s Mom became The Deviant when Ashley was about six, and then when Ashley was ten his mom died of an illness and he became The Deviant.”
I looked up at her and she looked heart broken, as though the thought of all these people she barely knew being hurt that way killed her inside. I hated to think what she would say when I got to the worst part of our story.
“Ashley was The Deviant, but he didn’t take the title particularly seriously. He wasn’t allowed into meetings, so he was pretty much just a figure-head, until he turned fifteen. I was about nine when all this happened. Mom had a vision about a woman dying of dehydration in the desert on the opposite side of the complex, and a young boy crying and shaking her with a little girl in his arms, begging the woman to wake up. No one had ever gone all the way around the complex and the Legion was split on what to do. My mom and Jinxx’s Mom were both saying that it was too dangerous, but Ashley and Jake’s moms were saying differently. I listened to them argue for thirty minutes or more while that woman was dying, and her kids were left helpless, and I went and told my dad that mom said for them to go. In the end they decided to send people anyway, so I didn’t get into a lot of trouble, but I was on restriction for the next year, and no one was supposed to listen to anything I said unless it was confirmed by another source.” I chuckled lightly, not eager to get into CC’s past.
“The mother and the kids, who were they?”
“CC, his mother and his sister were the one’s my Dad and some other members of the legion went to go get.” I murmured. “His mom had been giving them water, but not herself, because she didn’t want them to die the way she was. By the time anyone got there she was dead, and CC was just wandering around with Abriga, trying to find someone to help him. Dad said that when he found him CC was playing games with Abriga and keeping her distracted and happy, not even giving himself time to grieve. I’ve never seen CC not at least trying to be happy, but he has every right not to be. He was named The Destroyer, and Abriga stayed with him for a while, until she was old enough for her own room, and they became distant after that.”
“Things were quite for a while, nothing major really happened until I was thirteen and my mom started taking me into the white room and teaching me how to meditate and establishing mental links, that’s how I communicate with you. She made three, one between her and I, one between my father and I, and one between the two of us.” I looked up at her she wasn’t showing any emotion, she was blank faced, and obviously wanting me to stop pausing. “I haven’t figured out how to establish links, so once my parents died yours was the only one I still had, but let’s get to before that.” I smiled at her. “Remember when we ‘met’?”
She cracked a smile herself.
“Oh my God, I’m going crazy!” She recited.
“No, no, no, no, no, you’re not crazy, I promise, stop freaking out, please!” I told her and she started laughing.
“I think that was one of the scariest things that’s ever happened to an eight year old.” She was smiling what I assumed was a genuine smile, and I chuckled.
“I wouldn’t doubt it. Suddenly hearing a voice in your head usually isn’t a pleasant experience.” She laid back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. I stayed quite, remembering how when we would talk when she was younger she’d usually stare at the ceiling.
“God, do you remember that one time when I was talking to my parents and you were translating everything in “real English”?” She started laughing, and I chuckled. I did remember that, her parents were being serious with her, and had interrupted us in the middle of a conversation to fill her ten year old head with nonsense. Naturally I’d been interupretting everything they said from F.E.A.R. speak into the common tongue.
“F.E.A.R. knows what’s best.” She said mocking her parents tone.
“You’re an idiot.” I translated simply.
“Trust F.E.A.R.” She continued mocking with a smirk on her face.
“Stay an idiot.”
“Your life is all planned out for you by F.E.A.R.” She did a whole finger wagging and serious face expression while she said that, never letting go of that mocking tone.
“You and everyone else here is too stupid to make his own decisions.”
She was laughing in earnest again, and as she fell back onto the bed she stopped and looked sad and contemplative.
“What’s on your mind?” I asked her and she sighed.
“I was old enough that they’d already planned everything out, and I feel guilty about abandoning the guy that was supposed to be my partner.” She told me without a filter. “He was a good kid, just… misguided.” She fell back onto the bed. “I’d forgotten until now. I pretty much ruined his life.”
I looked at her sympathetically, and she reached out to me. I took her hand and pulled her into a sitting position. She criss-crossed her legs and I sighed. “Want me to continue, or would you prefer to revel in your guilt?”
She laughed and shook her head, “As nice as that would be, I think the better option is for you to continue.”
I loved her laugh, she had taken her walls down again, and I was glad. I hated her guarded version of herself, it was so blank it was scary, and sad.
“Alright well, let’s get back to the story. We were at the-“
“Wait!” She cut me off and I looked up at her. She was examining her arms, and then she felt her stomach. Her hands touched her cheek and then went down to her neck. I couldn’t figure out what she was doing until she asked.
“How long was I sleeping?” Her hand slipped under the black shirt Amy had dyed and resized from one of the ugly fear dresses, and she gasped. She turned away from me and lifted her shirt up, looking at her abdomen. “The scars are gone,” She whispered. She wasn’t panicking, she was just surprised. I hadn’t even thought to mention that.
“Jinxx healed you while you slept, you were only asleep for seven hours.” I assured her and she shook her head, sitting down on her ankles.
“That doesn’t make any sense.” She kept touching her neck, and I sighed, standing.
“Ashtin.” I said while pacing, commanding her attention. I felt her gaze bore into me and continued speaking. “I know that it’s my fault that you were trapped there the way that you were, and I just want you to know I’m never going to let anything like that happen again.”
“Stop that.” She said, getting up and coming to force me to stop moving. “You’re being stupid.” She said simply, and I looked at her curiously. She was rarely brash, but when she was it was because she had something to say.
“What do you mean?” I asked, knowing she was probably debating whether or not so say what she was planning on saying.
“I mean there was a fifty percent chance of what happened happening anyway. I don’t blame you, so stop blaming yourself. We both know you can’t keep bad things from happening to me, I’m a magnet for the worst possible case scenario.” She said slowly, like I wasn’t going to understand what she was saying. I looked at her curiously.
“You’re an idiot, you know that.” She laughed and shook her head moving away from me. “What happened, Prophet, it isn’t something worth dwelling on.” She crossed her arms over her stomach as she turned to face away from me. In that brief moment I could see the slump of her shoulders, and the bow to her head. She was far more broken than she was letting on.
“Ashtin-“ I started, but she cut me off.
“Andy, don’t.” Her grip on herself tightened slightly. “Can- can you go? I don’t want to talk anymore.” She refused to look at me, and knowing that it was wisest not to push her I left the room silently. She could have whatever she wanted, if she wanted to be alone, she could be. If she wanted answers, she could have them. She could’ve agreed whole-heartedly that it was my fault she’d been through what she had, but for whatever reason she wasn’t blaming me, and I was attributing it to that heart of gold she had, but hid behind a shield of barbed wire and ebony.
As the door closed silently I made a promise to myself to make her happy at all costs. She deserved to be happy after everything she’d been through.

Notes

So, there are a couple songs between this one and I am Bulletproof, I know, but I'm just going to tell you how I was going to incorporate them, and we'll all be friends again. So there was going to be an attack on the Rebel Camp and New Years Day was going to be the rallying speech Andy gave before sending the guys off to get Ashtin, and the F.E.A.R. Transmission was going to be an outtake in third person of The Voice because there were a lot of escapes recently, most of them going to the rebel camp, but some of them getting to the Wild Ones.
Anyway I thought this was super cute and informative, so now you know the back stories I gave all the guys, and naturally they're all really sad, which is, well, sad, but yeah...
So from now on I have to actually write out the things that I have to update, this was the last of the things that I had typed out already, because it was long as hell.
Thanks for reading ^-^
♥ Ashtin