Longing (Andley & Cinxx)

Panting, I sat up. With wide eyes, I stared at the wall, darkness surrounding my vision. Did I just dream that... about Andy? Mentally panicking, I shot out of bed, stripped the hotel sheets away, and changed boxers. I became aware of my migraine coming back.

For the past week, I've been sick as a dog. The doctor waved it off as a cold, but I wasn't entirely sure that was the case. Andy had been playing bass while I was home- right about now, they should be in the middle of a show. I sat on my bed, and took my head in hand. What the fuck had made me dream like that? I'm not gay!

Don't get me wrong, Andy was a gorgeous male, but I liked females. Blonde, big boobed females.

I heard the door to the hotel we were staying in open, and sweaty guys poured in. "ASH, you should be asleep " Andy said, frowning. I bit my lip. "I was thirsty." I told him, and scrambled off to the kitchen. The sight of his big blue eyes set shudders down my spine, and I took one of the plastic solo cups, filling it with water.

Gulping it down, I squeaked audibly as a hand rested on my shoulder. "Ash, what's wrong?" I bit my lip as I heard Andy. "Uh.. nothing." I stammered, and I felt his glare intensify. "Ashley, I don't like liars. Tell me what's wrong."

"You'd hate me if you knew." I whispered, and pulled away from his curious gaze. "I'd never hate you, Ashley. Please tell me.."

His blue eyes were pleading, and I bit my tongue. "No, Andy. I don't want to." The singer's soft eyes hardened visibly, and I felt a unexpected tremor of fear course through me. Andy was harmless, why was I so scared? Because you're scared to tell him you had a wet dream about him, the voice in my head told me.

"Ashley, will you stop being a god damn baby and just tell me already? Jesus fucking Christ, it can't be that bad!" I felt tears spring up in my eyes. Andy never yelled directly at any of us, but more with us. I also had a fucking headache from hell.

"Umm.. I.." I stuttered, and took a quick glance at the kitchen door, before bolting out it. "ASHLEY!" I ran into the bathroom, and shut the door, locking it right as Andy began twisting the knob. "Go away, Andrew!"

I turned the shower on, and stripped from my clothes. I could hear his footsteps stomping away.

I looked at my eyeliner sharpener, thinking over some thoughts I shouldn't.

How would it feel to have a razor gash my skin again.

How much the pain would bring me relief... I jumped as I heard knocking on the door. "Who is it?"

"CC. I need to piss." I unlocked the door, hoping into the spray of hot water. Heading the door open and close, I stayed silent. The audible sound of pee hitting the toilet water made it awkward, until he spoke. "Andy is pacing the living room. What happened, Ashley?" Oddly, I really wanted to tell CC... maybe because he was gay.

Yup, you heard me. CHRISTIAN MORA. Party man, is gay. He told me when he and I began to hang out.. I was honored he thought me trustworthy enough to tell me.

"Uhh... I had a odd dream." I state, letting the water soak my hair. "About what, dude?"

"Promise not to laugh or tell anyone?" I asked shyly, my cheeks heating up. CC said a brief yes.

"I had a wet dream.... about Andy." I stammered, gently washing my hair. "Its normal for straight people to have gay wet dreams, Ash."

"But why about him? He has a fucking girlfriend, I shouldn't dream about Andy doing things he did!" I nearly shouted. CC was quiet, then he said, "Oh fuck..." I heard the door open, and I peeked out. Andy was standing there with a unrecognizable emotion on his face. No. This was bad.

My eyes burned again with tears. "CC, leave..." I whispered, as Andy sprinted out of sight. CC just left, closing the door. I locked it, and snatched my sharpener. I smashed the weak plastic, and grabbed the sharp metal that hit the floor.

I got back in the shower, and sat down. I twirled the blade, and looked at the old scars on my thighs. I promised CC I would stop. I've been clean for three months. As I heard knocking on the door, I drug the metal into my tan skin. I threw my head back at the pain, and made another.... and another.... soon there was five on each thigh.

"Ashley, I know what you're doing! Stop, please!" CC's desperate voice shouted above the hissing water. I got up, and let him in again. "I'm sorry, CC..." I cried, feeling the air burn my new wounds. CC didn't take notice I was naked, and set me down on the toilet lid. "I'm going to clean them, okay? Don't do it again."

So, he cleaned and bandaged me, and I pulled my boxers back on. "Can you cuddle with me, CC?"I asked, shyly. Normally, I would be repulsed at the thought of being in bed with a guy, but now I felt so vulnerable.

"Yeah, Ash." He opened the door, and I ignored the questioning stares of Jake and Jinxx as he lead me to his bed room for the night. I crawled up into the bed, and CC came next to me. I guess he was waiting for me to lay down. I did, and he got in next to me.

I wrapped my arms around him, leaning my head into the crook of his shoulder. "I'm so sorry, CC.... I didn't mean to." I whimpered, pathetically. Why I was acting like this, I had no idea.

"Shh, it's okay Ash. I know.." his normally cheerful voice was soothing. I became aware of a presence, just as I heard a deep voice.

"Looks like Ashley is turning CC gay." CC straightened up. "Stop being a asshole, Andy! I've been gay since I joined this band, Ashley was the only one who noticed. He can't help what his mind projects!" I knew Andy had nothing against gays; he had something against me. "Fuck, Andy! Ashley just... never mind." He caught himself before he spewed my secret. "He just what?" Andy now sounded worried.

"Not that I'm being rude, but you wouldn't care. Let us sleep." CC snapped. I heard retreating footsteps. "I'm sorry, CC. I didn't want you and Andy to fight." I sadly said, pushing myself up. "Maybe it'd be best if I went out for a little bit...."

"No, Ash. Just sleep, alright?"

I nodded, closing my eyes.

Notes