Recollection

Ashley didn’t readily speak after Andy’s response. I watched the spoon drop onto Punk's tray and the bowl crash to the floor. He whipped his head around and I gazed into rage-filled eyes.

“So when the fuck were you gonna tell me?” he spat. “Or were you even going to?”

I could see his body going rigid with anger.

"How do you know he's yours?"

"Spare me the lies Autumn!" Ash spewed as he jumped up. "If something was going on between you and him, you would have never got into in bed with me!"

The quick jump startled Punk and he began to whimper.

I saw the rigidness quickly fade as Ash unbuckled and handed Andy our son, asking him to finish the task at hand and clean him up.

Nervousness hit hard as I watched the two of them retreat.

"Are you so damn disgusted with me that you couldn’t even tell me?” he asked coming closer to sit on the other end of the couch.

“I planned on telling you honestly! I just didn't know how or when." I paused and continued.

“It’s not like I could call you up on the phone and say Oh, guess what..I just delivered your son! Thought you’d like to know!”

I saw Ashley flinch at my choice of words.

“It’s not like things were in good standing when I left."

“Things aren't like they were before." he interrupted.

"You can honestly sit here and tell me that there's isn't a different whore each and every night?"

"Autumn.." Pain resonated from his face. "It was never like that.."

“Tell me another fucking lie!" I screamed.

Anger was bubbling up to the surface. I hated the range of emotions I felt when I was with him.

In one instance, I could be in love with the man and crave him with every ounce of my being, but in a blink of an eye it could all change dramatically and I could despise and hate him for even breathing.

"What the fuck, Autumn? I told you the truth years ago!"

Obviously wounded by my words, he stood and walked across the room.

"You just couldn't wrap your goddamn brain around it! I'm not like every man that's been in your life!"

“Yeah right!" I scoffed.

“We were together for almost three years. Yes, I flirted with other girls. I let my hands roam a little bit; and I kissed a few, but never once did I sleep with anyone but you!"

I shook my head in disagreement.

My father was a womanizer. It was very well known that he didn't have a faithful bone in his body. His children - my two brothers and I followed suit. My brothers more so than I.

Despite the image and reputation I had been known for, I had remained true to Ashley when we were together and up until that faithful night, the same had gone for Declan and I.

If I hadn't gone chasing after a lost ghost and letting my judgment lapse, I seriously believed Declan wouldn't have the hate and discontent built up inside that caused him to explode. But then again, it wasn't like I wasn't truthful about Ashley and how he affected me.

“Autumn, the other girls just temporarily fill the empty void. They don't measure up and I don't think they ever will!"

Notes