Forgive me.
I miss the misery
Faiths pov
Burning cuts are covering my body, my arms and legs are stiff from all the healing wounds. I can't open my eyes, and I can barely hear. But I focus on each sound. Soft sobbing from other rooms, reassuring doctors, long beeps and squeaking shoes. I'm in hospital, Im sure of it.
Soon Im able to lift my eyelids, but I quickly shut them again from the sudden light. Once again I hear the long beep, sobbing, and squeaking shoes. Someone else has died in the ER.
But eventually I accustom to the light, and I look around. Andy is staring at me with furrowed brows and ash's mouth is hanging open. "You'll catch flies in there Ash." He jaw snaps shut and a burst of nervous laughter fills the room. "You're awake!" Yeah.. I'm awake. Looking around I notice curtians separating each of the patients, and I see a mother on the floor in front of a bed. Her child had died.
That explains the sounds I heard...
Wait.. My child.. ROSIE. "Where's Rosie?" I quickly sit up, suddenly panicking, and I can feel every single cut on my body being pulled and tugged, or that might be the excessive amount of wires connected to me, I don't know. I look down and see stitches in quite a few of the cuts. Ashley stands up and pushes my shoulders down softly so I lay back down. "She's with CC, they're coming now to see you," I close my eyes and inhale, smelling rubber gloves and hand soap,the usual hospital smells, sudden relief taking over. My head drops to the side so I can rest on the pillow easier. I look down at my arms and I trace the cuts upwards to my hands, then I focus on all the lines in my hands, on my knuckles, and the small blue lines under my skin. Then I see a clip on my finger, connected to a wire. My eyes follow the wire to a screen, showing my heart rate. 95 per minute and going down. It's probably that high because my little nervous burst there about Rosie. The usual heart rate for resting is 80 per minute, but I don't think I'll be able to get that low, I'm too nervous, my connection back to the real world made all these thoughts cut my mind again and again. I look up and realise that Ashley was talking to me. "Huh?"
"I was just saying that I think maybe after Rosie's seen you we should all head home, Andy said that he'll stay here with you though. " More sobbing from the mother, the nurses desperately try to comfort her. "Agreed. This is no place for my little girl.."
I look up and see the lights that tormented my eyes earlier. I carefully move my arms and try to lift the blanket over them, so that Rosie won't see them. Ash runs over and does it for me. "Thanks" I mutter. I close my eyes, and I focus on the sound again, I want nothing to do with my thoughts, they were what got me here in the first place. I hear a soft, male voice getting louder, or getting closer. I pinpoint onto it. "-quiet and really careful, I'll close the curtain.." And I heard a soft high pitched voice, light as a snowflake reply back. I couldn't make out what she was saying. I open my eyes to see CC and Rosie walk in. "Mommy!" She whispers, making sure she didn't disturb anyone. I smile weakly and as I do I notice how incredibly tired and fragile I really am right now. I must look terrible.. "hey baby, you miss me?" Rosie stopped dead in her tracks. "You. Promised." I felt my heart drop. "Oh Rose I am so so sorry..." Her bottom lip quivered. I nearly left my child. I can't believe I put my own needs in front of her own... Fuck I'm a terrible mother. I notice the heart rate monitor go up more and more in the corner of my eye. CC lifts her up onto the bed. I gently hold her hands and look straight into her eyes. "Rosie.." She looks into mine and I keep talking. "I am so. So sorry. I was incredibly selfish. Could you do me the honour of possibly forgiving me?" She smiles and her dimples caused CC to make a weird squeaking sound, different to the rubber squeak of the nurses shoes against the floor. Then I hear the sobbing again, reminding me. "Rosie, the guys are going to take you home ok?" Her smile quickly faded and her eyes widened, "who's going to take care of you?!"
"It's ok rose, I'll take care of Mom. " The deep rose grumbles through the air softly. I look over at Andy. "Finally spoke up huh?" He smiles and his eyes twinkle. Making me feel weak in the stomach. I hate it.
Burning cuts are covering my body, my arms and legs are stiff from all the healing wounds. I can't open my eyes, and I can barely hear. But I focus on each sound. Soft sobbing from other rooms, reassuring doctors, long beeps and squeaking shoes. I'm in hospital, Im sure of it.
Soon Im able to lift my eyelids, but I quickly shut them again from the sudden light. Once again I hear the long beep, sobbing, and squeaking shoes. Someone else has died in the ER.
But eventually I accustom to the light, and I look around. Andy is staring at me with furrowed brows and ash's mouth is hanging open. "You'll catch flies in there Ash." He jaw snaps shut and a burst of nervous laughter fills the room. "You're awake!" Yeah.. I'm awake. Looking around I notice curtians separating each of the patients, and I see a mother on the floor in front of a bed. Her child had died.
That explains the sounds I heard...
Wait.. My child.. ROSIE. "Where's Rosie?" I quickly sit up, suddenly panicking, and I can feel every single cut on my body being pulled and tugged, or that might be the excessive amount of wires connected to me, I don't know. I look down and see stitches in quite a few of the cuts. Ashley stands up and pushes my shoulders down softly so I lay back down. "She's with CC, they're coming now to see you," I close my eyes and inhale, smelling rubber gloves and hand soap,the usual hospital smells, sudden relief taking over. My head drops to the side so I can rest on the pillow easier. I look down at my arms and I trace the cuts upwards to my hands, then I focus on all the lines in my hands, on my knuckles, and the small blue lines under my skin. Then I see a clip on my finger, connected to a wire. My eyes follow the wire to a screen, showing my heart rate. 95 per minute and going down. It's probably that high because my little nervous burst there about Rosie. The usual heart rate for resting is 80 per minute, but I don't think I'll be able to get that low, I'm too nervous, my connection back to the real world made all these thoughts cut my mind again and again. I look up and realise that Ashley was talking to me. "Huh?"
"I was just saying that I think maybe after Rosie's seen you we should all head home, Andy said that he'll stay here with you though. " More sobbing from the mother, the nurses desperately try to comfort her. "Agreed. This is no place for my little girl.."
I look up and see the lights that tormented my eyes earlier. I carefully move my arms and try to lift the blanket over them, so that Rosie won't see them. Ash runs over and does it for me. "Thanks" I mutter. I close my eyes, and I focus on the sound again, I want nothing to do with my thoughts, they were what got me here in the first place. I hear a soft, male voice getting louder, or getting closer. I pinpoint onto it. "-quiet and really careful, I'll close the curtain.." And I heard a soft high pitched voice, light as a snowflake reply back. I couldn't make out what she was saying. I open my eyes to see CC and Rosie walk in. "Mommy!" She whispers, making sure she didn't disturb anyone. I smile weakly and as I do I notice how incredibly tired and fragile I really am right now. I must look terrible.. "hey baby, you miss me?" Rosie stopped dead in her tracks. "You. Promised." I felt my heart drop. "Oh Rose I am so so sorry..." Her bottom lip quivered. I nearly left my child. I can't believe I put my own needs in front of her own... Fuck I'm a terrible mother. I notice the heart rate monitor go up more and more in the corner of my eye. CC lifts her up onto the bed. I gently hold her hands and look straight into her eyes. "Rosie.." She looks into mine and I keep talking. "I am so. So sorry. I was incredibly selfish. Could you do me the honour of possibly forgiving me?" She smiles and her dimples caused CC to make a weird squeaking sound, different to the rubber squeak of the nurses shoes against the floor. Then I hear the sobbing again, reminding me. "Rosie, the guys are going to take you home ok?" Her smile quickly faded and her eyes widened, "who's going to take care of you?!"
"It's ok rose, I'll take care of Mom. " The deep rose grumbles through the air softly. I look over at Andy. "Finally spoke up huh?" He smiles and his eyes twinkle. Making me feel weak in the stomach. I hate it.
Notes
I really really like this chapter for some reason, sorry I haven't updated I was totally stumped for what to write and then suddenly I had a really good day
So cute how she refers to her as munchkin *u*
11/4/14