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Love And Other Drugs

Deathly Silent

@LuxeDoll: Really missing my love @AndyBVB. Wish he didn't have to tour longer than me : (
Silence

@LuxeDoll: Saw an awesome Batman shirt today. Of course I had to buy it for my love @AndyBVB
Silence

@LuxeDoll: Playing in Ohio is so weird not having @AndyBVB and the rest of @BVB here with me.
Silence

@LuxeDoll: Woke up late today-grrr. It's been hard sleeping alone without my love @AndyBVB
Silence

@LuxeDoll: Can't wait to see you guys this summer on Vans Warped Tour! To answer the most popular question-of course @AndyBVB and I will be doing Broken
Silence

@LuxeDoll: Watching Batman without @AndyBVB doesn't feel natural
Silence

@LuxeDoll: An old photo of Feather from when @AndyBVB and I got her and Crow. Sooo fluffy!
Silence

@LuxeDoll: I can't believe this tour is almost over! Everyone has been fucking awesome on the US leg and I can't wait to get over to the UK in a few weeks to see you guys!

@LuxeDoll: To answer everyone's burning question-yes @AndyBVB and I are still together. We love one another-always have and always will
Silence

@LuxeDoll: @ChrisBiersack your son @AndyBVB has really strange eating habits and I've always wondered where he got them from.
Silence

@LuxeDoll: Last night of the tour and then it's back home for a week! @AndyBVB I'll see you soon my love!
Silence


It was deafening, maddening and Luxe felt like she was going to break in to tears at any moment. She was sitting in her dressing room-alone-and she couldn't even think about going to the room next door to party. It had been two weeks since she had seen Andy, since they had fought and she walked away from him-from everything.

What Andy had said to her about not being Lucinda anymore had haunted Luxe and the only way she could deal with that ghost was to kill it with alcohol. She drank herself to sleep every night and she had started openly shooting up in the girl's dressing room. Luxe was falling fast and no one knew what to do to help slow her down.

The girls were all in the other room, drinking and partying it up to celebrate a successful tour with the guys of MIW. They had played to sold out shows, despite the fact that their newest album had tanked and Luxe knew it was because their fans were loyal. But how long was that going to last?

She had already seen evidence of things online, Tumblr mostly, where the fans were questioning the girls talent, their appreciation of the fans and of course Luxe and Andy's relationship status. It made Luxe depressed just thinking about it and so she quickly took a swig from the half full bottle of Jack in her hands before laying back on the couch.

Andy had not responded to any of her texts, he refused to pick up the phone when she called him and his Skype account hadn't been logged in to since right before their fight. Luxe had kept things normal on social media-tagging him in things on Twitter and Instagram-but it was more as a comfort to herself than anything.

Luxe could not and did not want to admit that she fucked up. She had fucked up her life so bad that she didn't even know where to begin to fix it and the thought of that just made her take another swig from the bottle in her small hands. Andy hated her-worse now than he ever had and Luxe was powerless to do anything about that besides drink her troubles away.

But the booze was doing nothing for her-she could barely feel anything anymore and she knew she needed a bump. The laughter from the room next door mocked her as Luxe sat up and looked around. The room was a mess-clothes, hair products and empty bottles were all over the place and she felt ashamed.

The girls were a wild bunch and they had completely lost any control and respect for other people that they'd ever had on this tour. They partied at the venue until bus call, then they partied on the bus until at least three fourths of those on the bus were passed out.

They also liked destroying hotel rooms-much to Alex's chagrin-and they didn't give a fuck about the cost or if they got kicked out. It was going to be rough going overseas because the hotels over there put up with way less and Luxe knew they were probably going to get kicked out of at least half of the places they were going to stay.

Mads seemed to be the worst-her anger at the world was at an all time high with the album failing-and she would just completely lose control. Tvs would be tossed out of windows, landing on the cars below, beds would be set on fire and thrown from the roof. It was crazy-fun, but fucking insane-and Luxe always seemed to be in the middle of it all.

Luxe was a tabloid darling-something that she noticed early on, but never let it bother her-and not a week went by where she wasn't in some magazine. At first it had been pretty awesome stopping at a gas station and seeing her face on a cover or a story about her inside the pages. But then it had been all good things-how talented the girls were, their rise to fame and Luxe's great sense for fashion.

Now it was all negative-her weight, her looks, her relationship and her bad habits plastered all over those pages like it was no big deal. A love and body language expert had just put out an article in US Weekly, talking about Hollywood relationships and how to tell if they were real or fake. She and Andy were featured-in the fake section.

Photos of the couple throughout their relationship had been analyzed, scrutinized and the expert had pretty much deduced that their relationship, while sweet, was fake and mostly for publicity. Fuck. Luxe had looked at those photos and smiled-they made her so happy, but the words beneath each one made her want to pull her hair out.

Luxe was called disinterested, desperate and a fake-words hurt. At the time she and Andy had still been on speaking terms and so she had called him and let him talk her off the ledge she had been on. Now it was nonstop her being on that ledge and Luxe jumped every single time.


"Where the fuck is my stuff?" She called out to no one as she moved from the couch and walked over to her dressing table.


After shuffling through two bags, Luxe finally pulled out her small makeup bag and set it down on the dressing table. She took a seat, her fingers shaking as she unzipped the small bag and looked inside. What had once held her stage makeup that she had applied herself, was now filled with every drug that Luxe needed to make it through the day.

Her needles were in a small bag, their bright orange caps making her smile. Then there was the burnt spoon, the lighter and finally a small bag of fine white powder. There were also three pill bottles-Valium, uppers and her Ambien-and of course a few Molly pills, some Coke and a few other goodies for when the girls really partied.

Luxe searched around for a tie off, smiling as she found a broken leather strap that had come from Pixie's boot earlier in the night. Luxe pushed up the sleeve of her arm, the dark purple track marks dotting her once perfect skin like a plague. Quickly she tied off, smacking her skin as she waited for a vein to pop up like a daisy.

Finally finding one that wasn't damaged, Luxe sprinkled some of the magic white powder on to the spoon she had placed between her teeth and then the click of her lighter broke the silence. The powder bubbled and oozed as it caught the heat and Luxe sighed as the pungent smell filled the air.

The tip of the needle went in to the dark liquid, sucking it up hungrily and Luxe knew she was only moments away from a peace that she couldn't find any other way. Taking in a deep breath, Luxe closed her eyes as she felt the needle prick against her skin and find its destination. Breathing slowly. She released the plunger and felt a lightness wash over her body.

Nothing mattered in that moment and Luxe smiled softly as the needle fell from her fingers, rolled across the table and then dropped to the floor. The lightness only lasted for a moment and Luxe's eyes popped open as she realized-she hadn't cooked enough.

A low growl escaped her lips as Luxe dug through her small bag and pulled out her bottle of Valium and her Ambien. It was sleep time anyways and so she popped open each top, let the pills fall out and on to the table top and then she swept them all into the palm of her hand and opened her mouth.

Washing pills down with Jack was terrible, but Luxe only smiled as she let the now empty pill bottles roll to the floor and made her way to the couch. She would nap here until it was bus call and then she was going to sleep while they drove to the airport. Soon enough she would be at home in her bed, only to do this all over again in a week.

Luxe laid there, her grey eyes hazed and glazed over as she sipped at the bottle in her hands. She looked at the ceiling, seeing the patterns and as she laid there she giggled in her stupor, wondering silently if other's had done this before her. She wondered about a lot of things as she laid there, her eyes drifting closed but then popping open at the slightest bit of noise.

What were the other girls doing? Who were they talking to? Who were they fucking. God Luxe missed being with someone-she and Andy hadn't been intimate for months and while the offer with Chris still sat on the table, Luxe couldn't bring herself to do it. Instead she laid in bed at night, drunkenly crying to herself until she passed out.

Luxe took another sip, but there was nothing left in the bottle to drink-she had devoured the entire bottle alone and that was kind of scary. Since when had she started doing this? Why had she become such a worthless piece of shit? Luxe had enjoyed drinking with the girls, but suddenly it seemed less about the girls and more about drinking her own thoughts in to oblivion.

Luxe groaned-her head was reeling and as she tried to sit up, she soon realized that that wasn't such a good idea. Luxe didn't even notice that people were starting to filter in to the room, probably to start packing up.


"Hey girl-we were wondering where you had run off to." Someone was saying to her and Luxe looked to her left, her head hanging to the side and resting on her shoulder as she couldn't seem to even hold her own head up.

"I-uh...in here...fine..." She slurred and the person beside her-it seemed to be a very blurry Pixie-was looking at Luxe with concern.

"Luxe? Are you okay?" The voice asked, the tone wavering in and out and Luxe could see that the corners of her eyes were beginning to close in. The blackness was taking her and this time she was going to let it.

"Hmmm..." She mumbled and then fell forward.

"Holy shit! Someone call Alex!" A voice called out, but it was just an echo in Luxe's mind.


She was laying face down on the hardwood floor, something sticky covering her face and yet Luxe didn't care. The darkness was coming and while usually she fought it, this time she welcomed it with open and desperate arms.

Notes

It looks like Luxe finally jumped...too bad Andy's not there to catch her anymore.

Review to see if Luxe survives or if I've killed her off completely<3

Comments

@Giacobra

I'm so glad you found this little gem. Sadly this was my last full story, but I do have a few other serial stories on this site which are different from this one, but just as well written. You can find all of them in my profile<3

Broken Wing Broken Wing
4/16/16

So I can honestly say I didn't discover this story until recently. When I first started reading it I knew it would be one of my favorites from this site. I saw the sad ending coming but dear god I was still not prepared in any way. You wrote everything so genuinely and in a way that showed an amazing range of real and raw emotions. I may or may not have been crying profusely through the last chapters. This was a beautiful, bittersweet, and amazing story and I look forward to anything else you may ever decide to write. Thank you

Giacobra Giacobra
4/15/16

I've been reading this story for so long and now it has come to an end. It ended so beautifully. Thank you for the hard work you put into this. This was a great story <3

This was probably the first stories I read here. Every chapter was amazing, and you just as an amazing writer. Thank you for making such an amazing story. It felt so real to be part of the life of Luxe and the Dolls!!

RisenDemon RisenDemon
3/31/16

I'm pretty sure I've done nothing but cry while reading these last few chapters. You do a wonderful job getting the reader emotionally involved in this story, and I'm really glad that I was able to read this wonderfully written piece. Thank you for all of the time and hard work that went into this story. It is definitely one of the best that I have read in a really long time.

LostInTheMusic LostInTheMusic
3/31/16