Love And Other Drugs
She Is The Zombie
The heat was unbearable and Luxe was now regretting her choice of long skinny jeans, martens and her leather jacket. They were finally on the last leg of their tour in Sydney Australia and unfortunately no one had told her that all of their venues would be outside. Standing on the side of the stage, watching Andy and the guys run around as they played their new song off their EP, Luxe couldn’t help but smile.
It had been a week since she and Andy had come back together and it had been kind of weird. Nice, but weird all the same. Their buses had been left back in Europe and now the touring group would be set up in hotels around the country.
The awkward thing about that was that Alex made sure that Luxe and Andy roomed together, to keep up appearances of course, but it had been strange. She had slept with Andy on their busses, but Luxe had never shared an actual living space with him. The kid was, well, incredibly messy and when she had come in to the room last night-Andy was still out with the guys doing a late night interview-Luxe had wanted to scream.
Suitcases laid all over every available surface, shirts and pants were strewn across the floors and there was a discarded boot hanging from one of the over head lights. The bathroom had been worse-Andy had let the counter get completely covered and black finger prints were all over every surface from his makeup kit.
It had taken her over an hour to get everything cleaned up and then Luxe had taken a very long and hot bath. She was still detoxing and was prone to having anxiety attacks. She and Andy had sat down the morning after their night in the alleyway, waiting for their flight to begin boarding, and talked things out.
Andy wanted to be with her-he loved her and that was something that he didn’t ever think would happen again after Scout-but he couldn’t sit by and watch her completely ruin herself. Luxe knew that she had a problem, but she didn’t have the strength to completely admit it to herself, let alone Andy. So they had agreed, once again, that she would sober up and Andy would try his hardest to keep her occupied and away from the partying side of things.
Things had been hard, especially once they had reached Australia because they were located around so many bars and nightclubs. The girls had begged her to go out that first night, but Luxe relented and soon enough she and Andy were holed up in their hotel room, eating room service and watching cartoons. It had been fun hanging out with Andy, it had been relaxing and easy to just be herself.
With Andy Luxe could be Lucinda again, the fun loving now twenty one year old girl who had once been studying to be a teacher. Andy had seemed fascinated by her past-obviously he had never even thought about the fact that Luxe had not intended to have this kind of life. She had completely immersed herself in this life and sometimes Luxe regretted her decision almost a year ago.
“You okay Luxe?” Someone asked from behind her and as Luxe turned around she smirked. The girls were all standing there, concern on their faces as they plucked and tuned their instruments. The Dolls were closing out the night and they were ready to melt faces.
“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Just watching the guys run around out there.” Luxe said and then nearly jumped as someone placed a hand on her shoulder. It was Char and the purple haired girl looked concerned. In fact all of the girls held worried looks on their faces-even Mads.
“You sure?” Mads asked, her tattooed arms above her head as she stretched her long limbs. Her trusty drumsticks were probably in the back pocket of her skinny leather pants and her taunt stomach was further exposed with her stretching.
“Positive.” The singer smiled, but the girls weren’t buying it. Luxe had been avoiding them and it was beginning to force a crack in to their little group. Char missed hanging out with the charismatic girl and she knew that something wasn’t right.
“Just tell us what’s going on Luxe…” Pixie said, piping up from the back of the group and Luxe’s eyes grew wide. The small girl, always so pleasant and happy, sounded sad and kind of hurt.
“Nothing is going on guys.” Now Luxe was the one who sounded angry-why were they pushing her like this? Sure she probably should of told them about her sobering up, but Luxe was ashamed that she even had this problem to begin with.
“Then why don’t you want to hang out with us anymore?” Lulu spoke up and Luxe felt terrible as she looked at her best friend. Luxe had never thought they would come to that conclusion, but apparently she was dead wrong.
Why did the girls have to do this right now? They were only a few weeks away from finishing their tour and then they would go back to LA and hopefully begin work on a new album. What was she supposed to say? Sorry guys but I’m an addict and the partying just isn’t helping? She probably should say that, but the girls would most likely shrug it off, hand her a shot and get her to do a few lines.
Mads was completely immersed in her drinking, Pixie and Lulu took Molli on a daily basis at this point and Char was up for anything and everything. The Hollywood Dolls had turned in to a band of hard partying rocker chicks and Luxe was stuck right in the middle of it.
The night before, while Andy and Luxe had been sitting in their room, watching a movie and cuddling on the bed, a noise had broken out in the hallway. It was a mixture of shouting, screaming, crying and cursing and it made Luxe jump when it broke out right outside their door. Andy had jumped up, pulling the door open while Luxe stayed back, but she could still hear what was going on.
Mads-drunk as anything-had brought a random guy back to the room that she and Char were sharing and the guy had started in on Char. Mads and Char had then ganged up on the poor guy and suddenly a television had been tossed out in to the hallway, broken and smoking as it sat on the carpeted floor. The next morning the entire tour party had been moved to a new hotel and Luxe found herself mortified.
“It’s not that I don’t want to hang out with you anymore Lulu, it’s just that Andy and I need to reconnect for alittle bit.” Luxe explained and then felt a rage enter her as Char rolled her eyes and Mads gave a loud frustrated sigh.
“Well the guys invite Andy out as well…we don’t get why you two think you’re better than us.” Char said and Luxe felt her fists clench tightly. Was this really happening right now? Were these girls really trying to do this with her right this minute-moments before they were to get on stage?
“Are you fucking serious right now?! Char I have never, ever, thought that I was better than any of you!” Luxe defended herself, crossing her leather clad arms over her chest. Her grey eyes were filled with anger as she looked back and forth between her bandmates. How could they think that of her?
“Says the only girl in the entire band who gets her own interviews. I’m not the one on the cover of Rocker Chic Magazine…” Char said pointedly and Luxe felt like punching her. This wasn’t happening right now-this couldn’t be happening mere minutes before they were to go on stage.
“I never asked for those interviews Char! I never said I wanted to do a solo cover on any magazine!” Luxe could feel the hot tears begin to spring to the surface and she could feel her hands shaking in anger. She needed to calm down-she need to get lost in something.
“Yeah but you never said no either. Face it-you like being the head girl in the band…you take after your boyfriend after all it seems.” Mads said and Luxe felt her entire face go numb.
Luxe stood there and suddenly she remembered how much the girls had hated Andy at first and why. He was on the cover of magazines-alone-a lot of the time and he did have a pretty hefty ego when it came to his band. Luxe had hated him just as much as her friends, but their private moments together had completely changed her mind.
She had thought that the girls had seen a different side to Andy, but as they glared at her and at the love of her life as he ran around on stage, Luxe knew then and there that nothing had changed. Well, one thing had changed because now it seemed like they hated her just as much as Andy. Holding back her tears with a deep breath, Luxe held her head up high and faced her bandmates.
“I’m sorry you feel that way girls, but Alex had made it quite clear that he wants me to be the focal point of this band and we all know Alex always gets what he wants.” She knew that that would be the final say and sure enough the girls all just walked away from her, leaving Luxe to stand there in the darkness.
“Thank you so much Sydney! Next up is a group of incredibly talented girls so be prepared to rock out with The Hollywood Dolls!” She heard Andy yell from the stage and Luxe only smiled as she walked to the edge of the stage and stood there, waiting.
Should she tell him about what had just happened? Should Luxe tell Andy that she was wanting to use because she now felt so helpless?
“Great job out there babe!” Nope, she would tell him nothing and as she wrapped her leather covered arms around his bare neck, Andy smiled. He loved coming off stage to Luxe-he loved that she was back in his life.
“Thanks-the crowd is absolutely insane! I gotta go shower, but I’ll be back before you girls get going.” He said, his nose nuzzling her neck and Luxe only smiled as he kissed her skin and then disappeared to shower and rid himself of the sweat from the stage.
Soon enough Luxe found herself running around the stage, having shed her jacket in the heat and now she was only wearing her tight jeans and her Blackcraft Lucipur crop top. The girls were going crazy on stage-Char was banging her head so much that Luxe was worried she was going to give herself a concussion.
Pixie and Lulu were living it up out there and for a minute it seemed like all was well, but that was short lived as Luxe ran over to Char during a song, tried to toss her arm around the guitarists shoulders, but Char quickly moved out of reach. Fine, if they wanted to be that way then Luxe was going to fight fire with fire.
“You guys are fucking nuts!” Luxe called out in to the mic and received a loud bit of shouting in response. She smiled, placing her boot on to one of the small speakers as she placed the mic back in to its stand.
“You know, sometimes people in life let you down and sometimes they expect you to just lay there and take it, but no! Do not let people turn you in to a zombie…do not let them get you to a point where you become a shell of yourself! Fight!” She said pointedly and Luxe knew that the girls were aware of what she was talking about.
Oh. Fucking. Well.
As the guitar sounded out and Luxe shook her head back and forth slowly, she let herself go and tried to become the zombie that her bandmates had pushed her in to being.
I'm not listening to you
I am wandering right through existance
With no purpose and no drive
'Cause in the end we're all alive, alive
Two thousand years I've been awake
Waiting for the day to shake
To all of you who've wronged me
I am, I am a zombie
Again, again you want me to fall on my head
I am, I am, I am a zombie
How low, how low, how low will you push me
To go, to go, to go, before I lay, lay down dead
Can Luxe find a balance between what Andy wants and what the Dolls want?
What about what Luxe wants?