Love And Other Drugs

The light was dim as it filtered through the windows of the long black limo that Andy currently found himself sitting in. They had all left the funeral home, a somber parade of mourners, who were now gathering at Lucinda's final resting place. The day was warm, as warm as it could be for mid October and as Andy sat in the very back, he tugged at the collar of his suit. All of the girls were there with him in the limo-the four remaining Dolls.

Char was sitting the closest to him-her deep purple dress crumpled and wrinkled from her tugging and pulling at it. Her light lilac hair was messy in the back from where she had fussed at it and there was barely any eyeliner left rimming her red eyes. Mads was beside her and Andy had never seen the usually tough drummer look so broken. Her all black hair was pulled away from her face, but there was a few fly aways that seemed to get caught in her eyes.

Pixie and Lulu were sitting beside one another along one side of the limo and Andy noticed that even though they were comforting one another, it seemed impossible for them to stop crying. Pixie, with her newly dyed pink hair, was wearing the only black Andy had really ever seen her wear-a solid black dress that sat on her slim figure nicely. Lulu was also in black and Andy noticed that she couldn't seem to hold back tears long enough to wipe away the long rivers of black that were running down her cheeks.

These girls...these four amazingly strong girls...they had done it all and survived to tell the tale, but they were one less and Andy didn't know what that meant for them.

Would they audition a new singer?

He had asked Char on the plane ride over and she had just quivered her lip at him, her light eyes filling quickly with tears before she covered her face. He hadn't meant to make her cry and even as he comforted her, Andy knew that things would never be the same again. There would be very little laughter, very few happy moments and instead there were lots of tears and fading memories.

Andy suddenly realized as the car bumped along, that he could no longer remember what Lucinda smelled like. Lemons? No...no she wasn't much for citrus. Vanilla? No...no she always claimed it gave her a headache. As he sat there and pondered what to most would seem a simple question, Andy found that he was having a hard time breathing. This had been such an emotional and hard day-for everyone-but now that the silence was everywhere, Andy knew his thoughts were finally catching up to him.

He had been the last one to see Lucinda alive-he had been the last person to see her smile, hear her laugh and even to see her cry. God he would never look in to those haunting grey eyes again...he would never hear the tinkling noise of her voice for the rest of his life. Quickly he wiped away a tear that was running down his cheek and Andy knew then and there that his life would never be the same.

How could he go out on stage every night, sing the songs that he had written about her or even listen to the songs in the car that reminded him of her? How were the Dolls going to get by without their singer? That seemed to be a question that came up often and it was the only question that Alex still didn't have an answer for. The girls, obviously, would not tour and now the label was scurrying to find a replacement.

Andy didn't want a replacement-in fact he really didn't want to tour at all at this point. But the show would have to go on-they all knew it-but Andy just wished it could go on with Lucinda tagging along.

Andy smiled as he remember the nights he spent with Lucinda up on the top of the buses. The stars had shined brightly for them then, but now as Andy looked out the car window and noticed the dimming sky and the stars that had started to pop out he knew they weren't as bright. The car was nearing the cemetery where they would lay Lucinda to rest and Andy inhaled deeply.

They hadn't known what to do with Lucinda-where would they take her? Would she be laid to rest in LA? Or should they bring her back home? No one knew how to get a hold of her mother-Lucinda's last remaining relative-and even if they had Andy knew that the woman wouldn't of cared. So he had made the call-Lucinda would be laid to rest back in North Carolina because she had always seemed to like it there, even if it was filled with bad memories.

The Grove Cemetery and Gardens had been the first place Andy had looked and he knew just by scanning a few pictures that it would be perfect. The gravestones were shaded by tall oak trees and there were paths crisscrossing throughout the property-something Lucinda would of liked. Now as the car approached the huge wrought iron gates Andy felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest.

The road curved as they drove on towards the very heart of the cemetery-a plot that Andy had hand picked himself. The ceremony-was it even really called that?-had been beautiful and Andy smiled as he recalled how there had been a line out the door to get in. Lucinda had been very beloved and he knew she always would be.

Andy, CC, Jake, Jinxx, Ashley and Alex had all carried the solid black coffin out to the hearse as it waited for them and Andy hadn't even thought that that would be the very last time he held Lucinda in his arms. Now they would watch as she was lowered in to the ground-none of them would ever see her again. Andy sighed, holding back tears but his lip quivered and he knew that there would be no holding back once they got to the site.

It was beautiful and as the car finally came to a stop and Andy looked out, he could see that the few trees surrounding Lucinda's grave still held on to some of their orange and yellow leaves. This would be a very pretty site come the spring time and Andy knew that he would have to make a trip out in between tours to visit. He would be out often to visit, but his first wouldn't be for awhile.


"It's very pretty..." Pixie said, her voice small and sad sounding. Andy could only smile as he moved to get out the limo.

"Thanks Pix...Andy and I walked the entire property until finally he settled on this area." Char stated and Andy knew that all eyes were on him.


But his blue eyes were trained on the black coffin that was being removed from the hearse in front of them by the driver, which it was then placed on a long cart with sturdy wheels. The terrain was too bumpy and hilly for the guys to carry the coffin and Andy was kind of thankful that he wouldn't have to do that again. It was too hard to hold Lucinda in his arms, but to not be able to see her one last time.

He'd spent some alone time with her before everyone else had shown up earlier that day. The owner of the funeral home had let him in to the back room where she had been kept-where her body had been prepped. It had been cold in that room, but Andy had sucked it up because he knew he needed to say a last goodbye...alone.

Lucinda had been laid out on a table, her clothed body draped in a sheet that went up to her neck, but Andy was shocked to see that she looked the same and beautiful as ever. Her eyes were closed and a peaceful smile rested on her lips as she laid there. Andy went to her then, the tears spilling down his cheeks as he reached out and grasped one of her hands gently. The beautiful ring he had gotten her, but had never been able to give her properly, rested on her ring finger and Andy remembered placing his lips to the cold metal and kissing it gently.


"Andy..." Someone was saying and Andy only shook his head, his black bangs falling in to his eyes softly.

"Andy...it's time." Char was saying as she placed a hand on his back and tried to move him forward.


He was right behind the coffin as it was pushed slowly down a small hill and Andy could seem to barely move his feet. This couldn't happen...this couldn't be happening right now. He was going to wake up and when Andy opened his blue eyes he would see that he was laying right beside the girl of his dreams-he would be next to Lucinda. But no matter how many times he pinched himself or rubbed his eyes, Andy knew that this was no dream.

It was a nightmare.

The group waited as the driver and his assistant removed the coffin from its cart and got it position on the straps that would soon lower it in to the ground. Andy was the first to arrive at the site-the flowers from the funeral home had been brought over first and they were all surrounded by a very fragrant array of gorgeous arrangements. Andy saw that the light of the day was fading fast-just like his time with Lucinda.


"Does anyone have an words they would like to say?" The man from earlier was standing in front of them now, but the crowd remained silent.


What was there to say about such a person as Lucinda Abernathy? She had been sweet, kind and giving, but most of all she had been the best friend Andy had ever had. All of his life he had wandered alone, with a few friends by his side and his brothers in the band, but no one had ever gotten him the way Lucinda had. She knew his every thought it seemed and while he sometimes hated to admit it-Lucinda had been the best thing that had ever happened to him.

They all stood there, the wind whirling around their ankles as the crowd of at least a hundred remained silent, until a tiny voice from his left seemed to squeak to life...


" In the end. As you fade into the night..." Pixie, never the singer, sang out lowly and Andy felt his chest seize with pain.

"oh whoa oh oh..." Char and Mads harmonized and Andy knew that he would never be able to sing this song again without remembering everything Lucinda had been and would always be.

"In the end. As my soul's laid to rest what is left of my body. Or am I just a shell?" Ashley sang from his right and Andy tried to swallow the tears in his throat that seemed to be choking him.

"And I have fought... And with flesh and blood I commanded an army. Through it all... I have given my heart for a moment of glory." CC, Jake, Jinxx and Lulu chimed in and soon 99 people were all singing along.


Andy couldn't bring himself to sing, however. It was too painful and as the fading sky was filled with the saddest chorus one would ever hear, Andrew Biersack fell to his knees. His tattooed hands reached out to touch the smooth black metal before him and he knew then that this was it. This was his time to say goodbye to the only girl-the only person-who had ever understood him fully and he didn't know if he could go on.

As the voices in the background faded away and it seemed like Andy was the only person left-even though everyone was still there-he leaned in closely, pressing his lips to the coffin one last time before it began to be lowered in to the ground.

Andy stayed on his knees, watching as Lucinda seemed to disappear and all he could do was open his mouth and finish the song he knew would always be hers...


In the end
As you fade into the night
Who will tell the story of your life
And who will remember your last goodbye
'Cause it's the end and I'm not afraid
I'm not afraid to die

Notes

<3
A few more to come