Love And Other Drugs
Forever Is A Really Permanent Thing
The room was filled to the brim with people and a low chatter hung in the air like a thick fog. Andy stood near the front of the room, looking around at all of the people who had gathered there with him on this day. It had been a long day-frankly he was exhausted and yet he had barely had anything to do with the event of the day. He had been too distracted to really care what happened-he had just let Ash and CC get him on a plane, sit him in his seat and keep him alive until they landed in North Carolina.
As Andy looked around, his blue eyes landed on the girl that he would love forever. She looked so peaceful there across from him-her grey eyes were beautifully done in a light wash of makeup and her lips, her perfect lips, were turned up in to a slight smile and adorned with her classic cherry red lipstick. That blonde hair that he loved to twirl around his fingers at night was curled slightly, framing her beautiful face perfectly.
Luxe was in white-an off the shoulder dress that was beautiful, yet very simple. On her left ring finger was the gorgeous antique diamond ring that he had gotten her-his proposal of marriage still hung on his lips to this day. It was amazing to think that a week had passed and yet Andy's heart felt heavy as he stood there.
Andy, himself, was wearing a dark navy blue suit, his white shirt crisp and the collar stiff around his neck. His shoes were uncomfortable, but the girls had insisted that he wear formal shoes instead of his crusher boots. Andy knew Luxe would never care, but a threat from Char was one of the most terrifying things he had ever experienced and Andy never wanted to do it again.
He was still in awe at how many people had showed up-the church was packed and there were still people waiting outside to see them all as they left the church right after. Andy looked around, seeing that Pixie, Lulu and Mads were all seated in the very front row, while Ash, Jake, Jinxx and CC took seats next to them. Char was standing near the front with Andy, her frame covered in a deep purple dress. Alex was around here somewhere, running around as usual to make sure that things were perfect.
Andy knew that nothing would ever be as perfect as Luxe and as he looked at her once more, he felt his heart race with the love that he had for her.
Luxe was his perfect dream-she always had been even when he thought he had hated her-and Andy knew that he was lucky to have her in his life. They had been through so much-pain, addiction and so much more-but that was all over now...they would no longer worry about those things.
"Are you ready for this?" Char whispered at him and Andy tried to smile, but it just fell flat. No, no he really wasn't.
"If I say no does that make me a bad person?" He asked and Char tried to give him an encouraging smile, but it was hard.
All of this was so hard.
The room seemed to come to attention once a man in a dark suit came walking up the aisle, a bible in one hand, while his other nudged his glasses further up his nose. Andy hadn't wanted a religious aspect to any of this, but Char insisted and so he had just given in. He was tired of fighting and at this point Andy was just tired. He knew his blue eyes were still red rimmed from crying that morning in his hotel room, but he wasn't the only one in attendance with red eyes.
"Ladies and gentlemen..." The man at the podium spoke in to the mic and a hush fell over the room. Andy knew all eyes were on him and it made him squirm even more.
"We are gathered here today to witness the sad send off to one of the world's brightest people-Lucinda Lynne Abernathy." It felt strange to hear Luce's full name like that-only he ever called her Lucinda anymore.
"It is with a heavy heart that we say goodbye to Lucinda today, a young girl taken in the prime of her life-taken away from those who loved her most." Andy knew everyone was looking right at him, but all he could do was look down at Luce.
She was laying before him, her hands clasped together over her stomach, that brilliant ring shining in the dim lighting that hung over head. Her grey eyes were closed to the world and it was just then that Andy realized he would never see those eyes again. He would never hear her voice again, he would never see her smile, her wink or hear her laughter again. Lucinda was gone and that realization was still something Andy was struggling with.
He had been the one to find her, tragically their last words to one another hadn't been perfect or even loving, but Andy had come back for her...one last time.
She had been sprawled out on the bathroom floor, her usually vibrant skin, pale and devoid of color as her grey eyes stared up at him blankly. Her lips had been parted, her last breath had been taken only a mere ten minutes-according to the right officials-before he had gotten there.
Andy blamed himself-if only he had driven faster or if only he hadn't left at all.
"I will now leave the floor open to the people who knew Lucinda the best-her friends, family and the ones who were with her in her final days on this earth." Andy knew that was his signal and as the man at the podium stepped aside, Andy knew he wouldn't be able to do this.
He could speak out to thousands of kids every night on stage, but he would never be able to say goodbye to the one person who knew him and loved him the most.
"Go..." Char was saying and Andy felt a hand on his back, pushing his forward slightly. It was now or it was never and Andy really wished it would be never.
Andy stood at the podium, Luce was laying right in front of him in her all black casket and Andy knew if he looked down at her, even once, that he would not be able to continue. Everyone was looking at him and Andy saw a lot of familiar faces. All Time Low, Motionless In White and a few other bands the girls were friends with were all in attendance, along with record executives, industry people and other's who the girls had grown close to. There were also twenty fans-which had won a sick contest to come to the funeral-who were all seated in the very back of the room.
"Hel-hello everyone..." Andy started but then stopped. He tried to breathe, but he knew eventually his tears would get the better of him.
"My name is Andy Biersack and Lucinda was the love of my life.I had written down what I was going to say today, but as I stand before you now-as I stand before her-I realize that this isn't supposed to be that easy. So forgive me if I fumble over my words, but I need to speak from my heart." Andy said and he knew that the tears were starting to stream down his cheeks.
"Lucinda meant everything to me, which is funny because we couldn't stand one another when we first met. I thought she was pushy, bossy and slightly stuck up-which is funny because as it turns out she thought the same about me..." A few people chuckled and even Char cracked a small smile at him.
"At the end of the day though, it was clear to everyone but us that we were perfect for one another. I fought my feelings for Lucinda for a long time, but anyone who knew her, knew that she was an infectious person. Her laughter made even the gloomiest person smile and she was always there for her friends...for me." Andy's breath rattled in his chest as a sob escaped his lips before continuing.
"Lucinda struggled for a long time with her addictions, but with the love and support of those around her, she managed to stay sober until the very end. I watched her grow from a timid singer, in to a complete powerhouse and I think we can all agree with one another that watching Lucinda get out on that stage was something magical-something that was a once in a lifetime thing. The stage will feel lonely without her there, but I know that her legacy will continue on...forever." Andy stopped, taking in a few deep breaths before continuing because he knew this next part was going to be more difficult than anything he had ever done.
"A lot of you don't know-actually most of you in this room are unaware-but I was the one who found Lucinda. The sad part is that I was going back to her house to propose to her-something that Lucinda was ready for, but sadly I was too late. I've never had the best timing when it came to our relationship, but I always loved Lucinda and that love will never fade for me." Andy was openly crying now-there was no point in holding it back.
"And so I will leave you with this thought-if there is anyone in your life who you love and want to be with, please...don't make the same mistake I made. Lucinda was and always will be the love of my life, but I have to live without her now and I'm still not really sure how I'm going to do that." Andy said as his eyes drifted over the girl laying before him.
Lucinda was at peace now-she finally would be able to be at peace and not have to struggle with her every day life and addictions.
As Char got up to the podium and began to give her eulogy, Andy found himself unable to stand. His knees were weak and wobbling and so with quick movements, he took a seat on the small platform that Lucinda's casket rested on.
What was he going to do without her?
How was he supposed to just live his life without the one person in it who was worth living for?
Andy couldn't pay attention to Char, or to Pixie, Lulu or Mads when it was their turn to get up there and speak...all he could think about was his future without the one person in it who meant the most to him. The coming tour would go on without the Dolls-their future as a band hung in the balance as well, but no one was thinking about that right now.
No they were all thinking about the one person who they had lost-the brightest star in their sky and the one person who had held them all together when things threatened to fall apart.
Lucinda Abernathy was gone and she would never be coming back.
The song is ended, but the melody lingers on...
Hang in there guys...there are still a few chapters left.