Love And Other Drugs
A Whole Lotta Nothin'
The aching pain in her head was making her eyes bleary...oh wait, those were the tears in Luxe's eyes.
Andy had walked out three hours ago and all Luxe could do was sit by and watch him leave her. She had assumed too much, had pushed too hard and now...now he was gone. She knew that she would see him again-they were touring in just a few days, but for some reason Luxe knew it wasn't going to be the same.
She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him-was that too much to ask? Luxe wanted to have blonde haired, blue eyed babies with him...that was it. She wanted to settle down, was ready to settle down and yet Andy wouldn't be the one she ended up with. This time the fairy tale princess wouldn't get the prince...mostly because he was a frog.
"Fuck him..." She said softly, but as she repeated it, Luxe found herself screaming out so loud that it shook the windows.
"Fuck you Andrew!" She screamed before getting up from her spot and raging around her apartment.
Anything that he had touched or even thought about touching needed to go and soon enough Luxe was in the kitchen, dumping the remainder of their dinner in to the trash can. Next she walked over to his suitcases, pulling one up and letting the zipper come undone. Clothes spilled out on to the floor and Luxe took the clothes by the fistfuls and tossed them around the room.
As she tossed Andy's tour clothes around, Luxe couldn't help but be taken back to the first time she had shared the stage with the man she had grown to love and now hate...
“Alright Dolls! Now we‘re going to slow things down for a minute and I’m going to bring out someone really special. Do you guys wants to meet our special guest?!” Luxe had called out to the crowd and she smiled as their screams filled her ears. It was now or never...
“I can’t hear you!” She shouted into the mic and the crowd grew louder. Luxe looked over towards the side of stage and noticed that Andy was having to be shoved and forced out on to the stage.
“Andy Biersack from Black Veil Brides everyone!” Luxe called out to the crowd as she held out her hand for him to take. His large hand was placed in to her small one and as Andy opened his mouth and began to sing lowly, Luxe noticed that he seemed to be staring her down.
What the fuck was he doing?
“I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh. I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away. I keep your photograph, I know it serves me well. I wanna hold you high and steal your pain. ” He sang and in that moment Luxe felt a sense of comfort in her heart. Maybe Andy wasn't so bad after all?
“The worst is over now and we can breathe again. I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away. There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight.I wanna hold you high and steal your pain.” As she sang to him, both of them standing in the middle of the stage, Luxe let her hand fall and rest against his cheek and Luxe could of sworn that she saw him shiver.
Did they just connect on some level?
The song went on and the two of them ended up facing one another and Luxe only smiled as she placed a hand against Andy's cheek, her thumb stroking his skin softly. She smirked at him as she leaned in, pressing her forehead against his own and then she did the unthinkable...her lips pressed against his and she knew in that moment that they would never be able to go back.
"It's all over..." Luxe cried as she walked down the back hallway of her townhouse. The front living room looked like a tornado hit it and as Luxe stopped by the bathroom, she couldn't help but feel the temptation enter her body.
Luxe knew that somewhere, buried deep in the bottom cabinet beneath the sink... she had a stash. Being the recovering addict that she was, Luxe knew that she would always need something around, just incase she really needed it. The heroine was more of a security blanket and as Luxe's back hit the wall right outside of the bathroom, she knew that she was her own worst enemy.
Her eyes blurred with tears as another memory of the past seemed to take her over...
"Andy just leave me alone!" Luxe screamed at him, her hands in the air and then they came to rest on the top of her head. She wanted to pull her hair out-she wanted him to stop asking her about her touring.
"No! No Luxe I am not going to leave you alone. In fact I'm going to ask every single member of your band exactly what you girls have been up to..." Andy said as he tried to move past her and head for the front door of the bus. Luxe growled at him, reaching out as she scraped her fingernails across his skin in trying to get him to stop. Andy's hissed as he yanked his arm away from her and just stared with his eyes wide and shocked.
Luxe knew she shouldn't of done it, but she couldn't risk Andy finding out what she had really been up to. Not with the drugs and certainly not with Chris. She would do anything to keep Andy from learning the truth, even if it meant hurting him.
"Andy don't you dare! What we do on tour is none of your business!" Luxe cried, terror lacing her words and Andy stopped in his tracks.
"It is my business Luce. You are my girlfriend and the love of my life so therefore you are my business." Andy stated as he crossed his arms over his chest and looked at her. Luxe felt her anger fade, even if just for a moment, because she knew that Andy really did only care about her wellbeing.
Sadly Luxe didn't care enough about herself to see that...to see Andy for what he was truly doing.
"What I do in my free time is my business and my business alone. I haven't been pestering you about what you've been doing on tour Andrew..." She snarled at him and Luxe could see that she had taken Andy by surprise. She knew his secrets...she knew his past.
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!" He growled back at her and Luxe only chuckled as she tried to go back towards the rear of the bus. She stopped, it was a cheap shot and as Andy grabbed her arm and held her in place, Luxe knew that only more cheap shots were coming.
"So are you going to hit me now?" She asked, her voice low and somewhat sad. Andy let go of her arm, almost as if it had shocked him or something.
"What?! No of course not! I just want you to talk to me Luce..." He said, his tone sad and for a moment Luxe felt bad. Andy would never hurt her-ever.
"Andy, I'm tired of fighting..." She said, taking a seat on the couch behind her, but Andy stayed standing. She was so defeated...so tired...so, so very tired.
"I am too baby, but I'm also tired of being accused of things that I haven't done. I would never cheat on you..." Andy said and Luxe knew it was true. Andy was a lot of things, but he would never cheat on her. She was his drug and right now she wished she could say that he was the only thing she was addicted to.
"I would never cheat on you either Andy." Luxe claimed, but she knew it was a lie. She and Chris had kissed-they had made out heavily a few times, but that was as far as it had gotten. It wasn't full blown cheating, but it was fucking close enough.
"I don't think I could stand it if you did baby doll. What I went through with Scout..." He stopped as Luxe sighed and rolled her eyes. Always with the past...Andy could never seem to live in the future.
"Here we go..." She said before she even thought about it and Luxe knew that this was just going to add fuel to the fire, but she didn't care.
"What? What did I say now?" He asked and Luxe was up once again, her small frame almost against his chest.
"Saint Scout. Why do you always have to bring her up?" Luxe asked, her tone heated and she knew that things were far from over. Her blood was boiling and now there would be no calming her down.
"I-she's part of my past Luce. It's hard for me to just forget she ever existed." He said and immediately regretted it. Suddenly Luxe found herself springing forward and before she knew it Andy was fending her off and looking at her like she was crazy.
"Are you fucking crazy!?" He shouted at her as Andy placed one hand on her shoulder and kept his other up near his face, just in case. Luxe was out of control and for some reason she couldn't find it in herself to stop.
They argued and finally Luxe did something that she never thought she would ever do to Andy in a million years-she slapped him right across the face. Andy fell back, looking at her in shock, but he said nothing and suddenly Luxe felt very, very sober. She opened her mouth, trying to form words, but nothing seemed to want to come out.
"Andy-I..." She stopped as Andy looked up at her, his blues eyes filled with devastation and tears. What had she done?
"No." He said through gritted teeth and Luxe knew that he was equal parts angry and sad.
"But I-" He held up a hand and Luxe flinched. If he hit her it would hurt and destroy their relationship, but she would completely deserve it.
"For the past year I have watched you destroy yourself and anything that has ever been given to you. You girls are so talented and have so much to give, but you are wasting it on drugs, booze and partying." He said, his tone dead serious and Luxe could only stand there like a scolded child.
"It is so sad to me to see the person you have become..." What did he mean by that?
"Wh-who have I become?" She asked quickly and Andy only shook his head, his blue eyes closed for a moment and he inhaled deeply.
"A junkie. You, Luce, are a rock junkie who is ruining everything she has ever been given." His words stung, but they were true. Luxe felt like collapsing, but she knew that this time...Andy wouldn't catch her if she did.
"I love you-more than the moon, the stars and the entire sky that they live in, but at the same time I hate you." Wow-Luxe felt the tears roll down her cheeks as she continued to stand there and look at the man she loved. She had pushed him away-had put him through so much and now it was coming back to bite her in the ass.
Luxe laid there on the cold bathroom floor, her vision blurring as the past seemed to fade in front of her eyes. Her head...it hurt so badly and suddenly she couldn't breathe. She tried to sit up, but nothing seemed to be working. Lucinda gasped for air as her head pounded and then...nothing.
There was a supreme silence as Lucinda's vision faded to black and she welcomed it.
Nearing the end...