Love And Other Drugs

Numb.

Luxe felt completely and utterly numb. Her father was dead-the man who had, at some point in her life, loved and cared for her. It had been a simple text message during her photoshoot for Revolver from her Publicity Agent Mara and now Luxe's world seemed to shatter. She was sitting down in the Dolls dressing room-tonight they were playing New Jersey to a sold out club.

Could Luxe go on? That seemed to be the question on everyone's lips, but it sucked because no one was actually asking her.

Luxe was stage ready-her minimal eye makeup and cherry red lipstick making her seem more fierce and invincible than she felt. Mara didn't have a lot of info for her except for the fact that her father had been found inside their garage, a shotgun near his side and a bullet through his skull. Her mother had not turned up yet and it wasn't looking good. Drug deal gone bad? Lover's quarrel? Or just a man who knew that he wasn't long for this earth?

Luxe wasn't sure, but she knew that secretly she didn't care.

Her father had never truly been there for her-he had tried to be when he was feeling good enough to be sober, but even then he would take things to another level. Luxe spent a lot of her childhood in bars, playing hide and seek with the waitresses while her father tried to con bikers and truckers in pool or poker.

When she had gotten older-ten or so-Luxe had joined her father at the tables, earning the spot of his right hand man. At ten years old Luxe had strangely felt a sense of pride at being her father's partner and she stupidly thought he would spend his winnings on her.
Nope-booze and hookers was all he seemed to care about.

Luxe looked up and suddenly noticed that Andy was by her side, one of his large hands griping on to her own as she sat at her makeup table. What was he thinking? What was going on in that clever brain of his? Was he secretly happy that her father was dead? Andy had never liked her father and had met the man one time, which ended in Andy punching him and telling her dad to stay away. Her parents had tried to con her, mistaking her new found fame for fortune and tried to blackmail her.

Obviously it didn't work out and Luxe would always be grateful to Andy for that protection.

Her father was supposed to be there for protection, but in the end he was the one she needed protecting from. Luxe wanted to hit something-she needed some sort of emotion to come out and she really needed a fucking beer. There would be no beer and there would be no dope-Luxe was beyond that now and she could see the fear in Andy's eyes as they met in the mirror in front of her.

Was he that worried about her relapsing? Did he think she was going to give it all up for some stupid asshole who had been too absorbed in his own addictions to be a true father to her?


"Stop looking at me like I'm about to grab a needle and jab it in my arm, Andy." Luxe said, her voice gruffer than she meant it. But dammit he needed to trust her! Why couldn't he just understand?

"I-I'm not." He said stupidly, shuffling his feet back and forth. Luxe only rolled her eyes and turned in her seat so that she could look at him face to face.

"Yeah, you are." She said, her grey eyes filled with an anger that Andy hated seeing. Was she mad at him? Mad at her father? Or was Luxe just mad in general?

"I'm sorry. This is just really big and devastating and I want you to know that I'm here for you babe." Andy said as his hand traveled up her arm and rested on her shoulder. He squeezed her then, something that would usually be comforting, but Luxe found it annoying.

She wasn't made of glass-she wasn't going to break that easily.

"Thank you, but I'm fine." Luxe said as she looked around the room, her grey eyes squinting. Char and Mads were sitting on the couch, pretending to talk to one another but every so often they would glance her way. Pixie and Lulu were both sitting at their own makeup tables, but were quietly whispering behind their hands, their nearly identical eyes staring at Luxe.

"Are you sure? I mean maybe now you are, but at the funeral I just don't want you to-" Andy stopped as Luxe held up a hand, almost hitting him in the nose.

"Who the fuck said anything about going to the funeral." She stated and Andy shut his mouth so quickly he almost bit his bottom lip off. Char was up, quickly walking over towards the couple and Luxe could see the nervous smile on Char's purple painted lips.

"We all thought you would want to go. Alex has been on the phone since you found out, trying to reroute the tour so we can be in NC on that day." The guitarist explained and Luxe just stared at them all.


Did they honestly think she wanted to go to that man's funeral? Where the fuck would they get an idea like that? Luxe knew that the girls and Andy all knew about her terrible past with her father-how he treated her, used her and pretty much abandoned her. Why would they think that she would want to go to his funeral? To celebrate his life and what he had accomplished? Her father had accomplished nothing in his life-except to help create her and he hadn't even been the one to carry her for nine months.

Luxe fumed silently in her seat for a few minutes until finally she felt herself getting up and addressing the room.


"Look-I get that you all are worried about me and think that I'm going to teeter over the edge, but I'm not. That worthless man is dead, but to be honest he has been dead to me for a very long time and I have no intention of going anywhere near his funeral. Do we all understand?" She asked, her tone dripping with anger. Andy only looked at her, his blue eyes sad and then his strong arms wrapped around her and brought her to his chest tightly.

"Yep."

"Got it."

"Sure thing." Mads, Lulu and Pixie responded quickly and then turned away from her, but Luxe could see the neither Char nor Andy were giving up on this fight.

"What do you mean you're not going to his funeral?" Char asked, her light blue eyes puzzled.

"Babe you have to go...you need closure." Andy said as his arms tightened around her. Luxe found herself standing now, her cheek smushed against Andy's broad and very nice smelling chest.

"What I need is a little space. Andy I would of thought you of all people would be for me NOT going to this man's funeral." Luxe said as she placed a small hand against his chest and pushed. They separated and Andy only looked down at her, a small pout on his pierced lips.

"I know he wasn't the best father in the world, but Luce you can't just pretend like this didn't just happen." Andy said, holding his hands palm side up so show her that he was staying calm. Andy had a habit of balling his fists up when they argued and that only made things escalate.

"Watch me." She said to him, her tone pure venom as Luxe pushed past Andy and then Char, who reached out and tried to touch her shoulder.


The room grew silent as Luxe reached the door and then stopped. One palm came out, smacking against the thick wood and both Pixie and Lulu jumped at the noise. Another smack, a sob and then a low guttural noise came from where the singer was standing. Andy just stayed in place, too scared or too stupid to do anything and it was a good thing as what happened next was not something any of them had been expecting.

Luxe spun around, her long blonde hair tangled from her tugging at it and she walked quickly towards the wooden table in the middle of the room, placed her hands underneath the rim and flipped it. Beer bottles smashed on the floor, Char jumped out of the way and soon enough everyone in the room was standing in a far corner, watching as Hurricane Luxe spun around the room. Makeup, shoes, clothing-anything Luxe could get her hands on went flying in to the air and Andy winced as one of Pixie's spiked pumps smacked his left arm.

They let her go though-four of them too afraid to stop the wild singer, while the other was too heart broken to look away. Andy knew that Luxe was fighting an internal battle that none of them could understand because while they had all come from shitty circumstances, no one had had it harder than Luxe.

Sure, Char's parents hadn't been around much, but they still loved their daughter and called her. Mads' mom was super supportive-her father had died in the recent war. Pixie's parents were just happy their daughter was safe and enjoying her life, while Lulu's parents were thrilled she was channeling her talent in something that kept her clothes on.

They all had support systems-except for Luxe.


"Luce..." Andy said softly and it seemed to make the singer angrier. She screamed and cried out, thrashing around until finally she stopped, but that was only because Andy's arms were wrapped around her so tight that she could barely breathe.

"No!" She screamed.

"Yes!" Andy yelled back.

"Andy...stop..." She seemed to be begging him and Andy said nothing as he placed his lips against every part of her face and kissed her sweetly. He was out of ideas, but this one seemed to be calming her slightly.

"I will never stop Lucinda...never ever. I love you-we all love you and we just want you to heal." Andy whispered in her ear and Luxe could feel the hot tears roll down her cheeks. It was so unfair-she was a good person, but why did bad things keep happening to her?

"I don't know if I can. I don't know how to heal after losing someone who I hate so much." Luxe said and then yelped as she felt herself being lifted up and then placed back down.


Andy had her in his lap, cradling her like a small child as he reached around the right arm of the couch and pulled his bag towards their feet. She watched in silence as Andy rooted around for a few moments and then a triumphant smirk lit up his lips as he held something out towards her. It was a very green, very ugly and very old spiral notebook and Luxe was lost for words.

This was Andy's notebook, the same one he had written BVB's first two albums in and the one that he had lit on fire-not really-in their Coffin video. His fingers let go of it, dropping it against Luxe's legs as her hands slowly reached out to grab it.


"Write." He said, his voice muffled as his lips were pressed against her forehead. Luxe looked up at him and upon seeing the sincerity behind his blue eyes she felt another set of tears come to her own.

"B-but this is your notebook." She stammered and Andy only smiled as he handed her a pen and flipped the pages to an empty one.

"I'm all about sharing and it seems like maybe you need to get some stuff out before you get on that stage tonight." He said and grew silent.


Luxe's hand flew across the page, writing down everything she could of when it came to the subject of her father and just how much he had truly let her down.

Notes

Luxe may not of grown up with a great support system in her life...but it seems like she has a really great one now.

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