The next morning, I woke up with a pounding head and a gurgling stomach. I reached over and checked the time on my phone, seeing that it was 10:00 in the morning. I groaned and threw the hot blanket off my body, only to sit straight up and knock my head on the bunk above me.

“Fuck,” I muttered, rubbing my head and sliding out of my own bunk. I looked into Acid’s bunk to find her gone, and I figured she must be helping the crew with some boxes and such. I then walked into the kitchen part of the bus. I opened the fridge and looked around, grabbing a bottle of water and a left over box of what looked like chicken alfredo. I closed the fridge, sat down at the table, and started eating the mystery noodles in the box.

I picked up my phone and opened Twitter. The first post I saw was from Andy, saying, “Fucked up bad. Hope she doesn’t hate me for the rest of my life.”

After about five minutes of scrolling through my Twitter feed, I heard groans and shuffling from the bunk area of the bus. I kept my eyes on my phone, scrolling with my thumb.

The person sat down at the table and lifted the lid of the box of my noodles. I looked up and met a pair of blue eyes staring into mine.

“That’s mine, you know,” Andy said, his hand still on the box.

“Well, I hope you don't care that I'm eating it,” I said, sliding the box away from his long fingers, continuing to scroll and eat.

“How much of last night do you remember?” Andy asked, his voice groggy from sleeping and he looked at me through his mass of tangled hair with pleading eyes.

“I remember you saying that you liked my real name because it was pretty, like me. And I remember you showing Acid and I our bunks. And, oh, yeah, I’m just the “merch girl”. But other than that, not much.” I finger quoted ‘merch girl’ to show my emphasis on how much that hurt me. I didn’t know I meant so little to him, even though I had just met him yesterday.

I put my phone down and swirled my fork around a big bundle of noodles, just playing with it as I stared at Andy’s name on the box. The random thought came to me as he has such amazing hand writing, and Andy was such a nice name. Andrew Dennis Biersack. I loved to hear his name, and my head would instantly snap up from my phone when I heard someone say it.

“Why are you staring at my name?” he asked. The question came out quiet and scared, and he was squeezing his folded hands over and over again.

“You have good hand writing,” I replied, looking around for a Sharpie marker. I found a pen instead, lying on the counter, and I grabbed it and crossed out Andy’s neatly written name. Underneath, in big letters, I wrote “MERCH GIRL”, closed the box, and put it back in the fridge.

“Now it’s my box of noodles.”

I walked to the bunks and grabbed my bag, pulling out a BVB tank top and purple skinnies. I slung the outfit over my arm and went searching for a bra and panties. When I found a matching pair of Hello Kitty’s (maybe something Ash would like?), I looked in the smallest pocket of my bag. Where the blades were. I picked one out, liking its sharpness and locked myself in the bathroom.

I stripped myself of yesterday’s clothing and looked in the mirror. All of my scars shone in the bright light and I hated what I saw. Smudged makeup, tangled hair, and scars. Nothing but the ugly scars stood out to me after a few minutes of self-hatred, and I grabbed the razor, kissing the blade.

~* WARNING: If you are sensitive to self-harm or any sort of bothering text, do NOT read the next paragraph. You have been warned. I do not promote self-harm, this is simply fiction. Stay strong Pinjas <3 *~

I placed the blade on the surface to the skin of my wrist and pressed down. The skin broke, creating a red pool around the blade, and I drug it across my skin, getting the familiar feeling from two months ago. I drug the blade across my skin four more times, watching as the red beads of blood got bigger and bigger until they ran down my wrist. I washed the blade off in the sink, seeing the red tinted liquid finally run clear. I dried it off and stuck it back in my backpack, hearing it -clink- against the other razors.

~* You may continue reading Pinjas. Remember, this is just fiction, please don’t hurt yourselves tonight, or tomorrow, or any day after that. If I can stay strong, so can you. <3 *~

I then turned the water on in the shower and waited until the water was the right temperature. I stepped in and let the warm water run all over my body, sticking my arm out to wash all of the blood off. It stung a little, but not badly enough for me to make any noise.

After my shower, I dried off my body and put on my newly picked outfit. The skinny jeans hugged my legs perfectly and after blow drying and straightening my hair and brushing my teeth, I was ready to get out and finally put my bracelets and my makeup on. I opened the door to the bathroom and found Ashley leaning against the door frame.

“You’re so pretty,” he said, crossing his tattooed arms across his chest.

“You say that to everybody?” I asked, laughing as I pushed past him to get to my makeup, making sure to keep my arm as close to me as possible.

“No, just you,” he said, following me to my bunk. He sat down on the mattress and stared as I started my foundation and said, “You know you don’t need that right?”

“Yes I do, what are you talking about?” I looked at him and he had this dumb grin plastered on his face. “Andy said I was pretty too, but then he called me ‘just the merch girl’. So that kind of ruined my mood.” I looked up from my powder brush and smiled. I added, “It doesn’t bother me, I know he must have several girl throwing themselves on him, what do I matter to him?”

Ashley put a hand on my shoulder and looked me dead in the eye. He said, “Blade, he doesn’t just let strangers bunk with us. He obviously sees something in you, otherwise, you would be on the streets. Just, forgive him. For me? I hate to see this sexy thang upset.” He kissed my cheek and smiled, getting up from the mattress and going into the lounge.

After Ashley and I’s talk, I finished my makeup and checked the time again. It was 11:45 and my first shift at the tent started at 12:30. I walked back out into the lounge to find everyone except Andy sitting either on the couch or on the floor. I gave them all a questioning look and they pointed to the bunk area without looking away from the TV. I shrugged and turned around, heading towards Andy’s bunk. I pulled back his curtain to find him in the fetal position, with his back toward me.

“Hey. Your concert is at 1:00, why are you still in bed?”

“I don’t wanna have a concert,” he said. His voice was shaky, as if he had been crying, and he turned so that he was facing me. His cheeks were tear-stained and his eyes were red and puffy. He did cry. And since his bunk was taller, seeing as how he’s over 6 feet tall, he sat up and held out a hand, gesturing for me to climb up with him.

I took his hand and ended up on the mattress to Andy’s right. I crossed my legs and smiled up at him.

“Why are you smiling? I thought you were mad at me,” he said, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

“Why were you crying?”

He sighed and looked at me. “I fucked up. I was buzzed, the alcohol was getting to me. I honestly don’t know how you remembered all that, you were shit faced.”

“I don’t remember everything though, what all happened?” My memory was foggy and all I could remember was Andy calling me ‘the merch girl’.

“Well, we all played Spin the Bottle. And we might have kissed,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. He looked unsure of himself, and he laughed awkwardly.

“Whoa, what, we kissed?” I kissed Andy Biersack?

“Yeah, it was nothing, the bottle landed between CC and I, and you chose me. You also kissed Ashley, but I’m sure that kiss meant more to you than ours.” His voice was barely above a whisper and he was staring at his lap, his hair creating a curtain in front of his face. I lifted his face so he could look at me and smiled.

“Since I can’t remember, would you like to show me what happened?”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m 18 now Andrew. I can handle it,” I said, winking as I placed a hand on his cheek. I leaned forward and placed my lips on his, slowly and seductively. I pulled back and found that he was smiling and leaning in for more. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me, letting our lips mold into one another. I leaned back, indicating that I wanted to lay down, and he got the hint, pressing his warm body to mine as we continued to kiss each other.

“Andy,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper after about five minutes of kissing.

“Hm?” He moved from my lips to my neck and started kissing and sucking, leaving little hickies on my skin.

“You need to get ready for the concert, I think you’re forgiven now,” I said, pushing his torso slightly. He groaned and sat up, the bulge in his pants obvious and he placed a hand over it to keep me from staring.

“Come on BatmAndy, your hair needs to be straightened and you need your war-paint.”

I slid out of the bunk and grabbed Andy’s hand, dragging him with me. I walked out into the lounge and saw everybody getting ready to go. I grabbed my makeup mirror and let Andy get his straightener and face paint. I started to set up in the kitchen at the table. Andy came back with leather pants, without a shirt and with a jar of paint.

“Why don’t you have a shirt on?”

“I put paint on my torso too, remember?”

“Oh god, yeah, sorry,” I said, subconsciously slapping myself on the wrist. I yelped when I hit my fresh cuts and covered my mouth when I realized what I did.

“Destiny, what’s on your wrist?” Andy asked, holding his hand out for me to show him my wrist.

“Uh…nothing?” How could I tell him what I had done, especially after I said I forgave and kissed him? He was my idol, possibly much more, and I couldn’t disappoint him like that.

He grabbed my arm and pulled back my bracelets, my eyes shutting tight as he let out a hushed gasp.

“These are fresh.”

“Andy, just let me go, I’ll explain later, you have a concert to attend,” I said quietly, tears stinging my eyes and I tried to snatch my arm away. His grip was too strong and I stayed put, squirming in his grasp.

"Andy, let me go. I'm straightening you hair and if you don't let me, it'll look like shit.”

“You better explain this to me after the concert. Do you understand? You were two months clean, and then this happened. I’ll beat the fucker who made you do this to yourself.” He looked around and whispered "Was it because of what I said last night?"

"No Andy. I need to do this now, time is money."

I rolled my eyes and rubbed my wrist after Andy let go and straightened his hair until he told me to stop. His war paint was half finished, and he needed to finish it and tease his straightened hair. Ashley came by a couple time to flirt and I pushed him away, telling him to go bother Acid. Eventually he got the message and started making moves on Acid, who was straightening CC's hair.

At the merch tent, Acid and I could hear the concert and every word Andy said. The band performed a new song, I think it was called New Religion, and the spoken words at the end made me laugh, hearing how angry Andy’s voice sounded. His tight leather pants had white words painted on them, saying “I am human, Let me live,” and his ripped Batman shirt made him look more badass than he already was.

In all, the merch table made over a grand in sales, and the day was hot, sweaty, and rough. I couldn’t believe how many people told me that they pitied me for Andy. They told me that he hired me because he felt sorry for me. Which was kind of true, but still offensive. I brushed it off and gave them their t-shirt, watching them laugh with their friends.

“Laugh it off bitches, I’m hanging with Black Veil Brides while you’re being pathetic and making fun of people to make yourself feel better.” I thought as I watched preppy girls, goth girls, even some in between, start to make fun of Acid and I.

But the one thing that really hung over my head was that Andy and I were going to have a serious talk when the day ended. And it wasn’t going to be pretty.

Notes

http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=127024606

Blade's outfit (She has a lot of bracelets)

http://www.polyvore.com/acid_peters/set?id=127025918

Acid's outfit