I don't belong

Herrow! I'm Liv and this is just a quick authors note to say please don't send hate I wrote this essay for English and really would like not to be given hell if it fails. So please read its a bit weird but yeah. See y'all!


I walked down the corridor of my school hoping not to be noticed. Trying to stay neutral I hung my head and scurried out the door of the building. I was just about to make it when I heard them. “Hey! Freak!” They screamed at me I pretended not to notice them. “Hey Cutter! Why don’t you do us a favour and just kill yourself you emo fag!” I felt the tears forming in my waterline. I sprinted home and up the stairs to my sanctuary. Slamming my bedroom door I broke down in tears. My mascara and eyeliner smudging on my palms as I cried. “Sweetie? Is everything alright?” My mother asked through the door. I stayed silent; what felt like forever passed before she left me alone. I fixed up my makeup and left to go out. My parents downstairs were arguing again. As I listened I heard that it was about me. Go figure, It was always about me. My hair, clothes, music. I walked back to my room. Careful as not to let them know I had been listening in on their conversation. I entered my bathroom and found the empty tampon box that had been my relief for years. Flicking it open, I pulled out my razor. Pressing it to my wrist I traced all my previous scars; I felt the pain blossoming on my arm and relief that I still had the ability to feel descended into me. The fear, anger and sadness washed away by a simple piece of sharpened steel. I watched as the crimson liquid trickled down my arm. I cleaned my arm and wrapped it in gauze. I would clean my bathroom later. Changing my clothing I then left via my window. The walk to the park was silent and tense. I spotted someone sitting on my bench. He was tall and lanky. With long black cropped hair that made his bright blue eyes stand out as if they were a blood red rose on a snowy white field. Looking at what he was wearing told me he was a scene kid like me. "Hi. I'm Christian. Who are you? I've seen you at this bench, god every night for months now." "You've been watching me!?" I only then factored in what he had said as a whole. "My names Eve." I don't know how long we sat there and just... talked. About anything and everything. He didn't have the best home life either. More importantly, we made a pact not to cut and to tell each other if it got too much. We were in this together now. I walked home and ignored my father screaming at me that I was a stranger and devil spawn. I fell asleep smiling. Memories of Christian flying through my head. The next day at school was worse than imaginable. I sat alone as per usual. Going home I felt no relief when I saw my room destroyed. Posters ripped, CD's smashed and my clothing soiled in the middle of my bedroom floor. Pulling out my phone I found Christians number.
To: Christian
Hey Chris,
I don’t think I can take it here anymore. Do you mind if I stay at yours for a little while? I’m sorry to spring this on you but my rents have gone mental.
Love Eve.
To: Eve
Sure thing Evie! Just grab your stuff.
I packed up what I could salvage of my belongings and walked downstairs to leave. “Where do you think you’re going!?” My mother screeched at me. “Somewhere I’m wanted!” I yelled back as I stormed out of the house. That was the night I told Christian how I felt about him. He opened up first though. We sat up until the dawn talking.
*Five months later*
Guess where I was. Back with my parents. My mother had guilted me into coming back to the house. It was worse than before though. I saw when I got home after school one particularly bad day to find my belongings scattered across the lawn and a sign that said ‘Garage sale’ out the front. “Here you go sweetie try these on” My mother said passing me a pink miniskirt and a sequined halter neck crop top. Throwing them back at her I told her that I didn’t want to dress like a hooker. “You do already you useless emo whore!” Slapping me she stalked away. I ran through the streets until it was dark. I reached the bench Christian and I had met at and took out my phone and my blade.
To: Christian
I'm so sorry Christian. I couldn't take it anymore. The looks and comments from not only school but my own parents. I can't keep pretending I'm ok. "Because I've lost it all and who can save me now." Just know I will always watch over you. So go out there and forget about me. Only you can set your own limitation. Thank you for being there for me. I'll miss you the most. Love Eve.
I then wrote a note to my parents.
Dear mom and dad,
I'm sorry I wasn't perfect. I didn't go to Church. I wasn't a girly girl. But I was your daughter. "Don't you remember I'm your baby girl? How could you push me right out of your world?" You pushed me out of your world. So goodbye. I will still miss you. I forgive you even after everything.
Eve.
Placing the note on the counter of the kitchen I took one last look around the place I had called home for 16 years. Picking up my sharpest blade I walked to the bench in the park where I first met Christian. Pressing it to my skin and dragging the blade down I knew this was it. As I lost consciousness I saw Christian running up to me tears falling down his face. "Eve! Stay with me Eve! I swear to everything I will not lose you!" I opened my eyes one last time. "I'm sorry." I whispered thinking the breeze would carry my voice away. Apparently not as I saw him take up my blade.
I opened my eyes to a pristine sky. A man and woman stood in front of me. 'Come child' They beckoned to me. "Forgetting someone?" I spun around and came face to face with Christian. "Were in this together. Remember?" He leaned in and kissed me. "Eternity’s looking great from this side of the fence." He laughed at my comment. As we walked hand in hand into the land of eternity I smiled. I finally felt like I belonged.

Notes