Tears and Insecurities

"Jason, what the fuck do you want now?"
I really didn't want to talk to Jason. I was still very pissed off at him for the things he said to me that day.

"Can you please come over, I want to talk and apologize...Please. Just hear me out."

I sighed.

I wanted just hang up, but I felt that the apology would be genuine this time. Now that we were over, I may as well hear his last apology.

"...Fine, Jason. I'm on my way."

Not even giving him a chance to answer, I hung up, going back upstairs,changing clothes again. I put on my black jacket, yelling out to Roman that I was going out before shutting the door behind me.
On the way there, I thought about how this would turn out, what exactly he would say to me. I know he said that would apologize, but...will it be sincere?

I as I pulled up to his driveway, I stopped the park, putting it in park and sitting there, listening to the song Snuff by Slipknot, the was playing softly on the radio. After sitting there for a while, I decided that it was time to go in and get this over with. I pulled the keys out of the ignition, and got out of the car to walk to his door.

He stood behind the door, waiting for me and opened it, welcoming me inside.
He cleared his throat before speaking as I walked in.

"So, um....do you want anything to eat or drink? maybe some water or something? I'll take your jacket for you."

I nearly rolled my eyes at him. Instead, I only stared at him before replying.

"Jason, I'm not gonna be here long. I have things to do, and I'm still pissed off at you. So please say what you have what you have to say so that I can leave."

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.


"I'm sorry, Okay? I'm sorry that I treated you like shit throughout the whole tour....I don't really know what else to say, other than the fact that I'm sorry..."
His eyes were on everything but my own eyes. He fingered the belt loop in his pants nervously, before slowly walking over to me. I noticed his body language and slowly raised an eyebrow.

"...Was that genuine?"

He finally looked at me, eyes innocent as ever.

"What do you mean? Was what genuine?"

"The apology. Did you really mean it? From your movements, it doesn't seem that way.."

He didn't answer and I glared at him as he slowly came over to me, and I noticed. There was the strong smell of alcohol on his breath and his eyes were bloodshot. Of fucking course. I swore under my breath before walking past him, straight to the door.
There was panic in his eyes as he saw me walk to the door, pissed off. Quickly, he ran behind me, putting his hand on top of mine that was on the doorknob and he shut the door with force. His jawline was tight as he grit his teeth as if he was holding back anger. Taking a deep breath, he seemed to calm down a bit, now staring directly into my eyes.

"Babe, please don't walk out on me when I'm talking to you.."

"But you weren't. I asked you a question, and you didn't answer. Your apology wasn't real, Jason. You're fucking drunk. I'm leaving."

As I moved to open the door again, he pushed it shut, with even more force, as if he were threatening to crush my hand.

"Why are you so quick to leave out on me?" He slurred a little bit, and asked the question as if I had just explained to him why.

"I promise that next time, I won't say those things to you. Next time, I'll try to be calm about it." He blabbered.

"I appreciate that you are willing to be calm next time, but there won't be a next time, Jason. When I said that we were done, I meant it. I mean it now just as much as I meant it then, if not more."

Hearing this pissed him off more than anything. He grabbed both of my shoulders, gripping them so tightly that I knew that it was going to leave a bruises. He went from 0 to 60 in a second, which is slightly understandable, considering how drunk he is...but not this gives him no reason to put his hands on me.

"You," He started, simply throwing me to the floor as if I were some doll. "are not going anywhere.." My head slammed against the hardwood floor and I quickly pushed myself up, going to defend myself. I pushed him back and he slammed into the wall. Without hesitation, he slapped me as hard as he could. My head turned at the force and I was knocked onto the floor again. I didn't have time to get back up, as I heard his heavy boots stomp across the floor and he grabbed a fistful of my silver hair, yanking it and dragging me on the floor. I whimpered and scratching his hand, finally clawing myself free and running into another room. The kitchen.

Jason stomped his way in after me, his right hand bloody and clenched into a tight fist. He picked up the empty glasses and beer bottles on the table, smashing and breaking them onto the floor as I screamed at him.

He grabbed my hair again and I punched him as hard as I could, not backing down. His grip tightened even more and I heard a bottle smash so close to my ear. He punched and slapped me some more, then decided to kick me in the stomach until I tasted to familiar copper of blood. I fought against his grip and snatched the shattered remains of the of the whiskey bottle before turning around and slicing him with it. He fell down in agony and retaliated by taking a big shard and slicing my thigh, leaving a very deep cut with blood quickly seeping through my jeans. I pushed on, holding back whimpers at my injuries. Suddenly, the chandelier lights shattered, more glass piling on top of other glass.

I need to get the fuck out of here. Now.

After limping as fast as I could to my car, I slammed the key in the ignition and drove away as fast as I could, holding back tears and keeping my composure until I finally arrived at my house.

Eventually, I couldn't hold it anymore. I let all of my pain and frustrations out, and there was no one to hear me. I gripped the steering wheel and laid my head on the edge of it. More crystal tears fell freely...

Notes

Love the way You Lie- Eminem; Rihanna