Remembering The Pain - And Learning To Heal
Talk about a rude awakening.
"Ash. You have to get over her. She's not coming back," Andy told me softly, rubbing my back. I haven't gotten out bed in a week. Haven't ate. Haven't gone to the bathroom. Haven't slept... All I could do was think about Thalia. Her face clouded my thoughts and I wondered why she had left me. Was it something I did? Or said? I continued to lay there motionless for a few minutes with Andy murmuring things to try to get me out of bed.
"There's food downstairs Ash."
"Not hungry." I said. I was surprised at the roughness of my voice, but I then realized I havent talked in a week.
"Yay! He speaks! Now get out of bed." I didn't say anything more, and tried to go back to the dreamland I've been living in for the past 7 days.
**Flashback**
"I'm gonna get you!" I shout to this beautiful girl as I chase her. Her long wavy hair billows behind her as she struggles to evade me. She's fast, but my legs are longer. She can't outrun me for long.
"And.... I... GOTCHA!" I shout as I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her to the ground.
"No!! Ash let me go!!" We roll around the ground in my living room wrestling. I finally get her pinned as I begin to tickle her sides. Shrieking and giggling under me she tries to roll away, but I've got her pinned pretty good! She begins to flail her arms around to try to get me to release her when she accidentally hits me in the eye.
"Omigosh Ash are you OK?!" She asks, gingerly placing the pads of her fingers on my swelling eye.
"Ouch!" I say and wince.
"Ooh sorry!! I'm so sorry babe... Are you hungry? I made lunch." She said, trying to change the subject. I admired her big green eyes as she pretended to be innocent. Her mouth was set in a way that made me think she was trying not to laugh, and when she shot up and ran out of the room giggling, I knew I was right. Jumping up, I ran after her and took the bag of chips that she was trying to bribe me with out of her hands.
"Mercy!" She shouts sheilding her face behind her arms. I lean in so our faces are maybe and inch away from eachother, open the bag of chips, and pour the entire thing over her head. I'm barely containing my laughter as half the chips get stuck in her beautiful hair. Shaking the last few chips out of the bag and onto her head, she doesn't move. I turn around in the small kitchen to throw the bag in the trash, and she's still in the same postition as before. Glaring at me in a way that's probably supposed to worry me, but instead makes me laugh. Looking up at her with the chips in her hair doesn't help, because I can't contain it any longer. I fall to the ground and crack up!
"You're not funny Ash." Thalia says, now standing above me.
"I don't think you look funny! You look beautiful with chips in your hair." I stand up and pull her close to me, Lay's falling from her brown locks.
"Shut up Ashley." She murmurs before the space between us closes...
**End Flashback**
"That's it." Ripping off the covers and grabbing me around the waist, Andy hauled my heavy body out of the soft duvet and slung me over his shoulder. "C'mon Ash. We're going to visit the boys."
"I don't want to Andy! Put me back in bed!"
"Why? So you can waste away under the covers and mope about Thalia?" He roughly put me down on the couch and stood in front of me. "We're all upset she's gone Ash, but you can't live the rest of your life hiding. Look at you! Your skin and bones. You haven't eaten in a week!" He shouted at me. I found myself flinching at his words. I know he's right, but can't he just give me more time to cope? I mean the love of my life has left me and I don't know why.
"Andy. I'm not ready to see anyone right now. Can I just go back to bed?"
"No. I know your not sleeping up there Ashley. All you do is think about Thalia. Am I right?"
Sighing, I realized I wasn't going to get out of this. Andy can be fun and immature at times, but I could see that right now, he was all business.
"You're right Andy."
"I know. Now go get some clothes on. We're going to the boys' place. You have 15 minutes."
"Well!" I shoved myself off of the couch and ran up the stairs to my bedroom. I grabbed a pair of boxers and a towel and walked accross the room to the door that led into our shared bathroom. Tossing the towel over the curtain rod and my boxers on the toliet seat I placed my hands on either side of the sink and looked in the mirror.
'Well there's one reason she left me.' I thought to myself. 'I'm not the best looking.' I shoved down my boxers and sweat pants in one movement and stepped into the shower. Twisted the shower dial up as hot as it would go and stood under the water letting my thoughts wander. Back to Thalia's bright shining eyes...
"There's food downstairs Ash."
"Not hungry." I said. I was surprised at the roughness of my voice, but I then realized I havent talked in a week.
"Yay! He speaks! Now get out of bed." I didn't say anything more, and tried to go back to the dreamland I've been living in for the past 7 days.
**Flashback**
"I'm gonna get you!" I shout to this beautiful girl as I chase her. Her long wavy hair billows behind her as she struggles to evade me. She's fast, but my legs are longer. She can't outrun me for long.
"And.... I... GOTCHA!" I shout as I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her to the ground.
"No!! Ash let me go!!" We roll around the ground in my living room wrestling. I finally get her pinned as I begin to tickle her sides. Shrieking and giggling under me she tries to roll away, but I've got her pinned pretty good! She begins to flail her arms around to try to get me to release her when she accidentally hits me in the eye.
"Omigosh Ash are you OK?!" She asks, gingerly placing the pads of her fingers on my swelling eye.
"Ouch!" I say and wince.
"Ooh sorry!! I'm so sorry babe... Are you hungry? I made lunch." She said, trying to change the subject. I admired her big green eyes as she pretended to be innocent. Her mouth was set in a way that made me think she was trying not to laugh, and when she shot up and ran out of the room giggling, I knew I was right. Jumping up, I ran after her and took the bag of chips that she was trying to bribe me with out of her hands.
"Mercy!" She shouts sheilding her face behind her arms. I lean in so our faces are maybe and inch away from eachother, open the bag of chips, and pour the entire thing over her head. I'm barely containing my laughter as half the chips get stuck in her beautiful hair. Shaking the last few chips out of the bag and onto her head, she doesn't move. I turn around in the small kitchen to throw the bag in the trash, and she's still in the same postition as before. Glaring at me in a way that's probably supposed to worry me, but instead makes me laugh. Looking up at her with the chips in her hair doesn't help, because I can't contain it any longer. I fall to the ground and crack up!
"You're not funny Ash." Thalia says, now standing above me.
"I don't think you look funny! You look beautiful with chips in your hair." I stand up and pull her close to me, Lay's falling from her brown locks.
"Shut up Ashley." She murmurs before the space between us closes...
**End Flashback**
"That's it." Ripping off the covers and grabbing me around the waist, Andy hauled my heavy body out of the soft duvet and slung me over his shoulder. "C'mon Ash. We're going to visit the boys."
"I don't want to Andy! Put me back in bed!"
"Why? So you can waste away under the covers and mope about Thalia?" He roughly put me down on the couch and stood in front of me. "We're all upset she's gone Ash, but you can't live the rest of your life hiding. Look at you! Your skin and bones. You haven't eaten in a week!" He shouted at me. I found myself flinching at his words. I know he's right, but can't he just give me more time to cope? I mean the love of my life has left me and I don't know why.
"Andy. I'm not ready to see anyone right now. Can I just go back to bed?"
"No. I know your not sleeping up there Ashley. All you do is think about Thalia. Am I right?"
Sighing, I realized I wasn't going to get out of this. Andy can be fun and immature at times, but I could see that right now, he was all business.
"You're right Andy."
"I know. Now go get some clothes on. We're going to the boys' place. You have 15 minutes."
"Well!" I shoved myself off of the couch and ran up the stairs to my bedroom. I grabbed a pair of boxers and a towel and walked accross the room to the door that led into our shared bathroom. Tossing the towel over the curtain rod and my boxers on the toliet seat I placed my hands on either side of the sink and looked in the mirror.
'Well there's one reason she left me.' I thought to myself. 'I'm not the best looking.' I shoved down my boxers and sweat pants in one movement and stepped into the shower. Twisted the shower dial up as hot as it would go and stood under the water letting my thoughts wander. Back to Thalia's bright shining eyes...
10/17/13