All Your Hate
Being Ignored
It had been three days since I had last talked to Andy. It felt weird, him avoiding me. We were finally on the road again, and in the tour bus, he stayed in his own bunk. Usually we slept together in one bunk and I felt lonely having him so close yet not with me.
When he would be hanging out with the guys and I would appear, he would always find some excuse to leave the room. He'd done this a couple of times and I knew that the rest of the people on the bus were starting to notice our distance.
I was sitting in my bunk with my earphones in, listening to my music, lost in my own world. I felt someone tap my shoulder and I jumped a little, turning to see who it was.
"Oh hey, Sammi," I said, trying to sound happy but failing. She smiled and sat down, closing the curtains behind her. I looked at her, and she stared at me for a while, before speaking.
"Alright, what's going on with you and Andy?" she asked.
"What are you talking about?" I asked, playing dumb to try and buy myself some time.
"Oh please, you guys have basically been at silent war for the past few days, ever since you guys got back from the police station. I would have thought that you would finally be happier than ever, what's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong, Sammi!" I said, but the look on her face told me she didn't believe it.
"Scarlette. You and Andy have been basically inseperable since you got together. Sure you've argued at times - we both know your tempers - but you get over it. You guys don't sit on the couch together anymore and everyone knows that you've stopped going to his bunk every night. Why?"
I sighed. "Sammi... I hid something from Andy. For a long time. And when the truth was finally revealed - at the police station by the way - he got mad."
"What? What do you mean? What did you say?" she asked.
"The police officer asked me if Jack had been in contact with me before he kidnapped me," I said.
"Yeah, and?" she asked, making me continue.
"He had."
"What? You didn't tell anyone this, how?" she asked.
"He sent me texts. Loads of them, always anonymous. You know how you could say I've had a few incidents on this tour, and ended up in hospital multiple times? Yeah, they wasn't exactly accidents."
"What?!"
"He would always know, after I had gotten hurt. He planned the attacks on me, he said he was out to get me and that he wanted to get rid of Andy. Which is why I didn't tell Andy about them, because I was so scared that he would do something to hurt him. Sammi, he thinks I don't trust him now. And I don't blame him, I hid something from him for such a long time. And I guess maybe it was stupid, but I couldn't bear the thought of Jack harming Andy. I'd rather die myself than see Andy get hurt by someone I know and hate."
"Sweetheart, I know one thing. When Andy loves someone as much as he loves you, it'll take a lot more than this to break his trust. I've known him for years, he just needs his space to think things through and he'll come around in a while, believe me," she said.
"But Sammi, he completely blew up in my face. I told him that I kept it from him because I didn't want to see him hurt but he thought it was bullshit and left the hotel room. We haven't spoken since," I said, cursing myself as my voice started to shake and one tear slid down my cheek. I wiped it away furiously and continued speaking. "Is it over?"
"No!" Sammi exclaimed. "Of course not! Scar, do you love him?"
"Yes. I love him so much is physically hurts when he's mad at me. I feel as if I've done something awful and these past few days have been hell because he won't even acknowledge the fact that I exist! It breaks my heart because everytime I walk into a room he makes an excuse and leaves. It's almost as if he hates me again," I sighed.
"Scarlette, he never hated you. You were the one that couldn't stand being within 10 feet of him at the beginning of this tour, if I remember correctly. I remember the first time I met you was the night of the awards, and when I asked you if you were Andy's girlfriend you gave me a look of such extreme disgust I had to keep myself from laughing. But really Scar, I've never told you this, but even when he didn't know you personally, Andy always had a soft spot for Scarlette Moore of The Outcasts. Anytime you were mentioned in a conversation, he would always be interested."
"Really?" I asked, smiling a little.
"Yeah, I'm being serious," she laughed. "Well, we're arriving at our destination soon and so I'm gonna go hang with Jinxx for a while, wanna come?"
"Uh, no thanks. I'd rather be alone, not really in the mood to see a perfect couple together right now," I muttered. Sammi leaned over to hug me, and it felt nice, embracing someone again. But it only made me miss Andy's arms even more.
After Sammi left, I stayed in my bunk alone for the remaining hour and a half, until we reached the hotel we were staying at for tonight. We had one show, and I hadn't performed in a while, so I was really excited. I just wish Andy and I were okay. But whatever, I guess that would have to be sorted out later.
We got to the venue and started on our hair and makeup. I got dressed in leather shorts and fishnet tights with a ripped up band shirt and bracelets on my wrists. I did my smokey eye and then Ashley came into the dressing room as I was lacing up my boots.
"Hey," he said.
"What's up?"
"Where's your warpaint?" he asked me. Andy usually did it for me, but I didn't think he would. Not tonight anyway.
"Oh uh... I'm not gonna put any on tonight..." I trailed off.
"Scar, I know you've been having problems with Andy. But I know him. After he's done thinking he'll talk and you guys will be fine. You're made for each other you know. You both have the stubborn personalities and the overconfidence and the hot tempers. And you're both so unvelievably dedicated to your band and your fans. You guys are perfect together and it'll work out, I promise."
"Wow, thanks Ash. I needed that," I said, giving him a hug.
"No problemo. Now, may I have the honour of doing your warpaint, Miss Moore?" he asked.
I laughed. "Yeah, go ahead."
15 minutes later my warpaint was done, exactly like... Andy's. Great.
"Ash, why did you do it exactly like... his?" I asked.
He closed the tube and looked at me. "You guys were made for each other, remember?" And then he left the room. I stared at myself in the mirror. Usually, Andy would be here with me now, and he would be calming me down before the show. And then after our band performed he would tell me how amazing I did, and it would always be an amazing night. But I guess today would be different. I sighed and Alexa appeared at the door.
"Hey babe, you doing alright? We're on in five," she said, as I nodded and followed her to the stage.
We started performing and I sang all the songs we had prepared perfectly, putting as much effort as I could into the performance. It felt great being on stage again after all this time. As we were starting the last song, I looked into the crowd and at the very back I saw Andy standing there, staring at me. We made eye contact for the first time in ages and the whole world seemed to pause for a while, while we looked at each other. I started singing but when I looked at that spot again during Dustin's guitar solo, he was gone. I felt hurt but carried on singing.
After we finished, Black Veil Brides minus Andy congratulated us on a job well done and then they prepared to go on stage, starting their set. Andy sang perfectly as usual, and I watched him perform effortlessly on stage. He never looked backstage at me like he usually did though, but I continued watching until they finished.
They came running back and four of them came running to me, giving me sweaty warpaint-filled hugs. I looked around for Andy but he was nowhere to be seen.
"He went outside, for a smoke," Ashley told me.
"Oh..." I said softly. He smiled sympathetically at me and went to Alexa, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.
"We should head to the hotel and get our rooms," Jake said, yawning. "I'm tired and I want a pizza."
We all got into the tourbus, and we reached the hotel in about 15 minutes. We all checked in and then went to our floor, it was once again two in each room. I had a strange sense of deja vu when I saw everyone finding who they would be rooming with tonight, and just my luck...
I was rooming with Andy.
When he would be hanging out with the guys and I would appear, he would always find some excuse to leave the room. He'd done this a couple of times and I knew that the rest of the people on the bus were starting to notice our distance.
I was sitting in my bunk with my earphones in, listening to my music, lost in my own world. I felt someone tap my shoulder and I jumped a little, turning to see who it was.
"Oh hey, Sammi," I said, trying to sound happy but failing. She smiled and sat down, closing the curtains behind her. I looked at her, and she stared at me for a while, before speaking.
"Alright, what's going on with you and Andy?" she asked.
"What are you talking about?" I asked, playing dumb to try and buy myself some time.
"Oh please, you guys have basically been at silent war for the past few days, ever since you guys got back from the police station. I would have thought that you would finally be happier than ever, what's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong, Sammi!" I said, but the look on her face told me she didn't believe it.
"Scarlette. You and Andy have been basically inseperable since you got together. Sure you've argued at times - we both know your tempers - but you get over it. You guys don't sit on the couch together anymore and everyone knows that you've stopped going to his bunk every night. Why?"
I sighed. "Sammi... I hid something from Andy. For a long time. And when the truth was finally revealed - at the police station by the way - he got mad."
"What? What do you mean? What did you say?" she asked.
"The police officer asked me if Jack had been in contact with me before he kidnapped me," I said.
"Yeah, and?" she asked, making me continue.
"He had."
"What? You didn't tell anyone this, how?" she asked.
"He sent me texts. Loads of them, always anonymous. You know how you could say I've had a few incidents on this tour, and ended up in hospital multiple times? Yeah, they wasn't exactly accidents."
"What?!"
"He would always know, after I had gotten hurt. He planned the attacks on me, he said he was out to get me and that he wanted to get rid of Andy. Which is why I didn't tell Andy about them, because I was so scared that he would do something to hurt him. Sammi, he thinks I don't trust him now. And I don't blame him, I hid something from him for such a long time. And I guess maybe it was stupid, but I couldn't bear the thought of Jack harming Andy. I'd rather die myself than see Andy get hurt by someone I know and hate."
"Sweetheart, I know one thing. When Andy loves someone as much as he loves you, it'll take a lot more than this to break his trust. I've known him for years, he just needs his space to think things through and he'll come around in a while, believe me," she said.
"But Sammi, he completely blew up in my face. I told him that I kept it from him because I didn't want to see him hurt but he thought it was bullshit and left the hotel room. We haven't spoken since," I said, cursing myself as my voice started to shake and one tear slid down my cheek. I wiped it away furiously and continued speaking. "Is it over?"
"No!" Sammi exclaimed. "Of course not! Scar, do you love him?"
"Yes. I love him so much is physically hurts when he's mad at me. I feel as if I've done something awful and these past few days have been hell because he won't even acknowledge the fact that I exist! It breaks my heart because everytime I walk into a room he makes an excuse and leaves. It's almost as if he hates me again," I sighed.
"Scarlette, he never hated you. You were the one that couldn't stand being within 10 feet of him at the beginning of this tour, if I remember correctly. I remember the first time I met you was the night of the awards, and when I asked you if you were Andy's girlfriend you gave me a look of such extreme disgust I had to keep myself from laughing. But really Scar, I've never told you this, but even when he didn't know you personally, Andy always had a soft spot for Scarlette Moore of The Outcasts. Anytime you were mentioned in a conversation, he would always be interested."
"Really?" I asked, smiling a little.
"Yeah, I'm being serious," she laughed. "Well, we're arriving at our destination soon and so I'm gonna go hang with Jinxx for a while, wanna come?"
"Uh, no thanks. I'd rather be alone, not really in the mood to see a perfect couple together right now," I muttered. Sammi leaned over to hug me, and it felt nice, embracing someone again. But it only made me miss Andy's arms even more.
After Sammi left, I stayed in my bunk alone for the remaining hour and a half, until we reached the hotel we were staying at for tonight. We had one show, and I hadn't performed in a while, so I was really excited. I just wish Andy and I were okay. But whatever, I guess that would have to be sorted out later.
We got to the venue and started on our hair and makeup. I got dressed in leather shorts and fishnet tights with a ripped up band shirt and bracelets on my wrists. I did my smokey eye and then Ashley came into the dressing room as I was lacing up my boots.
"Hey," he said.
"What's up?"
"Where's your warpaint?" he asked me. Andy usually did it for me, but I didn't think he would. Not tonight anyway.
"Oh uh... I'm not gonna put any on tonight..." I trailed off.
"Scar, I know you've been having problems with Andy. But I know him. After he's done thinking he'll talk and you guys will be fine. You're made for each other you know. You both have the stubborn personalities and the overconfidence and the hot tempers. And you're both so unvelievably dedicated to your band and your fans. You guys are perfect together and it'll work out, I promise."
"Wow, thanks Ash. I needed that," I said, giving him a hug.
"No problemo. Now, may I have the honour of doing your warpaint, Miss Moore?" he asked.
I laughed. "Yeah, go ahead."
15 minutes later my warpaint was done, exactly like... Andy's. Great.
"Ash, why did you do it exactly like... his?" I asked.
He closed the tube and looked at me. "You guys were made for each other, remember?" And then he left the room. I stared at myself in the mirror. Usually, Andy would be here with me now, and he would be calming me down before the show. And then after our band performed he would tell me how amazing I did, and it would always be an amazing night. But I guess today would be different. I sighed and Alexa appeared at the door.
"Hey babe, you doing alright? We're on in five," she said, as I nodded and followed her to the stage.
We started performing and I sang all the songs we had prepared perfectly, putting as much effort as I could into the performance. It felt great being on stage again after all this time. As we were starting the last song, I looked into the crowd and at the very back I saw Andy standing there, staring at me. We made eye contact for the first time in ages and the whole world seemed to pause for a while, while we looked at each other. I started singing but when I looked at that spot again during Dustin's guitar solo, he was gone. I felt hurt but carried on singing.
After we finished, Black Veil Brides minus Andy congratulated us on a job well done and then they prepared to go on stage, starting their set. Andy sang perfectly as usual, and I watched him perform effortlessly on stage. He never looked backstage at me like he usually did though, but I continued watching until they finished.
They came running back and four of them came running to me, giving me sweaty warpaint-filled hugs. I looked around for Andy but he was nowhere to be seen.
"He went outside, for a smoke," Ashley told me.
"Oh..." I said softly. He smiled sympathetically at me and went to Alexa, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.
"We should head to the hotel and get our rooms," Jake said, yawning. "I'm tired and I want a pizza."
We all got into the tourbus, and we reached the hotel in about 15 minutes. We all checked in and then went to our floor, it was once again two in each room. I had a strange sense of deja vu when I saw everyone finding who they would be rooming with tonight, and just my luck...
I was rooming with Andy.
I remember when you first wrote this fic and I hoped that it would never finish. This story is what got me Into reading fanfic. I hope you continue to write more! You're incredibly talented!
2/4/14