The Saved and the Damned

Jake and Jinxx were going crazy over a video game. Black Ops I think they called it? I didn’t remember. I sat in my bunk reading a book that was composed of poems by Allen Poe. He was one man I wanted to watch over. His mind was marvelous. All those secrets and hatred for others. His poems were deadly and intoxicating. Much like that of a forbidden love. I had found this book at a thrift store at the last venue sight and the book keeper asked if I wanted it for free. I had sat there in his shop for an hour staring at the book before I agreed.

Ashley was talking on the phone to someone I didn’t hear nor did I want to and CC and Andy were cheering Jake and Jinxx on. I kept my face in my book and read over the poems. So many feelings could come from one poem. I read one over and over until I finally realized the feeling Poe wanted to expel upon his readers.

I jumped and almost hit my head on the top of my bunk when CC yelled at me. “Having fun?!” He asked resting his elbows on my bunk. I was on the top bunk.

I set my book in my lap and nodded. “I really like books.”

He smiled at me, “you know Andy didn’t just bring you along for a pretty face.” He rested his head on one arm.

I closed my book and sat forward so I was facing CC. “Why does everyone want to either me to date Andy or make me realize he likes me?” I asked.

“’Cause that’s what we want?” He laughed. I blushed and looked at my hands that were entwined together in my lap.

“He doesn’t even like me. I think I would know.” I wouldn’t even know if he was having a heart attack. I knew so little of human emotions and feelings.

“Honey? He’s intrigued with you. It’s more than he just wants some pretty company. That’s what Ashley is for.” We both laughed. When we stopped he came in closer to me. “Andy, is one to keep.” He smiled then walked back to the front of the bus.

I stayed in my position for a bit when Andy came to the back. He smiled at me, grabbed a water from his bunk, and went back to the front. I gave him a small wave after he had turned away from me and sighed. “I wish I could keep him.”

I had fallen sleep on my book and woke up to change into something more comfortable to sleep in. By this time everyone was asleep or had their bunk curtains closed and was on their phone. I grabbed a pair of sweat pants and a tank top. We had done some major shopping for me while at the last venue. I quickly changed and threw my hair into a bun. I walked to the front of the bus and grabbed a cold water from the fridge. We were still driving and there was a little bit of traffic. The driver had to be exhausted. I sat on the couch and took a gulp of the water and closed it backup.

I turned to see that Andy was stumbling out of his top bunk. He made his way down and sat on the couch next to me. “What time is it?” He asked in a groggy tone. I shrugged and took another sip of water. He rubbed his eyes and yawned. “Why are you up?”

“I was thirsty.” I said holding up the water. He nodded his head and we continued to sit in silence.

He finally turned to me, “how do you like your new wardrobe?”

I giggled, “I love it. Thank you, Andy.” I said taking another sip of water.

“Anything for you,” I looked to see him smiling. It finally fell and he took a deep breath and looked away. I looked away too and continued to sip quietly on my water. “Sydney?” He asked.

I looked back to see that he was so close to me. “Yes?” I asked setting my water in my lap.

He continued to examine my face as I did his. “Have you ever felt drawn to someone? Even the first time you meet?” His face got closer. I wanted to back away. “Like, you two were born to be with each other. All your existence makes since when you meet them?” I subconsciously licked my lips as my eyes wondered down to his, getting ever so close.

“I thought your existence was your band?” I asked still wanting so bad to back away, yet wanting to feel his lips on mine. When did one of my emotions become that of the seven sins?

“But, that is why my band is here. I’m here for…” he trailed off, his face still getting closer to mine. I started to back away now, still staring at his lips. I finally met his eyes to see that he was staring at my lips. His mouth slightly open. It would be so easy to kiss him. To finally get what I wanted to do off of my chest. He stopped coming closer to me and closed his mouth. “Sleep well, Sydney.”

He got up and went to his bunk. I stayed where he left me, speechless. I almost kissed him. It would have been so easy. I shook the thought away and walked to my bunk. I looked over to Andy’s to see that his curtain was closed. I closed mine as well and stared at the top of my bunk.

Why did I feel this way? My heart felt heavy whenever he walked away. I could feel my eyes lighten when he said my name. Why was this so hard? Why was it so hard for me to push these feelings away? Why couldn’t I fall for Jake instead? Why did it have to be the man that I had to send away from the place he loved? I would hate myself for it.

I sighed and rolled onto my side. These were going to have to be thoughts for after I sent Andy to where he needed to be. For now. I needed to do my job.

Notes