Never Give In, Never Back Down

I pulled off my shirt and walked over to the closet. "Hmmm."

"Whatcha thinking about babe?" Andy asked from his reclined position on the bed.

"What to wear...I don't think I have ANYTHING." I turned around to see his eyes widen in disbelief. "What?" I asked him, placing
my hand on my hip.

"You have so many clothes and out of everything you can't find something to wear?" He walked over to the closet pulled out his
makeup bag and stage outfit before scurrying off to the bathroom. I stood staring at the closet for a good fifteen minutes before I had a
brilliant idea.
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From the bathroom I could hear Ash running through the house, slamming doors, and ripping sounds. I wonder what she's
doing out there, maybe I should check. I zipped my skinny jeans and, walking to the bathroom door, pulled it open silently. Slipping into
the bedroom I saw Ash hunched over, back facing me, and something moving in her hands.

"Go away Biersack!"

"What the...How did you....ok." I turned and slipped back into the bathroom, turning the music up and beginning on my makeup.

About thirty minutes later I could hear Ash knocking at the door. Putting down the war paint I turned down the music and told her to
come in. Looking in the mirror I saw her staring at me, something like worry in her porcelian eyes. I turned to her and smiled softly as I
looked her over. It's amazing what she could do in less than an hour.

"Wow." She looked amazing. Her makeup wasn't done yet, her hair was in a sloppy bun with curly strands of black hair falling
in every direction, her eyes still held sleep from this morning. She had painted black skinny jeans so the black veil brides emblem was laid
out in a white pattern, she'd taken a razor and ripped the jeans to show pieces of her legs. My eyes moved up to her belt, a BVB car seat belt.
Lifting my eyes further I saw she had ripped one of her black veil brides shirts to expose her flat stomach. She'd also altered the neckline so
the tops of her pale breasts could be seen in stark contrast to the black cloth. On top of this she had torn the sleeves off of her jean jacket,
making it into a vest. The bleached out part on the back read outcast and held BVB patches and buttons all over it. The hem was frayed to
allow for a vintage look.

"You look beautiful baby." I pulled her into my arms and kissed her softly.

"Still can't believe you're not an obsessive crazy fan." I joked, sticking my tongue out and poking her small nose.
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"Stop it Purdy!" I begged as he tickled my sides. I pushed my body back further from him until I hit something hard and skinny
arms wrapped around my waist, blocking Ashley's attacks. I stuck my tongue out at him holding my hands up to my head and cuddled
into Andy's warm chest.

"Hey, Jake, who ya texting buddy?" I attempted to snatch his phone out of his hand but, gravity decided it just wasn't my day. I fell onto the floor of the van.

"Fuck you Jinxx!" I shouted, lifting my middle finger high into the air. I heard C.C. chuckle but Ashley and Andy soon quieted him down.

"WE'RE HERE!!!!!" I screeched, jumping up from Andy's lap and rushing into the cool evening air. Turning around I saw five men
racing towards me. Spinning on my heel I raced toward the door but, I was too slow, Ashley grabbed me up, tossing me over his shoulder,
and racing into the dressing room. He dropped me onto the couch, sitting on my stomach.

The stage manager walked into the dressing room, "Show time!"

"Ok Ash you know what to do, as soon as you hear the beat get set up with the mic, there will be one ready for you." I smiled
nervously and got pulled into five different hugs, a series of 'it'll be ok' and 'you'll be great''s passed their lips as they walked onto the
stage.

I stood looking out over the stage. My five brave men stood, giving everything they had to the crowd. The love and passion that
filled their faces was unmistakable. "Raise another broken glass to failure, a simple promise of a crimson saviour," Andy fell to his knees,
looked over at me and sang "Take a look into the life you're leading, I promise you this isn't pain you're feeling." I felt a single tear roll
down my cheek, reaching up I quickly wiped it from my face.

"Here ya go." I turned to the man who had spoken, taking the mic from his outstretched fingers. He had shaggy blonde hair,
extremely skinny, baggy t-shirt, and skinny jeans on. His face was cute, but baby cute, he couldn't be more than twenty years old.

"Thanks..."

"Adam." He said

"Thanks Adam." We stood there for a few minutes chatting about the band and each other. I found out he was gay and had an
amazing boyfriend, or so he said. He was really cool so I asked for his number. Too soon, it was time to go on stage.

"I don't want to speak, I just want to drown! In all these thoughts, pounding from the ground." I walked on stage, screaming
into my mic. Ashley's bass pounded the ground, drums goings wild in my ears, and the guitar/violin shrieking togther.

"These four walls reverberating!" Andy's deep voice crowded my head.

"Knife to my neck concentrating." I screamed as the violin screeched.

"I want to pull the trigger." Andy and I screamed in sync. "Before this gets bigger." We sang to each other.

"Bound by sin." I sang

"The void within" I heard Andy scream.

"Capture faith unbound." I sang

"Because..." Andy screamed "...surely you have drowned." We screamed as Ashley and Jinxx sang

"Sorrow trapped in speech" Andy and I sang, "Tattered souls you may teach!" We heard the other join in.

"A wise man said." Andy and I got louder. "Lose yourself and you'll be..." the others joined in again."

"Dead." We screamed in unison as everything but the violin stops abruptly.
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I watched Ash and Andy roam across the stage, losing themselves in the false reality they created as the 'music video' in their
heads. I walked about the stage flaunting my bass and working the crowd. I loved the feeling I got every time I got on stage but, I've never
completely lost myself in the music like Andy and Ash could.

I thought about the lyrics more when I was singing them and tried to sort out what Ash was feeling when she wrote it. I watched
her cross the stage and take a few hands of the fans singing or screaming in their faces. A few bra's landed at my feet and a few condoms
were thrown Ash's way. This could get interesting.

Halfway through the the song I had a solo. I tried desperately to focus soley on my bass but, my thoughts kept pulling me back to
Ash. How amazing her lips had felt against mine, how broken and helpless I had felt when I discovered her secret, and how wonderful her
body felt curled up in my arms.

I can't get her out of my head. Nothing works, I can't help but be jealous of Andy, and i'm sure if he stepped back for five seconds
and really looked at how I treat her he would realize that I love her more than I should. My best friend is her boyfriend for god's sake. I
could never hurt him like that, could I?
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I watched Ashley out of the corner of my eye. He was sipping on a snifter of brandy, eyeing everyone in the room with a veiled
expression. His eyes eventually landed on me, he half smiled and took another sip, shifting his gaze to Andy who was talking quietly with
Jinxx.

"Ashley, can I talk to you for a second?" He looked over, nodding his head. I got up and crossed the room, leading him into the
resturants narrow hallway. "Is everything ok? You're acting weird."

"Yeah Ash, I'm fine..." I looked him in the eyes, turning around to head back to the others, a small sense of hurt in my heart.

"Well, actually no, i'm not ok." I felt him pull me around and suddenly his lips were on mine. Just as soon as they were there, they were
gone. His body shifted away from mine, the heat from his breath left my cheek, and his soft lips left mine tingling.

"Wh-what, um...." I looked at him under the shade of my bangs. Did he really just kiss me?

"I'm sorry Ash, I just, I love you. I can't stand the thought of you with Andy and not me, I know that you're happy with him, that
makes me happy too, but I had sex with you Ash. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since then. I know that I didn't really
show my feelings, or acknowledge them myself but, I wanted to ask you out when I got back. I got the message from Andy and had to come
home. I didn't want it to be true. I want you to be mine. I'm sorry and I know that I've screwed things up beyond belief."

I stared at him in shock. I love him, I really do, but i'm not sure it's in the way he wants me too. I know there is more between us
than their should be between friends but, i'm not sure it's at the level of Love.

"hmm...hmm" We both spun around to see Andy leaning against the doorway. I stood in shock watching as his expression turned
from betrayal to anger. "Ashley, you are no longer in the band. Go home."

My shock wore off and I glanced at Ashley out of the corner of my eye.

"Andy, please don't do that. I'm sorry I just couldn't handle the pain I felt in my heart. Now that it's out there nothing will
happen. I just....I'm sorry Andy." He grabbed his bass and walked out the door.

Notes