The Eyes of a Fallen Angel

All i see is white.
White walls. White ceiling. White floor. White bed. White clothes?
Where the hell am i? I wonder to myself. I've never seen this place before. I don't remember how i got here.... where's Andy?
I stand myself up, only to realise that I have a needle in my arm, which is attached to a panadol drip. What? What happened?
As i make slow steps over to the door, i look out the window, and to my relief i see Andy. He's about the most colour this place has. Everything else is white. Andys talking to this man, who is holding a notepad and seemingly writing down everything Andy says.
What the hell is going on?
I open the door, and as it's hinges squeak, Andy, nor the man in white, turn around.
"um, hello?" I whisper, each slow, tiny step taking me closer and closer to Andy and the man.
"Hello?" I say loud enough for anyone to hear me.
Yet, neither of them move. I walk right up to Andy, tap his shoulder and yell out "HELLO?"
He does nothing.
I start to panic. Am i dead? Did I do something and die? Is Andy telling the man what happened... how i died? It can't be true!
I stand right in front of Andy, take his face in my hands and scream out "Andy!"
With that, everything turns to white. Andy is gone. The man is gone. There's no one else in the halls.. And i'm left here alone..
I feel a trickle of liquid running down my arms, thinking it was the drip, i turn to look at my hands. In shock horror, i start to hyperventilate. Its not the drip, instead its thick, red blood, pouring from the slits on my wrist. I start to scream. I feel hands on me. On my arms, my shoulder, and occasionally my face, as if something is trying to hold me down. But they haven't seen my bleeding wrists? Thats the problem! Help me! Save me!
Screaming these words i feel as though i am only screaming to myself.

"KASSY!" I flash my eyes open immediately, only to see a sweat covered Andy looming over me. His hands on my arms, holding me down, His eyes, concerned, yet at the same time overwhelmed that im okay.
"Oh thank fuck!" he sighs out as he drops his head over me.
"Kassy are you okay?" he asks, wiping the sweat away from my face
"Um, yeah im... what happened?"
"I have no idea. You were asleep and then, you just started screaming! I got so worried! Are you sure you're okay?" he asks again as he leans completely down to hug me as tight as he can.
"I guess it was just a nightmare"
I turn my head to look at the clock. Its 3am.
"Shit, im sorry. I woke you up at 3 in the morning.. Im sorry Andy, go back to sleep." My tone is full of apology.
"Actually I cant, I have to be at the studio with the guys soon, and i won't be home till late. Im sorry Kas" He says as he leaves a soft trail of kisses down my body.
"Oh, thats fine" i say
"You, on the other hand, go back to sleep! peacefully!" he says as he kisses me once more, gets up, and before i know it, hes out of the house and i am left here alone. Insecure, scared and alone.

Its weird. Ever since I got kicked out of home, i haven't spent a single day without Andy. So for me, being in this house is very... triggering for me.
I spend the morning walking around the house, doing nothing, eating nothing... just walking and I begin to feel lonely, and I then begin to realise that Andy is my escape. When he's around i don't hate myself. I don't feel alone. Im not scared., and i don't have the urge to cut.. but now that he's gone, it's like all of those feelings i've escaped have come rushing back at once. I start to hear the voices in my head again as i look at myself in the mirror.
"You're ugly" "You're fat" "You're worthless" They scream at me.
"no no no NO NO STOP" I scream to the voices, holding my hands over my ears, trying to achieve what? Trying to scare the voices away? Trying to push them out of my mind?
No, i know these voices too well, and they won't leave me alone until i find an escape. And now that Andys not here, i can escape the voices with my own methods that i've oh so dearly missed....

I'm in the bathroom. Alone. And as i take off my shirt, im left with a disgusting view.
I haven't looked at myself with all my scars for a long time. "This is what Andy sees" The voices say to me. "He has to look at your ugly, horrible scars". The voices are right. These scars are horrible, and no one should have to see them. Without hesitation I reach up to my hidden blade. I wonder how Andy hasn't found it yet. I mean, this is his house. He should know all the hiding places right? I look at my wrists, and all i see is the blood pouring from them, like in my nightmare. I miss it in a way. Seeing blood was the only way i knew that i was alive. So, i go for it again. After a while, it stings again the first time, but as the first drop of blood rushes out, i know that i can't stop there.

Time flies by, and as I look down at my wrist, i actually feel... happiness, being able to do the only thing i'm good at. I know i've lost a lot of blood. Probably more than acceptable, but the sensation buzzing through my veins is too good, and with one more, deep, long cut... i feel myself become light headed, and unlike the dream, everything begins to fade to black.

Notes

Hi guys! sorry for the feels in this one, if it's triggering for you PLEASE don't read anymore.
Hint hint into the meaning of the title of the chapter -
lately i've been trying to incorporate a meaning into the title, and this one relates of course to her cutting. Because Kassy only ever saw herself as worthless, her 'tiara' is her cutting habits. She's used to fresh ones and what not, so hence "Head up (wrist up) princess, your tiara is falling" is meant to mean that she feels as if she's been slack on keeping up her old patterns, and needing new ones, hence the chapter.
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