“Tom. Tom, open the damn door!” I banged on the front door again. Finally Tom opened the door. There he stood in a pair of green boxers with blonde dreads hanging down his back.
“Do you know what time it is?”
“Yes it’s one in the morning. Now let me in.”
Tom opened the door wider and stepped aside so I could enter. I dropped my bag on the floor then sank down beside it. I hugged my knees to my chest and began to rock back and forth. Tom knew what was wrong, the same damn thing that was always wrong with me. My parents. Tom kneeled down beside me and held me in his arms.
“What happened this time”, Tom’s voice was coated in sympathy. “
My dad came home drunk, again, and he hit my mom, again.” I sighed.
This happened on a regular basis. My dad would get mad, go out and get drunk, then come home and hit my mom. Sometimes I was in the way so he would hit me. Tom picked me up, grabbed my bag, and carried me upstairs to his room. He kicked the door open making the girl that was sitting on his bed wrapped in a sheet jump.
“My friend is over, so you need to go.” Tom threw her clothes at her and shoved her all the way down the stairs and out the door.
“Are you going to call me”, the girl asked.
How naïve! She probably thought she could turn Tom away from his player ways. He is only into one night stands and would probably cheat on you if he became committed.
“Now you know better. I got what I wanted so now I’m done with you. See you at school.” Tom closed the door in her face and locked it. He ran back upstairs to his room, stripped the sheets off and carried them to the laundry room. I picked up my bag and began to change clothes.
“Nice underwear” said Tom as he walked in with a fresh set of folded sheets. He took another look at me then dropped what he was holding. The sheets made a tiny thud on the hard wood floor. “Your side!” I looked to where Tom pointed.
On the right side of my stomach was a big bruise the size of a volley ball. “Yeah I tried to get him off her. He threw me onto the table, which collapsed when I hit it, then kicked me over and over.” I felt my eyes pool with water. Finally when they could hold no more, they over flowed. Tom walked over to me and hugged me.
“You are never going back over there, do you here me.” “
You say that every time this happens Tom, but I can’t leave my mom, and she won’t leave him. So I’m staying. The day my mom becomes sick of this is when I’ll leave.”
We made the bed in silence then went to sleep. I couldn’t sleep though. My father haunted me even in my dreams. The beatings. The screaming. The constant violence. They have haunted my dreams for the past nine years of my nineteen year old life. I curled up to Tom and fell asleep.
~****~
I awoke to the sound of Tom’s excited shouts. Groggily, I sat up and wiped my eyes as I walked towards the bathroom door. “Tom, I swear if you’re in there jacking off I’m going to kill you. You woke me up!” I whined as I opened the door. Tom stood in the middle of his bathroom in nothing but a towel and was talking into his phone.
“Yeah, sure, we can be there right away. Is an hour okay? Great, thanks!” Tom closed his phone and looked at me. “We’re getting signed!”
“Huh?” I asked bewildered.
“We are getting signed. Someone recorded one of our lives shows and put it up on YouTube, and the videos we posted are getting major feedback.” I screamed and jumped into his still wet arms, but then cried when his arms wrapped around my sides. I crumpled to the floor and whimpered. “Fuck, Lex, I’m sorry I forgot,” Tom cursed as he held me in his arms.
“It’s fine, I shouldn’t have forgotten. Hurry up and get dressed, we have an hour to get everyone at the paper signing. Call the boys, okay? I’m going to take a quick shower. Will you find me something to wear?”
Tom nodded and left the bathroom. I quickly showered then dried off and put on the bra and panties that Tom sat on the counter. I quickly brushed my teeth and hair then slid into the dark wash, skinny jeans and purple tank top with silver stars. I grabbed my HIM hoodie and cellphone then exited the bathroom. Tom was already waiting for me. We ran out to his car and went to go pick up the other band members before driving over to the studio.
~****~
I think I kind of zoned out during the meeting. I kept having to text Tom to figure out what was going on. Believe me, I’m not not paying attention on purpose, I just can’t focus with all the pain I’m in right now. After signing the contract, our new manager decides to give us a tour of the studio and then we got to work. Right now we’re working on a couple of covers.
Jacob thought it’d be cool to do an EP of some covers and few of our originals while we work on our first real album. We agreed that it was cool idea and got right to work. I stepped into the sound booth and put on my headphone before stepping up the mic. I looked over my shoulder and smiled at my boys: Tom (guitarist), Josh (drummer), and JP (bass). I took off my hoodie just as the door opened and froze when I saw Black Veil Brides standing there.
Jacob told me over the loud speaker that he had invited them to come and watch. I felt kind of vulnerable there, I knew they could all see my scars and bruises and cuts. I was just thankful they didn’t say anything.
“You ready babygirl,” Tom asked me.
I took one more look at everyone else and nodded my head. “Let’s do this.”
“Hey, Lex,” JP called.
I turned my head again and saw everyone’s eyes on me. “I know this song has a lot of meaning for you. Don’t hold back, okay. Let it all out.”
I nodded my head and took in a deep breath when I heard the opening music.

"They cry in the dark, so you can't see their tears
They hide in the light, so you can't see their fears
Forgive and forget, all the while
Love and pain become one and the same
In the eyes of a wounded child
Because Hell, Hell is for children
And you know that their little lives can become such a mess
Hell, hell is for children
And you shouldn't have to pay for your love
With your bones and your flesh"

I could feel the tears sliding down my face as I sang and I was thankful that it couldn’t be heard in my voice. Yes, there was of course raw emotion in my voice and wanted that to be heard, but I don’t want people to hear me crying during the song. While singing the next part, I gingerly lifted my shirt and held my bruised side. I didn’t dare look towards the others.

"It's all so confusing, this brutal abusing
They blacken your eyes, and then apologize
Be daddy's good girl, and don't tell mommy a thing
Be a good little boy, and you'll get a new toy
Tell grandma you fell off the swing
Because Hell, Hell is for children
And you know that their little lives can become such a mess
Hell, hell is for children
And you shouldn't have to pay for your love
With your bones and your flesh
No, Hell is for children
Hell, Hell is for Hell
Hell is for Hell, Hell is for children
Hell, Hell is for Hell
Hell is for Hell, Hell is for children"

The guitar solo kicked in. I felt so frustrated, and hurt as the song continued. I gripped my hair and pulled it away from my neck, revealing the handprints that covered my russet skin.

"Hell, Hell is for Hell
Hell is for Hell, Hell is for children
Hell is for children
Hell is for children"

The song ended and once I was sure they had stopped recording I fell to my knees and cried. I heard the door open and felt someone pull off my headphones before enveloping me in a hug. I knew it was my boys.
“We made it Lex, we’ve gotten this far, and we’re never going back. You hear me? We’re never going back,” Tom whispered as he kissed my forehead.

Notes

Lyrics created by the wonderful and talented Pat Benatar.
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<3 Lex