We'll Brave This Storm (Sequel to You're Not Alone) [COMPLETED]
Chapter 4 (These Things I've Done)
"Where do you want me to start?"
"What happened when I left?" he asked, turning his eyes back to the road.
"There's no way I'm getting out of this, is there?"
"Mel, just tell me. I won't hate you for whatever it is you may have done," Andy sighed.
"Okay. Um, well, when I got up to my apartment the building manager was there and he told me I was going to be evicted. I asked him if there was anything I could've done to stay, and he took that the wrong way. He started forcing himself on me while we were still on the balcony, so I lead him into my apartment. Once we were both, um.... exposed, I grabbed a pan while he was distracted and I hit him across the jaw with it. I packed my things and then I called you," I shifted in my seat uncomfortably.
We reached a stop light and Andy ran his hands through his hair. He rested his head on the steering wheel and took a handful of deep breaths. The light changed to green and he started driving again.
"Andy, are you alright?" I asked.
"Shouldn't I be asking you that right now, Mel?"
I looked down at my hands. I really needed to paint my finger nails.....
"Mel, I'm not mad at you, but I really want to punch that dickhead until he's unconsious.
You're pregnant for god's sake, and he forced himself on you...I can't...I'm just so pissed right now," he snarled.
"Andy, I handled it.We didn't have sex, and he probably won't be bothering me any more. Just drop it, okay?"
"You have no idea how hard this is for me," he muttered.
I turned on the radio and apparently Andy had a CD in, because one of his songs started playing. I recognized it within the first two bars. It was 'Saviour.' Great, just fucking great.
As soon as the chorus began I started crying. Andy was looking worried, but I continued to cry. He pulled over at the side of the road and gave me a hug whispering, "It'll be okay," and "You'll be fine," over and over again. He wisely turned off the radio and lifted my head up so he could wipe away my tears. He didn't voice it, but I knew he was asking in his head, 'Why are you crying?'
"I sang th-that song t-to S-Skylar a-as she d-died. I-it was h-her favourite song," I bawled.
"Princess, I didn't know."
"I kn-know you d-didn't. I st-still m-miss her. I w-want her b-back, Andy."
"Me too, Mel, me too."
I settled down after a few minutes and Andy started to drive again. Neither of us talked, but it wasn't an awkward silence. It was a mourning one. No matter what, I was still going to miss Skylar.
"We're here," Andy said as he pulled into a long driveway.
"This is your house?" I gaped at the gorgeous tan villa.
"No, but we're recording here for our next record. I've been staying here for the past few weeks, and I'm sure John won't mind you staying here too," he told me, opening the front door.
"Andy, man, where have you been?" CC asked as soon as we entered the house.
"I went to pick up Mel. She's going to me staying with us for a while."
"Um, okay, but didn't you just drop here off at her apartment forty minutes ago?"
"My building manager and I had a bit of a falling out," I said.
CC must have noticed from my voice that I didn't want to expand on what I said, and raised his hands in a surrendering manner.
"Alright. Oh, and by the way Andy, John's been looking for you. He said that he texted you like fifteen times."
"Oh, fuck!" he yelled as he checked his phone, "Mel, I have to go record some stuff, uh, if you want to join me, you can."
"Sure, what are you going to be recording?"
"It's going to be a surprise," he said with a sad smile.
We walked through a large kitchen, a few side rooms, and a couple hallways until we reached an in-home recording studio. A man in his late-forties with blondish-white hair was sitting in a black chair, listening to guitar rifts on his computer.
"John, sorry I didn't notice your texts. I was a bit preoccupied," Andy told the man, who I guessed was the John he had been talking about earlier.
"It's fine, just hop in the booth and start on the vocals for 'Lost It All.' Um, may I ask who your guest is?"
"This is Melanie, uh, I'd think it would be best if Melanie told you about herself, and our situation," Andy hesitated before making his way to the recording booth. He started stretching out his voice and John turned to me with much curiosity.
"So you're the famous Melanie that everyone talks about. By the way the boys described you, I thought you'd be a bit, um, less pregnant," he smiled.
"Yeah, trust me, it wasn't planned," I laughed. I couldn't help it, he just had that aura around him that made him so easy and fun to talk to.
"So, who's the father, if it's okay for me to ask."
"No, I don't mind. Andy's the father actually."
"He didn't tell me you were having a child with him," he said with eyebrows raised, evidently shocked.
"I only told him today, and I wasn't originally going to tell him, but when he ran into me assuming I got pregnant by another guy, I felt I sorta had to," I explained to him. He didn't appear to judge me in any way, he just nodded in understanding.
"I'm guessing that's why Andy wanted you to hear him tracking for this song."
"What's it about?"
"You'll see. Andy, put the headphones in. I'm ready for you to start tracking vocals," John said into the speaker.
Andy put his headphones on and I instantly heard a melancholy piano tune beng played. I was hypnotized by it, and then Andy began to sing.
"I ruled the world.
With these hands I shook the heavens to the ground,
I laid the gods to rest.
I held the key to the kingdom
Lions Guarding castle walls,
hail the king of death
Then I lost it all
Dead and broken
My back's against the wall
Cut me open
I'm just trying to breathe
Just trying to figure it out
because i built these walls
to watch them crumbling down,
And said
Then I lost it all
and, Who can save me now?
I stood above, another war
another jewel upon the crown
I was the fear of man
But I was blind, I couldn't see
The world there right in front of me
But now I can
yeah
Cause I lost it all
Dead and broken
My back's against the wall
Cut me open
I'm just trying to breathe
Just trying to figure it out
because i built these walls
to watch them crumbling down,
I said
Then I lost it all
and, Who can save me now?
I believe that we all fall down sometimes, oh ohh oh ohhhh
Can't you see that we all fall down sometimes? oh ohh oh ohhhh
I believe that we all fall down sometimes, oh ohh oh ohhhh
yeah
Can't you see that we all fall down sometimes? oh ohh oh ohhhh
yeah
I believe that we all fall down sometimes
yeah."
He sang the whole song with his eyes closed, and it sounded so beautiful. When he opened his eyes to look for my reaction, I sae the tears he had been hiding. Even after all this time, I still hated seeing him cry.
"Okay, Andy can you come back here so we can go over your vocals?" John asked.
"Sure," Andy replied after clearing his throat.
Andy re-entered the room and avoided my gaze. Right now I was trying so hard to not run up and kiss him and tell him that I was sorry and I wanted to be his again. Then I remembered all the reasons why I couldn't do that. Skylar, my pride, my problems, his carreer.
His eyes scanned over me quickly while John played his recording, and I knew he could tell I was deep in thought.
"I'm going to go out for a breather," I told them. To be honest, I didn't want to be in the saw room as Andy right now. I just felt way too guilty.
I exited the room and closed the door to find a mildly interested Ashley.
"Mel, I didn't expect you to be here," he grinned.
"Yeah, well, I kinda needed a place to stay," I said, messing with my hair. I really needed to work on my nervous habits.
"I thought you had a place to stay?"
"I did, but some stuff happened. I don't really want to talk about it, but I'm sure Andy would."
"Okay, so did you find out the gender of the baby?"
"Jeez Ash, you're really excited!" I laughed.
"I can't help it! I'm going to be an uncle!"
"Me and Andy are going to be expecting a baby girl."
"Whoah... what are you going to name her?"
"If it's alright with you, I was going to name her Skylar Carolyn Biersack," I said, barely louder than a whisper.
Ashley put his hands on my growing stomach and muttered, "That's a perfect name."
"Um, so I heard you're dating another girl. What's she like?"
Ashley dropped his hands from my belly and gave a small smile.
"Her name's Kenzi. She's really spunky, but really sweet. She was the first girl since Skylar that has made me smile. After Sky died, I locked myself in my room and drank until I passed out. After a month I went out to clubs and drank booze and slept with any chick that would hit on me. About a few months into this idiotic behaviour of mine, I ran into Kenzi, and when she saw I was drunk, she offered me a ride home and gave me her number. She didn't throw herself at me. I called her and we hung out a lot. She made me happy, and after a couple months of friendship, I asked her out. I really like her."
Ash smiled, but almost immediately gave me a look of apology.
"Ash, you don't have to be even a little bit sorry for liking someone other than Skylar. She told me when she, ya know, that she wanted you to give your heart to someone when you were ready. It's veen seven months. It's okay to move on. I really want this Kenzi girl you're dating to be the one for you, because you deserve to have true love Ashley."
He gave me a big hug and whispered into my ear, "Thank you, and Mel.... you deserve true love too."
That just made me think, did I? Did I really deserve true love after all these things I've done? Ash believed I did, but I don't think I'd ever deserve anyone.
"What happened when I left?" he asked, turning his eyes back to the road.
"There's no way I'm getting out of this, is there?"
"Mel, just tell me. I won't hate you for whatever it is you may have done," Andy sighed.
"Okay. Um, well, when I got up to my apartment the building manager was there and he told me I was going to be evicted. I asked him if there was anything I could've done to stay, and he took that the wrong way. He started forcing himself on me while we were still on the balcony, so I lead him into my apartment. Once we were both, um.... exposed, I grabbed a pan while he was distracted and I hit him across the jaw with it. I packed my things and then I called you," I shifted in my seat uncomfortably.
We reached a stop light and Andy ran his hands through his hair. He rested his head on the steering wheel and took a handful of deep breaths. The light changed to green and he started driving again.
"Andy, are you alright?" I asked.
"Shouldn't I be asking you that right now, Mel?"
I looked down at my hands. I really needed to paint my finger nails.....
"Mel, I'm not mad at you, but I really want to punch that dickhead until he's unconsious.
You're pregnant for god's sake, and he forced himself on you...I can't...I'm just so pissed right now," he snarled.
"Andy, I handled it.We didn't have sex, and he probably won't be bothering me any more. Just drop it, okay?"
"You have no idea how hard this is for me," he muttered.
I turned on the radio and apparently Andy had a CD in, because one of his songs started playing. I recognized it within the first two bars. It was 'Saviour.' Great, just fucking great.
As soon as the chorus began I started crying. Andy was looking worried, but I continued to cry. He pulled over at the side of the road and gave me a hug whispering, "It'll be okay," and "You'll be fine," over and over again. He wisely turned off the radio and lifted my head up so he could wipe away my tears. He didn't voice it, but I knew he was asking in his head, 'Why are you crying?'
"I sang th-that song t-to S-Skylar a-as she d-died. I-it was h-her favourite song," I bawled.
"Princess, I didn't know."
"I kn-know you d-didn't. I st-still m-miss her. I w-want her b-back, Andy."
"Me too, Mel, me too."
I settled down after a few minutes and Andy started to drive again. Neither of us talked, but it wasn't an awkward silence. It was a mourning one. No matter what, I was still going to miss Skylar.
"We're here," Andy said as he pulled into a long driveway.
"This is your house?" I gaped at the gorgeous tan villa.
"No, but we're recording here for our next record. I've been staying here for the past few weeks, and I'm sure John won't mind you staying here too," he told me, opening the front door.
"Andy, man, where have you been?" CC asked as soon as we entered the house.
"I went to pick up Mel. She's going to me staying with us for a while."
"Um, okay, but didn't you just drop here off at her apartment forty minutes ago?"
"My building manager and I had a bit of a falling out," I said.
CC must have noticed from my voice that I didn't want to expand on what I said, and raised his hands in a surrendering manner.
"Alright. Oh, and by the way Andy, John's been looking for you. He said that he texted you like fifteen times."
"Oh, fuck!" he yelled as he checked his phone, "Mel, I have to go record some stuff, uh, if you want to join me, you can."
"Sure, what are you going to be recording?"
"It's going to be a surprise," he said with a sad smile.
We walked through a large kitchen, a few side rooms, and a couple hallways until we reached an in-home recording studio. A man in his late-forties with blondish-white hair was sitting in a black chair, listening to guitar rifts on his computer.
"John, sorry I didn't notice your texts. I was a bit preoccupied," Andy told the man, who I guessed was the John he had been talking about earlier.
"It's fine, just hop in the booth and start on the vocals for 'Lost It All.' Um, may I ask who your guest is?"
"This is Melanie, uh, I'd think it would be best if Melanie told you about herself, and our situation," Andy hesitated before making his way to the recording booth. He started stretching out his voice and John turned to me with much curiosity.
"So you're the famous Melanie that everyone talks about. By the way the boys described you, I thought you'd be a bit, um, less pregnant," he smiled.
"Yeah, trust me, it wasn't planned," I laughed. I couldn't help it, he just had that aura around him that made him so easy and fun to talk to.
"So, who's the father, if it's okay for me to ask."
"No, I don't mind. Andy's the father actually."
"He didn't tell me you were having a child with him," he said with eyebrows raised, evidently shocked.
"I only told him today, and I wasn't originally going to tell him, but when he ran into me assuming I got pregnant by another guy, I felt I sorta had to," I explained to him. He didn't appear to judge me in any way, he just nodded in understanding.
"I'm guessing that's why Andy wanted you to hear him tracking for this song."
"What's it about?"
"You'll see. Andy, put the headphones in. I'm ready for you to start tracking vocals," John said into the speaker.
Andy put his headphones on and I instantly heard a melancholy piano tune beng played. I was hypnotized by it, and then Andy began to sing.
"I ruled the world.
With these hands I shook the heavens to the ground,
I laid the gods to rest.
I held the key to the kingdom
Lions Guarding castle walls,
hail the king of death
Then I lost it all
Dead and broken
My back's against the wall
Cut me open
I'm just trying to breathe
Just trying to figure it out
because i built these walls
to watch them crumbling down,
And said
Then I lost it all
and, Who can save me now?
I stood above, another war
another jewel upon the crown
I was the fear of man
But I was blind, I couldn't see
The world there right in front of me
But now I can
yeah
Cause I lost it all
Dead and broken
My back's against the wall
Cut me open
I'm just trying to breathe
Just trying to figure it out
because i built these walls
to watch them crumbling down,
I said
Then I lost it all
and, Who can save me now?
I believe that we all fall down sometimes, oh ohh oh ohhhh
Can't you see that we all fall down sometimes? oh ohh oh ohhhh
I believe that we all fall down sometimes, oh ohh oh ohhhh
yeah
Can't you see that we all fall down sometimes? oh ohh oh ohhhh
yeah
I believe that we all fall down sometimes
yeah."
He sang the whole song with his eyes closed, and it sounded so beautiful. When he opened his eyes to look for my reaction, I sae the tears he had been hiding. Even after all this time, I still hated seeing him cry.
"Okay, Andy can you come back here so we can go over your vocals?" John asked.
"Sure," Andy replied after clearing his throat.
Andy re-entered the room and avoided my gaze. Right now I was trying so hard to not run up and kiss him and tell him that I was sorry and I wanted to be his again. Then I remembered all the reasons why I couldn't do that. Skylar, my pride, my problems, his carreer.
His eyes scanned over me quickly while John played his recording, and I knew he could tell I was deep in thought.
"I'm going to go out for a breather," I told them. To be honest, I didn't want to be in the saw room as Andy right now. I just felt way too guilty.
I exited the room and closed the door to find a mildly interested Ashley.
"Mel, I didn't expect you to be here," he grinned.
"Yeah, well, I kinda needed a place to stay," I said, messing with my hair. I really needed to work on my nervous habits.
"I thought you had a place to stay?"
"I did, but some stuff happened. I don't really want to talk about it, but I'm sure Andy would."
"Okay, so did you find out the gender of the baby?"
"Jeez Ash, you're really excited!" I laughed.
"I can't help it! I'm going to be an uncle!"
"Me and Andy are going to be expecting a baby girl."
"Whoah... what are you going to name her?"
"If it's alright with you, I was going to name her Skylar Carolyn Biersack," I said, barely louder than a whisper.
Ashley put his hands on my growing stomach and muttered, "That's a perfect name."
"Um, so I heard you're dating another girl. What's she like?"
Ashley dropped his hands from my belly and gave a small smile.
"Her name's Kenzi. She's really spunky, but really sweet. She was the first girl since Skylar that has made me smile. After Sky died, I locked myself in my room and drank until I passed out. After a month I went out to clubs and drank booze and slept with any chick that would hit on me. About a few months into this idiotic behaviour of mine, I ran into Kenzi, and when she saw I was drunk, she offered me a ride home and gave me her number. She didn't throw herself at me. I called her and we hung out a lot. She made me happy, and after a couple months of friendship, I asked her out. I really like her."
Ash smiled, but almost immediately gave me a look of apology.
"Ash, you don't have to be even a little bit sorry for liking someone other than Skylar. She told me when she, ya know, that she wanted you to give your heart to someone when you were ready. It's veen seven months. It's okay to move on. I really want this Kenzi girl you're dating to be the one for you, because you deserve to have true love Ashley."
He gave me a big hug and whispered into my ear, "Thank you, and Mel.... you deserve true love too."
That just made me think, did I? Did I really deserve true love after all these things I've done? Ash believed I did, but I don't think I'd ever deserve anyone.
11/21/13