Andy’s point of view

To say the guys and Sandra didn’t like the fact that Ashley would be coming with us to the movies is an understatement. They were beyond pissed. I swear that Jinxx was about to punch me in the face for inviting him before CC stepped in and explained the situation. After telling them about how Ashley defended me at lunch, showing them the text messages, and, to my annoyance, how it seems like he has a massive crush on me, they calmed down. Well, everyone but Sandra, but she was just overprotective and worried, as was I, that Ashley was up to something with Justin.

"That’s all fine or whatever," She said after CC had stopped talking, "But what if Ashley and Justin are planning something? What if Justin is having Ashley use his "Outcast" appearance to get close to us to try and hurt Andy?"

"I don’t think so Sandra," CC replied calmly. "It honestly looks like Ashley may have somewhat of a crush on A-"

”That could be part of the plan! Everyone knows that Andy is bisexual… So maybe they’re using that to their advantage!”

I sighed, listening to Sandra and CC fight. It had gotten warmer over the course of the day, and as I was driving my friends and I back to my house to hang out before going to the theatre, I wished that I could roll up my sleeves on my shirt. But I knew I couldn’t, not with all the scars and fresh cuts littering my wrists and arms…

"Dude, where the fuck are you going?" Jake laughed, giving me a bit of a shove to break me from my thoughts. I looked up at my friends, a little bit confused and realised I was so deep in my own little world that I almost drove past my own house.

"Oh," I said with a laugh as I backed up a little bit before pulling into the driveway. "Sorry guys, I was lost in my thoughts."

I killed the engine, grabbed my backpack from the backseat, and started towards the front door. “Ooooooh, were you thinking about Ashleeey?” CC sang as Jake made kissing sounds in the background.

"No!" I said loudly, feeling the heat rise up in my face. Fucking hell.

"Then why are you blushing?" Jake said innocently as CC snickered.

I shrugged in response as I unlocked the door and walked in.

Why did I blush? I asked myself as I sat on the boot box to pull off my boots. I wasn’t thinking about Ashley, but hearing his name mentioned in that fashion made me feel, odd and slightly embarrassed. I had never experienced that feeling before except for when I started crushing on Scout…

Oh God. Oh fuck. Oh please no.

"Uh, I’ll be right back. I gotta use the bathroom." I shouted to my friends as I made my way upstairs to my bathroom, not paying any attention to their looks of confusion.

"No, no, nononono." I moaned to myself after I plopped myself down on the toilet seat, head in my hands. My brain kept saying that over and over again, while my heart said otherwise.

"Yes… Yes…" It seemed to whisper. A tear escaped my eye and rolled down my cheek. No, please God don’t let me like Ashley fucking Purdy.

It was no hope.

I couldn’t stop thinking about his raven black hair that fell to his shoulders.

Stop it Andy.

His tight black skinny jeans that hugged his legs perfectly.

Andy. Stop.

His smile.

Andy.

His laugh.

Stop.

His beautiful brown eyes that reminded me of melted pools of warm chocolate…

Andrew.

I let out a strangled sob. I liked him. I liked Ashley. But was it because I was truly attracted to him or because there was a chance he liked me and I was just desperate for love after Scout left me broken…?

At the thought of Scout my tears came quickly and violently, falling off my cheeks and landing on the floor. An old, unhealed wound opened up in my chest. My skin suddenly started to itch.

An old, far too familiar itch.

No.

When my mind finally caught up with my body, I found myself tearing open the top drawer of my bathroom that held my straightener, makeup, and something more precious and much more deadly…

I stopped my frantic search when my hand closed over a small, black box. I slowly pulled it out and looked at it. On the top, scribbled on a piece of tape in my writing, said the words:

Think before you act. You have a choice; knives or pens.

I slid down to the floor. I tried to think rationally, I really did, but my mind had different ideas. It kept going back to Scout. A fresh wave of pain hit me and new tears followed the path the old ones had left. I pulled the top of the small box off, and inside lay a small, sharp, silver object.
"Hello old friend." I whispered before taking it to my wrist.


Ashley’s point of view

The idiotic grin was still planted firmly in place as I made my way home. Just a few more hours until I was able to hang out with the Outcasts.

No, not the Outcasts. Your new friends. I corrected myself, and my smile only grew larger. I excitedly unlocked the front door and rushed up to my room after saying a quick hello to my mum. I ran up the stairs, taking the steps two at a time and not even bothering to remove my boots. I removed my backpack from my right shoulder and flung it onto my bed. I took a quick look in the mirror and took in my appearance. I knew I looked fine, but I stripped down anyway and started the shower.

I wanted to look perfect for Andy.


Andy’s point of view

The pain in my heart wouldn’t stop and the tears were still flowing freely down my face, making
no indication that they were going to be stopping anytime soon. So, naturally, the razor didn’t stop slicing open my skin, and the blood didn’t stop either.
There were already five shallow cuts on my arm, but still I didn’t stop. And I kept getting deeper with each and every cut. I didn’t want to die, I just wanted the pain to stop. I lifted the razor and prepared myself for the pain. I brought the sharp object to my arm again and slowly, very slowly, dragged it across my arm. It was deep, and the blood instantly started flowing before I was even finished making the cut, but still the pain didn’t stop.

So neither did I.

Ten minutes and fifteen deep cuts later, I finally started to feel numb. I sighed in relief and dropped the razor to the floor with a shaky hand. There I sat, my arm limp at my side, letting the blood flow freely, making a small puddle beside me.

I knew I should feel regret, or even guilty, but I just felt empty, numb. And tired. Very tired. I sighed, still high off of the Ecstasy that cutting brought, when there was a sharp knock at the door.

"Andy?" Jinxx’s muffled voice came from the otherside.

Shit.

"Don’t come in!" I called, standing up to grab toilet paper to press against my wounds, but the door opened anyway.

I saw Jinxx look at me and his eyes widened. I watched him take in the pool of blood staining the white tiled floor, the blood soaked toilet paper I was pressing to my arms, and he looked me sadly in the eyes.

He closed the door silently and turned to me, grabbing a new wad of toilet paper.

"Not you too Andy…" He whispered sadly as he grabbed my arm and pressed the fresh toilet paper to my arms.

"Jinxx… I’m so sorry." I whispered, my voice cracking from the tears dripping down my nose as I hung my head in shame. Something dawned on me and I quickly looked at him.

Not you too Andy…

"What did you mean, ‘not me too’?" I asked him.

He sighed and didn’t respond. Instead, he sat me down on the toilet and continued to clean my wounds.

"Jinxx?"

He looked at me, his blueish-gray eyes swimming with tears. Silently, he removed the already soaked tissues from my arm. He looked down and to my surprise, he rolled up his own long sleeved shirt. I gasped.

His own arms were covered old scars.

"Oh Jinxx," I whispered sadly as he pulled his sleeve back down and continued to clean my arm.

"Don’t Andy, I’m fine now. I got help and I’m okay now. I’m just worried about you." He said the last part so quietly I had to lean slightly forward to hear him.

"Why Andy?" He asked me.

I sighed. I really didn’t want to tell him. It’d make me seem weak and pathetic.

More weak and pathetic than you already are? Whispered a cruel voice in my head. It spoke the truth, and fresh tears made their way down my already tear-stained face.

"Andy?" Jinxx asked, using a thumb to gently wipe away the stupid tears.

"I-I…" I started. I looked at him, worry clouding his eyes and sighed. He was one of my closest friends next to CC. He deserved to know.

I started again after taking a long, deep breath. “I rushed into the bathroom because I didn’t want you guys to see me cry. I-I, after Jake made the comment about me blushing when CC said Ashley’s name, a horrible thought dawned on me.”

I looked back up at Jinxx, who was patiently waiting for me to continue. I knew he was trying to make me feel as comfortable as possible while I was talking about this sensitive topic because he was silent, keeping his eyes down at my arms and he continued to lightly dab at my arms. For that, I was grateful. He knew that I have always been uncomfortable with people looking at me while I spoke.

I flinched at he started cleaning the deepest cut and continued. “I think I like Ashley. No, I know I like Ashley. A-and, that scared me. But then I started to question if it was because I actually like him, or if I just like him because he may like me and I’m craving the love of another person.”
Jinxx nodded, understanding where I was going with this. He knew that that thought had led me to think of Scout. We sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, Jinxx continuing to clean my cuts, and me watching him do so.

Finally, he was done. He threw out the red toilet paper and looked at me.

"I think you like Ashley for him. I think you have for a long time." He said finally.

"W-what?" I stuttered.

He sighed. “I watched you Andy. Every lunch hour you would zone out of the conversation and when I looked at you, you would be starring at the table where Ashley sat, the happiest look on your face.”

I sat with a big question mark displayed on my face. I never ever remembered watching Ashley at lunch. He knew why I looked so confused.

"Maybe," He said slowly. "You didn’t realise you liked him because you were so blinded by your love for her.” Her obviously being Scout. I thought for a moment, recalled all the times when I knew Ashley was near me and I instantly perked up and became more loud and tried my hardest to be funnier and more outgoing. Maybe I have liked him for a while without realising…

"I think, you may be right." I said finally.
Jinxx nodded, smiling slightly. “I know I’m right. You’ve liked Ashley for years, and here is your chance to finally have him.”

I smiled widely.

"Andy," Jinxx said quietly, looking into my eyes.

"Hmm?"

"No more." He said sternly, pointing at my shredded wrists.

I looked down, and painfully pulled the sleeves down to cover my cuts.

"I’m fucking serious Andy. From one self-harmer to another, it’s not worth it. Please, whenever you feel the need to cut, please talk to me." He smiled sadly at the end.
I looked into his eyes again. In them, I saw sadness, understanding, and comfort. The eyes of a true friend.

"I promise Jinxxy," I said quietly with a smile. He laughed sadly and hugged me. I grinned again as I thought of seeing Ashley at six thirty, and the possibility of hugging him. Maybe even finally getting to call him my own…

Suddenly, I panicked.

"What time is it?" I asked Jinxx quickly.

He broke away from the hug and pulled out his phone. “Almost five. Why?”

"Shit." I hissed. I ran to my room and grabbed a towel, Jinxx following closely behind. He watched me dash around my room, leaning on the door frame with his arms crossed across his chest, an amused expression on his face.

"What are you doing Andy?" He asked, chuckling slightly.

I stopped and my face broke into a grin.

"I want to look perfect for Ashley."


A/N: Aweeeeh. So cute. Chapter seven! Wooh. I know I’ve already updated tonight, but I felt like I needed to write this as well while the ideas were still fresh in my mind. I actually had such a hard time writing this chapter… Trying to find a way to write it so it sounded realistic and not too cliche. I hope I did okay!
Lemme know what you think. :) Comment or message me letting me know your opinions. I can only improve my writing if I get feedback, negative or positive. Chapter eight should be posted soon. Cheers! xoxo.