Andy’s point of view

The short five-minute walk from the hospital to my car seemed to be the longest walk of my life. The silence between Jinxx and myself was awkward, a clear sign that he wasn’t happy with me, and although his hand was intertwined with mine, his grip was loose and unsure. Almost as if he didn’t want to hold my hand but felt like he had to. I knew he was mad at me, he made that pretty clear, but I had no idea why he was mad.

What the fuck did I do?

Before I could ask him, he cleared his throat to break the silence.

“Andy, you need to make up with Ashley.” He said quietly, keeping his gaze forward so that he wasn’t looking at me. I sighed but never said anything. What could I say to that? I have tried to make up with him, remain his friend, but he didn’t want that.

“Andy, seriously.” Jinxx said, annoyance clear in his voice.

I looked sideways at Jinxx and sighed before looking forward again.

“I have tried.” I replied quietly. I was annoyed that he was mad at me for something I couldn’t control, but I was too tired to let it show in my voice. I sounded dull and dead of all emotions.

We reached my car then and Jinxx released my hand, moving to the passenger side. I reached into my back pocket and struggled to remove the keys since my jeans were pretty tight. As I was struggling, Jinxx watched me from over top of the car, leaning on his hands. I didn’t look up at him though, I didn’t want to see his disappointment in me, so I just focused intensely on the task at hand.

“You obviously haven’t tried hard enough.” Jinxx said suddenly, carrying on out conversation from minutes before.

I stopped fishing for my keys and looked at him, shocked and slightly hurt at his accusations.
“I have tried, Jinxx! Ashley doesn’t want to be friends. I’ve tried texting and calling him loads of times, and when that didn’t work I’ve tried talking to him in person. I’ve even tried asking him to hang out. He avoids me like the plague.” I finished quietly. I looked down, tears forming in my eyes, thinking of Ashley. I still loved him and if it wasn’t for what he did to me, we’d probably still be together. Don’t get me wrong; I love Jinxx with all my heart and I wanted nothing more than to be with him, but there will always be a part of me that wishes he was Ashley.

Funny isn’t it? How only a few months ago I thought of Jinxx whenever I was with Ashley, wishing it was Jinxx I was kissing instead. A tear rolled down my cheek and dripped off the end of my nose.

“Aanndyyy.” I heard Jinxx whine, getting more and more annoyed with every passing moment.

“What?” I asked, more harshly than I meant to. Jinxx looked taken aback for a moment, but then just glared at me.

“Did you hear a single word I just said?”

“No.” I admitted, returning his glare. Jinxx sighed and rolled his eyes.

“Nice.” He said, his voice cold and void of emotion. He was starting to pull away from me emotionally, and I knew it was my fault.

“Are you going to tell me what you said?” I asked softly, not letting my annoyance show through my voice. I didn’t want to lose Jinxx more than I already had, so I had to watch what I say and how I act towards him so that I don’t push him away more than I have.
Jinxx sighed and his face relaxed for a moment, sympathy and sadness replacing the anger.

“You need to make up with Ash, Andy. I miss him a lot, we all do, and I can tell that you miss him the most. You still love him Andy-”

I cut him off then, panicking, thinking that he was breaking up with me. “I do,” I admitted quickly. “But I love you more. I don’t want to lose you Jinxxy.” My voice broke, tears filling my eyes. I felt my throat getting tight and I tried to swallow.

Jinxx shook his head, stepping around my car towards me. He wrapped me in his arms and I buried my head into his shoulder, which was kind of hard considering how tall I was.

“Andy,” He whispered softly. “Andy, baby. I know you love me, and I don’t want to lose you either. Even if you wanted to go back to Ashley I wouldn’t let you go without a fight. That may be selfish of me, but I don’t care. I love you so much Andy.”

I sniffed, holding back tears. “I love you too, Jinxxy.” I mumbled. I looked up at him, looking into his eyes and gave him a soft smile. He pressed his lips to mine in a gentle but passionate kiss. I kissed him back eagerly, my mouth moving with his. I felt his tongue graze my bottom lip and I opened my mouth without hesitation, allowing him to explore my mouth. I let out a soft, barely audible moan and I felt him smile. He pulled away for a breath and pecked my lips twice.

“All I’m saying Andy,” He said, suddenly growing serious as he pulled away from me slightly. I felt my face fall. I didn’t want him to continue what we were talking about. I didn’t want to talk about Ashley while I was here in Jinxx’s arms. I just wanted to go back to out perfect moment.
“Andy, I know you miss him, and I know you still love him. You may not want to be with him anymore-”

“I don’t.” I said, cutting him off quickly. I was only partly telling the truth honestly. I did still want to be with Ashley, but I had Jinxx now. Having Jinxx as a boyfriend was best for me. It was as if I was a balloon in a windstorm. He was what was holding me to the ground, keeping me safe from any harm, whereas Ashley was like a knife, threatening to break my string and watch me fly into the eye of the storm at any second.

“Stop cutting me off, Andy.” Jinxx chuckled, only half joking. He looked at me, waiting for me to let him continue speaking. Finally, after only a moment’s hesitation, I nodded and let out a small sigh. “Thank you. Andy, you want him in your life, I know you do, and although you may want not want him as your boyfriend anymore… Andy, dude shut up. You said you’d let me finish.” He whined quietly when I tried to interrupt him again.

“Sorry.” I mumbled.

“As I was saying.” Jinxx said exasperated, rolling his eyes. “You may not want him in your life as your boyfriend, but I know you want him in your life as your friend. You need to make up with him baby, because I know you not only want him in your life, but you need him in your life.
You’re not the same without him.”

I was silent after Jinxx finished speaking. I had nothing to say to him because I knew he was right. As much as I didn’t want to admit it to myself, I needed Ashley.


Ashley’s Point of View

I was sat on the hard hospital bed in jeans and a hoodie, waiting for my parents to come back from signing my release forms. I had the sleeves of my hoodie rolled up to my elbows, running a finger across the many healing cuts on both my arms. My parents still didn’t know that I cut myself, and that fact came as a slight surprise. The doctors had to have seen the scars and guessed what they were, so why didn’t they tell Mum and Dad? It also came as a surprise that they didn’t see my cuts themselves. After all, I have been lying basically unconscious in a very revealing hospital grown for the past two days.

You’ve gotten good at hiding them. Just like Andy. I thought to myself.

It was true. Once you’ve been self-harming for a while you just get used to hiding the cuts and scars. It almost comes as a natural thing after a while, a habit even, like breathing. In fact, I’ve gotten so used to it that I even tend to be able to hide them in my sleep. Jinxx has told me that he still wakes up in the morning with fear gnawing at his stomach as he tugs down the sleeves of his pajama top, trying to hide the scars, before he realises he doesn’t need to anymore.

At least that’s some good news.

I sighed, tears forming in my brown eyes. My parents were making me move to fucking London. I’d never get to see Sandra, Jake, Jinxx or CC again. I wouldn’t ever get to see Andy again. I sighed and told myself he didn’t care, but that only made me feel worse.

“Ashley, are you ready?” I heard Mum ask from the doorway. I quickly wiped away the tears on my cheeks, pulled down my sleeves, and then turned to glared at her. She sighed, shook her head sadly, and started to walk away. I grumbled something I couldn’t even understand and stood up, wincing slightly as my body screamed in protest. Obviously I was pretty much healed, otherwise the doctors wouldn’t be releasing me, but I was still pretty fucking sore since my chest was still pretty bruised and I had a broken rib.

I walked out of the room and down the hall to the waiting room where my parents were. When they saw me they smiled, but I ignored them and walked straight to the front doors without so much as a glance in their direction.

They continued to try and make conversation all the way home, but again I just ignored them. I had nothing to say to the people who were trying to help me, but ultimately only ruining my life.

“Ashley. Stop with the attitude.” Dad snapped, glaring at me from the review mirror. I rolled my eyes and looked out the window, watching the houses and cars pass by.

“I’m not going.” I muttered after a moment.

“What?” Mum said suddenly, turning around to face me in her seat.

“I said: I’m not going.” I repeated a bit louder.

Dad snorted. “Oh, you’re going Ashley. You’re seventeen with nowhere else to go. You have absolutely no money saved up because you blew it on stupid shi-”

“My bass guitar isn’t fucking stupid!” I yelled.

“Your stupid fucking guitar isn’t going to get you any income, now is it? You’re coming with us. End of fucking discussion.”

I muttered something and looked back out the window.

“Ashley, did you hear me?” Dad asked when I remained silent.

“Yes.” I mumbled.

“What?”

“Yes! I fucking heard you.” I yelled, glaring at him.

“Ashley Purdy, don’t you dare speak to me like that.” Dad growled. His grip on the steering wheel tightened until his knuckles started to turn white. I rolled my eyes again.

“You know what, I don’t fucking care. I will speak to you however I damn well please. You’re making me move to London Dad! It’s fucking bullshit!”

“Ashley, stop.” Mum said quietly before Dad could respond.
“No. I’m doing fucking fine here! You guys are fucking ass holes!”

“We’re only trying to do what’s best for you Ashley! We’re trying to be good parents!” Mum yelled, turning around to look at me. She sounded close to crying and when I looked in her eyes, my suspicions were confirmed. Normally, I would have felt bad; I hated seeing my mum cry and I especially hated being the reason why. Instead, I let out a humourless chuckle, too angry to give a shit.

“Yeah? Well guess what mother. You’re fucking failing. You suck at being a good parent. You both do and I hate you so fucking much.”

Dad slammed on the breaks and turned around, his face red with anger. “Get the fuck out of my car! You can fucking walk home, you ungrateful piece of shit!” He screamed, spit flying from his lips.

I let out a snort. “Fine by me, ass hole.” I glared at my parents one last time, opened the door and jumped out. “Fuck you both.” I screamed before slamming the door shut.

The door was just barely closed before Dad sped off. I gave the car the middle finger before going over to the sidewalk. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and sat down heavily on the curb, really wishing I had my razor with me.

I sighed, opening up Facebook. I scrolled through my newsfeed for a bit, finding nothing but statuses bitching about something or someone and girls changing their profile pictures to something that makes them look either stupid or easy. I sighed again and was about to close the app when I noticed that Sandra had posted on my wall yesterday morning.

“We miss you Ashley. I hope you feel better soon! We all love you!”

I smiled a bit when I saw that Jake, Jinxx, and CC all liked and commented with similar things. My smile faded when I saw that Andy wasn’t among them. Even though I had deleted Andy ages ago, I knew he could still see and comment on the wall post. I knew it shouldn’t bug me, but it did and I suddenly felt like crying again.

“You’re fucking pathetic Ashley.” I muttered to myself as I closed Facebook. The sun had started to set and a slightly cold wind had picked up. I shivered a bit and frowned.

I didn’t want to go home and face my dad just yet, but I really had nowhere else to go. Jake, CC, and Sandra lived somewhat far and I really didn’t feel like walking too much, so that left Jinxx and Andy. As soon as the thought of Andy entered my mind, I pushed it away. No way was I going to Andy now. No fucking way.

I unlocked my phone again and started to text Jinxx.

Hey, what’s up?

I sent the text and put my head in my knees, waiting for his response. It came two minutes later.

Nothing much, you?

Nothing. Just got out of the hospital and got into a fight with my parents. Did you want to hang out for a bit?

I’m at Andy’s.

“Fuck.” I muttered when I read his response, my heart sinking. So my choice was clear, I could either spend the night sleeping out on the streets or go home. Honestly though, I would pick sleeping outside than going home at the moment.

Oh okay. Thanks anyways.

I sent my reply and pocketed my phone. I stood up and started walking towards a park that was close by when I felt my phone vibrate.

You can come over if you want.

I read Jinxx’s message and laughed at the stupidity of that idea.

Would really rather not.

Oh come on Ashley. Everyone is here and they really miss you.

I stopped, considering the offer. It sounded extremely tempting to see everyone again, but it was Andy’s house, which meant he’d be there.

I would love to see everyone Jinxx, but…

Ash, you really need to get over this stupid hating Andy thing.

I laughed at Jinxx’s reply and started typing out my own frantically.

I don’t hate him!

Oh really?

Yes!

Prove it. If you don’t hate him come over.

That stopped me dead in my tracks. My fingers danced across my phone as I thought of a reply.

… Okay. I hate him a little bit. But it’s not stupid! I have a perfectly good reason to hate him!

Haha whatever Ashley. Just come over.

I started to reply, smiling to myself, when I received another text message from Jake.

Ashley Purdy! Stop being a butt and get your beat up Popular ass over here!

I laughed and shook my head.

Not a Popular anymore, you dick. And butt, really? Haha.

Yes! A butt! Get it over here!

I have a cute butt. I replied, avoiding his request.

Yes, you do. SO GET IT OVER HERE PURDY.

I sighed. It really would be great seeing them again, and if anything I could just ignore Andy like I did when he and Jinxx came to visit me at the hospital.

Is it okay with Andy?

Yeah, he doesn’t mind. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease Ashley?

I let out another sigh. Fine, I’m on my way. >:( I hate you all.

Yay! And I know you do, but we love you!!!

I rolled my eyes, a huge smile embedded on my face. I quickly sent a text message to Jinxx letting him know I was coming and started walking to Andy’s.

I took a deep breath and knocked on Andy’s door. Almost right away, Sandra swung the door open, a huge grin on her face.

“ASHLEYASHLEYASHLEY! OH MY GOD I MISSED YOU!!” She screamed, leaping into my arms.

I let out a yelp of pain and she pulled away quickly.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I completely forgot.”

“It’s fine Sandra, really. I’m just still a bit bruised is all.” I replied with a smile. God I missed her.

“Oh good. I really fucking hate Justin. I hope your parents are doing something about him.”

My smile faded and I looked down. “Yeah. They are.” I mumbled.

“That’s good!” Sandra cheered, completely oblivious to my change in mood.

Andy would have noticed. I thought glumly, the thought of Andy sending a sharp pain straight into my heart.

I cleared my throat. “Where is everyone?”

“In the basement. We’re practicing. Since everything that happened with Andy and stuff, we have hardly had time to practice.”

I gave her a questioning look, wondering what the fuck she was talking about. She must have noticed my confusion because she gave me an odd look.

“We have a band. Didn’t Andy ever mention it to you?”

“No.” I muttered. “No, he never said anything about it.”

“Oh… Well, did you wanna come hear us play?” Sandra asked excitedly. I chuckled, pretending to be deep in thought.

“I don’t know…” I said jokingly, trailing off.

“Oh come on Ashley.” Sandra laughed, punching me lightly on the arm.

“Well… Are you guys any good?” I laughed. I was joking of course, but Sandra’s face fell.

“Uhm… I don’t know actually. We haven’t practice at all lately like I said so…”

I laughed. “Sandra, I’m totally joking!”

“Oh,” Sandra chuckled. “You dick! I thought you were serious!”

I shook my head, smiling. “Do you guys have any original songs yet?”

“No.” Sandra admitted. “We’re just doing covers right now. Andy was working on a song for Scout but scrapped it when…” She trailed off and I nodded, indicating that I understood.

“Well, lets go then.” I said with a smile.

Sandra nodded and we walked to the basement.

I hadn’t even gotten down the stairs when I was tackled yet again.

“Ashley!” CC squeaked. I winced slightly, but hugged him back, laughing.

“Hey CC.”

“We were so worried when Jinxx told us what happened!” CC said, pulling away from me.

“Yeah, I know. I saw Sandra’s post on Facebook.” I said smiling.

“Sorry we didn’t come and see you in the hospital buddy. It’s just… we weren’t sure if we should since you were so distant with us for the past little bit.” Jake said from his position on the couch. He put down the guitar he was holding and walked over to give me a hug. Normally he would squeeze the living shit out of me, but he was actually pretty gentle, being careful of my healing injuries, and for that I was grateful. I wasn’t sure if I could handle another painful squeeze after the friendly abuse I received from Sandra and CC.

Jake pulled away and I looked over to see Andy and Jinxx. For once, I noticed, they weren’t clinging onto each other like they’d never see each other again. Jinxx was sat on the floor, tuning his guitar and Andy was sat on the couch. He was looking at me and smiling. It wasn’t his usual bright, happy smile that he used to give whenever he saw me, this one was cautious and unsure, but it was a smile never less.

“Hey, Ashy.” He said in a happy voice that anyone who knew him could tell he was faking. I ignored him and turned to Jinxx.

“Hey buddy.” I said happily.

“Hey Ashley. How are you feeling?” Jinxx said, smiling.

“Better. Still a bit sore but,” I shrugged. “I’ll live.”

“Ashley wants to hear us play a song.” Sandra chimed in, practically bouncing up and down from excitement. I laughed and shook my head.

“Really?” Andy asked, obviously still trying to get me to talk to him.

“Really.” I replied. I didn’t direct my response at him, but instead at Sandra. I smiled and she returned it with a huge grin.

I sat myself down on the couch while the guys and Sandra got into place. Sandra was on the drums, Jake and Jinxx on guitar, CC on base, and Andy singing.

Of fucking course he’s the lead singer. I thought bitterly to myself, rolling my eyes a bit.

Sandra counted them in with using her drumsticks and they broke into the intro to Motley Crue’s
Animal In Me.

It feels like thunder
When we’re slowly digging in
It kinda makes me wonder
About the lovers that have been
Lying in my bed with her hands tied up
I knew it all along that it wasn’t enough
Cos when I got a taste of you
I found something I can sink my teeth into

It’s an ache that never heals
It’s the deepest cut you feel
It’s the thing in you that feeds
The animal in me

It’s the darker side of lust
It’s the other side of us
It’s the thing in you that feeds
The animal in me.

I felt tears coming to my eyes as I listened to my friends and Andy play. Andy’s voice was beautiful, reaching all the notes perfectly. If I thought his normal voice was beautiful and hypnotic, it was nothing to his singing voice.

They finished playing and looked at me, expecting my opinion. I quickly wiped away my tears.

“You guys are fucking brilliant!” I cheered, clapping my hands together. The five of them broke into a grin and I smiled back, avoiding making eye contact with Andy.

“Want to hear another one?” CC asked, sounding a bit shy.

If possible, my smile grew larger. “Oh my god, yes!”

Jake and CC laughed and turned to the other three to decide what song was next. I listened to their quiet whispers patiently until they broke apart and got into their places again. Like before, Sandra started them off by banging her drumsticks together and they started to play the intro to Waking the Demon by Bullet for my Valentine.

Oh!

2, 3, 4

Helpless
My eyes are bleeding from the fear that’s inside
You sealed your demise when you took what was mine
Don’t try to stop me from avenging this world
No voice to be heard

Like before, Andy took my breath away. His screams were perfect, never breaking or cutting out and always at the proper pitch. It was beautiful and I hated him for being so perfect.
They finished the song and, again, turned to me. I laughed. “Guys, I already told you you’re brilliant!”

They played a few more songs until we decided we should just hang out for a bit. Jinxx, CC, Sandra, and Jake started to put their instruments away and Andy, having nothing to really put away, came and sat down next to me on the couch.

“So,” Andy started awkwardly. I rolled my eyes slightly and forced a smile onto my face.

“So.” I replied, looking at him. The smile was so forced and my reply came off so harsh that Andy noticed right away that I was faking it and that I wasn’t up to being friendly with him. His smile dropped and he looked down at his bare feet.

He cleared his throat and tried again. “So, uh, do you play anything?”

I considered not answering, but by that time the rest of our group came to join us on either the couch or the floor, waiting for my answer.

“Yeah.” I replied.

“Really? What do you play?” Sandra asked.

“Base mostly. But I can play guitar and sing a bit.”

“Ooh!” Jake squeaked. “Can we hear you play something?”

Suddenly, I felt self-conscious and nervous. “I don’t know guys…”

“Oh come on Ashley, please? You got to hear us play!” CC whined.

“Yeah, but you guys are actually good.”

Jinxx snorted. “I bet you’re good too Ashley, come on.”

I sighed. “Fine. Jinxx, I’m borrowing your guitar.”

“Have at it buddy.” Jinxx said with a smile, leaning back into the couch.
I grabbed his guitar and started to tune it, stalling while I tried to remember the cords and the words to the song I wanted to play.

“Stop stalling Ashley!” Andy yelled jokingly. I wanted to walk up to him and slam the guitar into his face, but I repressed the urge. Instead I sighed and started to play a shitty acoustics version of She Said by Hands Like Glass. Once the intro was done, I started to sing. I knew I didn’t sound nearly as good as Andy, but I gave it my all.

I can feel your body moving slowly
With a presence that’s almost ghostly

Then I started to scream; the lyrics ripping through my throat and out of my mouth as I sang. I looked up to see Andy staring at me wide-eyed, a shocked expression on his face, and I smirked slightly.

I look around with bloodshot eyes
And find you holding on so tight
I’d leave my whole life all in your hands

My fingers flew across the guitar, hitting every cord perfectly. I could feel everyone’s gaze on me, but I ignored it and started singing the chorus.

Don’t put it off till tomorrow she said
We’re running out of time
Don’t put it off till tomorrow she said
I can’t wait forever to see this through you
We’re running out of time

Suddenly, tears started to blur my vision and I stopped there.

“Aweh, Ash, why’d you stop? That was amazing!” Jake whined from his spot on the couch.

“It doesn’t sound as good without drums and stuff.” I muttered. It was true, but that wasn’t the reason I stopped. For some reason, the song reminded me painfully of my time with Andy. My barely healed broken heart reopened and I felt tears drop from my eyes.

“Ash, it sounded so good dud-” Jinxx stopped talking when he noticed I was crying. “Ashley, why are you crying?”

He stood up and rushed over to me, pulling me into a hug. I shook my head, telling him that I needed a second to calm down. I don’t know if he understood or not, but I didn’t care. The pain my broken heart caused ripped through my body and made me cry harder. Then a new thought broke through my mind, one that was pushed away as I listened to my friends play.

I’m moving to London and I’ll never see my friends again. I’ll never see Andy again.

This new thought pushed me over the edge and I started sobbing hysterically. I dropped to my knees and Jinxx followed me, holding me tight. Sandra rushed over and held onto me too, but I just kept crying.

It’s now or never Ashley. You have to tell them.



Andy’s Point of View


I didn’t know what to do as I watched Ashley sob on the floor, clinging onto Jinxx and Sandra. I desperately wanted to run over to him and comfort him, but I knew I couldn’t. Ashley hated me and I knew for certain he wouldn’t want my comfort.

Finally, Ashley calmed down and pulled away from Sandra and Jinxx. He gave them a weak smiled that didn’t reach his eyes and sighed.

“Ash, what’s wrong?” CC whispered from beside me.

“I…” Ashley started, but then trailed off, tears trickling down his cheeks.

We all waited in silence for Ashley to continue speaking, and when he did, his words shattered my heart into a million pieces and I felt like my world was crashing down all around me.

“My parents are making me move to London. They’re letting me finish the rest of the term here… But as soon as my exams are over we’re leaving. I’m never going to get to see you guys again.”



A/N: I was going to write a shorter chapter so that it would be out quicker… But when I started writing I couldn’t stop. So you guys are left with a longer-ish chapter… Hope you don’t mind!
As always, my friendlings… Tell me what you think of the story. =) Comments make me a happier writer, even if the comments aren’t all that positive. Any and all comments help me improve on my writing.
See you guys next chapter!
xoxo