"Morgan, We need to talk to you about your self harm. We're not mad, just worried and we would like to know some things okay?" Andy said.
"Yeah.. Okay. You promise you're not mad..?" I barely whispered.
"Yes, How could we be. We're all really worried and scared. What if you cut too deep one night? We would lose you." Ashley said.

"Okay, I'll give you all answers in a second. But can I please go up stairs and change into something that doesn't have my blood on it?"
"How do we know you aren't going to go up there and cut again.." CC raised an eyebrow.
"Because if you all care about me and hate seeing me do this. Then I wont, simple as." I replied.
I saw a smile on all of their faces and they let me go up to change.

I left the room and headed for the stairs. When I got to the top I went into my bedroom and changed into:http://www.polyvore.com/morgan2/set?id=95752090. Once changed I went into my half-bathroom, got out my wash bag and started digging around inside for my little bloody friend.
After 5 minuets of digging around I finally found my blade. Next I went over to my sink and opened the cabinet above it. I saw my lighter tucked in the back right hand corner of the cabinet, I grabbed it and then closed the cabinet again.
I walked out of the half-bathroom and then walked out of my room, with my razor and lighter still in my hands. I headed for the stairs and began descending them. I got more nervous with each step I took. When I reached the bottom I took a deep breath and opened the living room door.

Time to spill my guts.

"Hey I'm back." I said, sitting back down on the single chair. Andy and Jinxx were sat on the 2 seater couch while Jake, Ashley and CC were on the 3.
"Hey, what's that in your hand." CC asked.
"What I've been harming myself with. My razor and lighter." I sighed, setting them both on the coffee table. I then started to fiddle around with my septum piercing. It's what I do when I'm nervous...
"Where the hell does a 16 year old girl get a lighter from?" Ashley questioned.
"Back at the orphanage. I stole it off one of the workers because they pissed me off." I replied. Ash just nodded his head.
"Okay so, how long have you been doing this?" Jinxx asked me.
"3 years." I mumbled, still playing with my piercing.
"Alright, when did you first cut when you were with us?" Jake asked.
"Uhm.." I really did not want to answer that question. "The night I um.. Started school."
I heard a little gasp escape from Ashley's lips.
"So in the bathroom.. You were self harming." Andy raised an eyebrow.
I nodded as a few tears fell out of my eyes.

'They hate you now for lying..' I thought.

"Hey it's okay. We're not mad.." Ashley said, wiping away my tears away. I smiled at him.
"Why do you self harm now? Like, what or who is bringing you down?" Andy asked softly.
"Depression, mainly."
"How bad is it..?" CC asked.
"It's like a war in my mind, most of the time depression wins and dark thoughts just invade my head. I can't sleep because the thoughts invade my dreams, I can't write songs because the thoughts make everything depressing, I can't really do much aside from cry and wish it all went away. After a while it becomes too much, so I cut.. or burn my skin. When I do either of them all the dark thoughts just leave for a while. But then it comes back again.. I tent to self harm just so I can sleep at night. Like Andy when you said you heard me crying in my sleep it was because I didn't cut or burn that night, so I guess my depression made me cry in my sleep.." I trailed off.
Andy looked at me with wide eyes, clearly shocked. No one said anything so I decided to carry on:
"Sometimes the depression makes me ill. It gives me headaches from all the bad thoughts. It gives me stomach aches from all the stress it puts me through. It makes me throw up because of my stomach ache and head ache.
It also makes me hate every inch of my body, I makes me hate the way I am. It makes me cringe every time I look into the mirror. It makes tears fall when I realise how imperfect I am. So I dunno CC. You tell me how bad it is?"
"I had depression as a kid.. Mine was not as bad as that though. Do you suffer from panic attacks or anything?" Jinxx questioned.
"Nope."
"Any eating disorders?" Ashley asked.
"No."
"Alright, I think we've asked enough questions. We'll figure out what we will do about this later." Andy said.
"Okay. Just please don't put me into therapy. I was thrown into it when I was 14 and it didn't help at all, it made me worse in fact. I don't want any help off anyone other than you 5. Okay?" I almost demanded.
They all nodded their heads.

"Okay, now that we've got all that out of the way. Why don't we have a film marathon?" CC suggested.
"Sure." Everyone said at the same time, making us all laugh.
While CC, Jake, Jinxx and Andy were all choosing films, me and Ashley were getting snacks and drinks in the kitchen.
"I'm proud of you doll." Ashley said while I was getting beer out of the fridge.
"Thanks Ash." I smiled.
"Like really! Your broke that chicks nose and pushed her into a fire extinguisher." He exclaimed.
"I'm surprised I didn't push her mother into the wall instead, she was a bitch and a half!" I mumbled the last part.
"I'm pretty sure her mother was the main reason why the chick got suspended."
"Probably." I smiled while taking 5 beers and a can of Monster into the living room. Trying my very best not to drop anything.
I made it into the living room, set all the drinks on the coffee table and sat back down in the single chair. Instead of sitting like a normal person I had my legs over one arm of the chair and my head resting against the other. It was so much more comfy...

~*~*~*~*~*~

After about 4 films I felt my eyelids getting heavy. I tried to stay awake for at least another film... It was only like 4 PM so now wouldn't be an ideal time to sleep.

That plan obviously didn't work because when I opened my eyes it was dark outside.. 'Fuck I was tried.' I thought.
I heard a loud snore coming from one of the couches, I looked over to see all 5 of the guys asleep and the person snoring was Andy. I don't think he realised how loudly he snores, I actually don't think he knew he snored. But it was fucking loud. Most nights I can hear him fucking snoring through the wall we share between our bedrooms. If that's not loud, I don't know what was.
Since everyone was asleep I decided I would finally do what I've planned since my first few days here..

I got up from the chair and picked up my Monster that was still full. I tip-toed passed everyone and made my way to the basement door. I went down the stairs carefully and quietly. Now would not be a good time to wake someone up..
When I reached the bottom I opened the basement door, crept inside, set my monster down on the little coffee table and started looking for an acoustic guitar. I found one almost instantly, it was hanging on the back wall. I walked over to it, took it off the little stand thing and then starting looking around for a pick.
After 10 minuets of searching I still couldn't find one, I was about to give up hope. But on the coffee table I noticed a little black box that had some white tape stuck on top. I wondered over to it and realised that on the white tape it said 'Picks'. Perfect. I opened it up to see the box filled to the brim with BVB picks, The one's the guys use during their live performances.. score.
I took one out and then put the box in the exact same place as I found it. I didn't want them to be mad about me snooping around in their basement, I just haven't played a guitar in a while and I really wanted to.

I began strumming the cords I knew so well. Then began to sing:

"I open my lungs dear
I sing this song at funerals... no rush.
These lyrics heard a thousand times, just plush.
A baby boy you've held so tightly,
This pain it visits almost nightly
Missing hotel beds, I feel your touch."

I began to sing a little louder..

"I will await dear, a patience of eternity, my crush.
A universe so still.
No rust.
No dust will ever grow on this frame,
One million years, and I will say your name.
I love you more than I can ever scream."

I completely forgot about the door being open and how the guys would be able to hear me if one of them woke up.

"We booked our flight those years ago,
I said I loved you as I left you.
Regrets still haunt my hollow head,
But I promised you I will see you again, again.

I sit here and smile dear.
I smile because I think of you and I blush.
These bleeding hollow dials, this fuss.
A fuss is made of miles and travels
Roadways are but stones and gravel.
A bleeding heart can conquer every crush.

We booked our flight those years ago
You said you loved me as you left me.
Regrets still haunt your saddened head,
But I promised you that I will see you.

We booked our flight those years ago
I said I loved you as I left you
Regret's no longer in my head,
But I promised you and now I'm home again, again, again, I'm home again, again, again.

I'm home again."
As I finished off the song I looked over to the door way to see a very shocked looking Andy Biersack.

'Oh Fuck'

Notes

Only 2 chapters tonight I think..
To be fair they were quite long ones and also a pain to write.

THANK YOU SO MUCH TO EVERYONE WHO HAS READ, VOTED, SUBSCRIBED OR COMMENTED ON THIS STORY! Because thanks to you guys it's on the popular page. Which is fucking huge to me<3<3

-Comments are always appreciated and feel free to message me if you wanted to. I don't bite c:-

~FlareOfTheDevil~

-Edited on the 16/06/2014-