In the End

"Come on, Reagan, you can't ignore me forever," he said. He was trying to get the answer out of me and was failing terribly.

"It's not that I ignore you, I just always have a smart ass remark about what you have to say," I snapped. He smirked. Being the typical asshole he is, he knew he was getting under my skin, so he kept on annoying me about the stupid fucking topic. "Please, leave me alone."

I stood up and he moved in front of my path. I tried pushing past him, but I was failing miserably. "Woah there, Reagan, way to make it obvious," he cockily said, looking down at me with his blue eyes.

"Fucking stop," I hissed. Turning around, defeated, I went back up to my room, only for him to be following me. "Please, don't fucking come in here."

I didn't want him in my fucking house, let alone my room. He followed me. "Just tell me one thing Reagan!"

"What! What could you possibly want to know so bad, Andy!"

"Why the fuck are you always so hostile? Especially around me?" That was the question. That was the question he just had to ask.

"It's nothing. It's just who I am, now please leave me alone," I quietly published, closing my bedroom door.

I walked up to the mirror and looked at myself. I will never have the same self image. My self image for myself is completely ruined. It's completely ruined.

I just stared. I stared at the face that once sat with bruises and bumps. I stared at my arms. The arms that were once filled with beautiful red lines, showing my weakness. I stared at the stomach. The stomach that held one of the scariest things in my life. I just looked at myself. A helpless girl. A girl that lies straight through her teeth. A girl who can't let her walls down. A girl who has all these feelings going on, but always answering the heart-shreading question of 'Are you okay?' with the simple mask of 'I'm fine.' When in reality, the girl I'm staring at in the mirror is anything but fine.

She's broken.

She's hopeless.

She's helpless.

And she's hiding life depending secrets.

A girl. A girl who comes off as one of the toughest people you will meet, but at a time, was breaking down every night, not being able to control the evil thoughts that always crept their way through the back door of her mind.

A girl. A girl who only has one person to depend on. . . and that's her best friend.

Taryn, the only one that is there for me. The only one that lends that shoulder to cry on. The only one... the only one I have left.

Reagan, fucking stop. Look what you're doing to yourself.



There was a knock on my door, and when I opened it, Andy was standing there. "The food is here," he slowly said. I nodded and followed him out the door. I slowly walked down the stairs, looking at everyone sitting around laughing, having fun.

I just wanted to cut myself out of my skin. I can't control these stupid, evil thoughts. I was doing fine. Then Andy just had to ask..

"Why the fuck are you always so hostile?"

I sat in a seat and just stared at the food that sat in front of me. "I'm not hungry anymore," I muttered.

I've lost my appetite. I was disgusted with myself at this point. I pushed the wrapped food away from me. Taryn looked at me. I could tell by the look on her face she was asking 'What's wrong?' And what did I answer with? 'Nothing, I'm fine.'

She shook her head, knowing I'm lying right through my fucking teeth.

The night went on. The night went on with everyone laughing and having fun.. except for me, and Andy. We were both awkwardly sitting while everyone else was talking about something. I wouldn't even be able to tell you because I'm not even paying attention at this point. It doesn't matter anyway.

<><><><>
I woke up in a very good mood this morning. I wanted to forget about everything that I was thinking last night. I was hoping that will never happen again. I was currently downstairs sitting on the kitchen counter, slowly putting my hand in and out of a Lucky Charms box throwing the cereal in the bowl next to me and popping the marshmallows in my mouth.

Taryn was still sleeping, and I wasn't going to wake her, even though I should as payback, but I'm in too good of a mood.

Well, I was in a good mood, until I opened the door. "What?" I hissed.

"I need your help?" he pleaded.

"Why do you want my help?" I inquired, raising an eyebrow.

"Please, Reagan, just help me," he was desperate. I opened the door all the way and had him follow me into the kitchen. I really just let him in my house. "Okay, so I'm going to dinner tonight with my parents and I told them I was going to bring a date."

I gulped. This was not happening.. was it? "So, I forgot about it until this morning, so I never got a date-"

"Are you suggesting, I be your date?" I asked, mentally puking. He raised his eyebrows in hope. "No." I said.

His eyebrows went down, and guilt washed across his face. "Well, here's the problem with that," he smirked. "You have to."

"What?! I don't have to do anything!" I screeched.

"I kind of already told my mom my date's name is Reagan."

Was he fucking serious? "Are you kidding me?! Come on, Andy!"

"So, is that a yes?"

I can't believe I'm really saying this. "Fine, I'll be your date. But, don't get to excited there."

Notes

this is so bad it's crazy oml.

anyway you beautiful little slumuffins!

comment, vote, sub!!

oh yeah and read my other story > ashley purdy story.