This is the story of us
My Death to Destiny
***Kat's POV***
I sat down and started to write what I knew would be my future. I wrote what I felt. I wrote what would help.
"Razor blade, razor blade
Sing me a song
Soothe my pain
Although clearly it’s wrong
The thoughts in my head
Just won’t go away
So please I need you
To help me today
A different pain to focus on
Just make me feel better
Even if just for a while
The guilt will come later…
The fights and the screaming
Recur in my mind
To my thoughts and opinions
My mother is blind
One step forward, one back
Sometimes even two
Seems I’m set in reverse
Don’t know what more to do
I feel so alone
Yet people are crowding
Waves of depression, so strong
I feel like I’m drowning…
She doesn’t believe I need time
It’s as simple as eating
Doesn’t want me on meds
Though my life is depleting
Unable, unwilling
To help with my fight
Shielding my daemons
Away from the light
So if the light isn’t there
Then it’s not worth the pain
Life without happiness
Is just not the same
So razor blade, razor blade
Sing me to sleep
So that I never wake up
Just cut me too deep…"
Then I wrote a follow up to it.
"Sing me to sleep
Till I'm pale and white
Drain the pain and sorrow away
That have become my life
I'm drowning in my misery
Lost in depression
These blades are my secret
My only protection
From reality setting in too deep
Shrouding me in darkness
As I lie in bed and weep
Life should be better,
I should be perfect
What's the point in getting better
If no one thinks I'm worth it?
Tell me I'm stupid for doing this to myself
Or that I'm just plain crazy and you won't give me any help
But all the words in the world still won't make you see
All the pain and all the sorrow
That makes me think I'll die tomorrow
The shine of the blade is my only friend
The red blood colors my life
It's the only thing that slightly halts
My never ending strife
Why can't I just be happy and have a release that works for me?
Daddy if you looked closer you'd know
I'm not the girl I pretend to be."
Andy had walked in, he had been acting cold since I forgave Adam. I got up leaving my paper in place. "We need to talk." I said to him.
"Yes we do." he said with venom in his words.
"What's your problem? Ever since I forgave Adam you have treated me like I mean nothing to you." I said with the same vibe.
"You know what, you were so pissed at him then BOOM everything is all happy! And I feel like you don't love me like you used to. I feel like your drifting away from me slowly.." he said with his deep blue eyes glaring at me with hurt.
"I haven't stopped loving you I am just confused babe." I say truthfully.
"then do you wanna take a break I mean its warped tour 2011 I want you to enjoy it." you could hear the hurt in his voice.
"If you wouldn't mind... im so sorry Andy I just don't want to hurt you, I wanna know that I love you all the way so I wont hurt you." I hug him and kiss his cheek.
"babe I will wait for you to be all figured out." he said to me.
~~~2 Weeks Later~~~
Me and Adam were cuddling in my bunk when he started to kiss me. I kissed him back with so much passion it hurt. I could feel him against me, his hands wandering to all inches of my body. He flipped us over so he was on top of me.
I woke up and saw Adam next to me , fully clothed and his hair in his face. I hate dreaming it gives me false hope. FUCK YOU HOPE!!
I sat down and started to write what I knew would be my future. I wrote what I felt. I wrote what would help.
"Razor blade, razor blade
Sing me a song
Soothe my pain
Although clearly it’s wrong
The thoughts in my head
Just won’t go away
So please I need you
To help me today
A different pain to focus on
Just make me feel better
Even if just for a while
The guilt will come later…
The fights and the screaming
Recur in my mind
To my thoughts and opinions
My mother is blind
One step forward, one back
Sometimes even two
Seems I’m set in reverse
Don’t know what more to do
I feel so alone
Yet people are crowding
Waves of depression, so strong
I feel like I’m drowning…
She doesn’t believe I need time
It’s as simple as eating
Doesn’t want me on meds
Though my life is depleting
Unable, unwilling
To help with my fight
Shielding my daemons
Away from the light
So if the light isn’t there
Then it’s not worth the pain
Life without happiness
Is just not the same
So razor blade, razor blade
Sing me to sleep
So that I never wake up
Just cut me too deep…"
Then I wrote a follow up to it.
"Sing me to sleep
Till I'm pale and white
Drain the pain and sorrow away
That have become my life
I'm drowning in my misery
Lost in depression
These blades are my secret
My only protection
From reality setting in too deep
Shrouding me in darkness
As I lie in bed and weep
Life should be better,
I should be perfect
What's the point in getting better
If no one thinks I'm worth it?
Tell me I'm stupid for doing this to myself
Or that I'm just plain crazy and you won't give me any help
But all the words in the world still won't make you see
All the pain and all the sorrow
That makes me think I'll die tomorrow
The shine of the blade is my only friend
The red blood colors my life
It's the only thing that slightly halts
My never ending strife
Why can't I just be happy and have a release that works for me?
Daddy if you looked closer you'd know
I'm not the girl I pretend to be."
Andy had walked in, he had been acting cold since I forgave Adam. I got up leaving my paper in place. "We need to talk." I said to him.
"Yes we do." he said with venom in his words.
"What's your problem? Ever since I forgave Adam you have treated me like I mean nothing to you." I said with the same vibe.
"You know what, you were so pissed at him then BOOM everything is all happy! And I feel like you don't love me like you used to. I feel like your drifting away from me slowly.." he said with his deep blue eyes glaring at me with hurt.
"I haven't stopped loving you I am just confused babe." I say truthfully.
"then do you wanna take a break I mean its warped tour 2011 I want you to enjoy it." you could hear the hurt in his voice.
"If you wouldn't mind... im so sorry Andy I just don't want to hurt you, I wanna know that I love you all the way so I wont hurt you." I hug him and kiss his cheek.
"babe I will wait for you to be all figured out." he said to me.
~~~2 Weeks Later~~~
Me and Adam were cuddling in my bunk when he started to kiss me. I kissed him back with so much passion it hurt. I could feel him against me, his hands wandering to all inches of my body. He flipped us over so he was on top of me.
I woke up and saw Adam next to me , fully clothed and his hair in his face. I hate dreaming it gives me false hope. FUCK YOU HOPE!!
12/5/13