Give Me A Sign, I Want To Believe
Now I've Really Fucked Up...
I called Ally but she didn’t answer. I called Andy.
“Andy, is Ally with you?”
“No, Why? What’s wrong?”
“I yelled at Ally. But it wasn’t on purpose I swear. I didn’t mean to yell. She got up and left. She won’t answer my calls. Andy please help me here. I know I fucked up, but I can’t leave my house.”
The other line was silent.
“Andy please I’m begging you. I can’t lose Ally.”
“Call CC. I’ll check with Jinxx and Ash.” Then the line went dead. I was about to dial CC’s number when he called me.
“JAKE WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE TO ALLY?! I DRIVE HOME FROM GETTING MY WARPED STUFF AND I SEE ALLY GETTING READY TO JUMP OFF THE BRIDGE. I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD JACOB I AM GOING TO KILL YOU. YOU BETTER HAVE A GOOD REASON FOR ALL OF THIS. NO ONE. AND I MEAN NO ONE HURTS MY ALLY BEAR. I FUCKING MEAN IT.” I dropped my phone when he said he saw Ally. Everything started going numb. I heard CC yelling but I couldn’t make out what he was saying. My hands started shaking and hot tears streamed down my face.
I was the reason Ally almost jumped. I had to be the reason she was skinnier. I almost killed Allyson. This whole time I was trying to protect her, when in reality I was killing her. I was killing my love, and I didn’t even know it.
I got out of bed and started walking. I put my sneakers, jeans and shirt on and started walking to Andy’s. It took me an hour, usually it’s a thirty minute walk but with my back and my pain I was slower. I knocked on the door and when Andy opened it I stumbled in and slid down the wall.
“Ally needs to stay with you.”
“What! Why?”
“She almost jumped off a bridge. CC called me,” I breathed in deeply “I’m the reason she’s dying.”
“Why do you say that?”
“She’s skinny as ever because of me. She tried jumping because of me. Ally needs to stay with someone she can trust and won’t hurt her.” With that I got up and walked home. I left Andy at his door with no reply. I packed Ally’s things and got Andy to pick them up.
“Jake, don’t do this to yourself. Don’t lock yourself up in the house again. It’s not safe or healthy. Please, if Ally stays with me, she’ll think you’re breaking up with her. That’ll only make her worse.”
“I hurt Ally. She’s not going to take me back that easy. I need time to think this over. It’s the best for both of us.” Andy sighed and reluctantly left with Ally’s things.
Days had passed and neither Ally nor the band had tried to contact me. I went to therapy first thing in the morning and at night I’d go out drinking. Today though, was different. I didn’t have therapy today or tomorrow. But what made today different was that Ella called. She was coming to visit. I cleaned the house and just drank whiskey. I made myself look presentable. I changed my clothes and fixed my hair. Ella came around 4. By 9 we went to the club and I got smashed while Ella was buzzed. We got to my house and started talking and everything just got blurry from there.
THE NEXT MORNING
I woke up the next morning with a killer headache and saw Ella next to me in bed. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I am in fuckville. Population, Jake Pitts. Ella woke up with a shocked expression.
“Did we?” She looked to me. I shrugged.
“I don’t know. Everything’s a blur to me. I am fucked though if we did. The band’s going to hang my head and… Ally.” I went wide eyed. Then I saw scattered clothes and a wrapper.
“Well we did. And we were safe.” Ella sighed in relief.
“Jake, are you okay? You’re a bit pale.” I shook my head. I checked my phone and saw Ally texted me. She said she needed to talk to me and she would be here at 10. And speak of the devil, it was 10.
“Ella, I’m fucked.” I told her about Ally coming over and Ella said she’d explain everything with me. I hugged her and thanked her.
We showered quickly and got dressed. I ran my fingers through my hair and anxiously waited for Ally. I heard the door open and knew it was Ally.
I ran up to her and started babbling to her. She held her hand up and sat down next to Ella.
“Ally I’m sorry I yelled at you. I really didn’t mean it. I-”
“Jake, Andy explained what happened. I’m not mad at you anymore. It’s my fault. I should’ve just told you.” Ella gave me the look, so I breathed in slowly.
“Ally, you have every right to hate me and break up with me right now. Last night Ella came over to say hi and I took her to a club where I got smashed and she was buzzed and well we did it. Neither one of us intended it to happen. I just found out less than hour ago. If you want to leave me you can do it right now. I’d understand.” Ally just looked at me and to Ella.
“Ella did you know you were?”
“I swear on my mum’s life, I had no intentions to do it. I just came over to say hi and maybe have a few drinks but nowhere near what really happened.” Ally nodded her head. She studied our faces and took in a deep breath.
“Jake, I’m not leaving. Both you and Ella are clearly telling the truth. I am mad you had sex but I’m willing to overlook that for reasons known only by me.” Ella had to leave so she hugged Ally and I and left.
“Allyson, please I never meant to yell at you. Don’t ever fucking run off again like that. I don’t think I’d be able to live knowing I caused you harm when I promised to protect you.”
“Jake, if you loved me why did you just leave me with Andy? I never got a call from you.”
“I didn’t want to hurt you more. I thought you staying with someone who wouldn’t hurt you would be best for both of us. I didn’t call because I was scared to hurt you more. I fucked up. I drove you to suicide. I don’t want to lose you. Hearing CC say he found you made me go numb because it was my fault.” I got light headed and collapsed onto the couch. Then I got a major headache.
“Jake, have you been taking your pills while I’ve been gone?” I shook my head no.
“Jake. You could get worse if you don’t. You aren’t even supposed to be drinking while you’re on your meds.” Ally got me my meds and I took them. I slowly walked to bed because I was getting pain in my leg and back. When I got to bed I slowly drifted off to sleep. The last thing I remembered was Trixy getting under the sheets and sleeping next to me.
“Andy, is Ally with you?”
“No, Why? What’s wrong?”
“I yelled at Ally. But it wasn’t on purpose I swear. I didn’t mean to yell. She got up and left. She won’t answer my calls. Andy please help me here. I know I fucked up, but I can’t leave my house.”
The other line was silent.
“Andy please I’m begging you. I can’t lose Ally.”
“Call CC. I’ll check with Jinxx and Ash.” Then the line went dead. I was about to dial CC’s number when he called me.
“JAKE WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE TO ALLY?! I DRIVE HOME FROM GETTING MY WARPED STUFF AND I SEE ALLY GETTING READY TO JUMP OFF THE BRIDGE. I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD JACOB I AM GOING TO KILL YOU. YOU BETTER HAVE A GOOD REASON FOR ALL OF THIS. NO ONE. AND I MEAN NO ONE HURTS MY ALLY BEAR. I FUCKING MEAN IT.” I dropped my phone when he said he saw Ally. Everything started going numb. I heard CC yelling but I couldn’t make out what he was saying. My hands started shaking and hot tears streamed down my face.
I was the reason Ally almost jumped. I had to be the reason she was skinnier. I almost killed Allyson. This whole time I was trying to protect her, when in reality I was killing her. I was killing my love, and I didn’t even know it.
I got out of bed and started walking. I put my sneakers, jeans and shirt on and started walking to Andy’s. It took me an hour, usually it’s a thirty minute walk but with my back and my pain I was slower. I knocked on the door and when Andy opened it I stumbled in and slid down the wall.
“Ally needs to stay with you.”
“What! Why?”
“She almost jumped off a bridge. CC called me,” I breathed in deeply “I’m the reason she’s dying.”
“Why do you say that?”
“She’s skinny as ever because of me. She tried jumping because of me. Ally needs to stay with someone she can trust and won’t hurt her.” With that I got up and walked home. I left Andy at his door with no reply. I packed Ally’s things and got Andy to pick them up.
“Jake, don’t do this to yourself. Don’t lock yourself up in the house again. It’s not safe or healthy. Please, if Ally stays with me, she’ll think you’re breaking up with her. That’ll only make her worse.”
“I hurt Ally. She’s not going to take me back that easy. I need time to think this over. It’s the best for both of us.” Andy sighed and reluctantly left with Ally’s things.
Days had passed and neither Ally nor the band had tried to contact me. I went to therapy first thing in the morning and at night I’d go out drinking. Today though, was different. I didn’t have therapy today or tomorrow. But what made today different was that Ella called. She was coming to visit. I cleaned the house and just drank whiskey. I made myself look presentable. I changed my clothes and fixed my hair. Ella came around 4. By 9 we went to the club and I got smashed while Ella was buzzed. We got to my house and started talking and everything just got blurry from there.
THE NEXT MORNING
I woke up the next morning with a killer headache and saw Ella next to me in bed. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I am in fuckville. Population, Jake Pitts. Ella woke up with a shocked expression.
“Did we?” She looked to me. I shrugged.
“I don’t know. Everything’s a blur to me. I am fucked though if we did. The band’s going to hang my head and… Ally.” I went wide eyed. Then I saw scattered clothes and a wrapper.
“Well we did. And we were safe.” Ella sighed in relief.
“Jake, are you okay? You’re a bit pale.” I shook my head. I checked my phone and saw Ally texted me. She said she needed to talk to me and she would be here at 10. And speak of the devil, it was 10.
“Ella, I’m fucked.” I told her about Ally coming over and Ella said she’d explain everything with me. I hugged her and thanked her.
We showered quickly and got dressed. I ran my fingers through my hair and anxiously waited for Ally. I heard the door open and knew it was Ally.
I ran up to her and started babbling to her. She held her hand up and sat down next to Ella.
“Ally I’m sorry I yelled at you. I really didn’t mean it. I-”
“Jake, Andy explained what happened. I’m not mad at you anymore. It’s my fault. I should’ve just told you.” Ella gave me the look, so I breathed in slowly.
“Ally, you have every right to hate me and break up with me right now. Last night Ella came over to say hi and I took her to a club where I got smashed and she was buzzed and well we did it. Neither one of us intended it to happen. I just found out less than hour ago. If you want to leave me you can do it right now. I’d understand.” Ally just looked at me and to Ella.
“Ella did you know you were?”
“I swear on my mum’s life, I had no intentions to do it. I just came over to say hi and maybe have a few drinks but nowhere near what really happened.” Ally nodded her head. She studied our faces and took in a deep breath.
“Jake, I’m not leaving. Both you and Ella are clearly telling the truth. I am mad you had sex but I’m willing to overlook that for reasons known only by me.” Ella had to leave so she hugged Ally and I and left.
“Allyson, please I never meant to yell at you. Don’t ever fucking run off again like that. I don’t think I’d be able to live knowing I caused you harm when I promised to protect you.”
“Jake, if you loved me why did you just leave me with Andy? I never got a call from you.”
“I didn’t want to hurt you more. I thought you staying with someone who wouldn’t hurt you would be best for both of us. I didn’t call because I was scared to hurt you more. I fucked up. I drove you to suicide. I don’t want to lose you. Hearing CC say he found you made me go numb because it was my fault.” I got light headed and collapsed onto the couch. Then I got a major headache.
“Jake, have you been taking your pills while I’ve been gone?” I shook my head no.
“Jake. You could get worse if you don’t. You aren’t even supposed to be drinking while you’re on your meds.” Ally got me my meds and I took them. I slowly walked to bed because I was getting pain in my leg and back. When I got to bed I slowly drifted off to sleep. The last thing I remembered was Trixy getting under the sheets and sleeping next to me.
Notes
So here's my promised update. It's 11 pm right now and i'm STILL NOT DONE with my homework :'( boooo. But i promised to update tonight so i did. Tell me what you think :)~Wolf Tiger <3
9.16.2013
thanks. No problem lovely. it was well earned and i love you too <3 :)
11/7/13