Secrets

This was our last week of touring and though I was bummed it was almost over, I was looking forward to going back home. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to deal with this whole Jade issue considering that we live together but I guess I’d just have to deal with it. She has been avoiding me like the plague for the past couple of weeks and to say it wasn’t pissing me off would be a lie. I’ve tried everything to get her to pay attention to me, to get under her skin, just trying to make her realize what she let go of. I even went as far as to officially start dating Vanessa. I know that what I’ve been doing has been a complete dick move but I just can’t help it. I was just so made at her for dumping me that I wanted to get revenge, I wanted her to hurt as much as she hurt me. I know that even though Jade told me to move on with Vanessa I know she was lying.

Everyone is happy for me except CC, he was pissed and didn’t talk to me. He was always off with Jade doing god knows what. I know I should stop with this jealousy I have towards CC but I seriously can’t help it. They are way too close for my liking. But CC kept constantly telling me that there was nothing going on between them and that I was making a huge mistake in dating Vanessa. I really didn’t give a fuck, his words didn’t mean shit to me. Jade seems to be doing just fine on her own, she doesn’t need me.

Currently we were driving to the next city for a show. All of us were watching Pulp Fiction in the front room. Vanessa and I had taken over one of the sofas while CC and Jinxx sat on the floor and Jamie and Jake sat on the other couch. Ashley and Jade were in the backroom talking about what I didn’t care to find out. Vanessa was currently laying in my lap her head on my chest while I played with her hair. I wasn’t really paying attention to the movie; I just wasn’t in the mood for it.

“Well I’ve already decided it with Mama! You have no say in the matter so just fucking deal with it!”

We all looked to the back room shocked as we heard Jade scream and curse at Ashley. She never curses at Ashley ever, hell she barely swears at all. Whatever happened must have really made her mad. Seconds later the door to the back room opened and Jade stormed out and stomped to her bunk before harshly shutting the curtain. Moments later Ashley stormed out looking confused as all hell. He walked past Jade’s bunk and made his way to the refrigerator and grabbed a beer. Practically chugging the whole thing he plopped down on the floor next to Jinxx.

“Dude what the hell was that about?” Jinxx asked being blunt and getting to the point.

“When we get back to Cali Jade is moving out of the apartment.” Ashley grumbled and I felt my stomach drop. What the hell did he mean she was moving? “She’s moving in with Mary Ann. I know at the moment its best for her but I just don’t want to let her go." he sighed helplessly "I know it’s just me being overprotective but I don’t like being away from her for five minutes, how the fuck am I gonna manage us not living together?”

“You’ll manage; she won’t be that far away, besides Mary Ann is like her mother you know she’ll be safe.” CC said to reassure him.

“I know I just have to get my head around the idea of being away from her.”

“Why is she moving out?” Jamie asked.

“She’s been really stressed lately and I’ve noticed it’s starting to affect her health. Mary Ann thought it would be best if Jade moved in with her for a while. I can’t lie it’s a good idea I’m just going to miss her.”

“Ashley I’m not going anywhere.” We all looked towards the doorway and watched as Jade spoke to Ashley as if none of us were even there. “It’s not like I’m moving to a different state. I’m moving in with Mama, you’ll still see me all the time. I’m sorry I yelled at you Ashley.”

“No Jade I’m sorry for overacting, this move is good for you and I need to accept it and support you. It’s going to be so weird with just Andy and me in the apartment now.”

“And Killer, since I’m taking Tokyo.”

“Oh yeah, well all three of us are going to miss you.”

“I doubt it; you’ll still see me all the time.”

“Who is going to cook for me? You know I can’t cook.” Ashley whined and Jade just giggled.

“I’m sure you’ll just harass Mama and me to make you food.”

“Yeah you’re right.”

“Hey who’s going to cook for me?” It came out sounding like a joke but I was totally serious.

“Vanessa.” Jade stated bluntly with a slight edge that only I noticed. “It’s what girlfriend’s do.”

“You cooked for me all the time.” I snipped back.

“I was being a nice roommate; I don’t have to cook for you anymore.” I almost growled at the way see emphasized the word roommate. She practically glared at me and I glared right back. I could tell that everyone thought we were play fighting. “Besides I’m sure Vanessa would be more than happy to cook for her man right Vanessa?”

“Huh?” She wasn’t paying any attention to anything that was going on. “Oh yeah sure.”

“See your girlfriend is more than thrilled to cook for you. Unless she can’t cook.”

“Hey I can cook!” Vanessa all but shouted giving Jade a death glare, I wondered what the hell was going on with that. Jade didn’t even flinch under her gaze.

“Babe no one’s saying you can’t cook.” I said purposely kissing her cheek. Jade just glared.

“It was implied.”

“It was a joke jeez” Jade said rolling her eyes. I could see CC chuckling in the corner. “Anyway I’m going to go to take a quick nap before we get to the venue I’ll see you all later.” She said turning on her heels and walking to the backroom before shutting the door.

“Ashley I totally see what you’re saying now.” Jake said with a sad look on his face, Jamie rubbed his shoulders to comfort him.

“You see what I’m getting at now, right?” Ashley said. Everyone but Vanessa and I nodded. I was confused; what the hell were they talking about?

“She seems so on edge now, and I can tell she doesn’t get enough sleep. Do you think we should have made Jade go home? I think this tour is too much for her.” Jinxx said looking at Ashley with concern. “I mean she is never like this. This all started when tour started. I’m really worried about her. Usually she’s so happy go lucky and shy. Lately she’s been standoffish and snappy. It’s not like Jade to act like this, I wonder what happened.”

CC looked over at me and I could have punched him. It wasn’t my fucking fault that Jade was acting like a bitch it was her own damn fault. None of this would be happening if she hadn’t broken up with me. I wasn’t really meaning to treat her like shit but I’m hurt and this is the only way I know how to act around her.

“Well I know why she’s not sleeping well. I’m going to have to have a doctor put her back on sleeping pills.” Ashley sighed before running his hands threw his hair. I perked up at that, since when did Jade take sleeping pills?

“Since when did Jade take sleeping pills?” Jamie asked and I was glad I wasn’t the only one that was curious.

“She’s been taking them off and on since she was eleven because she used to have extreme night terrors. For last two years she didn’t need them she was doing really well. I guess they’ve come back. I hate seeing her like this and not knowing what I can do about it. I feel so helpless, I just hate this.”

“Ashley we all hate seeing her like this. Best thing we can do for her is to help keep her sane until the end of tour.” CC said patting Ashley on the back. “You’re not helpless, you’re honestly one of the best big brothers a girl could ask for.”

“Thanks CC.”

“Anytime man.”

I just sat there lost in my own thoughts. Jade had nightmares? And not just any type of bad dreams, she had night terrors. Why did she never tell me about them? I would have been there for her, I would have comforted her when she needed it. I thought I knew everything about her. Jade used to tell me everything. What is else is there about her that I don’t know about?

“Andy you okay man?” Jake asked and I snapped out of my thoughts. “You’re getting kind of spacey.”

“Oh yeah I’m fine.” I mumbled my thoughts were all jumbled and I was too focused on Jade. Vanessa leaned up and pecked my lips and I couldn’t help but to smile.

“Feeling better now?” She smiled up at me and smiled back.

“Much better.” I said brushing her hair out of her face.

“Good.”

“Awe well aren’t you two the cutest.” Jamie cooed and Vanessa blushed. I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes. Jade and I are cuter. Shut the fuck up Andy! I grumbled to myself and tried to ignore my thoughts. Jade and I were over, she had made that perfectly clear and based on the way I’ve been acting she would never take me back. I grimaced and sunk lower into the couch which ended up making Vanessa lie against my chest. She snuggled up closer clutching my shirt lightly and it instantly reminded me of when Jade used to do that in her sleep. Even if I shifted a bit she would clutch on tighter to my shirt as if I would disappear. When Jade grabbed my shirt it was cute, when Vanessa did it felt like she was being possessive. Maybe it’s because Vanessa’s wide awake when she’s doing it? Naw that can’t be it. I sat there and argued with myself for I don’t know how long until I was giving myself a headache.

“Hey Babe can you get up for a second?” I asked poking Vanessa lightly. “I need to get something out of my bunk.” She gave me an odd look but got up anyway, I didn’t bother to question her. “Thank you.” I said getting up and walking towards the bunks.

“Mama I can’t do that.” I heard Jade mumble to Mary Ann over the phone. “Yes I know that I should tell him but I can’t want tell him.” Being curious I peeked into the curtain making sure she didn’t see me. “It would ruin everything, we wouldn’t be a family anymore, everyone in the band is like my big brothers, I don’t want to lose them.” I tried to hear what Mary Ann was saying on the other line but I couldn’t. “Of course I still love Andy, he means everything to me.” I stood shocked, why would she break up with me if she still loves me? “Well I was pretty much forced to give Andy up.” I heard Jade give out a frustrated sigh before she continued. “If I could kick Vanessa’s ass you know I would, but she’s blackmailing me and I don’t know what to do. I hate seeing them together, Mama it hurts so much seeing Andy with her when it should be me.”

I just couldn’t listen to anymore of the conversation and I made my way to the backroom. What I had just found out put me in a state of shock. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know what to think. Jade broke up with me because Vanessa was blackmailing her? Why would she do that, and what for? Than guilt hit me like a ton of bricks. I have been treating Jade like complete shit and she was obviously hurting. How could I have been so selfish? How could I have been so cruel and given up on her so easily? Why does she still want me? Jade is too good for me. I don’t know how but I have to make this right. I just don’t know how.

I instantly felt intense rage, who the fuck does Vanessa think she is to blackmail my Jade? Where does she get off hurting the girl I love more than anything. I wasn’t going to stand for it, but I have to be smart about it, I need a plan. But first I have to confront Jade and this.

Notes