Secrets

I didn’t bother to stop Ashley from dragging me into the back room it was inevitable. I cursed myself for letting it slip that I had a bad dream. I knew when I said that he’d think my nightmares have started back up. They had but I didn’t want Ashley to know that. I wanted him to think that I was strong, that I was able to take care of myself. What happened was a long time ago and I should be over it by now. I was just so sick and tired of being weak and having my brother take care of me. I needed to take care of myself and to do that I needed to deal with my nightmares.
Ashley sat down and pulled me into his lap. I rested my head on his shoulder and sighed deeply. He started stroking my hair and it calmed me. Ashley always managed to calm me down even in the worst of times. I would seriously be insane without him.

“Jade talk to me. What’s been going on? You’ve been constantly tired lately” I went to protest but he cut me off. “And don’t even try to deny it. You’ve had bags under your eyes for a while; just because you wear makeup to cover it up doesn’t mean that I don’t notice. Baby Girl you have to talk to me and tell me what’s wrong. You know it hurts me the most seeing you upset.” He cradled me in his lap and kissed my forehead. “Jade what’s been going on with you?” Tears were welling up in my eyes. I was trying to be strong but I just couldn’t, the nightmares, Vanessa, having to break up with Andy by force, everything was just too much and when a single tear slide down my face I lost it and curled my fingers into Ashley’s shirt before my body started to tremble and I burst into tears.

Catching him completely by surprise be pulled me closer into his arms and rocked me back and forth. Ashley just let me cry it out as he ran his fingers through my hair in comfort. When I had finally settled down I hiccupped and rested my face on Ashley’s now soaked shirt.

“You going to tell me what’s wrong now?” He asked looking down and at, looked in his eyes and nodded.

“M-my dreams s-started up a-again.” I murmured but I knew he heard me because his body tensed up for a split second before her pulled me into a bone crushing hug.

“How long?”

“A-about t-two m-months.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? Jade I need to know things like this.”

“I-I wanted to g-get over them m-myself. I’m sick of being w-weak. I w-wanted to h-handle it myself. You a-always take c-care of me. I-I’m almost t-twenty you s-shouldn’t have to take c-care of m-me anymore. I’m p-pathetic.”

“I don’t ever want to hear you say that again. Jade you are not pathetic; you are one of the strongest people I know. Despite everything that has happened to you, you have managed to keep yourself sane.”

“That’s only cause I have you. And trying to handle it myself just made the dreams worse.”

“Exactly! You have me, which means that you don’t have to go it alone. You are not alone anymore in that house with that bitch. You have me and I’ll do anything to make you happy, you know this. Don’t hide something like this from me okay?” He said kissing my forehead. “You are not weak, you’re way stronger than you give yourself credit for. You are incredibly brave Jade. For something so horrible like that to happen to you and you’ve managed to build yourself up into a sweet, kind and generous person; I truly admire you for it. Don’t ever think you are weak and pathetic okay? You are far from it.”

“Okay I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about Jade. Just don’t hide something like this from me again. You’re not alone anymore. You have me and I’m not going anywhere.” He said before kissing my forehead again. “Is this tour stressing you out? I know there’s only about three weeks left but do you need to go home? You know either Sammi or Mary Ann would love to have you stay with them while I’m still on tour. I’m sure Mary Ann misses you being at the bakery all day.”

“Could I possibly think about it for a while?” I asked sheepishly. As much as I didn’t want to leave tour I don’t think I’d manage to handle seeing Andy every day without breaking down. Oh boy what am I going to do when we get home? Andy lives with us, I can’t just ignore him. Maybe we can eventually forget about it and become friends? I doubt it.

“Alright. Now come on.” He said hooking his arms under my legs and picking me up. I squealed in shock because I wasn’t expecting it. “You haven’t gotten a descent amount of sleep in two months. And when you were little you always managed to sleep better when you and Cheer Bear slept in my bed. So tonight you’re sharing my bunk.”

“Okay.” I said as he started guiding us out the back room. “I can’t believe I forgot Cheer Bear at home. She’s my favorite Care Bear.” I grumbled and Ashley just chuckled before placing me in his bunk and getting in after.

“I’ll ask Sammi to go into the apartment and take a picture of Cheer Bear so she can send it to you.”

“That be nice.” I said yawning as Ashley shut the curtains. I rested my head on one of his various pillows and sighed. He wrapped a protective arm around me and I snuggled closer to him. I did always sleep better when Ashley was around because whenever he was near I felt a hundred percent safe.

He shut the light off in his bunk and pulled the blankets up over us. “Goodnight Jade, sweet dreams.”

“Goodnight Ashley.” I whispered back and for once on this awful day I felt at peace if only for a few hours.

-X-

I woke up later for the first time in what felt like ages without a nightmare, and despite everything that was happening with Vanessa and Andy I had woken up peacefully. Everything would work out for the better eventually. At least I hoped it would. I know I shouldn’t but I was starting to think that maybe breaking up with Andy was the right thing to do. As much as I love Andy I would never have the guts to tell Ashley that. And even if I did there is no way he’d actually let me date Andy. He’s Andy fucking Biersack he can have any girl he wants, I don’t see why he even wanted me in the first place. I know that he wasn’t using me, what we had was real but we were kidding ourselves thinking it would last forever. I mean he’s only twenty one and I’m almost twenty. We’re both young, he has plenty of time to date more people. Andy will get over it. Besides I’m not that special he’ll find someone greater. Or maybe all of this is just my insecurities talking. It probably is but oh well.

Sooner or later everyone will see how fake Vanessa is and all I have to do is sit back and wait. I can tell that she only wants Andy so she can be known as a rockstar’s girlfriend. Eventually they’ll all see that. It will suck considering Vanessa is a really good friend of Jamie’s but I know that Jamie would dump her in a heartbeat when she realizes. With that thought in mind all my insecurities fizzled down to nothing and turned into anger.

Vanessa wanted to fuck with my relationship with Andy? Fine. She may have forced me to give him up but that didn’t mean that I was just going to lie down and take it. Oh I was going to make her life hell until everyone realized how fake she was. I wasn’t heartbroken anymore, I was livid. How dare that stupid bitch think she could just take my boyfriend from me? She may have a lot of good black mail on me, but she was going to regret fucking with me. It may take a while but I was going to get Andy back. All I have to do is get rid of Vanessa first.

A dangerous smirk made its way across my face and I giggled before slowly pulling Ashley’s arms off from around my waist and sitting up. I cracked my neck and stood up before stretching. I was going to have a good day. If I wanted Andy back I’d have to work out a plan soon. I had plenty of ideas but I really had no clue how to go about it. But before I did anything I went to my bunk pulled out some random clothes and went to the bathroom to get ready for the day. When I was finished putting on my shoes there was a bang on the door.

“What!” I shouted to whoever was on the other side of the door.

“Jade hurry up I really gotta go!” Jake practically begged and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“You have to go where? The bus is moving Jake you can’t possibly leave it.”

“Oh you know what I mean. I have to pee.”

“Then why didn’t you just say so?”

“Jade!” He whined.

“Jake!” I said back mimicking him. There was a giggle from the other said of the door and Jake continued to whine.

“Bunny stop torturing my boyfriend.” Jamie said amusement clear in her voice.

“Fine.” I whined before opening the door. “You’re lucky I was already done Jake, or you would have had to find a bottle.” I said stepping out so Jake could get through. He ran in and slammed the door. Jamie and I just laughed.

“I see you got some sleep last night.”

“Yeah I did I feel so energized right now.”

“Good now you and I can start driving these guys crazy again. They don’t call us the terrible twos for nothing.”

I smirked and nodded. She had no idea just how terrible I was going to get. “True, well I don’t know about you but I’m hungry about to see what the guys managed to leave in the fridge.” Jamie laughed and patted my head. I seriously was so short compared to everyone else.

“Well I’m going to head back to my bunk and take a nap. Jake kept me up all night.”

“I’m sure he did.” I wiggled my eyebrows and she playfully shoved me.

“Not like that you perv.”

“Uh huh, sure…”

Jamie just laughed. “Oh hush you.” She said before climbing into her bunk. I just laughed and threw my stuff into my bunk. I walked into the front and held in my gasp as I saw Andy and Vanessa curled up together on the couch sleeping. I ignored the pain in my chest, this was only temporary I had to remind myself. I looked down at Vanessa and glared. Enjoy it while you can bitch, cause it won’t last long.

“Jade?” I jumped and turned around to see CC looking at me concerned. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah CC I’m fine. Perfect actually.” I grabbed his wrist and dragged him into the kitchen so we were out of everyone’s earshot.

“Okay are you going to tell me what’s going on?” He whispered, leaning over me as I raided the fridge. “I know you broke up with Andy last night. You two finally seemed to be back on track why would you breakup with him?” Grabbing some toaster waffles I shut the freezer and turned back to face him.

“I didn’t really have much of a choice CC. When I had that little ‘chat’ with Vanessa yesterday it was really her threatening me to stay away from Andy. She somehow found out about Andy and I and threatened to tell Ashley. Unless I dumped Andy, so I didn’t really have a choice.”

“Why that stupid bitch-”

“Yes CC I know she’s a fucking cunt, but that’s why I need your help. You see she’s a good actress; she fooled everyone into thinking that she’s a real sweetheart. But now that I know she’s fake, I need your help exposing her. She thinks she’s the only one that knows about Andy and I but she doesn’t know you and Matt know.”

“Oh I see what you’re getting at.”

“When she’s exposed I can get Andy back.” I was smiling cruelly and CC was looking at me slightly afraid.

“Jade are you okay?”

“I will be. If that stupid bitch thinks she can take my man away from me she has another thing coming. Vanessa better enjoy the time she has with Andy cause it won’t last long. That bitch is going to pay. I’ll be damned if I give Andy up without a fight.” CC just continued to stare at me scared.

I know that I’m usually not like this but Vanessa has caused me to snap. I have been through hell and back and I managed to get an amazing loving family in the form of Mary Ann, Jamie, Sammi and the guys. How dare Vanessa try and take that away from me. And Andy he truly loves me and dammit I fucking love him too. I deserve my family and I deserve Andy as well. Like hell I’m going to let Vanessa take all of that away from me.

Notes