Secrets

It was nice being able to hang out and relax with everyone without having to deal with Andy’s stupid jealousy. It was a nice change; I had missed hanging out with the guys and Ashley as a group. I always seemed to be spending most of my time with CC and Ashley. Jinxx was usually on the phone with Sammi and Jake and Jamie were practically inseparable and I found it cute. Since Jamie and Jake have been attached at the hip Vanessa spent a lot of time with me. She wasn’t that bad, it was just the fact that she talked about Andy so much bugged me. It was always ‘Andy is so hot.’, ‘why hasn’t he made a move yet?’, ‘he looks down right sexy with his new haircut’ or ‘oh the things I’d like to do to him.’ It was driving me completely insane. I mainly kept my annoyance to myself or I ranted to CC and he found it amusing.

I liked that Andy was respecting my space it really was a huge relief. Andy really was trying to make things up to me and I appreciated his efforts. I guess he finally realized that his temper and jealousy can get way out of hand. He pushed Vanessa away every time she came on to him or ignored her. It was pretty amusing the way she threw herself at him and he ignored her. But I always had the small fear that one day he would actually give in to her. I wasn’t blind I knew he was still attracted to her, but I also knew he loved me more and tried to fight it. Andy was trying and that’s all I could really ask for.

Right now I was in the front with CC, Ashley, Jinxx and Andy. The bus was rolling on to its new destination and I was surprised that tour was almost over. There were about three weeks left of tour and I was looking forward going back home. I missed Killer, Tokyo and Sammi, but I also missed my apartment. I always felt so at peace there, like I didn’t have a worry in the world. I spent a lot of time staring out the living room bay windows and just observing the world outside. It was really peaceful and calming and it helped my nerves.

I was lying across Jinxx and CC’s laps while they were trying to play a video game. It was pretty amusing watching them try to play while I was on top of them. I know that Ashley and Andy found it amusing because the kept laughing when either Jinxx or CC messed up. They would try to stand up and yell in frustration but they would remember I was on them and grab me before I fell on the floor. I know that I should have moved by now but I honestly didn’t feel like it, torturing them was fun sometimes. Andy was looking my way and smiling and I just winked at him before paying attention to the game. I really had no clue what they were playing but it was fun to watch.

“Jade do you want to play?” CC asked holding out his controller. I just shook my head.

“Nah, you know I’m shit at videogames.” I said pushing the controller back to him.

“I’ll play!” Andy said getting up and grabbing the controller. Andy sat down right on top of my butt and I groaned in annoyance and slight amusement.

“Oi fat ass get off!” I fake glared at him. “You’re going to crush me to death.”

“And me.” CC added since Andy was sitting on the both of us. Andy just gasped in fake horror.

“I am not fat!”

“You crushing me says otherwise.” Andy just rolled his eyes at me before wiggling a little for dramatic effect and then started playing the game with Jinxx. Oh he was so going to pay for this.Ashley just continued to laugh at all of us and shake his head.

“Some help you are.” I grumbled glaring at Ashley and he just stuck his tongue out at me.

“It’s your own fault for lying there in the first place.” I just pouted and let the pressure of Andy sitting on me sink in. I was going to get them all back for this later I swear, I just had to start plotting my revenge, oh it was going to be sweet!

“What are you all doing?” An amused voice said out of nowhere. We all looked over and saw Vanessa standing in the doorway looking at all of us with a huge smile across her face.

“Oh hey Vanessa what’s up? As you can see we’re all having a stupid but fun time here.” Ashley said.

“Nothing much I was just waking up from a nap, was wondering if I could steal Jade away for a few. You know to talk about girl stuff.”

“Oh well isn’t Jamie available? I don’t think anyone wants to let her up.”

“Jamie and Jake seem to be attached at the moment. I didn’t think it be wise to venture near their bunk.” She cringed a little and we all laughed. “Actually I wanted to talk to Jade specifically.” I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion I had no clue what the hell she would want to talk to me about.

“Oh, okay, come on Andy get your fat ass up.”

“I am not fat Pinkie!”

“Actually I’m half native American and half black.” Everyone else laughed while Andy rolled his eyes.

“I was talking about your hair.”

“That’s half black too.”

“Oh go on your little girl chat smartass.” Andy said getting off of me and ruffling my hair. I giggled before getting up and lightly punching his arm. Andy made a whining noise while everyone else laughed. I just stuck my tongue out again before walking towards the back with Vanessa. Once we enter I sat down on the sofa and I didn’t really notice Vanessa shut the door. She sat down next to me and was extremely quiet. I was seriously confused as to what she wanted. ‘Mean Girls’ was playing on the TV at a low volume and she grabbed the remote and turned up the volume. It was too loud for my taste but I guess she liked it this high.

“So what was it that you wanted to talk-” and before I could even finished my sentence Vanessa had straddled me and had me by the throat. I was too shocked and quite frankly scared to even react to what was happening.

“Now listen here you retarded little bitch, stay the fuck away from Andy.”

“Excuse me?” I choked out completely confused.

“You heard me; I said stay away from Andy. I plan on making him mine and you’re getting in the fucking way so back off.” I was completely startled, I knew she wanted Andy but I never thought she’d go this far or act like this to get him.

“What the hell is your problem?” I shouted, starting to get I little scared. I wasn’t afraid of her but her tight hold on me was reminding me of my mother and that was scaring me.

“You are my fucking problem! I’m not as fucking stupid as these other fuckwads here I know you and Andy have something going on. It’s too fucking obvious.” She sneered. “But what is more obvious is that Andy’s just using you.” For the sake of keeping us a secret I was going to deny everything she said but my mouth opened up before my brain could stop it.

“Andy loves me!” I shouted and she grinned wickedly at me and laughed.

“Oh is that what he told you. He said he ‘loves you’ oh please Andy doesn’t love you, he’s just using you. As if he could ever even like you. You’re weak and pathetic and can’t do a damn thing by yourself. He feels sorry for you. To him you’re only good at one thing and that’s lying on your back. ”

“You don’t know a damn thing about Andy and I! He loves me, you don’t know anything about us.”

“Oh please if he loved you as much as you say he does he wouldn’t keep your ‘relationship’ a secret.” I know I should have just kept my mouth shut but I just couldn’t. I wasn’t going to let her insult my relationship.

“We keep it a secret for the sake of the band. And because Ashley doesn’t want me to date.”

“Oh please that’s just an excuse. If Andy really loved you he wouldn’t care. He’d risk the band and Ashley to be with you. He’d fight for you instead of hiding you. And if he really loved you he wouldn’t have made out with me. It’s obvious he’s attracted to me and you’re in the way. I’m better than you in every way and I’d be better for Andy. He needs a woman not some wimpy loser that’s afraid of her own shadow.”

“I won’t give him up.” I said glaring up at her. She just smirked and got off of me.

“Oh but I think you will. You see if you don’t dump Andy I’ll tell everyone you’re secretly dating. And rest a sure all hell would break lose. Just think about it.” She whispered against my neck. “If Ashley finds out he’d flip probably beat Andy senseless. He’d probably get kicked out of the band and it would be your fault. And this pathetic thing you call a family would be gone. Jinxx, CC, and Jake would never what to talk to you and Ashley ever again. You’d have nothing.” I didn’t want her words to get to me but they had. Ashley would freak everything would go to hell if he knew about Andy and me.

“But of course if you dump Andy I won’t say anything and you’ll have your prefect little family in one piece. The band won’t hate you, you won’t disappoint Ashley and Andy won’t get hurt.” Tears were streaming down my cheeks and I didn’t know what to do. We were just getting back to normal, it would crush Andy if I just ended us. But I really couldn’t tell Ashley about us. I’d lose my family, I love all the guys, Jamie and Sammi so much, I couldn’t lose them. This was going to kill me but I had to do it.

“Alright I’ll do it.” I choked out and she smiled wickedly.

“That’s a good girl.” She said patting my cheek and I smacked her hand away. “Ah, ah you have to be nice to me or they might just suspect something. Or I could always let something slip.”

“You already got what you wanted. Just go up front with the guys. Tell Andy there’s a Batman marathon on or something he’ll come running in.” I mumbled. Vanessa just chuckled before starting to walk away.

“You better not tell him the real reason you’re breaking up with him.” I wanted to scream in outrage at her but I just kept my mouth shut. All of this was just so sudden and I didn’t have time to think about anything or comprehend what was going on. I felt like I was on autopilot, I was just numb, I just couldn’t feel. I wiped the tears from my eyes and had to stop myself from crying. Andy couldn’t know about what Vanessa said to me. And to think I actually thought she was nice.Fucking cunt.

“Jade are you okay?” I heard Andy ask in concern as he entered the back room, he shut the door behind him and I couldn’t turn to look at him, I just couldn’t.

“Y-yes Andy I… I’m fine but we need to talk.” I felt him sit down next to me and I looked down at the floor. I felt him take my hands out of my lap and entwine our fingers.

“Jade, Baby what’s wrong?" He lifted my chin so I was looking at him and I couldn’t turn away. “Jade, tell me what’s wrong.”

“I-I can’t do this anymore.”

“What?”

“Us. We’ll never actually ever workout we’re just kidding ourselves.”

“What? Jade why are you saying this? Where is all of this coming from? We’re doing so well now, I’m trying to get better. What do I have to do to make us right? To fix us?”

“Nothing. There is nothing that can fix us. I love you Andy I really do but it’s obvious that we can’t be together. I’ll never have the guts to tell Ashley about us. And think about when he finds out all hell will break lose. It would ruin the band. Its better if we just end this now and nobody finds out.”

“Jade you can’t serious. I love you, I don’t mind waiting.”

“You shouldn’t have to. You should be able to be with whoever you want and not have to hide it.”

“Jade I-”

“No Andy I’m serious. You deserve more than what I can offer you. I can’t offer you anything.”

“I don’t care!” He shouted. “You’re love is enough for me Jade, you know that.”

“But it’s not worth ruining everything you worked so hard for.” I stood up, I couldn’t take this, I just couldn’t continue to lie to Andy about why I had to do this.

“You’re Andy Biersack, you can have anyone you want.”

“And I want you! Only you.”

“I know you’re still attracted to Vanessa. You should date her, she can offer you more than me.”

“Don’t say that. Don’t put yourself down because of her. Jade you are worth so much and you don’t even realize it. Don’t do this. We can work through this, just don’t do this.”

“I’m sorry Andy, I really am…b-but it’s over.”

“Jade-” he was pleading and I just couldn’t bring myself to turn around and look at him, I had to leave. Before he could say anything else I left the back room. My mind was racing a mile a minute and I climbed into my bunk and couldn’t help but to cry. Had I really just broke up with Andy? Yes I really had, and I knew the pain in my chest wasn’t going to go away.

Notes