Forget Me Not
Untold Pain
Of course I couldn’t sleep. Would you? Sleep hasn’t really been on my agenda at all this week.
I sat in my car. I stared out the windshield blindly, I hadn’t even left my apartment. I looked at the time, it was 11:30. The steering wheel looked like the perfect place to beat my head on. I stuck the keys in the ignition starting the car and peeled out of the lot.
Looking out the window, it started to sprinkle. Oh great. Thankfully I arrived at the park in time and it only sprinkled and nothing more. I gazed out the window scanning the park. I spotted a black clad figure sitting on one of the swings. It was only Andy and no one else. No kids, no animals, just him. I sighed and got out of the car. I walked across the field of grass. My mind was racing and my heart thumped in my ears.
I came up behind the swings and reached out to one of the chains of the swing next to Andy and sat. It was almost as if he didn’t know I was there. There was a long strange silence between us. All I could hear was the wind blowing slightly and leaves wafting around, even a distant thunder far away.
“They told me everything” Andy’s voice was deep breaking the silence
I looked at him trying not to cry.
“How they lied to me all those years” he continued
“and what they’ve done to you” he finally looked up at me
“Andy” my voice shook trying to find something to say
“I knew something was missing” he interrupted “After the accident, I just figured I was just still startled about nearly dying, but the feeling never faded, nothing seemed to fit quite right, there was still….something that was staring me right in the face but I couldn’t put my finger on it” he turned the swing slightly facing me
I felt the tears stream down my face. I looked down at my feet biting my lip.
“I don’t remember you Sonny” he said
Those words stung my heart.
“But I want to remember you” he said softly
I cried softly to myself.
“Sonny, did—did you try to kill yourself because of me?” Andy asked seriously
“You were my bestfriend Andy” I sobbed into my hands
“Sonny” I could hear the disappointment in his voice
I felt warm hands pull my wrists apart. Andy was kneeling down looking up at me still holding my wrists.
“I’m here” he said sincerely. I looked away. “Hey” he said softly putting his hand to my face and made me look at him
“I’m alive, that’s all that matters” he said
It was silent again. I sniffled. Andy’s hands were resting on my knees now.
“Sonny, I need to know” he said
I looked at him oddly
“I need to know what happened that day, the last moments before….before I forgot” he said
“Andy—I d-don’t think I can” I started
“Please” he pleaded “Please, I need to know…before—before I leave” he said
Leave? LEAVE?
“I think I can do that” I nodded my head
It took me a few minutes to recollect myself. Andy sat back in the swing. I took a deep breath.
“It all started on a semi normal day. A day for just you and me” I began
Andy turned to me listening intently
“You and I, we went all over town that day, we decided we didn’t want to go home quite yet” I said
“So we came here, to this park” I said
I looked at Andy. He was staring at the ground.
“We sat at the bench by the slide, we were joking around as usual” I continued “and when you weren’t paying attention….I—uh I kissed you” I said sheepishly
I glanced up at Andy, it looked like he had a slight smile on his lips, but I couldn’t really tell because it faded away so fast.
“and how did I react?” he asked
“Surprised” I smiled a bit “but you kissed me back” I said looking down at my feet
“Eventually we had to go home, it was getting dark out” I sighed “We were stopped at a light” I continued “you held my hand and kissed it, then the light turned green” I said
“The last thing I remember is you smiling at me as you went forward into the intersection, I saw headlights blinding my eyes from behind you, and before—before I could scream, I was slammed into the passenger side door. Glass flew through the air” I said
I was crying again. I looked at Andy, his hair was blocking my view from his face. I saw a tear fall and onto his leg. I took a breath.
“I woke up on my back lying on the pavement. I remember the pain, it was so excruciating, I called out your name” I said “I tried to roll over, I turned. That’s when I saw the mutilated car on its side. I saw you. I saw you through the sun rook hanging there. There was so much blood” I sobbed
“I screamed your name” I said “I tried to crawl towards you. I don’t know how long it took but I made it. I saw flashing red and blue lights. I tried to reach for you, saying your name one last time…then…then I saw nothing but black” I finished
It was silent. The cold crept up my spine. I got up from the swing setting my hand on Andy’s back.
Andy cleared his throat “Now I know” his voice shook. He sat up straight taking in a long breath and letting it out. I could finally see his face. It was red and his eyes glistened as they welled with tears.
“Thank you…for telling me” he said
I nodded my head
“This is all just surreal” he said shaking his head
“I can see why you couldn’t stay away when you ran into me the night at the concert” he said looking up at me, a few tears rolled down his cheeks
“And now, I think it would have been best if you just stayed away” he said
“What?” my voice shook
“I said—I think it would have been best if you would have just stayed away from me” he said
My heart was tearing at the seams.
“Andy---“ I began
“Sonny, this isn’t good for us” Andy said seriously
“But we—“
Andy got up from the swing, my hand fell from his back.
“I’m leaving tomorrow” he said “After today, you’ll never see me again” he nodded his head
He turned to me. I was scanning everywhere, anywhere that wasn’t him. Andy took my face in his hands and made me look at him. He leaned into me. At first I thought he was going to kiss my lips, but his eyes lead elsewhere. He lightly kissed my cheekbone, his lips were warm and soft, he pulled away still holding my face.
“I’m sorry” he said “For everything”
His hands let go of me. He walked behind me and away. I didn’t even turn to look. I just let him leave. Just let him go. I stood there trying to control my breathing along with everything else. My eyes fell on the bench across the park by the slide. I could hear a car start in the distance. Waiting a few moments, I finally looked behind me, Andy was gone. I was alone.
I sat in my car. I stared out the windshield blindly, I hadn’t even left my apartment. I looked at the time, it was 11:30. The steering wheel looked like the perfect place to beat my head on. I stuck the keys in the ignition starting the car and peeled out of the lot.
Looking out the window, it started to sprinkle. Oh great. Thankfully I arrived at the park in time and it only sprinkled and nothing more. I gazed out the window scanning the park. I spotted a black clad figure sitting on one of the swings. It was only Andy and no one else. No kids, no animals, just him. I sighed and got out of the car. I walked across the field of grass. My mind was racing and my heart thumped in my ears.
I came up behind the swings and reached out to one of the chains of the swing next to Andy and sat. It was almost as if he didn’t know I was there. There was a long strange silence between us. All I could hear was the wind blowing slightly and leaves wafting around, even a distant thunder far away.
“They told me everything” Andy’s voice was deep breaking the silence
I looked at him trying not to cry.
“How they lied to me all those years” he continued
“and what they’ve done to you” he finally looked up at me
“Andy” my voice shook trying to find something to say
“I knew something was missing” he interrupted “After the accident, I just figured I was just still startled about nearly dying, but the feeling never faded, nothing seemed to fit quite right, there was still….something that was staring me right in the face but I couldn’t put my finger on it” he turned the swing slightly facing me
I felt the tears stream down my face. I looked down at my feet biting my lip.
“I don’t remember you Sonny” he said
Those words stung my heart.
“But I want to remember you” he said softly
I cried softly to myself.
“Sonny, did—did you try to kill yourself because of me?” Andy asked seriously
“You were my bestfriend Andy” I sobbed into my hands
“Sonny” I could hear the disappointment in his voice
I felt warm hands pull my wrists apart. Andy was kneeling down looking up at me still holding my wrists.
“I’m here” he said sincerely. I looked away. “Hey” he said softly putting his hand to my face and made me look at him
“I’m alive, that’s all that matters” he said
It was silent again. I sniffled. Andy’s hands were resting on my knees now.
“Sonny, I need to know” he said
I looked at him oddly
“I need to know what happened that day, the last moments before….before I forgot” he said
“Andy—I d-don’t think I can” I started
“Please” he pleaded “Please, I need to know…before—before I leave” he said
Leave? LEAVE?
“I think I can do that” I nodded my head
It took me a few minutes to recollect myself. Andy sat back in the swing. I took a deep breath.
“It all started on a semi normal day. A day for just you and me” I began
Andy turned to me listening intently
“You and I, we went all over town that day, we decided we didn’t want to go home quite yet” I said
“So we came here, to this park” I said
I looked at Andy. He was staring at the ground.
“We sat at the bench by the slide, we were joking around as usual” I continued “and when you weren’t paying attention….I—uh I kissed you” I said sheepishly
I glanced up at Andy, it looked like he had a slight smile on his lips, but I couldn’t really tell because it faded away so fast.
“and how did I react?” he asked
“Surprised” I smiled a bit “but you kissed me back” I said looking down at my feet
“Eventually we had to go home, it was getting dark out” I sighed “We were stopped at a light” I continued “you held my hand and kissed it, then the light turned green” I said
“The last thing I remember is you smiling at me as you went forward into the intersection, I saw headlights blinding my eyes from behind you, and before—before I could scream, I was slammed into the passenger side door. Glass flew through the air” I said
I was crying again. I looked at Andy, his hair was blocking my view from his face. I saw a tear fall and onto his leg. I took a breath.
“I woke up on my back lying on the pavement. I remember the pain, it was so excruciating, I called out your name” I said “I tried to roll over, I turned. That’s when I saw the mutilated car on its side. I saw you. I saw you through the sun rook hanging there. There was so much blood” I sobbed
“I screamed your name” I said “I tried to crawl towards you. I don’t know how long it took but I made it. I saw flashing red and blue lights. I tried to reach for you, saying your name one last time…then…then I saw nothing but black” I finished
It was silent. The cold crept up my spine. I got up from the swing setting my hand on Andy’s back.
Andy cleared his throat “Now I know” his voice shook. He sat up straight taking in a long breath and letting it out. I could finally see his face. It was red and his eyes glistened as they welled with tears.
“Thank you…for telling me” he said
I nodded my head
“This is all just surreal” he said shaking his head
“I can see why you couldn’t stay away when you ran into me the night at the concert” he said looking up at me, a few tears rolled down his cheeks
“And now, I think it would have been best if you just stayed away” he said
“What?” my voice shook
“I said—I think it would have been best if you would have just stayed away from me” he said
My heart was tearing at the seams.
“Andy---“ I began
“Sonny, this isn’t good for us” Andy said seriously
“But we—“
Andy got up from the swing, my hand fell from his back.
“I’m leaving tomorrow” he said “After today, you’ll never see me again” he nodded his head
He turned to me. I was scanning everywhere, anywhere that wasn’t him. Andy took my face in his hands and made me look at him. He leaned into me. At first I thought he was going to kiss my lips, but his eyes lead elsewhere. He lightly kissed my cheekbone, his lips were warm and soft, he pulled away still holding my face.
“I’m sorry” he said “For everything”
His hands let go of me. He walked behind me and away. I didn’t even turn to look. I just let him leave. Just let him go. I stood there trying to control my breathing along with everything else. My eyes fell on the bench across the park by the slide. I could hear a car start in the distance. Waiting a few moments, I finally looked behind me, Andy was gone. I was alone.
update
9/15/14