Please tell me what we have is real

A lazy sunday at Andy's with movies and cuddles and mac and cheese for lunch. That was what it should have been. But now, well...
“You're so gonna get it Purdy-boy!” Andy yelled as he launched at me. I stumbled back, throwing anything at him that I could get a hold of.
“Oh, that's just what you think, Biersack!” I growled and grabbed the nearest pillow and hit him over his head. Yes, you guessed it, we were having a pillow fight. In his bedroom. I didn't even want to know what his parents were thinking of all the yelling we were doing – oh and his neighbors.
We smacked each other as much as we could, slowly getting out of breath, until we collapsed on Andy's bed with him on top of me. We were laughing our asses off at our own childishness and everything felt so nice and cozy and surreal. I never wanted this afternoon to come to an end. Andy buried his hand in my neck, still giggling from our previous actions. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, but Andy didn't even bother to move, he just stayed on top of me with his giggles filling the room. The door slowly opened and his mother's head appeared.
“Erm... hey Mrs. B” I said quietly, chuckling embarrassed and gave her a nervous smile. She smiled back and laughed at our position.
“Hi Ashley, nice to see you here again.” She replied and took a look around the room. Andy still shook from laughter.
“Don't tell me you guys just had a pillow fight?” She asked amusedly with a raised eyebrow. That threw Andy into a fit of giggles again and had me giving out a nervous laugh. I scratched the back of my head.
“Well, more like a pillow war actually” I said with a chuckle. Andy's mom started laughing before retreating from the room, mumbling something about “kids these days”.
“You're mom thinks I'm weird now. And probably bad influence” I remarked with a slight grin. Andy sat up and smiled down on me.
“Nah babe, she knows that I'm the one dragging you into trouble. She thinks you're too much of a sweetheart for being trouble” he replied and leaned down to kiss my nose. I gave him a look of fake shock.
“Hell no! I'm a fucking badass ok?!” I nearly yelled, making Andy giggle again.
“No you're not Ashley!” we heard Andy's mom yell back laughing from the living room. I groaned and threw my head back while Andy was on top of me laughing his ass off again.
“Oh, so you think that's funny?” I questioned him with a mischievous grin. He just nodded, only supporting his wait by one of his hands on my chest, the other one wiped away the tears escaping his eyes.
“We'll see how funny you think this is” I said menacingly and started to tickle him. Andy shrieked like a girl and tried to scramble away from me, but I had him locked in my arms. I rolled us over, so that I was on top of him and let my fingers grace his sides.
“Ashley noooo” He yelled through laughter, tears were streaming down his face. He looked so cute with that huge smile on his face. “Ashy stop” He laughed but I just went on, tickling him until he was squirming underneath me. I momentarily stopped so he could catch his breath and looked down on him with a smirk. He still let out little laughs, but held my look.
“Funny, huh?” I asked, but Andy just shook his head.
“You're an ass” he said, smiling nonetheless.
“Oh, really?” I said and raised an eyebrow. Andy obviously realized that he shouldn't have said that and his eyes grew wide.
“No, babe, no” He quickly said. Too late I thought and started tickling again.
“Aaaaassh” Andy shrieked, trashing and squirming underneath me.
“What was that?” I said, hands still working on making him laugh.
“Babe, stop, I love you, but please just stop” he said laughing. My hands stopped and I took a good look at him. I love you. I smiled at him and climbed off of him. Andy stayed on his back, catching his breath while I lay down next to him and cuddled into his side.
“Can we watch a movie now?” I said, innocently looking up at him. He nodded and kissed my forehead before getting up and putting Batman in.
“Seriously?” I asked with a snort.
“Yes, you have to make up for torturing me like that” he said stubbornly and got comfy next to me, pulling me into his arms.
“I love to hear you laugh” I said quietly. My head was on his chest and my fingers traced patterns on his torso. I loved him too, I just couldn't say it back. It always got me into trouble. Andy didn't seem to mind though, since he didn't bring it up. Maybe he said it out of the moment and didn't really think about it.
Halfway into the movie there was a knock on Andy's door again.
“Yup” he said loudly, eyes fixed on the screen. The door opened and Andy's mom came in, carrying a tray.
“I made you guys cookies and – Oh my... Ashley, darling, how many times did you have to watch that already with him?” She asked with a laugh.
“I lost count after ten” I said laughing, earning a light hit on my shoulder from Andy.
“Andy, don't you think you two should maybe also watch something else sometimes?” His mother laughed and put the tray on his bedside table next to us.
“Not after he tortured me like that” he said with a pout. I chuckled and his mom winked at me.
“I'm sure you deserved it, son” she said and quickly left the room.
“Noooo!” he yelled in fake hurt and I cracked up laughing. I pressed a kiss to his chest. Andy sat up and handed me a mug of coffee and a cookie. I thanked him and took both, sipping a bit of the dark liquid before nibbling on the cookie. It was delicious.
“Your mom's the best” I said and looked at him with a happy expression on my face. He smiled back and stretched his arm out, so I could crawl back into his embrace.
“I know. Sometimes, with all my shit, I think I don't deserve her” he admitted with an unreadable expression.
“But you do” I whispered and kissed his cheek. He smiled sadly at me and tightened his grip on me. His lips found mine in a loving kiss and I couldn't pull away, even if I wanted to. His tongue traced my bottom lip and I willingly let him in. My tongue met his, but the kiss stayed as loving as it had begun. It was slow and everything we both needed in that moment. When we parted, I gave him a smile and he smiled back.
“Let's watch the movie, babe” he whispered and I nodded, handing him my coffee so he could put it back on the tray, before cuddling into him again.

Near the end of the movie Andy and I got a message from CC telling us that the others wanted to rehearse this afternoon, so we decided that that would actually be a good idea and that we could take a look at the song I'd written. So when the movie was over we took our phones and wallets and left Andy's flats, saying “Bye” to his parents on our way out. We first retrieved my bass from my flat and then made our way to CC's. It was late afternoon by the time we arrived at his neighborhood and the sun already began to set. I was a bit sad about that because it meant that winter was coming. I enjoyed the last rays of the autumn sun, memorizing the bright orange and red color of the leaves. Andy studied my face and with raised eyebrows.
“I love those colors” I explained and he nodded.
“Me too. I can't really decide whether I like summer or autumn more.” he said and rubbed his thumb over the back of my hand. I smiled, loving that physical contact became so important to both of us.
“I can't wait to have you sing in front of the guys” Andy suddenly said with a smirk. I furrowed my eyebrows. Fuck, I didn't think about that.
“Fuck” I muttered and tightened my grip on his hand.
“It's ok, babe. You know they won't make fun of you, you're amazing and the guys will love it, I promise” Andy assured me and pulled me into a hug. “It'll be alright” he whispered into my ear and I just nodded, knowing that he was right.
“Sorry” I said but he just laughed.
“There's nothing to be sorry about. It's normal to be nervous. I merely tried to explain that there is no reason to be scared. That doesn't mean that it isn't ok to be scared, because it is. It is so fucking normal but sometimes we need to take the risk, you know? We have to face the things that scare us, so we can make fun of them after and tell ourselves that it wasn't as bad as we originally thought it was. And sometimes, we need a little help to push through and that's ok too.” He said with a smile. I pulled him into me and kissed him, not caring whether we were two boys kissing in the middle of the neighborhood and that there was a huge possibility that someone could see us. I needed that kiss and Andy knew it too. I didn't want to get carried away, so reluctantly I ended the kiss, pecking my boyfriend's lips once more.
“Thanks” I whispered before taking his hand in mine. We started walking again and soon enough we found ourselves in front of CC's house.

CC opened the door when we knocked and beamed at us.
“Took you guys long enough! Less fucking, more music! C'mon in!” He said cheerily and stepped aside. I blushed like hell and entered the house with Andy behind me.
“You know, we're actually not at the fucking-part of the relationship yet” Andy shamelessly informed him and I blushed even more. What the fuck?
“Well, then I don't know what took you so long” CC said with a smirk. I shifted from one foot to the other. How much embarrassment can one take on one day? I felt like I was at my limit and I had yet to sing in front of them. I tried to calm myself by telling myself that they were my friends and that nothing bad would happen.
Jake and Jinxx emerged from the living room and greeted us. I hugged both wordlessly, suddenly not feeling too well.
“Ashley, are you ok?” Jake said with furrowed eyebrows. I just nodded and took Andy's hand, entwining our fingers. He gave my hand a reassuring squeeze and smiled at me.
“Well, ok, if Ashley has his untalkative day that's fine. We'll practice anyway!” CC said cheerily and went downstairs. We followed him and began to set everything up.
Andy gave me a look and I swallowed down my fear and nodded at him.
“Guys! We need to show you a song!” Andy announced loudly and I sighed, taking Andy's acoustic guitar from its stand. I didn't even know why he owned it. It was kept in CC's basement and Andy actually never played it. I even doubted that he could play at all.
“Well, actually Ash has to show you because he was the genius this time!” Andy smiled and plopped down on the floor. I sat down next to him, the guitar in my lap as I waited for the others. When everyone was sitting down, I cleared my throat and began to strum a few chords and finally I started to play Sweet Blasphemy. I quietly sang along, but still loud enough for the others to hear. In the beginning my voice had been shaking from nervousness but soon enough I got lost in the song and didn't think of the others watching and listening. I felt Andy sitting close to me though, and that was my reassurance. He would not leave, even if the others did.
When I finished the song I reluctantly looked up to see their reactions. Their expressions ranged from surprised to confused and everything in between.
“I knew it was a bad idea” I whispered and looked down, picking at the strings. Andy's hand immediately found my knee, but I didn't look up. I was too ashamed.
“Are you fucking kidding me? That was fucking brilliant! You never told me you could sing!” Jake exclaimed. I knew he was lying.
“You don't need to lie” I said, my voice void of emotion. I felt Andy squeeze my knee. Just as I wanted to get up and leave, Jake knelt down in front me and took my face in his hands, making me look at him.
“You stop thinking that nonsense right now, Ashley Purdy. That was so amazing and you really do have a nice voice. I mean it, there is no reason why I would lie to you.” he said, looking me dead in the eyes. I teared up a little at that. My insecurity always got the best of me, I never learned to cope with it. My thoughts always consumed me but with Jake looking into my eyes, I knew he was telling the truth and I was grateful for that.
“Let's get to work then!” CC said with a huge smile on his face and I laughed a little. Jake gave me a short hug before standing up and going over to his guitar. Andy extended his hand and helped me up, engulfing me in a hug right the moment I was on my feet.
“Told you there was nothing to be scared of” he whispered and I just hugged him back. I was still a bit overwhelmed.

Three hours and a lot of work later, we had a rough first version of the song. With the agreement, that we would all work on our parts until next rehearsal, we left CC's to go home. It was completely dark outside but Andy and I agreed to get ourselves some coffee at the same small café that we went to the first time.
“I'm glad I have you” I confessed as I took a sip from my caramel macchiato. Andy smiled and placed his free arm around my waist.
“I'm also glad to have you. I feel like you make me a better person.” I smiled at him and yawned.
“Bedtime” I mumbled and Andy chuckled.
“We're home in ten, babe. We can go to bed and cuddle and be all cute together.” He said and I laughed.
“Your home or my home?” I asked and leaned my head against his shoulder. It was kind of hard walking like this with my bass in one hand, the coffee in the other but I didn't care. I wanted some physical contact, more than his hand on my waist that held me to him.
“I don't care. My home is wherever you are” he simply said, making me blush. Something in my stomach seemed to flutter.
“We've been annoying your parents practically all day, let's go to mine” I whispered. Andy nodded and we walked the rest of the way in a comfortable silence. I just wanted to be cuddled up in my bed already.

After what felt like half an eternity, Andy and me were under the covers, legs tangled together and arms around each other. It was warm and comfortable and I never wanted to let him go. I concluded that it was a good day despite my insecurities and all the embarrassment. Andy and me had fun with a pillow fight and the tickling and the movies and rehearsal had just been amazing. The way home was very nice too, with that coffee and Andy. And now, well, now I was happily lying in bed with the boy I was sure I loved more than anything. I decided to tell him soon, maybe over breakfast one day, or while watching Batman, or during one of our pillow wars. I was sure there were many opportunities where I could tell him and the right one would come with the right time.

Notes

So I wrote a little something and I really hope you like it!

xoxo Rebellious Redamancy