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Ronnie Cant Swag

Vocab Time, Yo!

Woohoo! Yet another offensive installment in the Ronnie Can't Swag saga. This time, vocabulary flavored! Again!

Okay, so they had messed up my classes badly at the beginning of the school year, and only recently got it fixed. what that means is that not only did I have to suffer through some very low level classes when I'd already taken several classes many levels above them, but I was bored out of my mind since my iPod had been suffering from a broken headphone jack, and since it's so damn old, it took forever to find parts for it. As a result, I had to find some way to entertain myself that didn't involve pestering the teacher or being a sarcastical little shit, and Ronnie presented an idea. As a result, he's effectively failed his swaggering way through most of my classes, and has traumatized 4 English teachers. I don't know whether to be happy, proud, or ashamed for unleashing faily!Ronnie on the eyes of the masses.

One day, on a whim, Ronnie decided that he should enter a rap battle. Everything went fine, until he accidentally referred to one of the men there as his 'homie', at which point, he was promptly flung out the doors.

Somehow or the other, Ronnie managed to earn his driver's license. The first thing he did when he recieved it was an attempt to demonstrate Grand Theft Auto, by attempting to run down a random pedestrian. The license was promptly revoked.

After consuming too much liquor at a party, Ronnie proceeded to streak down the street with reckless abandon. The police argued over who was to go collect the inebrated singer, as none of them really wanted the job.

Ronnie spent the night in jail after the streaking incident, in a drunk tank with several others. When Andy came to collect him the next day, he nearly died laughing at seeing the mosaic of offensive drawings and words that had been placed upon Ronnie's face courtesy of his cell-mates, one of who had smuggled in a Sharpie.

After the fail shaped singer refused to pull his pants up, Ashley took it upon himself to sit and stare at the singer until he complied. The staring contest continued to intensify, until finally the nuisance of the two ran off, screaming that he felt his sanity slowly deteriorating.

In the group of bands on tour, there seemed to be major polarization going on. On one hand, you had Andy, Gerard and Mikey Way, Frank Iero, and Matt Good, who all seemed fine with Ronnie's swagger. On the other hand, the rest of them wanted to burn his sagging trousers, or affix them in place with a nail gun.

Ashley believed that Ronnie would never act appropriately of his own accord. As such, he saw fit to help the singer, by procuring several large dogs, and letting them loose to chase the singer, meaning that he'd have to pull his pants up if he wanted to see the next day.

FInally, Andy had grown tired of Ronnie's constant aggravating behavior, and questioned when he would ever stop. Ashley, from his place perched on the couch, with his nose between the pages of a Penthouse magazine, quipped, "My tentative estimate? Next to never."

After being forced to listen to 3 straight hours of rap, Ashley walked into Ronnie's room, carrying a large sledgehammer, and proceeded to smash his radio into smithereens. "You're blasphemous! That was Tupac fer cryin' out loud!" Ronnie wailed in protest.

Ashley proceeded to chase Ronnie around the room, shrieking like a siren, one hand holding a nail gun, the other holding a roll of ducktape, whilst the singer was forced to hop about in an uncoordinated manner, one hand holding up his problematic trousers. Throughout this entire exchange, Andy sat in the corner, smoking and watching the entire scene unfold with a bemused look on his face.



Added "Get back in the silverware drawer!" to my vocab. And if this story continued only in vocab chapters I'd still be pretty happy. Thank you for this story

Also, the commenter before me gets mad swiggity swag points for giving me the term 'Oh my Jinxx'.

onefinalfightdoe onefinalfightdoe

Oh my Jinxx, please update, this is the funniest thing ever! I don't know how many times I laughed till I cried while reading this!


Why thank you :)
This is awesome.
Holy shit I dont think I have ever laughed this hard ever!!!
Pinja. Pinja.